can we still be a good friend to our "ex"?

Philippines
June 13, 2008 9:10pm CST
After 17 years, me and my partner decided to end our relationship. But we remained good friends. My succeeding relationships did not agree about it, they say we still care for each other because we still love each other. I need your opinion guys. Do we need to cut our friendship with our "ex or exes"? or do they really exist after a broken relationship?
2 people like this
6 responses
@CrashO (698)
• Romania
19 Jun 08
It really depends, but I think its hard to really be a friend with him/her, but it really depends the problems that split you apart... I really think it really depends on the couple and they have to be mature enough to support that kind of change at relationship.
• Philippines
14 Jul 08
Not all of us are lucky to be in a situation where we are still friends with our "ex" Although we are trying to be like that but some circumstances won't allow us. Especially when we have a "hard" break. And yes indeed, maturity is a big contributor.
• United States
14 Jun 08
After 17 years with someone, I'd say that that person is almost an irremovable part of your life, unless something happened that made you hate each others' guts. My parents were married for 25 years, and they've divorced, remarried, and still remain good friends. Their relationship has changed, but they still have one. I think whether you keep in contact with your ex is a highly individual thing. If the relationship just changes (lack of passion, lack of interest, whatever) and nothing nasty happens (cheating, abuse, etc.), I'd say that there wouldn't be any reason to terminate the friendship unless it's too painful or difficult for one of you. I have an ex that I'm friends with, still. We were a couple very young, and his true colors came out after two or three years. Some of his personality traits would have caused major problems (and were already causing a lot of stress), so I decided that it was better to end the romantic entanglement. We talk and send each other birthday and Christmas presents, and I'm reminded every time I talk to him how glad I am we're no longer a couple and how good a friend he is.
• Philippines
14 Jul 08
Good for you too. Not all relationship ended well. Although we are trying our best sometimes to make the most of it, some circumstances may not allow it. But there are instance that it's better someone as a friend not a lover (lol).
• Canada
14 Jun 08
It's different for everyone. I have two male friends who are both extremely good friends with their ex-wives, and then there is my husband who tries, for the sake of the kids they have together, and things just seem to go wrong.
• Philippines
14 Jul 08
You are right there. Different results by different people and reactions. We all want to be friends (still) with our past co-relationship, but circumstances vary every time. It so sad to know it didn't work in some people.
@mich_23 (121)
• Philippines
20 Jul 08
There is nothing wrong being friends with your ex. The beauty of relationships exist not only because of love but also with friendship. It's a good thing that you tried to work things out even outside of that phase. At some point, when we still are friends with our exes, there is a tendency to get back to how things used to be which is maybe the reason why you're suceeding relationships did not approve of you being still friends with your ex. But sometimes, even if this could lead to it that way, the point is we dont have control over our feelings and the best thing to do now is just to let things be.
• Philippines
18 Jun 08
There is such a thing. I still consider my ex as a friend. After we broke up, we remained friends. He even still shared problems then. But when he already got married, the communication stopped. Maybe because we're both busy and we don't have anything to talk about. But nevertheless, we still are friends.
• Philippines
18 Jun 08
There's nothing wrong havin your ex around as a friend as long as your present partner knows about it. But there must be limitations as well, if I'm your GF now and I learned that your ex is visitin you everyday or you're sleepin with her then thats another story. Intimate relationship is always bound in the circle of loyalty, thrust and love. A good relationship would only last if both feel the sense of security.