Divorced parents and holidays

@foxyfire33 (10009)
United States
June 9, 2008 9:51am CST
Who is responsible for buying the gift? Since Father's Day is coming up, I'm in charge of buying the kids gifts to give my ex-hubby. That's just the way we do it and it works for us. He helped them buy things when it was Mother's Day. At Christmas, we both make sure they have a gift for the other, and we remember each other's birthdays also. I was just curious if other former couples do this as well or if we're just lucky to still be close and thoughtful of each other and the kids.
1 person likes this
12 responses
@ZephyrSun (7385)
• United States
9 Jun 08
You are very lucky to do this for each other. I always bought my children's father a father's day, Christmas, and birthday gift from them to him. I wouldn't spend much maybe $20 or so. He never did that sort of thing, so my father started taking the children to do this for me. Since he has gotten remarried and we no longer communicate I figure his wife can spend the money, but I did find out this year that she doesn't spend her money, she finds a gift that she wants them to buy and they are required to give her the money to buy it. If you haven't read my other posting I have a 12 year old and 10 year old (he has a form of autism). I think it is stupid to make minor children that don't have jobs pay for gifts for parents.
@foxyfire33 (10009)
• United States
9 Jun 08
Wow, that is incredibly selfish! Sure it's good to teach kids about responsibility and money and what not but what the wife is doing is just wrong.
@ZephyrSun (7385)
• United States
9 Jun 08
I never knew how selfish people could be until I met her, she is a little mental in my opinion.
@ZephyrSun (7385)
• United States
9 Jun 08
LOL I have no idea, like I said I really think she is mental! My parents were divorced when I was almost 3 and they always bought presents for the other one for us to give to them.
@checapricorn (16066)
• United States
9 Jun 08
wow! That is very rare and sweet foxyfire. Good thing the present partners are both understanding and ok about it? ANyway, that is a great idea, at least you are showing to your kids your positive attitude even if the relationship didn't work.
@foxyfire33 (10009)
• United States
9 Jun 08
Honestly, it was made clear from the beginning that other partners would have no say in the matter. Our family was formed first and the divorce didn't mean we weren't a family...our kids are stil our kids, we are still their parents.
• United States
9 Jun 08
wow! Very ideal and rare I would say, The kids are lucky and I know it is not happening to most people who are divorced!Healthy relationship of the ex will always contribute for the healthy personality of the kids..Keep it up!
@lilybug (21148)
• United States
9 Jun 08
My 8 year old has never spent Father's Day with his father and he has never gotten him a gift. I honestly don't think the guy deserves one. My daughter did not spend Father's Day with her dad last year and did not get him a gift. She might go see him this year and if she does then I will buy him a gift from her.
@foxyfire33 (10009)
• United States
9 Jun 08
Some father's don't deserve anything...I've been there too. My oldest was born before I was with ex-hubby but she will be spending the weekend with him and got him a #1 Dad mug....her biological father isn't even deserving of a chipped worst father of the year mug.
@lilybug (21148)
• United States
10 Jun 08
Sounds about like my son's father. My daughters father has been more of a father to him that his dad ever was. Even though I am not with her dad anymore either, he still likes him better than his own dad.
@Libra67 (11)
• United States
9 Jun 08
You sound a lot like my ex and I. I am so blessed to still be friends with my ex husband. We still take our daughter to eat on occasion. He comes to all her school functions and extracurricular activities. He is a great father and since I make a very low income, he is the primary one who buys all the gifts. But we put both names on her gifts. If I buy a gift, I put both our names on them.
@foxyfire33 (10009)
• United States
10 Jun 08
Oh wow, that is really great! We used to go out with the kids once in a while too...now his girlfriend tags along and it's not the same.
@cjgrooms (4456)
• United States
9 Jun 08
If the kids ask for money to get their father something i would give it to them but since he never bothered to get them or me gifts when we were married i didn't bother after we divorced. However after he remarried i did make sure they got their step-mother gifts .
@foxyfire33 (10009)
• United States
9 Jun 08
Well that was really sweet of you! I've never gotten a gift as a step-mom.
• United States
9 Jun 08
I have a 12 year old daughter. I will be taking my her out to get her dad a gift. This is kind of a new thing for us. His girlfriend is very thoughtful, though and takes her shopping for me so I will reciprocate. We weren't always this way. As a matter of fact, he would probably not even see his daughter this weekend if it wasn't for his girlfriend. I like her, though so it's all good. He is getting a relationship going with his daughter so it is nice. I have a feeling you are in the minority, though...lol.
@foxyfire33 (10009)
• United States
9 Jun 08
That's really good though. I'm glad your ex found someone who will make him step up to the plate more, it will be good for your daughter and even better that you get along with the girlfriend. I'm sure we are in the minority lol!
@guss2000 (2234)
• United States
21 Jun 08
I can't relate to this, but I wanted to say that I think it's great that you guys do that. It shows that although you guys are no longer together that you are still friends and you are showing your children that. It's so much better then being mean and hateful. I think it's very mature and you are teaching your kids to do the right thing. So many parents have their children play against the other parent, and it sure makes the children feel akward. Good for you guys!
• United States
10 Jun 08
Yes we do. The two children my ex and I had together are 24 and 28 now and we both still make sure they send at least a card to the the other and also we make sure that they make a phone call.
@ellie333 (21029)
10 Jun 08
Two of my children are now old enough to buy their own gifts for their father but when they were smaller my ex-husband and I used to do the same as you. In fact fathers day is this Sunday here in the UK and my eldest daughter tranferred money into my bank account so she could use my ebay and paypal account to buy a pressie for her dad. I think this is the responsible thing to do. I can't stand my sons father but I will always make sure he does a card and buys a small gift for him even though he doesn't do the same for me in return. Ellie :D
• United States
10 Jun 08
I am not in this situation,but I am happy to hear this is how you and your ex husband do thing.I think it is in the best interest of the children.It shows them that you two are handling it like adults,and if you are doing this then I am sure you must be doing other things right.A lot of kids have more difficulty with a parents divorcing because the parents can't put their differences aside and do what is right for the kids.So good for you both your children must be very lucky to have you as parents. Jas
@minnie_98214 (10572)
• United States
9 Jun 08
You are lucky. My ex wouldnt buy me anything even when we were married yet alone now. One mothers day my kids asked for $20 to get me a mothers day gift while at there dads. I talked to him he said hed take them shopping as long as it cost him nothing. Well the kids came home empty handed dad had went to valleyfair(amusement park) and spent the money and the sad part is he didnt even take the kids with him. I got the money back in 2 weeks and will never do that again. Now they have my new hubby to go shooping with.
@Debs_place (10525)
• United States
9 Jun 08
I did that the first year when my ex and I separated but he did nothing, after that I had my son make him something. He could afford to buy a gift, I could not.