Will you let your 14 year old daughter get married due to pregnancy?

@salonga (27955)
Philippines
June 2, 2008 11:48pm CST
Two years ago, a 16 year old daughter of my office-mate was found pregnant and therefore her parents would not allow the culprit to get away with it. The culprit... her boyfriend who was also 16 years old...was her classmate To make the long story short.. the wedding took place and after which it seemed to me that things were running smoothly but not until I learned from the mother that the two already separated ways just few weeks ago... reason being the man is irresponsible, and have not been fulfilling his obligations as a father and a lot of other reasons due to immaturity. I was thinking therefore... what if my officemate did not allow her daughter to marry despite the pregnancy? What if she instead accept the misdoing of her daughter and let her deliver the child and stay as single mother and wait till the two gets mature enough before deciding if they really want to marry or not. What could be a better option? Anyone???
10 people like this
34 responses
@neildc (17253)
• Lapu-Lapu City, Philippines
3 Jun 08
I could say that, for me, like what you stated, the best thing to do is to let the girl stay as a single mother after delivery. Those age are so mature to handle family responsibilities. Marriage will come later when they reached their maturity and when both of them are already working. Anyway, parents likes us will not let our children suffer more in entering the marriage life. We can still give our guidance and care for the baby as long as they are on their way to more mature life...
3 people like this
@salonga (27955)
• Philippines
4 Jun 08
Yes you are right! thanks!
1 person likes this
3 Jun 08
Jesus save us.
2 people like this
@salonga (27955)
• Philippines
3 Jun 08
Yes, indeed! thanks for sharing!
2 people like this
@SomeCowgirl (32270)
• United States
3 Jun 08
I understand the religious and moral obligations that they have set for themselves and daughter. That is admirable, well only if in fact that is the case or rather reasonings for their decision to what seems to be "force" marriage... However, the couple needs to make sure that that is what they wish to do, that it is in fact what is best. Who's to say that they did not split ways later when the child could understand more what was going on and where the child would have been affected by his mother and father's separation. This is just my view. Admirable it was for the mother of the 16 year old to decide this, but at the same time one must first think of the young mother.
2 people like this
@salonga (27955)
• Philippines
3 Jun 08
thank you for your good and helpful views!
3 people like this
• United States
3 Jun 08
I don't think anyone should get married because of a pregnancy! Especially a teen! It never works out...well, mostly never. I think some parents insist their children get married because they are embarrassed; some to punish. But marrying for pregnancy is just the wrong reason to get married.
2 people like this
@salonga (27955)
• Philippines
3 Jun 08
Yes, you are right! Thank you for sharing!
2 people like this
@kassdaw (593)
• United States
3 Jun 08
Okay well I don't think anyone should get married because of a pregnancy. If it was an "accident" and unplanned why would you want to marry someone just to find out that you don't even love them. My son was unplanned and is a b.c. baby. We were in that .01% and we were lucky to have him. We decided to wait to get married until we were ready. This way there was a smaller chance of us getting a divorce. And our relationship has a better chance at surviving a longer time by us waiting. I think that both guy and girl are equally responsible but they shouldn't be forced to be together and they shouldn't force themselve's into marriage. Better option, live together and support each other. If they decide down the road that marriage is right for them then go for it. If he doesn't want it, take him for child support and be happy with as money as you can get.
2 people like this
@salonga (27955)
• Philippines
3 Jun 08
There are lessons to learn from your story. Thanks a lot!!!
3 people like this
• Philippines
3 Jun 08
I believe that what the parents did was right because at any age, if an event like this occurred, we can indeed develop our maturity, face our responsibilities and face the consequences of our actions, that is if we are willing to. The bf was given the chance to be like that but instead he chose to be stupid and irresponsible and selfish! Who knows what can happen, maybe he'll realize his misdoings and comeback. The bright side of this is, they didn't chose the option of abortion and that's what matters most, the baby!(^^,)
1 person likes this
@salonga (27955)
• Philippines
3 Jun 08
Well you have good points! Thanks for sharing!
1 person likes this
@roniroxas (10576)
• Philippines
3 Jun 08
i have two nieces that got pregnant 14 and 16. now their parents are texting me that all they do now is lie down or sleep around the house and they are the one who is watching thier grandchild. if they force their children to get married i am sure in a week or two they will also be separated for they are not matured enough to handle a baby. i mean they are still literally a baby. i am telling to my cousin to force their child to be a responsible parent for they did that but to get married is a different point. i would rather let them decide for them selves if they are matured already. some matured people get married but still get separated what else with this kids.
@salonga (27955)
• Philippines
4 Jun 08
My goodness! I could not help but pity the parents of those girls really! There is a lesson to learn from this. thanks!
@roniroxas (10576)
• Philippines
4 Jun 08
if you will know the story fully you will more pity the parents. they are poor actually but the father is working hard just to make sure that his children will finish studies for a brighter future. he doesnt want that his kids to be like him so he works hard to make sure they can go to school. but unfotunately they are not interested on stdying and not interested with a good future too.
@roniroxas (10576)
• Philippines
4 Jun 08
i have four children, 16 (son) and 15, 14, 12 (daugthers) i am also a single mom. i told my children if this will happen to them they are not welcome inside my house. i maybe tough when it comes to this but i am also over working to give what they want and to send them to school. this is no joke if they do something like this. i also pray to God to guide them
@Dorislee (209)
• China
3 Jun 08
In my opinion, if I have a daughter suffered such bad condition, the first thing, I would take her to the hospital to abort her preganancy, she was still too young to get marry, needed parents' good guide, after her curedly came out from hospital, being parents, I would take my responsibility to give her some efficient lessons and breed her a good future.
@salonga (27955)
• Philippines
4 Jun 08
Oh, poor baby! That certainly is another sin! for all you know the baby would grow to be the next President!!!
@sid556 (31005)
• United States
4 Jun 08
I have a 14 year old and I never ever could imagine taking her in and pushing for abortion!!! Oh my....that is my grandchild ther. I would councel her and also get outside councel for I know that my and her emotions would be raw. It would be a long and thought out decision but absolutely would I not be the dictator in such a decision. I would be here for my daughter regardles the final choice. I am assuming that y ou don't have a daughter.
• India
3 Jun 08
it is the mistake of the girl.first she shouldnt have let the guy do that.secondly after marriage she shouldnt have let him go.her parents got her married only not to let their daughter live with shame.but now the purpose has gone to dogs.
@salonga (27955)
• Philippines
4 Jun 08
Yes I agree with you 100%. Had girl did not give in, she would not have gotten pregnant! Now she getting all the shame and pain!
1 person likes this
@sid556 (31005)
• United States
4 Jun 08
sorry to intrude but the guy has no fault in this? it is the parents and the girl? I just have to add that I don't agree. If the guy had not taken advantage of the girls emotions....maybe this would not have happened. Parent's need to raise their sons to accept some responsibility as well....takes two!!
@chaigay20 (166)
• Philippines
3 Jun 08
hi salonga, i would just like to ask, can a 16 yr old get married? legal age to marry in our country is 18 yrs old. but anyways, 16yo is way too young to get hitched. most teen marriages often ends up in divorce or annulment. in my opinion, a better option would be to wait until both of them will be mature enough to decide if they want to get married. i just hope this will not happen to my daughter, i would be devastated. God bless.
@salonga (27955)
• Philippines
3 Jun 08
Yes, you are right legally they should be 18 and even if there is parental consent, the law would still say they wait till they reach the age of 18. However, my office mate was able to have their church Pastor performed the wedding vow and they have their own belief and considered it valid as per their church ordinance. So because of the marriage, the children lived together only to end up in misery.
• Philippines
3 Jun 08
what a pity... they're too young to even understand marriage.
• Philippines
27 Jun 08
I would say, with our generation today, there are a lot of teenage pregnancies. I'm not happy about it, and I'm sure, I don't want my future daughter to be like that. However, if it's really inevitable, then the two of them should take the responsibility, and not just throw away the baby or undergo an abortion. I will help them, since I'm my daughter's mother. And after all, that is my grandchild. But with the issue of getting them married just because my daughter got pregnant, I don't agree with that. It's a lot better if they engage in marriage once they're old and mature enough. For once, what will happen to my grandchild if someday, his/her parents get separated because their marriage was unplanned? The child will only suffer. Second is, marriage is sacred and should be respected. It's not something that one can engage with for just a moment, and when one does not enjoy it anymore, he/she will just walk out from it. Marriage is not that easy, and should not be taken for granted because it is an act blessed by God. Anyway, I will really disagree with the motion of getting them married, because I've seen through my brother's marriage what will happen if marriage is forced to two people. They married at the age of 21, and yet, they were not that ready for the life. And now, even having an 11-year old daughter, they separated. Reason? My sister-in-law said her love faded. My brother was holding on, and yet, found another person, though he was saying his wife cheated first. I don't know what really happened between them, but one thing I'm sure of, their daughter is suffering. I don't want my grandchild suffer like my niece.
@salonga (27955)
• Philippines
27 Jun 08
I see your good points, you are right and thank you for sharing first hand experience. That is helpful!
@sid556 (31005)
• United States
27 Jun 08
I hope and pray that I'm never in that spot but I do know that I would never push my daughter to marry at such a young age. In fact, I would never sign the papers and allow it. I would help and support my daughter in any way I could and If the father was sincere and truly wanted to be with her then he will still be in the picture when my daughter is old enough to be married. I would definitly involve the boy and his parents in the babys life. There would have to be some responsibility from the other side somewhere as it sure wouldn't be immaculate conception.
@salonga (27955)
• Philippines
27 Jun 08
Good points!
• United States
26 Jun 08
ABSOLUTELY NOT! There would be a DNA test after the birth and the dad would be held responsible to help with finances, in terms of child support. If he was a minor, the parents would have to handle that. And I would hold them to it. (If the child was kept and not offered to a loving adoptive couple that cannot have their own little ones? A financially stable couple that would allow, like, photos at Christmas?) But a 14 year old is not ready for marriage, financially or maturity-wise. And a minor age male is NOT husband or father material. Sometimes I thing these are aranged to stop the girl's parents from having to help raise the baby and dealing with the expenses, and this is irresponsible. There are options. Many couples are doing financially well and WANT to raise the baby. The 14 year old should be IN SCHOOL! This couple that made this infant should have counseling to think over the horrible timing of the choice they made. But marriage solves nothing. And this baby deserves better. Education and counseling are KEY.
@salonga (27955)
• Philippines
27 Jun 08
thank you for those good views!
@schummi (925)
• India
4 Jun 08
I think thats the most practical solution.....but still if in your family ....if there is some one who can just adopt the kid and claim that the pregnancy is hers...then its much better....it will save the future of the kid.....
@salonga (27955)
• Philippines
4 Jun 08
Adoption is also good! Thanks for sharing!
• China
4 Jun 08
well,i think the best option is induced abortion.Abviously,the boy is immaturity and isn't ready for the role as a father,he is just a child.And marrying so early is bad for them.The pregnancy is a error,and the marriage is wronger than before.
@salonga (27955)
• Philippines
4 Jun 08
Well I don't agree with abortion! But thank you for sharing!
@sid556 (31005)
• United States
4 Jun 08
your story hits close to home as I have a 14 yr old that is wanting to date an 18 yr. old...it's been an ongoing problem between these two. I am having a very hard time just dealing with the fact that they claim to be in love and want to be together. his family is struggling as well. Permission to wed? Oh absolutely not!!!
@salonga (27955)
• Philippines
4 Jun 08
so hard really for a mother in such kind of situation. I hope you could cope. thanks for sharing!
@agihcam (1915)
• Philippines
4 Jun 08
I don't want to happen this to our kids on the future but just in case,I don't think the parents would not let their siblings to get married due to pregnancy,it is mostly happen since now a days our teens is much aggressive and sometimes commit an accident like this.But for me,I do all the best I can to stay my siblings with us,though she is pregnant,I don't care about people her says for her.It is much problems to come if I let her go and married the guy at that age,until such time that she become ready and still the guy is also ready and they still love each other then,that is the only time I let my daughter get married though they have already kids,I think they will having a good relationships.
@salonga (27955)
• Philippines
4 Jun 08
You have stated good points, thank you for that!!!
@jyjnl_jia (430)
• China
4 Jun 08
It is really in a tough situation.I am a young guy now and have no experience of this.But i want to say that i dont think it is a good idea to let them get married.You know,both of them are 16 years old ,so they can not take the responsibility of being married.They even dont know the real meaning of love. If they get married for this,they may be divorce in the future quickly. I say that it is diffcult problem and i will not let them be married,but i still dont have the other idea to slove this problem.
@salonga (27955)
• Philippines
4 Jun 08
I admire your good thinking at such a young age!! thank you for sharing!
@momtoall (18)
• United States
4 Jun 08
I don't think it is ever alright to ger married just because you are pregnant. At 14 she doesn't know that she wants to spend the rest of her life with anyone. Marrage should be something honored and not out of conveience. You love her and help her, but you don't make her marry someone she will probaly be divorced from within a years time.
@salonga (27955)
• Philippines
4 Jun 08
thank you for sharing you views!
@dfollin (12768)
• United States
4 Jun 08
Excuse me..... culprit....Who are you calling the culprit?It takes two to tango. I would not force them to get married.That will not do any good.If they are not happy,then the baby will not be happy.But,at the same time don't keep them apart.That won't do any good either.
@salonga (27955)
• Philippines
4 Jun 08
thank you for your views!