I saw My Ex-Husband The Other Day

@sunkissed (4332)
United States
May 28, 2008 11:21am CST
I went to my Daughters the other day for a cook-out. My ex-husband was there. We have been divorced for 18 years.We were married for 21 years. We have 2 children together. They are both grown now.Well We very seldom talk,his wife was not there, so he asked me how my parents were doing, and how my health was.Then he said he is always getting into trouble with his wife because he always remembers my birthday and our anniversary but can not ever remember her birthday.He said she aways casts it up to him, that he remembers Lindas birthday, but not her.s.Well she is very jealous of me, I do not know why. I don't know why. I divorced him. And never looked back. He remarried, I did not.
4 people like this
13 responses
@alexigne (903)
• Philippines
29 May 08
jealous - my ex wife
You know what, i somehow feel nervous and cannot avoid to connect my situation to yours. I separate from the father of my daughter when i was 3 months pregnant and it is all because i don't really want to involve my self in marriage. But because of some traditional beliefs, we do civil marriage and when i got the chance, i push him away from him. Now, i have no idea what am i going to feel to see him again and knowing will be with the other girl. Not emotionally as in but ofcourse the first reaction since he didn't see our daughter since birth. I just share so and i also have no plan to look back in the past that we share. About your situation, i also put my feet on your same shoe. My ex boyfriend is now married and we are so close as in considering him as my best friend. The only thing that we can do is understand them and even they say they are not jealous, somehow we feel that they are and i don't understand why despite fact that i understand their jealousness, there something in me saying and make me smile knowing that she is jealous. Do you get my point.
2 people like this
@sunkissed (4332)
• United States
29 May 08
I can see how you are in a sinilar situation as I am. And yes I get your point.I do not know why she is jealous, but then In a way I can see why she is too. but i am in no way a threat to her at all. I no longer want him, if I did I woud have him.
1 person likes this
@alexigne (903)
• Philippines
29 May 08
that's the spirit girl, i also believe that in a way but i choose to let him go believing that i can live without him and there's better life waiting.
1 person likes this
@sunkissed (4332)
• United States
30 May 08
You are right.I too let him go and found a much better life..
@anawar (2406)
• United States
29 May 08
Okay, so he wants the woman of his dreams back and his new wife wants your ex-husband to think she is the woman of his dreams, and you don't care about any of it! Here's a good ex story since you asked. (I know you didn't) I sound like a real man-killer. When my son got married, he invited his father, my first husband. We got divorced when my son was only five, and I got remarried two years later. So, my son invites his step-dad as well. my son was kind enough to ask me if I objected and of course I said no and I meant it. I divorced his step-dad four years ago, and I came to my son's wedding with my new boyfriend. I had three men in that room who all knew me at some point in my life. If I didn't feel like a man-eater then! I pretended I didn't recognize either ex and enjoyed the wedding on the arm of my boyfriend who is now gone. Listen, it's not as bad as it sounds, okay? You can stop laughing anytime you want.
@sunkissed (4332)
• United States
29 May 08
anwar, you really were the life of that party wern't you? I have never been a real man-killer like you!!I have to say I have had my share of men though.I think you are right, my ex-husband tells my kids he still does love me. But I no longer love him.He has been re-married twice since I divorced him.I have been in relationships but never got married again.I would never go back to an ex, they are an ex for a reason.But I must say I was the best and best looking woman he ever had!!
@anawar (2406)
• United States
29 May 08
Yes, I like your confidence. I was arm candy for one marriage.
1 person likes this
@sunkissed (4332)
• United States
30 May 08
anawar, Well I myself do enjoy being eye candy every now and then..
@bfarrier1 (2082)
• United States
28 May 08
My ex (the father of my grown girls) comes to my now husband and my home when there is something going on with the grandkids and it is at my house we are ex's but have still remained friends it upset me more than my current husband when he started coming to these advents my husband told me he is there granddad no matter what and you should try to get along with him so I have and it is better that way,maybe your ex's new wife just needs reasured that he is not going anywhere and that you don't want him back.Good luck and have a great evening.
2 people like this
@sunkissed (4332)
• United States
29 May 08
Well she should know I do not want him back. I have been in a relationship for the last 10 years. He has been remarried 2 times since I divorced him 18 years ago. I never call him or go anywhere around him.I have nothing to do with him, now if he wants me back, I have nothing to do with that.
@mcat19 (1358)
• United States
28 May 08
I rarely see my ex. The last time was at my daughter's. We just say hello to each other. My 9-year-old granddaughter asked why I never talk to grandpa. I told her that we didn't have much to say to each other. She said weren't you married to him: I said a long time ago. He annoys me, so I ignore him. It works out fine.
2 people like this
@sunkissed (4332)
• United States
29 May 08
Well I am like you. my ex lives less than 1 mile from me, but I never have to see him. Only when my grandkids have birthdays, sports etc.we will say hello small talk. I can not say I do not like him as a person, I just do not want to be with him.I really am not friendly with any of my ex-boyfriends either. an ex is a ex for a reason.
@wisconsin26 (3859)
• United States
28 May 08
That's nice that you two were able to talk some, Nothing wrong with that... However kinda funny he don't remember his now wife's birthday... giggles... After being married to someone for that long it's hard to forget... for someone though to ask how your doing that you were once married too shows he still cares rather he's married or not... That's a good thing... He knows you moved on like he did and maybe he just wants to remain friends and make the friendship better though I've noticed when reading other replies you two aren't on the best terms... You know not many ex will even bother asking how each other are doing... Nice he could you though!!
@sunkissed (4332)
• United States
28 May 08
Yes, You are right. I divorced him. He did not really want me to leave. I really think he would take me back in a minute.I talk to him when I see him, but it is small talk.The bad feeling I had towards him are gone now. I have forgiven him.He is a good man, but not what I want.But I am the best woman he ever had.But I do think we are friends.
1 person likes this
@Amberina (1541)
• United States
28 May 08
I was married to my first husband for 19 years it was a bad marriage and for years we tried to "fix" it LOL it didn't work. We are now divorced and he lives close by we have been divorced for 1 year as of May 1st, him and I have talked and I have told him that I still love him but I'm not in love with him and I care for him as friend and I never want anything bad to happen to him. He said the same thing about how he feels about me ever since then we have gotten along just great. I think since you had been married to him for so long that he just got in the habit of remembering your birthday and little things like that. I don't think that his current wife should get mad at him he is just doing things out of habit is my opinion, and he probably still cares for you 21 years of marriage is a very long time. Good luck.
2 people like this
@sunkissed (4332)
• United States
28 May 08
Well I am glad that you and your Ex are now able to be friends. You are right, his wife should not be upset about this.It is hard to forget these things after so many years. We never talk to one another or anything like that. I am no threat to her at all.
1 person likes this
• United States
28 May 08
I'm guessing that he still cares about you on some level and that you guys have a lot of history plus kids together. If she doesn't have kids (or at least kids with him) it makes it hard on the second wife because that's something you have with him that she doesn't.
2 people like this
@sunkissed (4332)
• United States
28 May 08
Yes, he probally would love to have me back, but there is no way. But we did get married when we were young, had children together. He adopted her son.He is now 15 years old.But he is not his blood.
1 person likes this
@kassdaw (593)
• United States
28 May 08
You were married for 21 years of course he should remember those things. You don't just forget something that was that important for that long. I still call my ex on his birthday and my husband knows. He doesn't care, because he knows I love him and I wont leave him without a good reason.
2 people like this
@sunkissed (4332)
• United States
28 May 08
Well I still do remember my ex-husbands birthday and social security number phone number and all that too. I do not call hime, because we are not on the best of terms.But we were married when we were 18 years old. You do not forget that stuff..
1 person likes this
@jer31558 (3683)
• United States
29 May 08
It seems to me, and mind this is just opinion, that even though you never looked back, just perhaps your ex cannot say the same thing. Perhaps she is afraid that if he still remembers your anniversary and birthday, that he will also remember the feelings that were between the two of you as well.
1 person likes this
@sunkissed (4332)
• United States
29 May 08
You are righ, nobody knows what goes on behind closed doors. I have been with people that would bring up their ex-girlfriends all the time, how good they were at this and that.This can really hurt.
1 person likes this
@jer31558 (3683)
• United States
30 May 08
The sad thing is that once we say those words, then it is too late to take them back. He may not even realize the effect that his words are having, though if it were my wife, believe me I would know. Hopefully at some time he will wake up...before its too late.
@vicki2876 (5640)
• Canada
29 May 08
Sounds like even though you have been divorced for so many years that he still has a little flame left for you. And I can't blame him. You all were together for 21 years and have had children. You are totally bonded. The fact that you all can be at an event for your children together shows how you two have been able to still parent your kids regardless of the fact you all didn't stay together. If his wife is jealous or hurt over that I think it is her own insecurities and nothing to do with you and totally not your problem. Lucky you. :)
1 person likes this
@sunkissed (4332)
• United States
29 May 08
Well I think you are right, We did share a lot together, we were married at a very young age. We moved 1,000 miles from home to another state and started our lives over.I was the best woman he did ever have.He tells my kids he still loves me. I thik he would love to have me back. But we really grew apart.
@lingli_78 (12846)
• Australia
29 May 08
well, i can't blame your ex-hubby for still remembering your b'day... you are married with him for 21 years... that is really a very very long time... i think his wife now should not be so sensitive with him... anyway, there is nothing happening between you and him... he only remembers your b'day... what is the big deal about it??? anyway, you are a very strong woman as you did not remarried again after your divorce... take care and have a nice day...
1 person likes this
@sunkissed (4332)
• United States
29 May 08
Thanks, I remembe his birthday as well, but we do not call one another or send cards.Why is she so insecure.I have been in relationships, but doubt I will ever marry again.
@bdugas (3582)
• United States
29 May 08
My daughter once when I was visiting her wanted to invite my ex to Thankgiving diner and wanted me to sit across the table from him and eat dinner, don't think I could do it, I think it is great that you can talk to your ex and not be wanting to kill them for what they did to you over the many years you was with them, and oh yes I know how it works with jealousy how can anyone forget a birthday or a anniversay when they spent 20 years with a person, and I do believe that it enters our minds when that date comes around, some might not mention it but it is in our minds, and it is ashame that the new woman/man has to be so insecure that a date in time sends them into a rage, don't they understand that if you wanted to be there with them you wouldn't be where you are now. I think it is polite to call and say happy birthday, you have kids with this person, he is still apart of your life, but most don't because of the fight it would start with the new person in their life. My son has the greatest relationship with his ex, they have a son and he has always been invited to take part along with the new man in her life in whatever they was doing with the son, they all go to ball games and dinners together,he goes there spends the day with his son, there is no jealousy what so ever, I think it is cool that they have always included him in what was happening with their son and that they can all sit down together and not be fighting, it has made a difference in the childs life to know that he is loved and don't see or hear the fighting other kids go through.
1 person likes this
@sunkissed (4332)
• United States
29 May 08
Well I do talk to my ex if I have to because of my grown children and my grandchildren. We sometimes must be in the same place at the same time.He is also married to a girl I used to teach in sunday school when she was a teen. We have known her for years and years.I do not know why she is so insecure, I suppose their marriage is not what it should be.
• United States
30 May 08
She is jealous of the time you had with her husband. I have been in her shoes. Now that I have an ex whom I share children with I understand where you are coming from. I now also realize that just because a person is divorced don't mean they get amnesia. I realize that people who have shared a life together especially many years are naturally going to remember the important dates easier for the previous marriage. I am guilty of the same thing. For the life of me I can not seem to remember the year I got married to my current husband and he is the love of my life yet I can remember my former marriage year because we had been together for so long. Your not remarrying may give her the wrong impression but that is her problem not yours. Sharing children though she might as well get used to being around you and try to get to know you. Even adult children want both parents around. I bet if she put out an effort she might just find a new friend in you.