Are half brother and sisters , real brother and sisters?

United States
June 28, 2008 11:30am CST
This has be nagging at me. My son is 15. My daughter is 2. They have different dad's. While have a chat with my son he told me that his dad said his sister is real not his sister because she is only his half sister. My son got upset and told him she was his sister. We both came from the same place mom. My other son who is 13 lives with his dad. Now he is teaching this to him. Do you think after hearing years of this crap put in your head a person could possible believe it? It it seems to me if he were getting it drilled in his head day after day he might really think she is not his sister and treat her different. I can not believe my ex told my kids this. I was raised you were all brothers and sisters even if you were only half of mom. I think this is ignorant.It breaks my heart he is teach my boys such crap. What do you think?
22 people like this
81 responses
@phoenix25 (1543)
• United States
29 Jun 08
I think it really depends on the family. My husband has a half sister who is 17 years younger than him, but for all intensive purposes she is his "sister", not his half-sister. Nobody focuses on the different fathers. You have a particularly difficult situation because your ex is trying to teach your son something different from what you would have him think. I could only suggest telling your ex that you don't want him talking about this with your son, but I have a feeling that he wouldn't listen. Talk to your son and let him know that as long as he is in your house, your daughter is his sister, no matter what his father says. Try to emphasize the point that they both came from your womb and you gave birth to both of them. They are still related by your blood, which is something that nobody can take away. I can imagine that it would be rather difficult for a 15 year old boy to share his mom with a 2 year old girl, though, so just be patient with him and try to keep your daughter part of his life and him a part of your daughter's life.
• United States
29 Jun 08
my brother & sister are 1/2 related to me but fully related to each other. I consider them real brother & sister as they are all I know!
2 people like this
@mtdewgurl74 (18118)
• United States
29 Jun 08
I am so sorry this is going on. It is unfortunate that your ex is teaching this to your son. I have alot of half siblings and even a adopted one, but that doeesn't mean I treat them any different. I treat them as if they were my full siblings as you say they came from the same mom or dad it shouldn't be looked upon as your husband is looking at it. I think maybe you should have a big talk with him. I know I would My mom wasmarried 4 times and had 8 kids plus one adopted. I treat them all the same and even my step siblings are treated as my real ones.
2 people like this
@sacmom (14314)
• United States
29 Jun 08
Yes, I feel that half brothers and sisters are real brothers and sisters. They share the same blood, after all, even if it isn't from both parents. A childhood friend of mine was an only child until she was 9 or 10 years old. At that time her dad had a baby with another woman and my friend never considered this baby a sibling, or even a half sibling. It made me feel sad for both of them because she was never interested in having a brother/sister relationship with him. I don't know if her mom had any influence over my friend's decision, but a jealously issue as she and her dad were just starting to have a father/daughter relationship and then BOOM she had a little brother. But then again what do I know?
2 people like this
@ersmommy1 (12600)
• United States
29 Jun 08
Shame on him. I have a 1/2 sibling. And they are my sibling. I wouldn't introduce them as my 1/2 anything. Family is to be cherished. So many of us have so few people to actually call family. I agree with you this is crap. Sounds to me like he is only trying to cause problems. What a shame he cannot embrace the concept of how lucky his son is to have a sister to love. I hope you are able to resolve this. By the way would it make him only 1/2 a dad if he is only able to see his son once in a while? Wonder what ay happen if he has a child with another woman and your son says "Well she isn't real dad, you told me so"
1 person likes this
@patgalca (14756)
• Orangeville, Ontario
29 Jun 08
Two very good points. Tell that to the EX!
@bieke81 (1069)
• Belgium
29 Jun 08
I have two halfbrothers and a halfsister. They are from my dad and his second wife. My mother never used the therm 'half' when talking about them, they were my brothers and sister, even if it weren't her children. If I would be in the same situation, I would do the same, they all are a whole person, so how can they be half of a brother or sister.
@patgalca (14756)
• Orangeville, Ontario
29 Jun 08
Nicely put. My sister's EX remarried and has two daughters from his second wife. My niece always refers to those girls as her sisters. I never heard her use any other term.
• United States
29 Jun 08
I have 10 brothers and sisters. There are 4 moms and 3 dads between us. As a couple my parents had 4 children. In all my dad has 9 and my mom 6. I consider all 10 of my siblings my brothers and sisters. The problem with different mothers is that we don't always see each other....actually 20 years has gone by since I saw my dad's 3rd partner's children. Funny though, one of the girls called a few years ago looking for dad, and she said, "Hi, this is Chatra, your sister." With thousands of miles and two mothers between us, even she said sister. Your ex has to quite saying ridiculous things to the boys. Eventually the boys will figure it out.....sounds like one already has.
1 person likes this
@moondancer (7434)
• United States
29 Jun 08
It's sad that your ex is a bitter assinine jerk. He is jealous of your relationship and he seems to have the will to destory your happiness even if he has to use your children. Not to mention what it may do to them. Yes, most certainly you children are bother and sister, they came from the same mother. Yes, while it's true they have different fathers. they are still siblings. I'd have a talk with the ex and tell him to stop filling the childrens head with nonsense and to stop confusing them. That he needs to move on and find a way to be happy. It all depends on the minds of your children as to whether they will believe this crap or not. You just need to tell them they are siblings and why it makes them so. And tell them that their dad is wrong. That apparently he just don't know what siblings are. Ask the ex how would he feel if you did what he's doing if he had another child with someone, which he may anytime. Or if he might have another. He needs to stop feeling the childrens mind with nonsense. I feel for you dear. I had a venditive ex too. They can be very disruptive if you let them carry on. Best of luck to you and the family.
1 person likes this
@gemini_rose (16194)
29 Jun 08
I cannot believe that a grown man has said this to children, this is a really awful thing to hear. When I started to read it, I thought that you were going to say that kids had said it, as that is where I would expect it to come from. My eldest son is not my hubbys son, so my other three children are his half siblings. I think that one person told him that they were not real brothers when he was in school (he is 16 now) but although he understood that they were only half brother and sister he told the person that it made no difference. To him they his siblings and that was the end of it. I think your ex is really wrong to do this, it sounds to me like he could be a bit jealous.
1 person likes this
@owlwings (40132)
• Cambridge, England
29 Jun 08
Yes, of course they are brother and sister. Biologically they both have half of your genes, so they are closer than first cousins (who share half their grandparents genes). In fact, they are raised together in the same family, so they are brother and sister in that sense (as they would be even if one of them were adopted). The terms 'brother' and 'sister' are used to describe a state of fellowship, too ... of belonging to the same 'family' in a wider sense, so if your sons feel that they are brothers and that their sister is their sister, then that is how they should refer to them. It is unnecessarily nit picking, for example, to introduce someone (or to refer to them) as 'my half-sister/brother' or 'my adoptive sister/brother' when what is important is that one loves and is proud of them as one's brother or sister. You ex is displaying typically controlling behaviour through the medium of your sons which is unfair and emotional abuse. There may, of course, be a reason for this in that he feels that you broke the marriage/partnership and still feels he needs to 'get back at you'. It's a childish (but undserstandable) attitude but certainly not fair on the children or you.
@pumpkinjam (5808)
• United Kingdom
29 Jun 08
I agree with you. It is sad but I do think that your ex will make your kids believe any rubbish if he keeps telling them enough. Explaining to children that they are half-siblings because they only share one parent is fair enough but telling them they are not siblings at all is completely wrong. My two kids have different dads. They both know their dads and understand that they don't have the same dad. My older child understands that his brother is his half-brother but he's still his brother. My younger child isn't old enough to understand yet so I haven't told him. He knows he has a brother. There is no need to confuse him with all this half-brother stuff. My kids are brothers and that's what they call themselves. Your ex shouldn't be doing this to your kids. It seems he is trying to drive your family apart.
1 person likes this
@rrdj71 (696)
• United States
29 Jun 08
I only have one brother and he happens to be my brother on my mom's side. We also have different fathers and to me he is my blood brother I don't see the word "half" anywhere in our relationship. I love him just as much as if he were from the same mom and dad. I think that it is simply ridiculous and VERY wrong and immature on their dad's behalf. Maybe he is just trying to hurt you.
1 person likes this
@newtondak (3950)
• United States
29 Jun 08
I guess I should say - sometimes? It seems like when "halfs" are raised together, they are more apt to form the sibling bond between them and actually feel and act like siblings. When they are raised apart, even though the blood connections is there, the sibling relationship often doesn't develop the same. We have a "yours, mine and ours" situation. My two children by my previous marriage and our youngest son were raised together and even though the two of them are full brother and sister and he is their half brother, they still have the sibling relationship. Dh's three children were raised by their mother and did not have contact with their half brother. He has no relationship with them and does not wish to have one with them. They do, however, have two have brothers from their mother's second marriage and they do have a sibling relationship with them. Even with my two that are full brother and sister and our son who is their half brother, there are some situations that still create some division, as when the two oldest celebrate holidays together with their father, and their half brother is not included because he is not his child.
1 person likes this
@liquorice (3901)
29 Jun 08
Of course they're real brothers and sisters. If they share a parent then they have the same blood running through their veins. It's always nice to have a sibling whether you have two parents in common, one parent in common or none (as it step siblings). It's not right that your ex is telling him this, he's obviously out to cause trouble, and I would suggest that you talk to him about it, if you haven't already. I'm sure that your boys will have other people as well as you to put them straight about this, as I think most people would dispute your ex's view, and hopefully your kids will grow up to appreciate oneanother and will realise that they're lucky to have their siblings.
1 person likes this
@djhybrid (94)
29 Jun 08
A half brother/sister is exactly that a brother/sister but from one shared parent. Sit your son down and ask him who his mom is, then ask him who his sister's mom is. You should also have a word with the father and tell him that he is being highly irresponsible by filling his son's head with nonsense.
1 person likes this
• China
30 Jun 08
Well,I have read almost 2 pages responses to your discussion.All I found is we have a same opinion on your concerns.It does make no sense to differentiate half and real brothers and sisters since we share the same mother or father or we are liveing under the same roof when we born. Actually,I have neither half siblings nor stepchildren for I am still single.I can not feel exactly of your problems.Thank for my dear parents,we 5 real siblings live together from young.Anyhow,I do believe relationships to be not only established biologically but also strenthened through getting along with day by day. It is non-sense to argue whether he/she is our real siblings or not if we only share the same mother or the same father.Thatwe are here living together,calling the same person "mother" or "father" does mean we are one family.Nothing could divide us in any ways. To my pleasure,your son got upset just because he was trying to stick up for himself and his sisters.I believe there could be no influence on him by his father's ridiculous words. Never too worry and take care of yourself!
• China
1 Jul 08
Your reply is very wonderful and you are very bright.I fully agree with you.
@alouconui (120)
• Philippines
29 Jun 08
Yes, you differ on a father nor a mother. Still you are brothers and sister. You still have the same point of origin regardless to wjhat side they belong. All is needed here was acceptance and understanding. I am not on that boat, but I do h ave relatives in that kind of situation.. It is really complicated because things had to be settled down. Sibling with no real family which they could call their own aare very sensitive and defensive. A big heart is all one needs. But trying to accept these people wlll widen up your total personality. People may judge you as a matyr, but they also need gyuidance and affection. At least a part of your heart for them But not too many for they mignt abused you.
@patgalca (14756)
• Orangeville, Ontario
29 Jun 08
When I read your term "these people all widen up your total personality" the term "widen" jumped out at me. Having these siblings widens the family circle. An only child need not be considered an only child when they have siblings from different parents. What love can be found in such a large family!
@sid556 (31002)
• United States
29 Jun 08
They are real siblings! My girls come from different marriages and while they know they have different dad's there was never a question as to whether or not they were sisters. They were raised as sisters and act like sisters because they are sisters. Now what if you adopted a child and yet had other children of your own. Would he point out that they really aren't siblings?
• United States
29 Jun 08
Speaking of adopting my son's dad has two adopted younger siblings. He came from a family that adopted two kids so I do not understand why he would tell the boys this except out of meanness.
• United States
28 Jun 08
That's just crazy talk. With all the blended families out there now it a family is what you make of it. For instance my daughter's father lives with a woman who has two adult daughters. My daughter is an only child. She looks at her quasi-stepsisters as sisters. They all get along like it. They love my daughter so much they are family to her in my eyes. It sounds like your ex is trying to keep your son from feeling like he belongs at your place. A common ploy of jerks who don't realize their kids should come first in their actions. Ask your son if he loves his sister. When he says yes, explain to him that makes them brother and sister more than anything else could.
• United States
28 Jun 08
I think your right. He wants to make him feel like he does not belong here. I worry about my other son that lives with him. He hangs on his dad's every word. I tend to state my opinion to the boys and not say anything negative but unfortunately he has not returned the favor. It will bite him in the butt someday.
@wendyloo (184)
• France
28 Jun 08
my youngest has a different father,what a nasty attitude to say they are not real brothers and sisters. I reckon it was said in jealousy,all your children were born from you and they are ALL your loving family. He is just a nasty jealous person
• United States
28 Jun 08
Maybe jealous is it!