Is it right?

United States
June 14, 2008 6:13pm CST
My mother adopted my two nieces around 7-8 years ago because my brother got into trouble and so did his girlfriend. They are twins.. and their mom takes them on a very rare occasion to spend the night with her. Well recently they both got grounded for one thing or another. But this weekend their mom wants to come and pick them up. My mom says no they can not spend the night because they are grounded and she needs to enforce it. To me i see where she is right but also where she isn't. What do you guys think?
5 people like this
13 responses
@ZephyrSun (7385)
• United States
14 Jun 08
Well my ex-husband and I have shared parenting and at one point when he wasn't married to the current witch, we use to enforce each other's punishments. If the boys were grounded at my house then he would continue it at his house. Like now because of the witch, if they are grounded at my house then they leave and it's over for them. I have to agree with your mom because the children will learn that they can do stuff to get grounded and then run off the the biological mother's house and they are free and learned nothing from the punishment. The biological mother should also be ok with this and support your mom.
2 people like this
• United States
14 Jun 08
very true:)
1 person likes this
• United States
14 Jun 08
I think it is wrong to deny access to there mother. It sounds like they do not get to spend much time with her. The kids will hate her for it in the long run. She can enforce the grounding when they come back.
• United States
14 Jun 08
yeah thats exactly what i thought.
1 person likes this
@cjgrooms (4456)
• United States
14 Jun 08
Your Mother is 100% in the right. It is her responsibility to teach her children that actions have consequences and they are not always pleasant, but that if you break the rules you have to pay them regardless of what you WANT to do. If she just lets them go she will be telling them that if it is a special occasion they can get away with breaking the rules and later that could lead to trouble. Regardless of who gave birth to these children your Mom adopted them and that makes them her children as surly as you are. They have to be taught to be responsible for their actions just like you did. Their birth mother should be glad that they are being taught this (if she had she may have been able to raise them) and just make arrangements to get them later.
2 people like this
• Canada
14 Jun 08
If your mother adopted the kids, her word is final. The bio-mom needs to realize that that is just part of adoption. Mom and bio-Mom need to get together and compromise. A good one might be "you take the kids next weekend, we enforce their grounding this weekend."
1 person likes this
@Hatley (164507)
• Garden Grove, California
14 Jun 08
I do think that the twin nieces should be allowed to spend time with their birth moher ocassionally even though at that time they were being grounded. she can ground them the next day surely. She is both right and wrong there as the grounding has nothingto do with their real mom..
1 person likes this
@lilybug (21148)
• United States
17 Jun 08
I think that they should be grounded when they get back home and they should get to spend time with their mother. I could see not letting them spend the night at just anyones house, but this is their mother.
@Elixiress (3893)
15 Jun 08
I think that she is in the wrong to ban their Mam from seeing them. Whatever she has done in the past, she seems to have turned things round now and is making an effort to see her children. Although the children are grounded, having a day with their parents is not exactly ungrounding them as when I was a child I would visit my family when I was grounded. As long as the Mam promises not to let her child play out or do any other things to breach the rules of "grounding".
@deebomb (15322)
• United States
15 Jun 08
Your mom took on the responsibility of raising your 2 niece and so she should do what is best for them. The mother gave up any right to the girls. Now the boi-mom has to abide your mom's rules and she should be willing to help by not saying that your mom is wrong. you should support you mom's decision. Grounding the girls later will be defeat the purpose of the grounding.
• Canada
15 Jun 08
I think that she is very right. She is now their legal parent and if they have done something that she feels that they should be grounded for then everyone concerned should back her up. It is hard enough today to discipline children without getting a bunch of flack from family members. They all need to be on the same page so that there are no mixed signals being sent to these girls!
• United States
15 Jun 08
If she adopted them and there are no visitation orders in place, then she is well within her legal rights to do this. However, denying them access to their mom may not be the best thing, grounded or not.
@lekhikau (14)
• Nepal
15 Jun 08
i think the twin girls should be allowed to go with their mother.
• Malaysia
15 Jun 08
Hi spengebobs_wife91, I do have my own view on this. Could you talk privately to your mom to ask her letting the two girls to be with their mother. If your mother really want to ground both of them do it after they spend some times with their mother. I feel like saying what if your mother takes a soft approach to them? They may do the mistakes to I think it's too harsh to ground them. some maybe said it's for discipline but kids are kids. They couldn't see what the real intention of doing something. they just know "A" when we tell them that's "A", yeah sort of like that. They may see by grounding them is hating. It;s really dangerous. Although it just about 2 young ladies getting hurt but it's some big things. They will grow up with non balance emotion and depression. For me, teaching by showing your love and tenderness is the best. Well, about the punishment your mom may do some detention of doing the gardening together, cleaning their own rooms or study with your mom. But most important overall do it nicely and tenderly.Anyway spongebobs_wife91, thanks for sharing your story.
@SViswan (12071)
• India
15 Jun 08
Grounding is fine and it can be enforced when they are back. Not allowing them to spend the night at their mom's is not enforcing grounding. They have the right to spend time with their mom and your mother stopping them from doing so would make her the wrong doer and your nieces might grow up resenting her. It can also be seen as an excuse on your mom's part (even if that's not the case) to not let the kids see their mom....which can later on create more problems.