brothers marriage...!!

@nupats (3564)
India
June 3, 2008 3:58am CST
this is the most sought after topic in our family and the most stressful..he has been following a very careless life so far he is roaming around with so many girls at the same time..i just dont like this way of his life...he tells everyopne of them he likes them but i know he is not serious abt them...he has told my parents tolook for a girl for him to marry now tht we have spoken to some alliances he is not intrested in mid way of talks...if we tell him anything he just sings this song: I wanna b single again, when i am single my pockets will jingle,i wanna b single...wt do u think is he some kind of a stupid? he is so callous with his life? he is not rude but he does not take anything seriously? i take care of his funds bcoz he keeps loosing his money? when will he learn to take care of his things? are single guys like this? we all thought marriage will bring stability in his life...one moment he says yes and suddenly no? we r so confused any advice..
2 people like this
4 responses
• Canada
20 Jun 08
Unfortunately, and this is absolutely no offense to you or your family, your brother sounds immature and doesn't really know what he wants. This doesn't make him a bad guy though. It just means he needs some growing up to do. Also unfortunately, you cannot live your brother's life for him or make him do want he does not want to do. He is an adult and is responsibility for his own choices or mistakes. I understand the love for family and the need/desire to protect them. But sometimes, I think that hinders their growth because then they always know they have someone to dig them out of the holes they create for themselves and they become a little spoiled. It's like a child who lives at home who doesn't have to pay for food, shelter, clothes, bills and who doesn't cook or do chores. This child becomes spoiled until they move out on their own. And only then do they become more mature (hopefully) and learn to appreciate how to do things for themselves and also learn to appreciate their family. I think the only you can do is let your brother know that you love and accept whoever he is, and advised him of things he should do to lead a more responsible life. But ultimately, it is up to him to make the proper changes and grow up. Be aware though, that to him, growing up might not mean settling down ever. Some guys never want to settle down and always want to have plenty of girlfriends. There is nothing wrong with this lifestyle if he doesn't lead anybody on and doesn't make any false promises. Then the girl knows that there is no future for them and it's her decision to carry on a relationship with him or not. If this is the case with your brother, it's just something your family will have to accept and not pressure him into marriage because if he is not ready to truly settle down, it is not fair for a girl who will become devoted to him not to receive the same devotion in return.
@nupats (3564)
• India
20 Jun 08
yes dear u are absolutely right in what u said...my parents are so very much emotional abt him as he is the SON so they are always supporting him..i have told them to give him space and not to interfere good or bad afterall his life..thanx for writing in..
1 person likes this
• Canada
20 Jun 08
Thanks for the BR, nupats! And good luck with your family situation.
@schummi (925)
• India
17 Jun 08
Is it...its a common story in almost every household...but i think you will be risking the future of the girl...so...just first confirm it from him....becouse...just in case if something happens....he will be blaming the whole thing on you guys....
1 person likes this
@nupats (3564)
• India
20 Jun 08
yes u have a point there and we really have no intention of forcing him..thanx dear..
@rsa101 (16715)
• Quezon City, Philippines
17 Jun 08
Marriage will not bring stability in his life. It may create the opposite perhaps. The thing is he should learn responsibility on his own maybe during his younger years where you could still better manage him. But I guess he was brought up that way carefree and does not worry because you will provide him what he needs in life. You never allowed him to be on his own and provide for his own. I think he still could learn this thing. My first advice is let him manage his own fund and if he loses it then let him suffer for that so that he'll learn from it. Sometimes we are the ones that create a person and not the person itself.
@nupats (3564)
• India
20 Jun 08
Yes we all love him so much...he just uses it against us...i think we need to leave him alone and he shud get to his senses..thank u so much
@cryw0lf (1302)
• United Kingdom
15 Jun 08
You need to explain he needs to grow up, start taking responsibility, does he live in the same household as you or your mother? how about kicking him out. That might knock some sense into him. Some people need harsh things to make them realize life is harder then they think. They need to think independently to become independent.
1 person likes this
@nupats (3564)
• India
16 Jun 08
tht is true dear i think we need to treat him in a similar manner so tht he understands the meaning of family and loving..thank u dear..