Does your partner force you to work?

@Bebs08 (10689)
United States
July 4, 2008 7:39am CST
Does your partner force you to work in order to help him with the bills? I have a friend who is so upset because her husband is forcing her to work so that she can help paying the bills. She said, he doesn't need to tell her about it because she knows. The only thing she is upset is that why she is force to work. Is it her responsibility to support the family? It irritates her a lot. What is your opinion? Do your husbands force to work?
1 person likes this
13 responses
• India
5 Jul 08
NO that's not fair about the life, you can'nt force any one to work for extra money earnings, but it is very important to understand the partner to share his burdens about the expenses or house responsibility, both will responsible for their childrens life and their all needful things, if she has the capable to work she must help him for their long run life.
@Bebs08 (10689)
• United States
11 Jul 08
yes, you are correct!! thanks for the reply.
• Malaysia
5 Jul 08
My partner will never force me to work, but it's better for me to have my own career. I earn money for my own usage. If I want to buy something, but I did not work and have no money, it's not fun to ask the money from the partner. Besides that, I wish to give my parents some money every month. That's why I will keep on my career. The female nowadays is better to have theri own career, it's more secure.
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@Bebs08 (10689)
• United States
11 Jul 08
You have good points. Exactly!!! it is better to have your own job so that when you share something to your own family, your husband can not say no because you have your own income. Smart.
@Hatley (164450)
• Garden Grove, California
5 Jul 08
bebs08 I think in this present economy that a woman should not be upset if she needs to go to work, as it often takes two people to manage the cost of living. I worked until I was 79 so why cannot younger women work also. A marriage should be a shared thing with both people contributing to it. My husband never forced me to work but I did it because it was necessary to do so. I was glad to be able to contribute.
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@Bebs08 (10689)
• United States
11 Jul 08
I know what you mean. It is the wife's initiative to help and earn but she doesn't need to be reminded and be scolded so that she would work? that's what her story. she is now working anyway, and she is almost the bread earner because she earned more than her husband. her husband even ask money from her for the bills. I don;t understand how they manage their finances. I don;t like that kind of married life.
@salonga (27957)
• Philippines
5 Jul 08
I was already employed when I married my hubby and I'm still employed in the same job. It is my decision to keep on working and my husband never forced me to work. He could very well take care of the finances but it is my personal decision to keep my job. I want to remain productive all my life and although I could be productive also in the house, I know that it's better if my productivity is not limited to household chores only.
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@Bebs08 (10689)
• United States
11 Jul 08
very good I like that idea. You are a very responsible wife. Congrats my friend.
@guybrush (4660)
• Australia
5 Jul 08
No, my husband has never forced me to work. He was happy for me to stay at home when we had our children (thank goodness). We were lucky that we didn't have big debts or a huge mortgage, so we were able to manage - but maybe your friend's husband is worried about them getting into financial trouble. Everybody has different circumstances, so maybe it is necessary for both partners to work for a while until this couple gets established.
1 person likes this
@Bebs08 (10689)
• United States
11 Jul 08
you are exactly right!! you get it. they are in a great financial trouble and the husband is always stress of where to get the money for the bills and etc. Maybe I can understand that but forcing a wife to work is not right. Convince her to find a job is better than forcing.
@ynigz1 (472)
• China
5 Jul 08
I think women also should work, the family is supported by two. But I really don't like to be force by husband or other's to do something. I think your friend could try to forget this, don't be to care about everything, if so how can we enjoy our life. The end is that you have to get a job, it doesn't make any difference about forced to or is a responsibilities. So don't be so care about that, her husband is just want they can have a good life together. Let's just enjoy our life, our work.
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@Bebs08 (10689)
• United States
11 Jul 08
That's a very good idea. But wife should not be forced to work it is just depend upon her that's what my friend said. She added that it is not her responsibility to raise their family. It is her husband's.
@carlaabt (3505)
• United States
5 Jul 08
I think it's BOTH partners' responsibility to make sure there is enough money to pay bills. If that means they both have to work, then they both need paying jobs. I stay home with our child, because my husband and I agree that is what is best for our family. He makes enough money to pay all of our bills, so we can afford that. I do a lot of work online, though, so that we can have some extra spending money. If we were struggling to pay our bills, as much as I wouldn't want to leave my son with a babysitter, I would still do so, in order to get a job so that I could provide for my family.
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@Bebs08 (10689)
• United States
11 Jul 08
yes, I think that is the best when you have a child. The husband has not enough income to support the family that's the main reason.
• Australia
6 Aug 08
I am a husband and I prefer to have my wife stay at home. It would actually cost me more to send my wife to work with the cost of a daycare for my children. I believe you should live within your means even if that means you don't get all that you want. Now if it's a work at home situation where the spouse can work on their own time I don't see a major issue. As long as it doesn't hurt the family life.
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• India
4 Jul 08
It depends on whether your friend has to take care of children or has to look after the chores by herself. Then it depends what she means by 'forcing'. If he just says that it is not possible for him alone to pay the bills and your friend has nothing else to do, then it is not wrong. In our part of the world especially in non-metropolitan cities and rural areas, women are forced to stay at home as working women are not always looked upon as good.
@Bebs08 (10689)
• United States
4 Jul 08
Well, she wants her husband to look for a job that can support them. She really wants to stay home but because of their situation, she was forced to work by her husband to help their bills. well, that was her story..
• India
4 Jul 08
But the question is whether it is in his control or not. It isn't always possible to get a job that you really want. Everyone wants to get the highest paying job. It may be a matter of time. May be, he is currently unable to find a better job, and in future he might. Then, another question is what was their understanding at the time of marriage. If he had claimed at that time that she would never have to work to maintain a particular standard of living and now he is unable to deliver, it can be his fault. But again, there are sometimes circumstances beyond our control. Only thing important is the intention. If he intends good, then nothing wrong. But if he doesn't even want to try (and he had earlier claimed much more) then surely he is at fault.
@lazeebee (5468)
• Malaysia
4 Jul 08
I think it's a matter of working together to take care of a home. If my husband's income is not enough to meet the bills, I would work to help out. He wouldn't force me; but I wouldn't want to see him taking extra jobs just to meet ends. You didn't mention much about your friend's family; I don't know whether she has other responsibilities like taking care of the children or the older folks at home. I suppose the two of them should talk it out, especially if your friend feels that her husband is forcing her to do something that she doesn't want to.
@Bebs08 (10689)
• United States
4 Jul 08
Well, this is a second marriage so both of them have kids of the first marriage. My friend has a 4 year old daughter and her husband has a 12 year old son. My friend is now working and pay a baby sitter for her daughter. Each of them handle their own income and share all the expenses they have in the house. Sounds like not husband and wife. It is like live in partner.. I don;t like that idea. Do you?
@lazeebee (5468)
• Malaysia
5 Sep 08
Hi, thanks for the BR. It was indeed a very pleasant surprise! Hope your friend and her partner have worked out a happy and satisfactory solution. Have a good day and happy myLotting!
• United States
5 Jul 08
How can he force her to work? Is he threatening to leave is she doesnt work? When i met my husband he gave me the option of staying at work or staying at home of course i chose go to work because i dont believe that one parent should do all the work it is up to both of the people to keep the bills paid and not just one person. when you are married you are suppose to work at a team. Why not work it gets ya out of the house and meet different people.
@Bebs08 (10689)
• United States
11 Jul 08
well, you have a very good husband. congratulations!!!
@williamjisir (22903)
• China
4 Jul 08
Hello dear Bebs. I don't force my wife to work at all. I would rather have her take good care of my family at home so that we can live an easier life with nice food to eat when we get home and everything nicely done by her. lol
• United States
4 Jul 08
Whoa, Will! Do you really think taking care of the home and family , shopping for and preparing those nice meals and then cleaning up isn't work? I'd much rather hold a job outside the home than do those horrible, unpaid jobs. I'm fortunate, though, that my husband likes to share the load!
@baileycows (3669)
• United States
4 Jul 08
No, I just know that I have to in order to continue living the lifestyle that we do. But I have been a stay at home mom for 2 years and I got really bored. I guess with Mylot now i wouldnt. But I need to be around people and it makes me feel good that I make my own money.
@Bebs08 (10689)
• United States
4 Jul 08
yes, that's right!! but to be forced to work and you can hear some insulting words is hard to bear. Like what my friend said. It is so upsetting that she wanted to go away.