What Did You Do When Your Daughter Got Her First Period?

Canada
June 19, 2008 3:24pm CST
Okay, in light of our troubles, here with my lovely little girl, she has now just gotten her very first period!!!! OMG, I feel sooooo old, and sooo bad for her!!! In my family it has been tradition to "celebrate" So tonight we are going to go out for supper her and I, then to do a little bit of shopping, to buy her something nice (and some thinner pads ;) ) then I am going to take her to a modest little coffee shop, so we can talk and enjoy each others company. So in planning this night with my daughter I have got to thinking if anyone else does these sorts of right of passage type things with their daughters, and what kinds of things do you do?
6 people like this
21 responses
• India
20 Jun 08
I am so glad you did this with your daughter. When I got my periods at 9, my Mom was like OMG and the way I was treated during those days every month has left an indelible impression on my mind and none of that is encouraging for a woman. I dislike myself being a woman and one of the reasons for that maybe is that sound of exclamation that OMG of my mom etched deep in my psyche. It was as if suddenly I had become impure, I had restrictions, I had become adult, I had done something wrong surreptitiously, I had lost my innocence. I was too young to understand and on top of that were the discomfort, the napkins and her unwillingness to talk on such things. Such things just happened to women (as if it’s a curse on us) and talking on it was taboo. It was of course some years later that I learned about menstruation, adolescence, sexuality and pregnancy. But now I understand that the moment I got my periods, she started thinking on those lines and was scared maybe for my safety or the fact that I was ‘growing up’ too fast for her comfort. Anyways, I disliked myself (still do…the woman part I mean) and always hoped and prayed that I would never have a daughter. I would not have been able to handle her the proper way and would have scarred her tender mind, too. I now hear of so many mothers treating their daughter so special during those days, talking to them about their own experiences and generally trying to smoothen out their anxieties. Just wish it was that way for me.
2 people like this
@kareng (7980)
• United States
20 Jun 08
I know where you are coming from. My mom was the exact same way. It was like a dreadful disease and a taboo subject. It really does leave young girls feeling quite alone and depressed. I think she handled this in a great way and I'm sure her daughter will look back on the situation in years to come and have good thoughts--not bad ones!
• Canada
20 Jun 08
I am very sad for you, for the way that your mother handled the situation, a life changing event in her young daughters world. I feel it is our legacy to carry on this right of passage for our daughters, to teach them the beauty of being a woman, even when it isn't so beautiful! Bless You, Bless Your Womanhood, You are a Beautiful person!
• India
23 Jun 08
thnx, both of you!
@fwidman (11515)
• United States
19 Jun 08
I laughed when she got her first period. Not because it was all that funny but because she spent so much energy trying to hide what was going on because she thought that as a man I wouldn't understand these things. My wife and I talked to her about it and made sure she was aware that this was not anything that terrible, what the symptoms of it would be, things like that. Then she and Mom went off to the store to get what she needed with a stop at Starbucks for some treats and more talk. Good for you taking her out for some chatting :)
• Canada
19 Jun 08
Thank-you :) Yes they try so hard to hide it! It is funny, all her dad said when I called him at work and told him was, oh no, now there are two of you, haha! Poor guy ;)
@fwidman (11515)
• United States
19 Jun 08
I feel for him, I truly do :) But, I survived menopause with my ex-wife so nothing compares to that. Periods are a piece of cake after survivng that! LOL
1 person likes this
• Canada
20 Jun 08
LOL! I think both he and I are afraid of what that one will bring with it :S Luckinly that is 10 or more years away!
@cher913 (25890)
• Canada
19 Jun 08
yup eh? ah the joys of being a woman! too bad the period thing cant wait til they are like 16 lol. my oldest daughter was 12 and my younger daughter who is 11 is still waiting for hers. but i really like your idea though!
2 people like this
• Canada
19 Jun 08
Thank-you :)
• United States
19 Jun 08
I remember those days, I have one girl that is 21 now. We didnt have any traditions in our family as a right of passage, but I like yours. I probably would have done that if I had thougth of it, we did have a long talk and I fixed her favorite meal for dinner since she was now a woman, and she didnt feel real good :)If I remember right her brothers picked her flowers to let her know they cared and would not get in her way that week. lol
1 person likes this
@Punski (13)
• Canada
19 Jun 08
Nice idea!
1 person likes this
• United States
20 Jun 08
Thanks punski. :)
1 person likes this
• Canada
20 Jun 08
Awe so sweet of her brothers, and you!! Very luckily my girl has no cramping etc. so this is nice! However she was a bit bloated and was kinda sad she hadn't the appatite to eat like she usually does ;)
@whilyn (75)
• Philippines
1 Jul 08
i am the daughter.. i would like to share what mom did .. my brother discovered it first.Then he broadcast it in the whole house so I cried. Mom heated up water so I can have a warm bath, she prepared my towels, told my BROTHER to go to the nearest store to buy me sanitary pads (LOL, he was very embarrassed) then she told me to act lady-like now that I am no longer a kid.. then I cried more.
1 person likes this
• Canada
6 Jul 08
Awe....it is hard now when bodies are busy changing before the maturity is there...
@miamilady (4924)
• United States
20 Jun 08
Had to borrow some stuff! lol It's a softball players jinx. They ALWAYS get it when they are wearing their WHITE uniforms! I wasn't expecting it. Had to wash out her shorts, borrow a pad and someone lent us some sliders for her to help feel better about things. Funny think is, my daughter was not bothered by it at all. She took it very non-chalant. I know when I first got mine, I was jumpy as heck. She completely took it in stride. We didn't celebrate. It was just another milestone in life.
1 person likes this
• Canada
20 Jun 08
that is good she was able to take it in stride like that. I was not so lucky, I was at school, wearing white capri's and bled through everything, all the way down my leg, it was terrible, and I was only 9 so it was evern worse!
@julyteen (13259)
• Davao, Philippines
20 Jun 08
we don't have such tradition in our family. the mother usually give all the advices to her daughter who got her first monthly period. telling her the sort o changes that will take place in her body, and what to do about them.
1 person likes this
• Canada
20 Jun 08
ty for the comment
@vicki2876 (5640)
• Canada
20 Jun 08
My daughter has also had her first menstrual this year. And yes I also feel old and VERY sorry for her. We are a family of very rough menstruals and she has gotten them as well. :( We never did anything for it in my family as I would have felt weird as a child if my mom did. My daughter and I are close so we had a mom daughter day of facials, manicures and pedicures. We are the only girls here too so it was nice to have a girly day.
1 person likes this
• Canada
20 Jun 08
Thant is awesome, so you did girly things together which is kind of a celebration of sorts. Congrats!
@SheliaLee (2738)
• United States
20 Jun 08
I wish I had thought of something like that when my daughter had her period for the first time but she was so upset I spent most of the time trying to calm her down. I had talked to her about it before she started, of course, but it still scared her terribly. She honestly thought she was dying!! I tried to tell her "Hon I have been going through this for several years now, I'm still here!!" She finally calmed down but I was kind of worried there for a while. Thankfully she is 21 now and stopped reacting that way after the first time. :)
• Canada
20 Jun 08
Yes, plans definately have to go with your daughter's reaction! My fave reaction is on a movie "Thank-you, now go away, and don't come back for 5 to 7 days!"
@lingli_78 (12844)
• Australia
20 Jun 08
well, i don't have a child yet... so i don't know what i will do... but i know that my parents didn't do anything when i first have my period... my mum just teach me how to use the liners properly... that's it... i remember that i was really scared when i see so much blood for the first time in my underwear... i shout for my mum and asked her what happened to me... and she just laughed and explained to me that i am a big girl already... that's all... congratulations for your daughter... she is not a girl anymore but a woman now... enjoy sharing time with her... take care and have a nice day...
1 person likes this
• Canada
20 Jun 08
Thank-you very much for your comment!
@Ravenladyj (22937)
• United States
20 Jun 08
LOL when my daughter started last yr I freaked out..in a good way..I was so excited, but then I got sad becuase it offically meant that my babygirl isnt my babygirl anymore ya knwo..then I was happy again LOL...same with when we went bra shopping for the first time a couple months ago LOL
1 person likes this
• Canada
20 Jun 08
I too was excited and sad at the same time, but I am looking so forward to the new steps of growth that this means for us as mother and daughter :)
@kareng (7980)
• United States
20 Jun 08
No rights of passage here but I think your plans are great as long as your daughter feels up to it! Have fun!
1 person likes this
• Canada
20 Jun 08
thank-you!
1 person likes this
@Gemmygirl1 (2870)
• Australia
20 Jun 08
It's odd to hear that someone actually celebrates a period - i hated having them, when i got my first one i didn't want to go anywhere & was a little self conscious that other people knew. I think hitting puberty is more of a personal thing & for each person it differs as to how you treat the situation. My daughter is only 2 so i have a while to go yet but i don't think we'll make a big deal out of it, it's not like an A on a test or anything, just another step in her growing up, i also have no intention of making it a big deal - many girls are actually a little embarrassed by it so i wouldn't want to make her feel more embarrassed by dragging her all over the place! Maybe a nice home cooked meal - her favourite dish - would be the way to go for me, simple & not singling her out to make her feel embarrassed.
• Canada
20 Jun 08
That is cool, if she were my only child, I sure would have made her a big favorite meal! My daughter was proud to be taken out and treated like a little lady. She proudly told the cashier at walmart that these were her pads, cause she was a lady now :) I am so happy that she is a well adjusted, open individual that will not be embarassed by regular body occurences.
• United States
20 Jun 08
It's a natural human thing that all of us girls get lucky us. I think it's good that you take your daughter out to celebrate her becomeing a woman and let her know their is nothing to be afraid of. Most girls these days start their friend at the age of 12 I was that age when I got mine. My adopted mother never made a big deal out of it and her and I went to buy the pads and she said that I was a woman now and that was it. I hope your daughter dosn't get the really bad pain like some of us get. I don't have a daughter I just have a son so I can only tell of me.
1 person likes this
• Canada
20 Jun 08
Thankfully she has not had much pain at all, just the unconfortable bloated feeling ;)
@chrysz (1603)
• Philippines
19 Jun 08
My eldest daughter is only 5 years old so I guess I still a couple of years to wait for her to reach puberty. I think mothers know when their child is about to turn into a woman, physically. In my case, my mom works abroad but she did sent some pads a few months before I had my period. I was boyish, perhaps, I still am and the most vivid memories I can remember when I had my first menstruation was I was advised to act lady-like, avoid biking and climbing trees, running with the boys, etc. No special supper was made but only a lot of reminders were told. I might remember this when my child will have her first mens so that she'll have fonder memories of her passage.
1 person likes this
• Canada
20 Jun 08
Yes it is so nice to have a pleasant memory surrounding comming into your womanhood because it definately is not much fun to be a woman in that sense anyways ;) Yeah there is no "act lady like" talks that happen here, the only thing is after all our fun and shopping we drove around for a bit and had a more "mature" version of the talk. Thankfully it wasn't a long one because I have always been open and honest with my kids.
@ravinskye (8242)
• United States
19 Jun 08
my oldest is only 5 so i haven't had to deal with that yet. i don't think my mom did any of that with me. i don't remember doing anything. it sounds really cool though. i think that is something i would like to do with my daughters. it makes it easier i think for them to accept that it is something every woman deals with. my poor cousin got it when she was only 9 and her mom never even told her about it so she was totally freaked out.
1 person likes this
• Canada
20 Jun 08
Yes I was only 9 as well, and very ill prepared! I am happy that I have always had communication with my kids, and that she knew what this was and was ok enough to just go on with business as usual, however I was sad that she had it for a whole day before I even knew!!!!:)
@nelly5 (1425)
• United States
19 Jun 08
I only have one girl, whom is 12 years old. She has yet to start her period, Amen to that! lol But I guess I never thought about what we would do to celebrate, I never thought about celebrating because I never looked at getting your period as a good thing..lol No seriously I will probably have a nice dinner with just her and I and just spend some time talking and enjoying each others company like you are going to do with your daughter. I bought my daughter cupcakes and celebrated her shaving her legs the first time..lol (just to have fun and be goofy) so of course we have to celebrate when she becomes a young lady, which I hope holds off for at least another year or so.. keeping my fingers crossed, even though I think it will be happening soon!
• Canada
19 Jun 08
Awesome! Yes I had a little party for her when she began shaving, but **SIGH** that was almost 2 years ago :S She is a fast developer!!
@MsTickle (24983)
• Australia
25 Jun 08
I remember getting mine. I was such a tomboy and I was really excited. I finished in the bathroom and burst into the lounge room loudly proclaiming I got it! My Mum, Dad and younger brother were watching telly. I was 11. My Mum got up quickly and we went to my undies draw where the surfboard like pads and belt were stored waiting. She told me I had to put them on and that was it. She's prevously given me books top read about the birds and bees but it hadn't really meant anythig because I was still not ready to learn that stuff. I didn't do anything with my girls for reasons I won't go into here. My eldest daughter is taking her daughter, going on 12, to Egypt. Just the two of them. There will be a special mother daughter trip for the younger daughter in a couple of years as well.
• Canada
26 Jun 08
That is amazing :) I wish I could take a mother daughter trip :) Maybe one day though, when her younger two brothers don't need so much taking after and Dad can handle what they do need watching for. As it isn't right to let her older brother catch the fall for what I miss. You seem like a me type person, you're awesome :)
1 person likes this
@MsTickle (24983)
• Australia
2 Jul 08
I meant to say to you that I think your attitude on this subject is so wonderful. So many of us think of our period as a curse and it truly can be in many ways. I can imagine many young women approach this time knowing nothing and being quite scared. Some countries send their women out of the house to live in an enclosure like their animals during this time. I can see your daughter having not only a close relationship with you but also having a very healthy self esteem. How lucky she is to have such a wonderful Mama.
1 person likes this
• Canada
6 Jul 08
Thank-you very much!
1 person likes this
@urbandekay (18312)
19 Jun 08
Here in this part of England the rite of passage comes much earlier, it is the custom here for mothers to leave their new born one night in the woods. If it survives all well and good but it it should not they think it was not meant to be, rather than raise a weakling. all the best urban
• Canada
20 Jun 08
That would terrify me! I am happy I am in Canada, and not in England, I would be sooo sad!
@urbandekay (18312)
20 Jun 08
What? Wouldn't you be happy not to raising a weakling? Happy that the genes you passed on to your child made it fit to survive? all the best urban
1 person likes this
• Canada
20 Jun 08
nope, I would raise my child weakling or not! And LOVE them just the same!
• Canada
27 Jun 08
I wish my Mom had done something like this but no...It wasn't even really talked about! I would do this if I ever have a daughter...right now I just have my boy and so I won't have to worry about that! ~Heavens~
• Canada
27 Jun 08
Thanks for the comment :)