Is there someone else?

@p1kef1sh (45642)
May 30, 2008 6:22am CST
Everyday you partner seems preoccupied by thoughts of other women. He receives E mails, cards and parcels from them. He has long conversations on the phone or via the computer on Skype or Yahoo Messenger. He spends hours composing messages to them. He talks about them to you and says that he worries about them too. He lets them be very intimate with him. You don't feel that he is neglecting you especially and he is still as warm and loving towards you. But what is going on? How have all these women managed to "seduce" this man. Do you have this experience too. How does it or would it make you feel about your partner? If you are male. Does your partner do this too?
11 people like this
34 responses
• Philippines
30 May 08
Some people are made to be extra caring to friends and other people. It's normal but if you're not comfortable with it, confront him. But he must be super extra extra caring towards you among others if you are the most special to him. Don't let yourself be treated like any other.(^^,)
@p1kef1sh (45642)
30 May 08
No I won't. Thank you.
2 people like this
@kerriannc (4281)
• Jamaica
30 May 08
Are your partner a caring person. Was this what attracted you at the beginning. If so you need not to worry. Maybe it is not a situation of seeking someone else but he is just trying to help. There are alot of persons who need help and maybe your partner think he is in a position to do so. Just talk with him and let him know how you feel about it. Some ladies are getting the help they need and turn it into a love match which is not there. You can suggest to him that he should be straight with these girls and let them know that he is already taken.
3 people like this
@p1kef1sh (45642)
30 May 08
There are no love matches. Maybe he is getting help from them. Thank you.
3 people like this
@checapricorn (16066)
• United States
30 May 08
I have not experienced that p1kef1sh and wish will never. I will give my views as a female. I don't think so it's fair to do that! I will talk to him instead and confront why he is talking to all of these women? If they don't have business or anything else, I will not accept any excuses! I can't give my full love to the person whom I see chatting with other girls and spending time with them! It has to be explained and he has to choose!
2 people like this
@p1kef1sh (45642)
30 May 08
But you are talking to me now Checapricorn. But we aren't having an affair. I didn't phrase my question very well. I meant to say that does the time that you spend talking to friends from myLot, some of whom became very close friends, detract from your relationship. If the relationship turns into an affair then that is something quite different. Sorry if I have misled you.
2 people like this
• United States
30 May 08
hahaha! Thanks for that clarification p1kef1sh, I don't have any problem with my husband about it, sometimes he will check me here and look at what I am doing and suggest sometimes about what to post!
2 people like this
@nannacroc (4049)
30 May 08
Mr Croc just thinks I've lost the plot completely when I'm talking to myself on the computer. There has only been one he wasn't happy with but neither was I. The conversations were not the sort I wanted so I don't talk to him on messenger now. He would never have a problem with the amount of women I talk to. As he spends a lot of time chatting to real people and giving hugs to lonely ladies, he has no reason to complain about people who we are not sure really exist.
2 people like this
@p1kef1sh (45642)
30 May 08
He's a good man Nanna. Mrs P1ke is just happy that I am happy. In fact I have reposted this discussion elsewhere as I felt that it might be construed to be "confessions of p1kef1sh" which it is not. Although there are several similarities.
2 people like this
@mummymo (23709)
30 May 08
I am sure I know someone like that sweetheart but I cannot for the life of me think who it is! It sounds to me as though he has enchanted those ladies - they just cannot seem to get enough of him and I guess in a way I would be quite smug as I knew he was all mine! My other half isn't like that but he prefers to be more solitary - he is friendly but not as socially entwined with others as I am although he doesn't get jealous so that is good! xxx
1 person likes this
@p1kef1sh (45642)
30 May 08
Who could that person be Mummymo? I reposted this discussion in case people thought that it was my confession, which it genuinely isn't. But there is something extremely alluring about my friends. They bring out every emotion in me. I am pleased that your other half isn't jealous, I couldn't imagine you living with anyone that was. He doesn't need to be. He knows that he has go the kindest, sweetest woman.
1 person likes this
@p1kef1sh (45642)
30 May 08
Who could that person be Mummymo? I reposted this discussion in case people thought that it was my confession, which it genuinely isn't. But there is something extremely alluring about my friends. They bring out every emotion in me. I am pleased that your other half isn't jealous, I couldn't imagine you living with anyone that was. He doesn't need to be. He knows that he has goy the kindest, sweetest woman.
2 people like this
@mummymo (23709)
30 May 08
hmmm some fishy man I think! My ex was a very jealous man and it was like being caged - it was like being liberated when I left him and I could never live with anyone who was jealous - surely that would mean you weren't trusted! xxxx
1 person likes this
@minnie_98214 (10574)
• United States
30 May 08
Well my hubby is on the phone all the time but he is a manager so it is dealing with work stuff. But sometimes the girls will drop all their issues onto him. It bothers me because he works like 65 hours a week as it is. Then for him to have to be on the phone all day its not fair but I do trust him so I dont worry that it is something else.
1 person likes this
@p1kef1sh (45642)
30 May 08
I was like that and I had a nervous breakdown, quit my job and have never been happier Minnie. You know what? The people that monopolised my time the most with their problems, were the ones that I have never heard from again. They only want you when they think that you might be useful. But I am pleased that the trust is there. Thank you.
2 people like this
• United States
30 May 08
Sorry that had to happen to you. Sometimes I worry about my hubby as I think he gets to over his head that some day it will catch up with him. But what can you do he wont listen to me. His own boss is trying to tell him to slow down.
1 person likes this
• United States
30 May 08
Thanks he would never talk to someone else about it. He is trying to fix the problem so he can get some time off. Im hoping he is just working all the extra untill the baby comes to make sure he can get a few weeks off to help and bond with our little one. His boss is really trying to he gave us a gift card with the rules that he had to leave his cell phone off for the whole dinner and I actually have to call his boss and confirm he did this. Hes got a good boss that really does care.
2 people like this
@tessah (6622)
• United States
31 May 08
ive had the experience.. and ive been the one doing it. quite simply the individual is a kind sensitive person who cares about others, whether they be in "real" life or online, and they care about them as well. i think the only thing id worry about is it took them "hours to compose a message" maybe they have a hard time spelling, or their system lags so badly it takes that long, get em checked for slydexia or a new stick of ram.
1 person likes this
@p1kef1sh (45642)
31 May 08
LOL. I think that you are right there Tessah. This message took 7 seconds. Haha.
1 person likes this
@tessah (6622)
• United States
31 May 08
;giggles;
@ruby222 (4848)
31 May 08
A very sticky subject you have here Piky...a lot of females would feel very put out at the thought of this happening to them,and in all fairness I think they would be quite justified.It doesnt matter whether you are in the first throws of a passionate relationship or twenty years wed,no one really wants to find their partner being `seduced` as you describe it yourself.I chat to people on messenger,but thats my private life,which I feel im entitled to.I dont do anything that I consider to be wrong whilst chatting,but I wouldnt include Hubby in these conversations...they are simply friendships that have blossomed,but they are detached from real life...more often than not the comical side of the freindships are very entertaining.I personally think that the internet is amazing,but if I were to suddenly be preoccupied with it,or chatting on Skype etc .that hubby would feel very put out.
1 person likes this
@p1kef1sh (45642)
31 May 08
I understand that Ruby. I am fortunate in that Mrs P1ke actually encourage me as she feels that it is good for me. But it would be very easy for it to get out of hand.
• Barbados
31 May 08
I have many friends on the net but i try to keep it straight. They are some people that are genuninely into just hepling other people. He might be one of them. Just talk with him about it.
1 person likes this
@p1kef1sh (45642)
31 May 08
Thank you. I am sure that is good advice.
1 person likes this
@roanne05 (1292)
• Oman
31 May 08
some are just plainly kind...but ask him to set limits...you are still his wife...if he is more sweet to you..then no need to worry...
@p1kef1sh (45642)
31 May 08
That's probably it. Thank you.
1 person likes this
• United States
30 May 08
My man has many female friends, in real life (he's not a very techy type person). At first this bothered me, and scared me in some ways. But now I know its just his personality. He is a good listener, and can make women feel like they are better off than they really are. He is very caring and brings humor and light to any conversation. Many females find him to be a safe person. One they can go to in their time of need, with no worries of the man trying to bed them. These relationships are all platonic and I would never think he was cheating on me. Sometimes the women do form crushes on him, hell that's why I fell in love with him in the first place. WHen this happens, he just reminds them they are just friends, and all is well.
@p1kef1sh (45642)
30 May 08
So long as there is the trust then everything is fine. I think that he sounds a good guy. Thank you.
1 person likes this
@Hatley (164736)
• Garden Grove, California
30 May 08
I am so lucky as I am a widow who lives with her adult son so have no one to complain when I mylot an awful lot. my son could care less as he is a dyed in the wool computer nerd and on his own computer the moment he gets home from work. so my friendship with my fellow my lotters doen't bother him one whit. in fact he seems to support my use of mylot a lot. lol
@p1kef1sh (45642)
30 May 08
We wouldn't have it any other way Hatley. I love to see your smiling face around. Keep those posts coming.
1 person likes this
@kbourgerie (8774)
• United States
30 May 08
No, he doesn't, but if he did, it wouldn't bother me in the least. I am secure in who I am and know who he comes home to at night. He never gives me reason to think otherwise. He doesn't go out or spend anytime away from home, so I trust him in that regard. If he were online talking to "friends" I wouldn't consider that unhealthy at all. After all there is more to life than just one person. We all need others with whom we can talk. I don't like being signed into one person exclusively and not having anyone I can vent to. I think its unhealthy.
1 person likes this
@p1kef1sh (45642)
30 May 08
You won't be surprised to hear that I agree with you completely!!
1 person likes this
• United States
30 May 08
I have not undergone through such situation but i think that showing such behaviour doesnt mean that ur man is having affair with another women another women...Its just men's nature that if they dont get close to a person they dont care but once a man gets close then he begins to share his everything... So he may be busy with his friends sharing his feelings .... In case,sometimes that may be true but i dont think that u must take it so seriously.....
1 person likes this
@p1kef1sh (45642)
30 May 08
Good points. Thank you Saurav.
1 person likes this
@maddysmommy (16236)
• United States
30 May 08
Well obviously I would be most upset because his thoughts and mind are on someone else and not me and my family. Who wouldn't be upset about that?!? if it was a genuine feeling of worry about them, then ok, but if it gets to the point where everything he is focussed on (and more) is on this other women, then we are in trouble. The odd card, email and or parcel I wouldn't mind but if it's more than just that, then I would be worried.
1 person likes this
@p1kef1sh (45642)
30 May 08
I can understand that. If there is total honesty and trust between you then it should work fine.
2 people like this
• United States
30 May 08
This actually caused some conflict between me and my sweetie a few months back, but it was understandable. I too would spend hours here conversing with men then when my sweetie would get home from work I would talk about discussions they had written or recount funny stories they had told me. He would get aggravated that I was so close to these people, and whether or not he would ever admit it, a little jealous too. He has to work all day while countless other people get my undivided attention then he comes home and its more work work work and less and less us time before the kids finally go to bed. I explained to him that it isn't like I am hoping planes in the middle of the day for secret rendezvous with these guys. I simply enjoy their company and they help to keep me sane. Do I have real, legitimate, feelings for some of them? Surprisingly, yes. But not the kind that would have me leave my sweetie standing alone at the altar. We've compromised. Now as long as I devout as much attention to him as I do to my online "love affairs" then we are all good.
@p1kef1sh (45642)
30 May 08
What about all the floosies at his office Cyn? He's with them all day! I know exactly what you mean though. I am trusted implicitly and I endeavour not to betray that trust. You must make time for each other.
1 person likes this
30 May 08
the thing is that in that case only trust matters how much you and your partner have a trust and understanding and if you think anything is happening then you should be free to ask him or her regarding your doubts as doubts is worst thing in life if they are not cleared
1 person likes this
@p1kef1sh (45642)
30 May 08
Trust is the most important thing I agree. Thank you and welcome to myLot.
1 person likes this
@palonghorn (5486)
• United States
30 May 08
They couldn't have managed it if he didn't allow it. I have to wonder, does he let you read the emails, messages, etc from them? His letting them be intimate with him, I would have a problem with that one. As for what is going on, he could just simply be stroking his male ego, they obviously tell him what he wants to hear and plays on his feelings. Have to ask, does he tell them about you? There are plenty of married men that chat, email, and call women and just happen to 'forget' to mention to them that he is married. Thankfully I don't have this problem with my man, however, I would have a problem with all you described he is doing. I would have to have a discussion with him concerning all of it.
1 person likes this
@p1kef1sh (45642)
30 May 08
This discussion isn't really about me. However, I am the "he" and yes my wife knows all about my myLotting and the female friends that I have here. She is even coming with me to meet one in a couple of weeks time!
1 person likes this
• Indonesia
30 May 08
Are you talking about my husband?? lol Your descriptions really fits my husband. My husband's a womanizer,hahaha, I've known that since I first knew him. He likes to flirt with women, texting, messaging in friendster and now facebook, chatting on ym, getting their phone numbers and all of those things. At the first year of our marriage, it really bothers me, a LOT! Now we're on the fourth year of our marriage and I think I got to know him better. Now I even joked about those girls he often met and flirt with. You see, my husband is this childish man, who still acts like teenager, cause a lot of his friends do too, so he likes his friends to know that he still got "it". He never really do anything with these girls (I hope..), and he's doing his job as a husband and a father nicely. So I let him loose. Well, maybe it's a little because I'm already too tired to tell him otherwise,heheheh... But other times, sometimes, maybe once in two months, I really want to smack his face with my shoes....!
1 person likes this
@p1kef1sh (45642)
30 May 08
So long as you have trust in each other, and it sounds like you do. Then everything should be OK. Thank you.
2 people like this
@subha12 (18453)
• India
30 May 08
i have seen one friend of mine like this. he was busy with many girls though he had a GF, but still the love succedd.
1 person likes this
@p1kef1sh (45642)
30 May 08
That's good to hear Subha. Thank you for that.
1 person likes this