would you be sad?

United States
June 22, 2008 8:59am CST
I have been talking to a friend for about 5 years online. Since we go to her state every year I would love to meet up with her. We have tried to get together for 3 years now and 2 days before we were supposed to meet this time, I was already within 2 hours of her, she called and left a message saying something had come up. I kind of feel like she is blowing me off. We actually had a date for later this summer to meet but we had to change our vacation around because my husband couldn't get off work. If someone was coming in from out of state, like 6 states away, would you do your best to meet up with them, even if it meant rescheduling a weekly appointment?
5 people like this
16 responses
@underdogtoo (9601)
• Philippines
23 Jun 08
There is something about online friends which cannot be equated with friends in the offline world. I had a friend who I would have wanted to meet but she said that her offline life was different from her online life and she did not want to blur the lines. There might be something that is keeping your online friend from removing or breaking the line that separates the two lives.
@kareng (7986)
• United States
22 Jun 08
I have to agree with you, it sounds like she is blowing you off. I think it is rude to wait 2 days before the visit to cancel on you. After all, you are scheduling this within your vacation and could have made other plans for something you or a family member also wanted to do but was short on time. See if she takes the first step to invite you after you get your new vacation schedule. If not, I would just forget about it. Let it be.
• United States
23 Jun 08
It might be another 2 years before we go down there so it might be a while before we would be able to meet up again. Oh well.
1 person likes this
@kareng (7986)
• United States
23 Jun 08
Her loss. It sounds like you are th one that always makes the plans. Why not let her come to visit you?
1 person likes this
• United States
23 Jun 08
Yes, I dount she will come to where I live because she has no family here and it is not very touristy.
1 person likes this
@bluemars (952)
• Australia
23 Jun 08
I know that perhaps it can be hard when you really want to meet but like I can understand it when someone is busy also. I mean we all have busy lives and sometimes it is very hard to even find time for myself and so it can be quite the task when you have to find the time for a friend who lives so far because everyone has their family also that they want to make time for besides everything else that we get crowded doing too. It is just so difficult these days especially with some people trying to survive with the increase in prices in most things and people working more to compensate for it.
1 person likes this
• United States
23 Jun 08
I know everyone is busy but maybe I just wanted to meet her in person more than she wanted to meet me. I guess if we go down there again I will wit to see if she asks or initiates us meeting up first.
1 person likes this
@bluemars (952)
• Australia
23 Jun 08
Yes some people do avoid certain meetings for some unknown reasons. I may be hard thing for one or the other because so many years or time gone by, the more time that goes by the harder it may get for some and the anxiety about meeting can be in turn also greater too. That is understandable but yeah see how it goes who knows some people can become ready to meet in person when they allow themselves to relax and just go for it.
1 person likes this
@benhilo (873)
• Tripoli, Libya
22 Jun 08
I am sure you know the answer, surely I would do my best to meet up and of course I would reschedule what I had for the time of "your " visit. I be excited that "you" took the time to come and see me. But the real question is why she does not. Without her response we just dont know, we can only speculate. It sounds like she has some fear that if you meet, that would somehow change the relationship perhaps. Therefore, two options come to mind: 1: Prior to your next visit to her state do some research and find out where she lives and just show up. If you want suggestions as to how to obtain that info send me a message. 2: You could treat her like a familiar charactor from a book you read. When I read a book a picture of the main character comes to mind and they become familiar to me especially in books that have series like those written by say Clive Cussler (ie Dirk Pitt, Ken Austin) of like Tom Clancy's Jack Ryan. In your case, you dont just read about he you get to interact. Like the book characters you will not get to me them personally but you still get to know them. Perhaps she wants to maintain her aninimity ( I know thats not spelled correctly) and enjoys this long distance relationship because you are so far away you are no threat to her. Certaintly there are other options but it sounds to me like you would desire to continue this relationship. So do so but you may need to lower your expectations a bit. Good luck with this!
1 person likes this
• United States
23 Jun 08
You know. I guess I do know the answer. I do know where she lives, have directions, her phone number and everything else. We have shared all that info with each other. I have already lowered my expectations. I was going to wear something really nice to meet but I just had a feeling she was going to cancel so I didn't pack it and had alternative plans for that day so it wasn't a waste.
@benhilo (873)
• Tripoli, Libya
23 Jun 08
Good for you!!!!! Sounds like you are a good person to know and a privelegde to have...her loss!
1 person likes this
@ANTIQUELADY (36491)
• United States
23 Jun 08
that's too bad, seems like u were really looking forward to meeting her. i'd let her make the next move since she canceled on you. if she doesn't you are probably better off.
1 person likes this
• United States
26 Jun 08
I really was looking forward to meeting her. She is such an amazing insightful person online. Thanks for your input.
@syeryn (574)
• United States
23 Jun 08
I had this happen once. A friend I met online was planning a trip to my area and it took three times before either one of our schedules allowed us to finally meet. Once I had to cancel our meeting due to an illness and once she had to cancel the meeting due to family matters.
1 person likes this
• United States
23 Jun 08
The first date we had to meet up seemed like it was going to work but then we had to change our vacation dates. Our group is trying to plan a big meet so maybe I will see her there.
• United States
23 Jun 08
That does kind of sound like she was blowing you off, especially since she knew you were coming in from so far away. Totally unfair. I think that's not a cool thing to do to a friend! Wish she hadn't done that to you. Better luck on future friends. Be well.
• United States
23 Jun 08
I guess one is always growing and learning from past experiences. Thanks.
@nmw2005 (1198)
• United States
23 Jun 08
It would have to depend on what came up. A family emergancy, car trouble. That being said if you have tried to get together with her for 3 years, yes I would said that something doesn't seem right. You can always ask her to be truthful with you.
1 person likes this
• United States
23 Jun 08
I think maybe she was being truthful, at least in her eyes. I am just going to get past it and not bother again.
• Philippines
23 Jun 08
thats sad..i would appreciate a friend dropping by to visit and meet me from other state..if that would happen to me then i will just re-schedule whats to come up and if its that really important then i'll just have to be late but move the time just to meet a friend...it costs too much time and effort for them so i value their time to visit me..
1 person likes this
• United States
23 Jun 08
That is the same thing I would have done. Thanks.
@guss2000 (2234)
• United States
22 Jun 08
I would be a little bit annoyed, and I think that next time I probably wouldn't bother making plans to visit with them. I'm sorry that she blew you off again.
1 person likes this
• United States
23 Jun 08
Yeah, you know the funny thing though, I had a feeling that she was going to cancel. I was going to take a nice dress to wear and I didn't pack it at last minute because I figured there wouldn't be another time to wear it.
1 person likes this
• United States
22 Jun 08
Anytime I hear of something like this happening with an online relationship/friendship, it immediately makes me think that the person was lying about something and they don't want you to find out. Like they told you they were a 24 year old blonde college student when really they are a 56 year old male librarian. I hope that isn't the case with your friend, and it's certainly possible that something just really did come up. I don't know why my mind always goes to the negative, but someone who almost goes out of their way to not see you sounds like they are hiding something.
• United States
23 Jun 08
I don't know what she would be lybout because I know others have met her from the same place where we all know each other from. Weird. I do understand how some people could lie about who they are.
@lieanat (1140)
• Malaysia
22 Jun 08
I'm sorry for your case. If I'm your friend, I'll try my best to reschedule as it's not easy to meet for both of us. I have one friend visited me this weekend, she's here for business trip. Initially, I plan to spend my weekends on mylotting, but since she's here I choose to accompany her. I think that's more worth. Even if I can't reschedule it, I'll bring my friend along. She might feel bore or not use to the new situation, but I'll explain to her that it's the best I can do to make this appointment.
1 person likes this
• United States
23 Jun 08
The appointment that she could have rescheduled, at least I am pretty sure because my son had the same thing weekly and we would either reschedule or just skip it since it was weekly. I would reschedule almost anything if one of my friends came to town and that was the only timei could see them.
• New Zealand
22 Jun 08
yeah I guess so.. I think it would be worth it...
1 person likes this
• United States
23 Jun 08
I thought so too. Oh well...
@ellie333 (21029)
22 Jun 08
Oh I can't believe this has happened to you. That was very inconsiderate and just to leave a message and not to talk directly too very rude. I would be so upset especially after travelling all that way to see them. If I had an appointment I would reschedule for something like this most definitely, I take it you will maybe be not so friendly with her after this let down but it may have been an unavoidable appointment. Find out the true explanation of the cancellation first and if it is not reason ebough drop her. Ellie :D
• United States
23 Jun 08
The day that we had planned ot meet, she did have a good excuse, though I wnder if it was a lie. I guess I will never know. There were other days that I am sure we could have met even if only for a couple hours. She said I could call her back but I found no point since we couldn't meet.
@Margajoe (4721)
• Germany
23 Jun 08
Hi, That is a tough question. It is possible , that something came up. Maybe she needed a doters appointment and cannot reschedule. Maybe she is having relationships problems. Anything is possible. Could be she was acting like someone else on the internet? Saying she was young,married and full of life, when in fact she is very old, not married and has no real life. I think if this were to happen every time, I would say she is not the person she say's she is. In the other hand if it is the person she say's she is, She will come meet you another time. Maybe she is shy? Good Luck, take care, Margajoe
1 person likes this
• India
23 Jun 08
u waste in ur time