When your intention of sharing something, backfires on you....
June 30, 2008 4:55am CST
The act of sharing is and always a good thing to do. It gives us that warm, happy feeling that we have done something good. The thought that our selfless action made someone happy and appreciates what we are doing for them. Uhh...or so we thought. I'm a person who likes to share what I have. And that extends not only to my family but also to my friends. And as to a particular friend of mine, I'd like to think that she appreciates what I am doing for her and her child. But at the back of my mind, I can't help but think if somehow she resents what I'm doing. My husband and I are not rich. We don't have a never-ending supply of money. I regularly have some problems trying to stretch the family budget. Yes, we don't live in an apartment anymore. We now have our own house and lot. But the payment of this house is not a walk in the park. I live in a subdivision, divided in two phases. Those who live in Phase 1, seriously believe that those who live in Phase 2(where we belong)have lots and lots and lots of money. Because the houses are worth more than a million. And unfortunately, my friend who lives in Phase 1, actually believes that. Whenever I have some toys and books of my son that I'd like for her daughter to use, she accepts them. But she never fails to say the phase, " Well, you can afford these things. Because you're rich." Usually, I just try not to let her words get me. But last Friday, she came for a visit accompanied by her friend, which is fast becoming my friend, too. I offered them fruit salad and spaghetti that I made just for them. And offered their kids popcorn. And the usual chit-chat went on. Before they were about to leave, I thought of offering them SOME imported chocolates that my mother-in-law bought for us. I'm not very fond of chocolates. And my husband is just into Tobleron. And my son just likes the local chocolates. So, I thought, of offering them some, especially for the kids. My exact words to them were, "Choose what kind of chocolate shapes you want." I never said, "Take them all". As they were trying to decide what to pick, my friend turned to me and asked me, if I wasn't really going to eat them, nor my husband and son. I said yes. Then, to my greatest surprise, she said to me, "Oh, ok then. If no one of you will them, then we might as well take them all!" I was really shocked into silence for a few seconds. When I've recovered, I was ready to just let that pass. Then she said to my new friend, "Oh, they are rich. They can afford many of these." The truth is, I only offered them some, so I can share what's left of the chocolates to my mother and sister who were going to visit me next week. But now, all I can offer them is an empty container. I am trying hard to understand what's going through inside my friend's head. And that made me look back on the past years I've known her. Because of the years I've shared so many things to her, it made me realize now that she's actually EXPECTING that I will always have something to give her. So, that is my story about my sharing experience gone wrong. But this experience didn't discourage me in sharing what I have with others. Just that, with her, I guess I now have to think twice before doing so. Kindly share your sharing experience gone wrong.
• United States
1 Jul 08
that was realy nie of you but me I would have told them to put some back for I had other company coming next week and wanted some left for them. and maybe ask her next time if she wants to exchange bills if house payment is less tham yours am sure she wont wasnt your lol. I dont remeber any good I ever did going bad sorry.
2 Jul 08
I really wanted to say that to her, Lakota. But I was more concerned of embarassing her infront of the kids and our friend. Our other friend was actually clearly embarassed by the way my friend was doing. When it comes to the bills, the funny thing is, she keeps asking how much we are paying for the electricity and the water bill. And when I tell her the amount, she always has this surprised expression, accompanied with her favorite line of "we are rich, we can afford it". If that's the way she likes to think about us, so be it. I won't waste my breath anymore trying to convince her otherwise.
30 Jun 08
we have similar kind of experience,. actually my father likes to help others beyond what he can really afford. mainly our relatives have got the idea that we are super rich. they just taunts us saying we are so rich that we can take world tour. they earn so much and shed crocodile's tears. All expect my father to donate much money whenever there is any family function or something like that.
2 Jul 08
Yes, the age old problem with some relatives who seems to think that we exist to support them all the time. I understand how you feel about them, subha. And it is truly very frustrating to see your father donating the money, that they all expect for him to do. Because years before, my mother used to be the same. The time when she was still earning money by working abroad. She wasn't earning that so much, just enough for our family. But some of our relatives believed that once you're working abroad, your money comes in wave after wave. They seemed to forget that my mother had to work very hard to earn just enough. They always pop in uninvited in our house and always ask for money from my mother. They call it "borrowing" some money, but my siblings and I knew that they will never return it.
19 Dec 08
Yeah jcu, it’s always nice to share good thing with friends. After reading your lengthy story, I come to understand that it’s quite normal sometime people might miss understand that one is rich if he lives in a house that usually rich people live . But this is still okay for it doesn’t bring any harm to us. What I couldn’t tolerate is that it’s too much for her to take away all the chocolates served. For we people here it’s considered that the guest is rather rude and impolite to take away all the things served when visiting friend. I did come across almost the same situation as you. Once I entertained a friend with a pack of biscuits which I bought during my vacation and it was not available in any of the outlets here. I told him this while the desserts were served. I never placed the biscuits on a plate for I wanted to show him how nice and cute they were wrapped and arranged in the paper box. When I tidied the table after he had left, I found all the dozen of biscuits in it were totally gone. I think this might be my fault as I never placed the amount of biscuits in a plate when serving. Have a nice day and posting.
3 Jan 09
When I told my sister about my experience, she was so irritated with my friend. And for her it was a very rude thing to do. That's the problem with guests sometimes. They assume that what you serve to them are all theirs for the taking. I have never ever done that whenever I visit someone. I even have to be asked so many times to get something because I don't want to make a move that will offend my host. Maybe the next time our "friends" come by visit us again, we should be reminded what we ought to do.
4 Jan 09
Yeah, this is really a rude and unwelcome attitude when paying a visit to one’s house. So we have to enlighten and teach our new generation not to develop such bad habit when visiting someone’s house. Happy posting and Happy New Year 2009!