Why do you want to have children?

@dpk262006 (56482)
Delhi, India
July 3, 2008 10:02am CST
To those - who are married or yet to get married and do not have kids - "Why do you want to have children, once you are married?" Why are children necessary in your life, once you are married? Or those who are already married, why did you go for children? Did you not think about your freedom? Did you feel that your life was more care-free and independent without children? Please share your thoughts and opinions with me.
5 people like this
26 responses
@jairgirl (2877)
• United States
3 Jul 08
hello deepak, my greatest dream is to be a mom so that alone will give you an idea that i love to have a kid sometime soon. anyway, i have always love to have a kid and i enjoy kids a lot. i grew up nannying my neighbors kids and it was great memories. i think part of the reason why i want to have a kid is to prove to myself that i can be a better parent than my parents coz they always think that i cannot be or it is not easy. i raised my sister and she grew up as a wonderful lady so i dont think i am not capable of being a good mom. but that is just one of the few reason why i want to have a kid. my main reason is because i love 'em and i want to experience the motherhood nature and the essence of being a woman. i always believe that the essence of a woman is to be a loving wife and mom. btw, i dont think that to have a kid is taking away your freedom, maybe to some who have not enjoyed their single life yet and they happen to have a kid so they feel like the kid took away their freedom. but to those who are ready, they see the kid as an addition to their happiness and another journey to walk on through. takecare
@dpk262006 (56482)
• Delhi, India
4 Jul 08
Jairgirl, I am really impressed with your thoughts and I particaly liked your idea that you want to have kids because you want to prove that you are better than your parents.. Nice to know that you brought up your sister and she is a wonderful woman now. It appears that you are very mature, experienced and optimistic about having kids. May God fulfill your wishes sooner than later. Best of Luck!
@jairgirl (2877)
• United States
9 Jul 08
hello deepak, thanks for your kind words that is very sweet indeed! anyway,i think life have thought me a lot of lessons that i am using in a manner that i feel is rightful. most people think and see me matured so fast and i honestly feel that i am blessed in that way. i am looking forward to be a mom and i cant wait for that day to happen. takecare
@dpk262006 (56482)
• Delhi, India
5 Dec 08
Please let me know, when you become a Mom! Best of Luck!
@sirfsuraz (468)
• Nepal
3 Jul 08
oh my god, your question questioned myself. It kept me thinking for 10 minutes.LOL It is natural thing. I have two children. I don't know why i wanted my children but i just wanted them after 2 years of our marriage. Are you married? If you are not then you'll feel and believe it after your marriage. Wife and husband does not make a complete family. You'll feel good when you have responsibility in your head. If not then you are not a human. lOL
@dpk262006 (56482)
• Delhi, India
4 Jul 08
Many thanks for sharing. I am impressed with your thought - "that one feels good, if he has some responsibility on hishead"
• Philippines
4 Jul 08
if u have children u have a family, if u don't have children ur just married....
@aisaellis22 (6449)
• United States
18 Jan 09
Hello deepak! We are newly weds and my husband and I decided to have a child 5 years from now. We just want to establish first and treasure each other together alone. I know having a children would probably change our life so we want to have it at the proper time where we are ready for the responsibility as a family. I guess, everybody want to have children because you will really called family if you have children. Sometimes, they are considered as a fruits of love and children are blessings to the family.
@dpk262006 (56482)
• Delhi, India
19 Jan 09
Hello! Aisa! It is good to know that you and your hubby have planned your family and you wish to explore each other and wish to get intimate, before you go for kids. I think it is a great idea that you and your hubby should know each other first, before kids come on the scenario. Hope you will succeed in your plans.
@SViswan (12071)
• India
3 Aug 08
I don't know why....but I've always wanted kids of my own...even before I was married. I didn't always associate marriage and kids....I wanted kids...and it didn't need to be biological ones either. I was quite open to adoption. So, kids didn't necessarily come with marriage in my viewpoint. I loved kids...wanted to raise them...wanted to be a part of their lives and nurture them. I liked to feel I was part of their growing up process and I would leave a mark in their lives somewhere. Frankly, I do not have a specific reason for wanting kids of my own....but when I had my first child...I did feel a lot of bonding with my husband....like this was OUR special gift from God. I never thought about the loss of freedom...still don't....even when I have already lost it. I will not give up the joy of raising a child to any amount of freedom in the world...this is freedom to me.
1 person likes this
@dpk262006 (56482)
• Delhi, India
5 Dec 08
So you were very much willing to have kids and you love bringining them up. Could not see it earlier. Many thanks for sharing your candid views.
@arkaf61 (10882)
• Canada
4 Jul 08
Well personally wanting to have children did not necessarily had to come attached with marriage. THere was actually a time in my life where I had made a decision that I wanted a child, but not getting married. On the other hand, after I got married, I decided to wait before I had a child, I was married for about 7 years before I had my first child. As for why I wanted a child/children,you got me thinking here for a bit, I don't really know exactly why. I just wanted to. I love children and I love a family with children. I like to interact with children and to see them growing. I guess we all - in majority at least - feel a certain urge to perpetuate the species. All living things do. SO it might be something that is in our genetic code as well :) As for lack of freedoom, I don't really see it like that, at least not exactly. It certainly depends. I find that, for me, I preferred to wait and enjoy my married life for some time before I had children because i knew that it would be a bit complicated after I had them in terms of freedom. I would have to plan the times to go out, plan for outings in places that were child oriented, would have to plan financially for those children etc. SO I had some time were I just enjoyed my marriage without that kind of worries, which was fine because when I did, it was the right time and I don't live my life thinking that I lost something or that I wished I had enjoyed a freer life without children.
@dpk262006 (56482)
• Delhi, India
5 Dec 08
I agree with you that it might be inherent in every female and it may be genetic to bear a child.
@mimpi1911 (25454)
• India
4 Jul 08
Children are a bliss to have around and that would be the primary criterion of me wanting have any. After marriage I have seen couples are repeatedly insisted on this aspect especially from the elders. This is because of the family concept, continuity of race thing. But I feel, children enhance the bond and attachment and sincerity of the couples. Some men know how to respect a lady when his own daughter grows up! This is sadly true. I would like to have a kid in my life for the sake of the happiness he/she would bring in my life. I would have someone to look up to, I would have someone to give my unconditional love.....I would be much fuller them. Thanks for a nice discussion.
1 person likes this
@dpk262006 (56482)
• Delhi, India
4 Jul 08
I can understand your earnest and keen desire to have children and in fact it is a human tendency, when we do not have anything with us, we desire for it, we crave for it. I agree with you that children are bliss and without them, life will be dull and boring. They bring joy in our life and we find a cause in our life i.e. we live for our children. Many thanks for sharing.
• Philippines
4 Jul 08
My reason for wanting children is somewhat selfish. I am living alone and I've been living alone for almost 5 years now because my husband and I got separated. I just can't remarry again. It's a difficult issue to discuss, so I want a baby to take care of me when I grow old. You see, I can't just accept that I'm already a failure in my marriage and then I would be a failure in motherhood as well. No way, if I cannot be a good wife because my husband left me, I can be a good mother and I'll make sure my baby grows up with all the love and tenderness he/she needs. Yes, i want a child because I wanna be a mother.
@dpk262006 (56482)
• Delhi, India
4 Jul 08
I can understand your earnest and keen desire to have children and it is a human tendency, when we do not have anything with us, we desire for it. May your desires be fulfilled, as soon as possible. Best of luck! If we go by your answer, we are all 'selfish', you should not feel bad about it. Many thanks for sharing.
• United States
4 Jul 08
I want to have kids because I feel a connection with them. Kids are my life and a lot of things I do revolve around them. I think I'd probably go crazy if I didn't have kids when I do get married.
1 person likes this
4 Jul 08
This is a loaded question - what about asking "Why don't you want to have children"? Anyway, I have a lovely daughter - always wanted to do it when I was far younger but life did not allow for that due to a bad marriage and all the wrong women... then I have split from her mother after a vasectomy. So even if I wanted more I cannot have them, I could answer both sides. I wanted a child to give all my love and do something worthwhile with my life. I do not want more children to avoid inflicting my problems on them and allowing them to suffer in this life (See Philip Larkin!).
@subha12 (18453)
• India
4 Jul 08
it salso my question. it seems going since old ages to hav children. what i have hard from my parents like, its to carry on with the family line.May be it makes the bond stronger between the partner. some also feels fulfilled after having kids.
• Indonesia
4 Jul 08
I never had any thoughts of having children when I was younger. I always thought I was going to be this super career woman. I never even had any thought of marrying someone. But then I met this man, who now is my husband. And then I got pregnant, and I have my beautiful daughter. It was tough at first, having a child in such young age, I haven't even finished my college then, I haven't feel the triumph of earning and using the money I've earned only for myself. But I don't care, I have no regrets. I love my daughter, and I wouldn't trade anything for my current life, which is so much different from my dreams.
@rhane7315 (5673)
• Philippines
4 Jul 08
well i guess i would love to see the future me and my future hubby on our kids. i would also love to see what do they look like (of course they would look like a human lol) if me and my hubby we're combined (you know what i mean lol). well my partner also said that its also a part of our legacy lol
@dpk262006 (56482)
• Delhi, India
4 Jul 08
Many thanks for sharing, what are the other concrete reasons, which will motivate you to have kids?
@rhane7315 (5673)
• Philippines
4 Jul 08
we both love children and my parents also wants to see their grandchildren sooner and that's what motivated me haha lol
@Rozie37 (15503)
• Turkmenistan
4 Jul 08
I am single and have no children yet. It is almost driving me insane. I am a woman and I have a strong desire to experience this before leaving this earth. I love children so much. They are such a joy to be around. I think that teenagers are a challenge that I will be up for when I get there. And having an adult child is a constant tribute to all you have sacrificed to make them who they are. I can not think of a better role than fitting into a family where God is the father of us all.
@dpk262006 (56482)
• Delhi, India
4 Jul 08
I can understand your earnest and keen desire to have children and it is a human tendency, when we do not have anything with us, we desire for it. May your desires be fulfilled, as soon as possible. Best of luck! Many thanks for sharing.
1 person likes this
@Rozie37 (15503)
• Turkmenistan
4 Jul 08
Thank you so much. God bless you.
@jess07 (319)
3 Jul 08
Personnaly i don't want children after marriage i don't mind having them before or after i don't see why its always"after marriage"...no offense!
• Philippines
4 Jul 08
simple man! why after marriage? in our religion before u can have a kids u get married it's called ask for GODS BLESSINGS... or permission and thats in our religion, i don't know in other religion.
• Philippines
4 Jul 08
ow! and these is more important, a child born without a married parents is called Illegitimate child or unlawful, illegal, illicit in the Court of Law, u will encounter problems in registering ur child in the government registration office, it's a waste of time, money etc..
• Mauritius
5 Dec 08
I'm not married but i got the intention. It's like a must for everyone and it is one of the main thing that form part of anyone s life. If you want someone who'll look after you when you're old then it will be only your children. But all this is at the cost of freedom. And that's a good price. Life without children will be boring and if you get old and retired then what would you do? Children will be your only way to have a "hobby". Anyway having children is just another world and the only way to keep the world on living.
@dpk262006 (56482)
• Delhi, India
5 Dec 08
YOu have very noble intentions and you have justified it.
@dseno22 (82)
• Philippines
10 Jul 08
I want children to complete my family, and take a look on me in the future. As what i did to my parents.
@akrockz (306)
• India
9 Jul 08
its the main purpose of life...
• United States
6 Jul 08
I have always wanted children for as long as I can remember. I wanted three and ended up with five and wish I could have more. Children bring so much joy and happiness into a person's life. I feel that my life is better because I have children. I can have me time when they are grown and moved out. Until then, I enjoy every moment I can with them.
5 Jul 08
yes i wanna jus do have child becz of evaryone like and want child. People loves to thier & his child.
@cupid74 (11394)
• Pakistan
5 Jul 08
Dear Deepak Nice discussion, but before responding to it, i would love to have ur commenrs? pls advise ur views, take care