Men - your spouse makes more than you, is that a problem?

United States
June 11, 2008 12:44am CST
Ladies, same question, you make more than your man, does it give you a feeling of power over him? I'll admit that my wife has always made more than me, it's not a problem in our marriage because we aren't in competition with each other. I don't feel like I can do whatever I want because I don't make the money but I also don't feel like I can't do what I want either. I'm building a career that is separate, we both support each other and money isn't the focus of our relationship anyway. Guys and gals, please give me your two cents.
2 people like this
24 responses
@mentalward (14716)
• United States
11 Jun 08
The important thing should be that you each enjoy your jobs. In any relationship, there should never be any competition over money or power... that's just not a good factor of any successful, long-term relationship. If each partner contributes an amount that is mutually agreeable, be it money, responsibility, housework, etc., then it shouldn't be an issue. I don't work any longer due to health issues. My husband makes all the money in our family, but it is used jointly. He lets me (wants me to, actually) handle all the money matters, because we both know that I am better at it that than he is. There is no "power" issue here, either. We each contribute to this marriage. We care about each other's well-being and happiness. I think that's the real key to a happy relationship, one of the more important ones, anyway.
• United States
16 Jun 08
Great advice! Money isn't everything, love is.
1 person likes this
• India
11 Jun 08
I would be happy if the man or men in my life made more money than me. It will at least divert their attention from MY money. ;) Cheers and happy mylotting
2 people like this
@aplaza (631)
• Netherlands
11 Jun 08
At first a person would be inclined to say no. It doesn't matter. But when you do a little soul searching it may. If - even jokingly - some remark was made to the effect of having an edge over the man then I'm sure he'd feel bad even though he won't show it. After all we are hunter/gatherers. Men do the hunt - thus the big stuff. Women are the gatherers and are "used" to coming home with less stuff. No matter what anybody sez I'm sure it's in our genes somewhere that guys really just want to be the Head Kahuna and be worshipped for bringin home da bacon!
@subha12 (18462)
• India
11 Jun 08
i think the way of thinking should be this way. but in many society, it is taken for granted that the man will earn more than his wife. otherwise there is something called complex and ego. atlast it goes how you look at it.
2 people like this
@JBKnutsen (427)
• Northern Mariana Islands
11 Jun 08
No, I wouldn't care about that. It's only normal that one of you earn more than the other. If the woman earn more, it's not special.
2 people like this
@GreenMoo (11842)
11 Jun 08
Right now, neither of us makes very much so it's really not a problem. In the past though, I've normally earnt more than my partner and it's never been a problem. As far as I'm concerned, it's a shared pot and we both contribute more than just money.
2 people like this
@salonga (27969)
• Philippines
11 Jun 08
There was a time when I make more than my husband but after he got promoted he is now making more than I do. And 'who makes more than who' is never an issue to us. Why because the more each of us makes money, the better we both feel! Why because our earnings goes down to just one because my money is his money and vice-versa. During the time I was earning more than him, I never had the feeling of being superior and neither did he felt inferior because we always respect each other's role in the family and money matters never get in the way. My husband is the head (notwitstanding whether he earns bigger or lesser) and I am his wife who submits to her. Being his wife, I get all his love and respect and I am given the power to be the Treasurer or money manager of the family.
2 people like this
@guybrush (4662)
• Australia
11 Jun 08
I don't think it matters who earns the most in a relationship - I don't work, so my husband brings home all the money - but I think whatever works for a particular couple is fine.
2 people like this
• United States
11 Jun 08
Well at the momment Im jobless, and no it doesnt bother me that she makes more money than me. We love each other and respect each other and that is all that matters.
1 person likes this
• United States
16 Jun 08
Welcome to myLot. Love and respect is something you can't buy, have you appeal to the people of myLot about work, this is a great network of people.
• United States
16 Jun 08
Im sorry im not sure what you mean by "Have you appeal to the people of mylot about work", what do you mean? I am a web designer, but I have no degree, it is all self-taught. I write HTML and CSS quite fluently. I have trouble getting a job because I am a convicted felon, but that shouldn't matter because I have managed 3 businesses successfully. I am a hard worker and very dependable, but I have never had a driver's liscence and I guess in the last couple of years that has become a major requirement for all the jobs I apply for, even though they dont involve driving. I have not chosen to drive in my 30 years of life, and I stick by it, but alot of people seem to think that if you dont drive you must have a problem. I may eventually get my DL, but on my own terms. Sorry for ranting, but the U.S. Employment system is messed up.
1 person likes this
@foxygirle (377)
• Philippines
12 Jun 08
I think we were taught the wrong way in school.The old schoolthoughts of " Men had to earn more than woman" are causing a lot of stress in the relationship. I think school should not ingrained this on children. But rather accept that most women now are earning more than men. I admit my husband is not earning that much,though I feel sometimes it does contribute to the "silent" words of of our relationship. I try not to bring money matters since I feel it diminishes his power at home. I do hope one day he'll get to earn more and contribute to the family expenses and saving for retiremement. But right now we just have to make do to what's his earning and my paycheck.
1 person likes this
• United States
16 Jun 08
I was taught the wrong way too and when the role was reversed I had to change my thinking pattern. You should champion him for what he makes, not that you tear him down, but give him an encouraging word regarding his work ethic, he'll know that you support him above the office and what he has to deal with each day.
• Indonesia
12 Jun 08
A couple should appreciate each other, doesn't mean if one made more than the other one, then she/he has the power. She/he should just support each other and that's what they have to do. I agree that we aren't in competition with our couple.
1 person likes this
• United States
16 Jun 08
Welcome to myLot. I agree too, this isn't a competition like they think it is on TV.
@jessieBee (1046)
• Trinidad And Tobago
11 Jun 08
Well I'm a woman and i don't have a problem with my man earning more than i do. We are two different people, we do different jobs. But i will have a problem if he earns more than i do and sticks it in my face. For example say he earns more so he makes all the decisions in the home and i have no say. Or when it comes to spending money he spend only on himself, not acknowledging the kids or myself. Then we'll have problems.
• United States
16 Jun 08
I'll bet you would, but that'll never happen.
@gwenns (255)
• Singapore
11 Jun 08
Hello gitfiddleplayer, I'm glad to hear this from a guy. In fact my parents had gotten divorced recently, the root of all problems is my father's inferiority complex of earning lesser than my mom. I swear, it's probably one of the dumbest thing. Thanks for sharing, it shows me that there are still people who stayed together regardless of anything! I sincerely wish you all the best for your marriage and I really do hope you will have a happy and everlasting marriage! Cheers~
1 person likes this
• United States
16 Jun 08
Thanks, I do hope things work out with your parents.
1 person likes this
@kellys3ps (3731)
• United States
12 Jun 08
I don't think it is a problem - all the money is ours together, so no matter who makes more, it is good for the family as a whole.
1 person likes this
@profitsg (90)
• Singapore
12 Jun 08
It isnt exactly a problem for me and if people around you are more liberal, this shouldnt be a big issue. For any couples who are really in love, I doubt competition between each other will be a key factor. However, people around you might not be accepting towards and and their comments might put a strain on the relationship.
1 person likes this
@wisconsin26 (3861)
• United States
11 Jun 08
My other half makes alot more than me, I am totally ok with that with no problems sense I don't work I stay home and do things around the house he is ok with that and of course as long as supper is made when he gets home... these are the things he don't have to deal with when he does get home from working all day every day... WE have no problems with it and of course we too aren't into competition either...
11 Jun 08
I think if it starts to cause arguments because of one person in the realyionship earning more then it would mean an unhappy relationship. I earn less than my husband but used to earn more so have been on both sides of the spectrum and it's not a problem either way as we just pay for each other and hsare the bills.
@schulzie (4068)
• United States
11 Jun 08
When I was first married to my husband I had a nice paying job and he was still in college working towards his bachelor's degree. He had 1 full time job and 1 part time job and went to school and I had 1 full time job. I earned more than him then. Then he graduated with his Bachelors Degree and got a full time job. I still earned more than him. But he found another job and within a year he earned more than me. Eventually he was earning about four times what I was making. I had gotten another job earning much less because we had moved for him to get a promotion. Presently I stay at home with the kids so I earn zero right now. But it has never been an issue for us. We are a team and the money goes into one account for the family. It is not a competition and I don't think it ever should be one. When you marry you join together as one and that is the way we have always looked at it. We have been married for almost 20 years and it has never been an issue. The only problem for money for us is that we never have enough of it for everything.
@kun2349 (23475)
• Singapore
11 Jun 08
It isn't much of a problem with me.. Because it all depends on your interest of work and different jobs will pay differently.. PLus when it's a family with kids, it cant be that both parties will wanna earn as much as possible and resulting in neglecting the kids? That should not be the way too.. It's about priorities in life too ^_^
@checapricorn (16072)
• United States
11 Jun 08
Hello gitfiddleplayer, I believe it is not an issue in marriage. This relationship is more on teamwork, so whoever earn better is not an issue but we can't deny that there are women who earns better and make their husband feel it, and they will take control of the family which is also very sad on the part of the husband! but, as long as there is LOVE, I don't care one will make it as an issue!
1 person likes this