Is it Normal

United States
May 29, 2008 9:54pm CST
My boyfriend wanted me to put a post on this. We fight alot, but we love each other just the same. When we don't spend much time together during the day we get along amazing. He is wondering if this is normal. I don't honestly think it is. But after 3 years of the same problems I don't feel like I know how to change things. Thought? OPinions? Resond plz.
2 people like this
10 responses
@nanayangel (7862)
• Philippines
30 May 08
Hi there sturner! You know, when you're together all the time, sometimes, it is pretty normal that you get angry at each other even just because of little things. I suggest that you guys spend some time alone, just a little though, or with friends so you have time to miss each other.
@kerriannc (4280)
• Jamaica
30 May 08
I have a similar relationship like yours. It is unhealthy. The reason I said that it is unhealthy because after a while you well lose respect for each other. If you both love each other do the things that make you both happy. They says that absent make the heart goes fonder. If you have to compromise to make a situation work out then do it. I would not encourage you to continue like this. Yes they says that Love conqueror all but after the years slip by and you continue to have this problems then it seems as if you both are at square one. I wish you all the best.
2 people like this
@Gemmygirl1 (2870)
• Australia
30 May 08
I think all couples fight, the more time you spend together the more you will get on each others nerves. You do need time apart & cant be in each others back pockets 24/7 or it will put a strain on the relationship. My partner & i used to fight a fair bit when we were both home with each other all day, every day. Since we moved house & my partner started working, we don't see each other all day & have things to talk about when he gets home. We cant get on each other's nerves like we used to as we're not around each other 24/7. As you said, you get along perfectly when you are apart during the day so keep with it, don't spend all day, every day together. This is usually easy enough to do if 1 or both of you works. My partner & i have been together for a touch over 10 years now & things are good!
• United States
31 May 08
It's a good sign that you both confirm that you love each other, and that you recognize periods when you DO get along great. It's also interesting that you indicate that the problems you've had are "3 years of the same problems". It sounds like you've gotten yourself into a pattern of behavior that neither of you know how to break. In a situation like this, it might be beneficial to see a couples counselor. I'm a huge fan of counselors and I think they're a great resource for helping us through those "bumps in the road". They might be able to help you both identify the source of this rut and how to get yourself out of it. Definitely sounds like a change of pace, a breaking of the "script" that you two are in needs to happen. Whatever happens, good luck!
• United States
31 May 08
Dear myLot friend, If you spend alot of time together, even though you love each other, it is normal to fight and get on each other's nerves. But, how bad are the fights & are they always about the same things?? After 3 years, both of you should have found a way to talk to each other about these fights & it is not always going to be YOU that has to find a way to change. If the fights are always about the same things, then you both need to decide if there is a way to solve these problems or if you might need some time apart. I hope that both of you can find a way to work these problems out ASAP. All relationships need work. If you really love each, then you will find a way to solve this, even if you have to go to a counselor who does not take sides. I am not sure if this will help, but I felt I needed to try....
@trkrgrl (18)
• United States
30 May 08
I gotta say I don't think it's normal or good to fight all the time. alot of the response here are good and from people who've been there, but personally I see no reason to be with someone if all you do is fight. your supposed to be happy and contented in a relationship..My husband and I have been together for 7 years and I can't remember any huge fights. we've sniped a couple times, but nothing major. my parents fought all the time and were miserable therefor making our lives miserable, I can't imagine ever putting myself in that situation on purpose. good luck though and hopefully you can spend enough time apart each day that you can make it work.
@sisterjinx (1136)
• United States
30 May 08
When my husband and I were first together we spent a lot of time together but at some point we began to change. As we got older spending a lot of time together would cause us to get along worse. We argued and fought over the dumbest things. When we were both out of work and there was no money and loads of time together we argued A LOT. We used to tell each other that if someone didn't get a job soon someone was going to end up bald. lol Then over the years when he was working, the more hours he worked the more we appreciated our time together and we argued less. Also having extra money to go out sometimes and do things together helped. When he first became disabled, and as you know I already was disabled, this meant a LOT more time together at home. At first it was a big adjustment. We had to learn how to be together SO much again. We both learned to find our own interests and things to do during the day. Some days we spend together playing video games and other days he is crafting on his art and I on my earrings. Or I am on the computer and he is doing his own things. We are still together just doing separate things that interest each of us. We still spend time together but not constantly. I think I told you once that the first 3 years are the hardest and sometimes that extends further. It takes time to learn how to give and take. You have to bend sometimes and he has to bend sometimes. Once you learn how to communicate and how to not be attached at the hip, you will learn to be together with much less stress.
• United States
30 May 08
Absence makes the heart grow fonder. For me that would not be normal. I don't like to fight, although, I don't mind a good debate here and there. I think everyone fights sometimes, but not all the time. Bottling things up is not good, but neither is fighting all the time. I think that is where communication comes in, being able to talk about things without fighting. To me part of trying to make a relationship work is learning to talk through things without getting mad all the time. Sitting down and talking is hard to do, though. If it was easy there would be no single people. A little understand and some ground rules can be helpful, though. I wish you the best.
@minnie_98214 (10572)
• United States
30 May 08
Well I think its normal to fight with anyone you spend alot of time with. My hubby works alot and I think sometimes its good cause we fight alot less lol. I dont think it can be changed when you live with someone and spend so much time with them you are bound to fight. As long as you make up its ok i think.
@subha12 (18453)
• India
30 May 08
it may be the case where you are comfortable with each other for longer proximity. may be that is a problem. but you have to try to make it woirk if you are serious aout relation. it can be you fight over petty things.