I'm not ready but I had to tell her before she left...

South Africa
June 12, 2008 11:32am CST
There is this girl that I have been friends with for a few years and I've never made a move despite the fact that I'm sure there is chemistry between us. Now she is going to be leaving the country. I'm not ready for another relationship at the moment, having just come out of one but I can't let her leave without letting her know how I feel. I wanted to do it in person but I'm terrible at that sort of thing and couldn't get myself to do it. So I sent a long, well thought out e-mail baring all to her and now I'm waiting for a response. Did I do the right thing?
1 person likes this
8 responses
• China
14 Jun 08
well done!let her know how u feel before she leave.
• South Africa
15 Jun 08
Well, seems that that ended up being a big steaming pile of failure. If I could edit the first post or add a proper response, I would but I don't know why myLot doesn't let me do so. Anyway, I finally got a reply from her and this is a summary of what she said: She appreciates my honest scribbling. I misunderstood the friendship. She does not think that we have enough common ground to work out. She doesn't want to meet up before she leaves. She doesn't want to put in the effort to stay friends. A long list of expletives come to mind.
• China
16 Jun 08
she doesn't want to put in the effort to stay friends?does that mean she wants to break the friendship with u or just leave things as they are?unchanged?
• South Africa
16 Jun 08
Well, as they are unchanged would just be us in the same orchestral group and me going over to say hi and chat a bit before practise each week. Unfortunately, she isn't going to be at any more practises since she will be on a different continent. So I'm getting the idea that she wants to as good as break off the friendship altogether. This makes me sad. I sent a reply to let her know that I understood what she said and that I hope she has good luck in the future and all that stuff. I don't want to just let her go but she is probably right that it wouldn't have actually worked out anyway. It's a pity that love isn't built on logic. I think that someone needs a hug... and it's me. :(
@jenyenh (205)
• Maldives
19 Jun 08
hey pirate...you did a good thing of letting out your feelings by sending her an email, however it would have been much better if you did it in person, face to face. There is nothing like the beauty of someones face when you see the expressions and their immediate reaction. You probably would be thinking how she is taking it. If you could have done that in person, you would know and not think and wait right now wondering if youre doing the right thing. Although they said we can express ourselves better if its in writing than in person. Anyway, i think she deserves to know what you feel. I hope she feels the same way for you. Good luck!
• South Africa
20 Jun 08
Thanks. I agree that I should have done it face to face but for some reason I find myself unable to start that sort of conversation. It seems so simple but I tend to overthing the whole thing. At least I can think through exactly what I'm saying when I do it in writing. Turns out she doesn't feel the same way but at least I know that now. Knowing that it is bad is still better than not knowing at all I think. At least I can go on to other things without worrying now that I know.
@jenyenh (205)
• Maldives
20 Jun 08
I guess there are so many things going on with her at the moment and her focus is somewhere else. Maybe her feelings are blocked by other emotions she going through right now with the moving and new environment, new things..etc,.. but youre right at least now you know and you can move on to other things! cheers.
• Philippines
19 Jun 08
Well, for me.. It is better to tell her in person. But since it is a problem to some people to do that, what you did is still fine. But if I am the girl, I preferred to hear the man say that in person. Anyway, if you see that she likes you too there is a great possibility for you to have a positive reply. Good luck to you. am sure at this time you already had a reply from her.
• South Africa
20 Jun 08
I have had a reply actually. Unfortunatly, it was overwhelmingly negative. Seems that I can't read people. I mean, I knew that I couldn't read people but it seems that I'm even worse at it than I thought. Unless she was saying what she thought was appropriate because of going away... nah, better not try to kid myself like that. I wish I was the type of person that could just do that sort of thing in person. It would probably work out much better for me.
@rmuxagirl (7570)
• United States
19 Jun 08
I think you did do the right thing. If you hadn't bared all to her you would have been wondering what if. and that's no way to go through life right?
• South Africa
20 Jun 08
I wish I wasn't such a bad procrastinator. If I had said something more than a year ago when I met her (the thought did cross my mind...) then things probably would have turned out completely differently. Unfortunately, there is no real point in living with the "What if..." sort of mentality so I'm going to stick with my philosophy of always trying my best and having no regrets. There is always the next girl :P
@mykmari_08 (2466)
• Philippines
18 Jun 08
In my own opinion, I believe that it would have been better if you told her personally; but I guess what you've done is the next best thing. What's really important is you have told her what you really feel for her. It may or may not result to a great start for your relationship but at least, you made your move and have conveyed your true self to her. Please be very patient with waiting for her reply. She might also be weighing every factor before giving and informing you of her decisions. In the meantime, I think it's best for you to continue in the process of your own healing; you've mentioned about just coming out of one relationship before this. And when this new relationship finally begins, both of you will be ready to start it with a clean slate. I know in my heart that this will blossom into a wonderful relationship as friendship has been there present for several years already and it is a great foundation for romance. Good luck and God bless.
• South Africa
19 Jun 08
Ok, so I got the reply and it was bad. Sucks to be me. Maybe the friendship wasn't so strong and maybe I just had the wrong idea but I think I will live. You're right that I should have said something in person but that sort of thing is really hard for me to do.
@smacksman (6078)
14 Jun 08
Tough one. You have done the right thing in stating your feelings but you would have been better doing it face to face. That way you get an answer, good or bad. It is always tough for the man because you are expected to make the first move. You are then open to rejection and that is a bitter pill to swallow. Tough my friend! You just have to do it and each time you are dumped your skin gets a little thicker! haha In your situation I would have used the knowledge that she was leaving to open the subject... 'So sorry to hear you are leaving. I felt that our friendship was growing stronger and I'm really sad you are going. I will think of you every day. etc etc' You may find the answer will be that she wants to remain friends but at 18 she feels she is too young to make firm commitments and take things further... etc. etc. which in reality is fair enough. Maybe the delay is caused by her trying to find the right words so as to not sound too harsh? Whatever happens, try to stay friends. Friends are very important. Good luck.
• South Africa
14 Jun 08
...why couldn't I have talked to you about this a week ago? Like I said, I'm not really going for a proper relationship, I just wanted to get it in the open before she left and it is probably best if we just stay friends anyway. I'm not really interested in entering into a relationship where I'll never get to meet face to face with the person. I still haven't gotten a reply. I don't know if it's because she is taking time to consider what she wants to say or if she hasn't opened her inbox yet. This morning I sent her an sms just to tell her that I did send her an email and I would like her to get back to me on it. I'm trying not to sound pushy or desparate so I'm not going to start sending lots of messages, I think that the one will do. I just hope she replies soon. Good or bad, I need to know...
@rsa101 (13337)
• Philippines
13 Jun 08
Well I think you've done what you could do I guess. The next question is how would she react to what she will know before she finally leaves. I hope she would replay and you two could meet and talk about it before she finally leaves. I guess this would be hard on you if she does not reply to your email. The best that you could do is try your best to make contact with her and make an effort to say what you have to say in person. I think that is the best you could possibly do in this circumstances.
• South Africa
13 Jun 08
Thanks for the nice thoughts. I'm hoping for a reply sometime soon... it's the waiting that is killing me right now. I don't know what to do about it. I do want to meet up with her at some point soon. It just might be a bit hard to organise but I feel like I should anyway. I want to see her again in person.
@subha12 (18463)
• India
13 Jun 08
i think that at this moment you have to take the decision, what is your priority? do you think that you will wait first and then make the move? or you want to tell her. i think its better to tell her and see how she reacts.