In-laws - would u stand up to them?

@Mare73 (1335)
United States
June 16, 2008 1:36pm CST
Ok question - If you noticed that your inlaws were treating your spouse not in a very nice way and constantly taking advantage of him/her; and your spouse was more on the passive side, would you stand up to them?
2 people like this
8 responses
• Canada
16 Jun 08
Yes. My man is very much a pacifist. He's a great guy and deserves a lot more respect than he gets. If his parents were bad mouthing him, I'd definitely stand up for him. They should respect his decisions, and feel proud of his accomplishments, not ridicule him. It's hard to be motivated to do better in life if people constantly bring you down.
2 people like this
@Mare73 (1335)
• United States
17 Jun 08
Oh I totally agree! That's the position I'm in right now. And it does affect the relationship when others are doubting your partner.
@MsEddie86 (236)
• United States
16 Jun 08
yes i would because that is the person i am spending the rest of my life with i dont want them to be taken advantage of at all and i would let them know how it made me feel andhow it makes my spouse feel. thats not right and they would know it.
@Mare73 (1335)
• United States
17 Jun 08
AMEN! And I think that people fail to realize that when you leave home and are with a person it's honestly about you and that person - in my honest opinion (and I'm glad he agrees 100%) we come first; everyone outside of the home comes 2nd.
@sedel1027 (17854)
• United States
16 Jun 08
I don't know if I would necessarily stand up to them, but I would make sure that my spouse was not making any decision with them without me around.
1 person likes this
@Mare73 (1335)
• United States
17 Jun 08
Oh no - never that. We make decisions together - from what's for dinner to what movie we're watching to when we're doing laundry :-)
@tinamwhite (3255)
• United States
16 Jun 08
I would have to look at the circumstances....and discuss it with my spouse...this would after all be his relatives....however, that in no way means that I would be happy about it and knowing me...I would want to be VERY vocal... I do feel that even if my spouse is passive....he/she would have an opinion...and I would want to know what that was.... I would expect them to stand up for me in that inference...and if it was my relatives...oh yes, in a minute they would be told to "watch it".... At the same time, I would never tolerate my children being disrespected or made to feel bad for being who they are by another...no matter the relative! I guess for me, the first thing would be my spouse's response...and then if I needed to I would most definately "let them know, how the cow ate the cabbage!" LOL I have had to tell my son's in-laws the he was not their personal "maintenace man", "plumber" and "yard boy"....and after that, well...let's just say that I was not their favorite person....but no one deserves to be miss treated and taken advantage of! Tina
@Mare73 (1335)
• United States
17 Jun 08
Oh definitely, I wouldn't dream of doing something or saying something without his approval first - talk about putting your foot in your mouth :-) I think people need to give respect; especially when they want respect. People need to learn to humble themselves instead of thinking the world revolves around them. Not in my relationship!
@Ravenladyj (22937)
• United States
16 Jun 08
I think it would depend on a few different things but the most important one being how my spouse felt about it...more often than not particularly if is the male, they dont want their wives to get involved becuase it could create more troubles...I know that J isn't passive and its not his mum that the issues are with but how some of his siblings TREAT his mum (which is like crap)BUT he also doesnt like to blast some of his siblings because he doesnt want to upset his mother which means he wont let me let loose on them either (something that just infuriates me because I ADORE that woman and I hate to see wht they do to her ya know.).....Regardless of who the ahole is in the in law family I would make sure my partner is okay with me flipping out first before making a move..
@Mare73 (1335)
• United States
17 Jun 08
I'm glad that my J knows and accepts that I'm very vocal; I'm very diplomatic, but vocal. You will know how I feel about something and don't tick me off :-) I haven't said anything yet but he knows I'm very close and he's ok with it because he can't do it. Sh*t I can! I told him when they call and the conversation starts with J can you (NO) J do you think (NO) J would it be (NO) heehee.
@Ravenladyj (22937)
• United States
18 Jun 08
LOL my J gets concerned when I am angry and planning on talking to the person that ticked me off because I'm NOT dipolmatic LOL Whether its the family, one of the kids friends parents, the school etc etc..I'll be pleasant and fine in the begining but if the other person continues to be a b0nehead I go off hardcore...It makes him nervous
• Canada
16 Jun 08
Dam right I'd stand up for him. I don't care if they are his parents. No one disrespects my husband, and no one disrespects either. No one disrespects us as individuals, or as a couple. Neither of us will stand for it!!!
@Mare73 (1335)
• United States
17 Jun 08
100% well said! Thanks.
@Liasonfan (1702)
• Canada
18 Jun 08
Oh heck yeah, I would! I know it is much more easier said than done, but yeah, I wouldn't let anyone take advantage of my hubby---actually the kids try all the time to take advantage of his generosity and need to be put back into their places some times. . Stand up. Be firm, but kind. Good luck. Let us know how it goes.
@checapricorn (16066)
• United States
17 Jun 08
Hi mare, I will talk to my in laws why they are treating my partner that way. And after that if there will be no positive result, I guess I will just avoid visiting them or meeting them regularly until they will realize it!