Can i consider a person a friend if she's lying about something to me?

friends - bestfriends
Philippines
June 28, 2008 7:25am CST
Many people say that having a friend is very easy. I have a friend and we knew each other for 2 years, we were classmates in school and we were always together. But when she began to have a boyfriend in our class, everything changed. most of the time, she's with her boyfriend and i was left alone. One day her boyfriend told me something about her and it was a secret. But when I talked to my friend, she denied it to me. we knew each other for a long time and we promised that we won't keep secrets between us. Can i still consider her my friend in spite of the denials that she did on me?
3 people like this
21 responses
• India
29 Jun 08
without knowing the reason that why she lied you can't judge her.sometimes people lie to help some1.
1 person likes this
@djhybrid (94)
28 Jun 08
Everyone lies, even friends as you have discovered. This is because everything in this world is not "black or white". There is a scale where, given a situation, someone may act completely the opposite in character to who you first thought they were. Don't judge your friend because of this. Try to reason why she kept the secret from you.
@maryannemax (12156)
• Sweden
29 Jun 08
yah. at some point in time, even the most trusted friend on earth would lie to a friend. it just happens even if we don't intend to hurt someone else's feelings.
@vanities (11397)
• Davao, Philippines
28 Jun 08
ohh..i really cant comment much since i dont know how serious the issue was..i mean the secret...the nature of it...that i have to make some assumption only..do you really believe a word his bf had revealed to you? give her the benefit of the doubt i guess...
• Philippines
28 Jun 08
hi thanks for your comment. i just wanna add that her boyfriend is my friend too. i mean were in the same class and we had the time to get along also. and about the secret its a personal one but we promised not to hide secrets between us. the fact that i asked her and that she denied it to me. i really had a doubt with her after that happened but i still gave her some of my trust and we are still together until now..
• India
30 Jun 08
You can still consider her your friend. If you sincerly love her give her freedom to hide certain things from you. Give her a chance to understand that in spite of her hiding tendency you love her immensly. Let your love for your friend is unconditional.
@msedge (4011)
• United States
3 Jul 08
There are times we have to lie not to hurt any feelings.So try to figure out why she needs to lie if you think she really is.Then if you find it reasonable then i think you won't sacrifice your 2 years of friendship.Besides think of all the good and bad things that you were together.You know when a friend has a boyfriend you are no longer the first priority but you have to understand that because if you are on her shoes you will do the same but your friendship still remains.
@z_blade (33)
• United States
30 Jun 08
Yes you can consider her your friend. There are things that friends don't always share and maybe its something that she isn't too proud of. I mean its not something to stop being friends, because of that.
@maryannemax (12156)
• Sweden
29 Jun 08
a friend is a friend. things like this happens in friendships. there will come a time when something more serious will come in between you and her. but if both of you will still wanna be friends, you can always find ways to solve problems. anyway, now that her time is devoted to her boyfriend, maybe it's time for you to move on so you woon't feel alone. what i mean is, find new friends. there are lots of people there who are willing to accept you in their circle of friends. don't concentrate your time and attention to just her. she's not your world. have fun in life with other people. it's time for you to find new friends. anne
• Philippines
29 Jun 08
Friendship is a treasure that everyone of us wants to have in life. having good times and sharing one's thoughts and ideas in one's life is a matter of giving importance to oneself. i think, in my opinion, there are times that she kept other things in her and did not share it to you for some reason. but, if you really treasure her and appreciate your friendship you wont make that a big issue. she's now in her relationship, which is another experience and stage in her life. You should understand for whatever reason. it is better if you will sit down on her regarding that matter and share you're thoughts about the things that you think important for you're friendship. don't mind the issue that came from the third person... it is better to really talk to her...
@kharen (1488)
• Philippines
30 Jun 08
well, what was the secret about? sometimes, even the best of friends have the secrets of their own. I also have BFF's. There's the 3 of us. There was this incident that one of us had a kiss mark and i caught her. She admitted it to me but she doesn't want to tell it to the other one because she was afraid that the other one would think that she so easy. You know what i mean. If you can't ask her why then think of reasons why she would keep it from you. There would always be a reason.
@SomeCowgirl (32191)
• United States
29 Jun 08
Well I think that you yourself must think more on the subject of what the secret is about. Some secrets are better kept between boyfriend and girlfriend, husband and wife or fiances. Do you feel that the secret this bf shared was of a very personal manner? If so then maybe he should not have told you at all. I would not stop being friends with her because of not telling you this, but I would definitely think twice before telling her any of my secrets. Have a Great day to you.
• United States
29 Jun 08
Honesty should be the big play role whether in a friendship or relationship. Your friend'd boyfriend came to you with a specific thing that she told him but not you. When you confronted her about this and she denied it how would he have known about it if she didn't say anything to him then you finding out by him for that matter? I honestly think you should take a step back and really look at how your friend is now if she is worth trusting or playing sides between you and her boyfriend. What she dosn't stop to think about is she could end up loseing the both of you in her life if she is going to be this way. I know from my stand point I wouldn't trust her any more but that's a decision you have to make. I wish you the best of luck.
• Philippines
30 Jun 08
Yes, it's that she cannot just share her 'personal' secrets with you because she does not feel comfortable around you or she thinks that you will spread her secret. Just give her a little space, then, confront her about it. Good luck in talking about it to her!
@pinks17 (2192)
• Philippines
29 Jun 08
you need to know first what was the reason why that person lied then judge by the answer if its valid or not.then you can tell if that person is still worth it to be your friend
• United States
28 Jun 08
to me a friend isnt going to lie to you even if it will hurt you. that's why i only have one friend now. i used to have alot of friends from school but i found out things about them that i didnt like, and i heard things from other people that they never even told me. and that is my pet peeve, i hate liars. So if it were me i would tell her that i know the truth and ask her why she lied and if you feel like what she says is legit then you can forgive her but tell her that there can be no more lies between you two. and if she still denies the truth then i would tell her that when she is ready for a real friendship with no lies then she can give you a call.but everybody handles things differently so it is up to you to decide what to do.
• Philippines
28 Jun 08
I think yes. In friendship, there are always challenges and trials. This thing you have now is a test of friendship. If you truly love her as a friend and treasure and value your friendship with her then have a courage to talk with her and ask about that thing that you think she is denying. Try to save the friendship. On the idea that you promised to each other not to keep secrets from each other, I dont think that can be possible. You know what, there will always be personal secrets that no one should know except God and yourself. I hope you understand her by the time you know her reasons even hoe shallow they maybe. Friendship is the best relationship I think that exist in this world. It is worth saving.
@neildc (17239)
• Lapu-Lapu City, Philippines
28 Jun 08
Friendship, a true friendship, just like marriage and other relationships, like life has a lot of trials. And I know, what happen to you and your friend is just one. And you will overcome that, for sure. Don't judge her at once, give her time to think, show her the importance of your relationships, how important you are to her.
• India
28 Jun 08
YOu can't judge for her 1st answer, you can talk again with her soft way, she may lie about this particular matter, some times when you are with love may be it happend, but she could'nt have done this with you.
• Malaysia
28 Jun 08
Dear annrielyn_03, I have been in your position a lot of times. I have learn one thing from all my experiences is that people will forget about friendship when they find love. I am so sure of this. Although some people may say that they will not but they will. Believe me in this. Most girls will tell all their secret to their boyfriend and not their best friend. It is up to you to consider her as your friend or not. The best thing is to find other friends. Don't get stuck with her.
@nicholaYa (121)
28 Jun 08
actually...it is normally between two friends... Sometime we call it lying..but sometimes we define it well-meaning..you know ..there is no purely honesty between people.. we all need a personal room .. well that we can get well along...while your friend have BF,.so she love him ..you also know she need many time stay with him..you need understand.. ..now you just feel you have too many leisure times...you can make yourself busy then you will have no time to think about anyoneelse treat you ..she is alos your friend... be happy ..have a nice day..
• Philippines
28 Jun 08
I also experienced it before. We were always together until she had a boyfriend. There are things that we can't talk now unlike before because she is more comfortable discussing it with her boyfriend. Instead of hating her, I just understand her as long as I know she's happy on what she's doing. I just always tell her that I am still here as her friend.