When I want to forget, I can't

United States
June 16, 2008 1:17am CST
Normally, I have a habit of forgetting everything. Everything except those things that don't matter or are just some random event. My situation is quite simple. I am truely, deeply, madly, in love with someone, who doesn't share the same feelings. Moving on would be my ideal thing to do, but forgetting and moving on is the hardest thing to do. My question(s) to you is, have you ever been in love, and just have everything crumble at your feet? No matter how bad you want to put those pieces back together, it seems like only a miracle will either fix it, or help you forget. I think a miracle is what I need. I need to forget. I need to move on. Any suggestions for what I could do to block my heart from wanting something my mind is telling otherwise?
1 person likes this
12 responses
• United States
16 Jun 08
I have a problem forgetting about the weirdest things...someone sitting on my head at camp when I was 11 years old for example, which really did happen . That happened 25 years ago...get over it, right? I recently had a major fight with my man, so bad that I thought we had broken up. At first I was devastated, but the more I thought about it, I realized that it was not my fault and the accusations were totally false! I got mad, then madder, and was finally resigning myself life without him (something I cannot possibly imagine) when he suddenly called out of the blue and apologized to me, admitting that it was his fault and unfair to attack me. I'm only telling you what was beginning to work for me; I'm not suggesting to get angry at him, but if necessary, get mad at him for leaving you alone to raise HIS son! Maybe that'll help a bit. Good luck and hugs!
• United States
16 Jun 08
I am very upset at this that I am left with all the work. Not that he doesn't help. I have his atm card so if I ever need money, I just let him know I'm taking what I need. We agreed when I first found out I was pregnant, that active duty was the best course. He had just gotte laid off at work, and he was a reservist at the time. So I can't get too mad for him not being here. He should be coming home for good on the 4th of July. I don't know exactly how I feel about this, and am seriously considering custody paperwork and all that jazz. He made it clear things probably were never going to work, so why should I look out for his benefits? Not that I am going to restrict him seeing his son, or put down extreme limitations. I just don't want to screw myself over in the end, and then us hating each other as well. And I'm glad he called and apologized. It takes a REAL man to be able to admit he's wrong.
1 person likes this
• United States
16 Jun 08
Girl, make sure that your son's dad provides for him later in life. I found out that all of these girls that have kids out of wedlock and never marry the guy (for whatever reason) are basically shutting the future social security benefits for those kids. Protect your little guy--if that's a picture of him, he's adorable! And you're right--it does take a REAL man to apologize! Good luck over the weekend of the 4th and don't let your personal issues color the time that the three of you will spend together.
• China
16 Jun 08
Good for you to have the habit of forgetting things. So, why not make full use of it this time? I'm sure it will be hard but you can make it when you have tried your best. I myself have this forgetting habit. And I often forget the sad, unpleasant things. I think this is a natural reaction to danger or things the like when people are feeling unsafe or uncomfortable. Yes, you have to move on, because as you said this guy you are in love with didn't share your feelings. This might be helpful: try to look out for other guy who would be in love with you. It's very likely that you don't share the feelings with the other guy but you can try to move on with him or maybe some day you will find that this guy is right for you. Good luck with you! Moving on without hesitation is what you need to do urgently.
• United States
16 Jun 08
I like your last line. And it really is something I need to do. I've start to come to the realization that I am going to need even more patience, and if it's really "meant to be", then it will happen. If not, I am just going to have to deal and there are no other options. Thank you for responding!
• China
17 Jun 08
That's right of you. Do it, girl! You will make it!
• United States
17 Jun 08
It is so hard to get over someone we love and it is even harder to understand why they don't love us back. We may not understand at the time but sometimes things have to happen the way they do so that we can learn life lessons to be prepared for when our soul mate does show up. If you have ever heard the song the broken road by rascal flats it says it so much better than I can. Your current love is a stepping stone to a great love that you will eventually find. There is nothing I can say that will help your heart kick him out. That you will have to do on your own in your own time. Time does heal the hurt and makes us get over it eventually. One day you will look back and think to your self what the heck was I thinking lol and then you will know you are totally over it. Do get some type of papers drawn up to protect yourself and your son. That away there is no questions as to visitation and child support. All guys can try to be nice at first but I have seen to many times that they turn into non paying non visiting arses later in life especially when they realize that the woman has really moved on. Best wishes to you and I hope that your heart heals soon.
• United States
2 Aug 08
well maybe if i didnt lie repeatedly, things wouldn't be like they are. i left that out.
• India
16 Jun 08
Dear friend, think we both sailing in the same boat and i can completely understand how you feel. i am not the one to give you any good advice however i feel it is just that we think of th eperson the most to ever be able to forget them. WE our selves make it impossible for us to forget the one we love. i wish u all th ebest and hope you get what you love.
• United States
16 Jun 08
I hope you get everything you want and love as well. = )
• United States
16 Jun 08
Love.. hrmph. Too many people think love is something over which one has no control. Attraction is an emotion over which one has no control. Love is different. Love, by definition, must be good for you. If it is not good for you (for instance because the feeling is not returned) then it is only attraction and perhaps obsession. I don't get it. If someone was rejecting me, that would affect how I feel about them. I would, essentially, move on. I don't understand the problem.
• United States
16 Jun 08
This "Love" I dated for two years, and we broke and were working on things, but now he just wants space. He also happens to be the father of my son.
@stephcjh (32328)
• United States
16 Jun 08
I hardly ever forget anything. If I think i might forget something, I write it down to remind myself of it. I had a very hard time forgetting people I had reltionships with also. I just could not force myself to move on and forget about them. I finally made myself get out of the house and try new things. I would meet other people. I still had feelings for the other person though. sometimes that person would come back to me after some time also. My now, husband, did.
• United States
16 Jun 08
With you saying that, it gives me a somewhat new hope. Though, I'm not going to hold my breathe. I know I need to get out, but I need to accept things the way they are, and I'm just having a very very difficult time doing that.
@Erssyl (617)
• Philippines
4 Aug 08
Three months after our wedding I found out my husband had an affair with her sister in law.I was three months pregnant then I feel very much devastated but because he was my first love andI'm having our baby I decided to forget everything if he is willing to forget her too.He was true to his promise,after 34 years of marriage we are still very much in love.Of course this could not happen without the guidance of our Lord.If you believe in him forgiving is an easy task.Don't break your heart if you love him forgive him.
@julyteen (13261)
• Davao, Philippines
30 Jul 08
i think everybody share the same experience with you. the difference is that everybody has it's own way of letting things go, and the eagerness to let go of the things that constantly hurt them. moving on only depends on you. if you really want to let go of someone, you always can. you just have to be more determined especially if that someone means everything to you. it's really a choice, and a tough one. if you're heart is telling you something that your mind don't, you must think whether you have a good heart or a good mind and let you choice based on the answer you'll get.
@subha12 (18454)
• India
17 Jun 08
its the irony of life. you can't never forget the part of painful love. how much you want to forget, you will end up remembering more so. i have seen this myself.
@vanities (11343)
• Davao, Philippines
17 Jun 08
thats tough! i guess you really are in love!!!you must see to it that you are always busy with something to avoid thinking of him always..is it still fresh? i mean new? the heartaches? if yes then let the time heals all wounds..and it really work.
• Philippines
17 Jun 08
Hi there. It might take a while for you to forget but eventually you will, it also be of help if you share it with your friends. True love is out there and I know you'll find it or it will find you. cheers
• United States
16 Jun 08
I don't think you for get someone you love so deeply. It is hard to move on. If he cant see how wonderful you are fined someone else that thinks you are great. Someday he might regret his choice. Have you found yourself yet? I would try just doing things for yourself. You can not block your heart. I think everything happens for a reason. You need to just wait for your reason. Your miracle. good luck sweetie!