How well do you actually listen to him/her?

@MH4444 (2161)
United States
June 22, 2008 2:58pm CST
I've been really hearing all my life about relationship expectations between couples, and realize that we really don't hear one another. I know all the stuff "they" say in communication advice about mirroring the other person. But I think it really comes down to the "filter". We hear what we want to hear. Even if it is illogical and self-destructive. What do you think. Please give examples. Here's mine: You want to hear yes from mom or dad when you were a kid. (I did this one alot!) They say no, and you hear yes, if you talk more about why this is a good idea. LOL You get it. What about you all?
1 person likes this
11 responses
@carolbee (16243)
• United States
24 Jun 08
My husband and I have an annoying relationship in this respect. I'm the one who gets annoyed. I ask my husband a question and he rarely replies. I wait awhile and ask again and again no response. So if I ask a 3rd time he gets irritated and says I am whining. Then I explain if he listened the first 2 times he would have answered before it got to the 3rd question. I think some people simply have selective listening habits. They hear what they want to hear and block out what they don't want to hear. We do get along and have been married a long time but have problems talking when he is watching television. Most often I leave him alone if he's involved in tv which is constantly when he's home. I should make a list and have him read it after his tv shows are over..lol I was a good kid and really listened to my parents. They told me no, I knew it was no. I was their puppet kid who found it easier to behave and do as they told me to do vs. rebelling and doing what I felt like doing.
@carolbee (16243)
• United States
28 Jun 08
Thanks so much for giving me the best response on this discussion.
@MH4444 (2161)
• United States
28 Jun 08
You are very welcome.
@chej18 (915)
• United States
22 Jun 08
Hi, I listened to him most of the time.But sometimes if i am busy w/ onething i cant give him some answer.But what you said i think his doing it more often than me.Sometimes i asked him not to do things and yet i can find it out somehow that he did it.Just like these i asked him not to gumble but everytime it end up that he still doing it.Just like his hearing everytime that i said yes w/ that things.But when i was a little i always argue w/ my mother becouse his always saying that i am stubborn.I find my idea always right so if i asked her if i can do it,most of the time he said no but i still do it.But i changed i learned also to listened.Thatswhy i find it so annoying if the people doesnt listened on what you say.HAve a nice day! Greetings from Che!
@MH4444 (2161)
• United States
22 Jun 08
Happy to meet you Che.
@madlees (1381)
• India
25 Jun 08
Hi there, You have to listen to others to understand. If you cannot pay full attention to them you cannot understand them. Unless you understand them you will not have any respect for them. See, all are interconnected.. I have noticed it from the first. So I always pay attention to what my husband tells me, not that I obey him word by word. I have my own views and I cannot obey just like that. When I talk he also listens but may not understand me clearly because his attention is wavering.. so I always make sure that he understands me well before I leave him with that. So we have discussions at home, instead of fights. arguments are there but no quarrels.. so no displeasure too...
@ceej310 (121)
• Philippines
23 Jun 08
I listen to my boyfriend very well, that's cause I have to because there are times it's like he cant hear himself. He promises people things and he (I) has to make sure that he follows through to keep his credibility. But other than that, my boyfriend has a lot of interesting things to say. He's a well-read man who loves to share, and plus he's a Leo, so he likes the attention. At the end of the day, when you've both grown old and there's nothing else to do but have those long, wonderful conversations, you will have no choice but to listen. Why not start now and remind him/her when you're both older about what s/he said? That might be an interesting topic of conversation during that long walk in the village... that also might be a beautiful way of telling him/her that you were listening all this time..
@zhuuraan (967)
• United States
23 Jun 08
Good discussion. I know how that is. I've never really been all that bad about it but my stepbrother was when we were kids. He was a little devil. But I think what he was most notorious for was asking one parent and when they said no, he went and asked the other, hoping for a different answer. As for my fiance and I, we don't really have any communication issues. The worst we have is that we both use screen readers and sometimes we can't hear each other over that but otherwise we listen to each other rather well.
• China
23 Jun 08
I think listening to others, esp. our spouses , is a very important thing when maintaining our relationship. But more or less, we will change listeing to talking and try to let others accept our own opinions. We are grown-ups and we of course have formed our concepts of the world and how we should do things.
• China
23 Jun 08
yes our brain could just receive the yes signal and neglect the no signal, for example, if you tell youself don't break it when you have a full glass of milk, you'll mostly break it. I used to ask my boyfriend not to smoke, he didn't pay his attention and keep on smoking, then after that i showed him some bad effects and explained my hope to him, he finally accepted, and stop smoking.
• China
22 Jun 08
If the other one's said is right, I will listen to him or she,or wrong, I will give a suggestion! I think the couple should communication more ,not just all heard the other one!
@walijo2008 (4649)
• United States
22 Jun 08
I'm sorry to say that I don't listen to my husband too well. I mean I hear him, when he's trying to tell me something that benefits me but usually I won't take his advice. If I need to make a decision on something he tells me what he thinks I should do, and as usual I don't listen to him and it will always end up being a mistake on my part. Now he just says I'm not telling you anything cause you don't listen to me anyway..lol. He says you hear what you want to hear, thats right. After all this time of him being right usually, I still haven't learned to listen to him. Most of the time he doesn't listen to me either, we're both hard headed..lol
@sk66rc (4262)
• United States
22 Jun 08
I thought I listen to my girl friend fairly well... I try to listen to everything she has to say then ask her questions about the things I don't understand... We generally don't have too many misunderstandings but it does happen now & then... I try to have an open mind when we are asking each other questions instead of expecting a certain answers... The other day, I had a day off & she worked... I wanted to go out for dinner but all she wanted to do was relax at home... I asked her what she'd rather do, go out to eat or order in... She said she doesn't wanna go out so we ordered in even though I wanted to go out... Most of the times, between me & my girl friend, it's that simple...
@kerriannc (4282)
• Jamaica
22 Jun 08
I listen to him real well and he doesn't like it. Whenever he is telling a lie I can smell it from a far off. If he said something and trying to retract it and when I repeat it he get mad. I love to listen and watch your expression to see what you are thinking before it leave your mouth. Here in MYLOT I read your responses and know when you are angry, force pleasant or doesn't like what I said. These are call survival keys in maintaining a good relationship.