She is acting shy; what do we do?

Canada
June 30, 2008 11:45pm CST
My daughter's little girl will be 3 in a couple of months. She is fairly out going maybe a tiny bit shy. Lately though she is acting really shy. Normally she will just say what she wants but not lately. Example taking her to the park and going to order food. As soon as the server says what would you like she quickly jerks her head sideways to kind of hide her face in her shoulder. If she says to us lets take turns singing a song she does the shy thing when it is her turn. She is doing this a lot lately. Will she grow out of this? Is there a right way and or a wrong way to deal with this?
3 people like this
7 responses
• United States
1 Jul 08
Kids go though theses stages. She will come out of her shell when she is ready. I would not foucus to much on it because she might go the other way and get more shy. As long as she is still minding her manners I would let her be.
3 people like this
• Canada
1 Jul 08
I am so glad you mentioned about minding her manners. Example when the food server asked her what she wanted and she sharply turned her head away hiding her face in her shoulder but yet looking out sideways at him. I found it rude. She has done this a few time. I can understand about just letting the shyness work itself through but what about that. Is that shy or is it rude. For me I see rude but I dont' think she is intentionally being rude or knows she is being rude. I feel like I want to correct her on this and say ,., what I don't even know. My daughter and I were talking about this tonight and she also feels like she isn't sure what to do when it does seem rude. Do you have any ideas for us?
1 person likes this
• United States
1 Jul 08
If she is not being rude just shy. Why not order for her. ordering is alot for a Little one. I was a waitress once. Then she will feel more comfortable. Just tell her to say thank you when the food comes. The she does not have to do alot of talking and is not being rude. You both happy.
2 people like this
• Canada
1 Jul 08
The problem is part of me thinks she is being rude. What if she is being rude. How do we handle that. Also we do order for her and we are undertaking for her during this time of shyness but when we say she needs to just say thank you she won't do that either. She just turns her head in the same fashion. One day she was offered a cookie at a store. I said say thankyou and she refused so I took the cookie and gave it back to the lady. She screamed of course but soon forgot it as we continued to shop. I feel like we want to be careful to not give positive reinforcement so she doesn't keep doing it to get attention but then again we don't want to go the other way either. Some people are so good at this stuff. I am not.
@munhozmib (3854)
• Sao Paulo, Brazil
1 Jul 08
Hello, CoffeeAnyone! I think that kids start getting shy at a certain age. It happens to many kids. She might lose it or not, but only time will tell. You can incentivate her to lose it by explaining her that there is nothing wrong in taking part on certain games. You should also watch her friends, perhaps she can be with some kind of fear because people were making fun of her when she was not shy. Therefore, it would be natural of anybody to close itself in a shell, avoiding then the laughs. But perhaps it is not her case. Respectfully, Munhozmib.
1 person likes this
• Canada
1 Jul 08
Now that you say it could be friends causes her to be act fearful I am thinking what as changed in her little life that as made her feel insecure. It could be something like that to just as you suggest. Incentives may be a good thing for us to try to. Thank you for that.
1 person likes this
@munhozmib (3854)
• Sao Paulo, Brazil
2 Jul 08
Friends can change somebody, really. Watch her friends, and teach her to follow her own mind on a later part of her life. I wish you good luck!
@Bluepatch (2480)
• Trinidad And Tobago
1 Jul 08
I'm not an expert with children but the solution that comes to mind is simple. Keep talking to her. Just do that. Keep talking to her and try to get her to express her feelings and say what she's thinking. That way she'll be expressing herself and staying extroverted and not becoming introverted. Sometimes a simple solution like that can save you and her a lot of trouble later on.
• Canada
1 Jul 08
Thank you we will do that. I honestly have been nervous to keep talking to her when she is acting shy. So has my daughter. We are afraid we are feeding into it or something. Maybe we just have to relax and keep talking like you said.
• United States
1 Jul 08
Coffeeanyone, I do think that it is just a phase, My grand daughter is 4 and she is beginning to come out of a lot of that. She was the same way, shy upon meeting new people in situations but opened up if that person was around awhile... My Gdaughter starts kindergarten in the fall, so i think the new socialization is going to be great for her, and help more with some of the shyness issues.
1 person likes this
• Canada
1 Jul 08
Yes I think it is a phase for sure but I guess my daughter and I are worry worts. We really don't want her to become one of those children that take shyness with them for life. It just in not a good thing to have. Plus some kids use their shyness to manipulate and we dont' want that. It can inhibit them from leaning and having fun. We are hoping she will be one of the kids that out grows it. Hope being in school with kids her age will help.
• Philippines
1 Jul 08
I have an officemate who've had the same situation as yours. Her baby was a bit shy, when she brings her to office outings the child doesn't mingle with other kids and when you talk to her she kind of turns her head or hide in her mom's back. My officemate decided to enroll her in a short-term summer program for pre-nursery, and she went on to become outgoing, she lost her shyness. Her mom even showed me a video of her dancing in school leading her classmates. I guess you just need to expose your baby to other kids her age so that she will try to mingle. And I think you really just have to support her, and encourage her, and love her.
1 person likes this
• Canada
1 Jul 08
Actually I was wondering if her shyness started because of her little school program. She was the youngest in her glass and I was wondering if it helped her to loose confidence. I don't really know but in September she will be in a class where the kids are the same age as her and even a bit younger so we will see if things change. Thanks for reinforcing that love and encouragement will get her through.
@Hatley (164524)
• Garden Grove, California
1 Jul 08
she will outgrow it but do not make too big a deal out of it, as little toddlers are really sensitive. as long as she has'good manners she will be okay, just be kind to her and dont mock her or make fun of her shyness. that made me much worse when I was a little kid.to this day I am still a tad shy myself.
1 person likes this
• Canada
1 Jul 08
Thanks for that I totally agree about not making it a big deal. I am not so much worried about that as I am about deciding if she is being rude or not and how to handle that. Will ya I actually am worried about the shyness I do want to handle it the best way possible and so does my daughter.
@carolbee (16241)
• United States
17 Jul 08
It's probably just a phase and she'll grow out of it. I've seen many kids do this and think it's pretty typical. It's been a long time since our kids were 3 but I don't recall any of them being shy. They were always friendly and outgoing even with strangers which concerned me at times. I haven't been around our grandson much but the couple of times we've been with him at a park or store, he talks to everyone. They live about 1,200 miles from us.