How to stop my son from slapping and hitting me?

@elenahap (104)
Croatia (Hrvatska)
July 5, 2008 6:18pm CST
My son is almost 2 years old. When he gets annoyed or when he doesn't get his way he slaps me, hits me, kicks me, pinches me, etc... I do not know how to make him to stop. I try ignoring it, but nothing. I then shout at him, it becomes worse. I don't believe in physical violence from the parents towards the child, so I don't want to hit him back so he stops.I only showed him once that what he does it hurts me, by pinching him back, but he didn't get it and he continued, and the only result of it was that I ended up feeling bad that I caused him pain. Can you advise me as to what I should be doing?
6 people like this
23 responses
• United States
6 Jul 08
In my opinion, at 2 years old a timeout chair is about your best choice. Just make sure you put your little guy there as soon as he is naughty. I am not sure taking away toys would work because they will not understand why at that age, but of course all kids are different. Good Luck!
2 people like this
@elenahap (104)
• Croatia (Hrvatska)
6 Jul 08
Thanks. I do send him to his room for a time out, but soon he does the same thing. Timeout doesn't work for him.
@mjsdls (1841)
• United States
5 Jul 08
There are other ways of punishing him without hitting him. Make hime stand in the corner for a few minutes, if that does not work take certian prevailages away that he enjoys doing. You have to be in charge if he sees that he can hit you and get away with it, it will only get worse. If it continues to get worse what will he do to others as he is growing up? You need to take a stand now and show him your the parent and boss. Hope this helps.
• China
6 Jul 08
yea, it is right.as parents,we have a lof of ways to comfort our kids except for the hitting.And hitting is a bad way to keep a little baby silent.Because baby don't know what hitting it is.They only need love to look after him well. Maybe you can give him a beautiful curious toy to attract his attention or let him listen some sleeping musics.I think they are effective ways. I hope it is useful to you.take it easy. Good luck
@elenahap (104)
• Croatia (Hrvatska)
6 Jul 08
Yes but he is only 2 years old. What priviledges can I take away from him? I do send him to his room though, but that also doesn't work. Soon he forgets and does it again.
@psyche49f (2511)
• Philippines
6 Jul 08
Difficult children often exhibit temper tantrums...next time your kid start to kick,or bite, or hits you, just simply hug him in order to pacify him...hug him up to the point of restraining him...try it....it might work. Then during those times when he is calm and subdued, talk and explain to him why he should not hit or bite you. Do it regularly like a mantra. Pinching him or hurting him would only worsen matters....try this non-violent technique. It might work. Good luck.
@elenahap (104)
• Croatia (Hrvatska)
6 Jul 08
I don't believe in violence and I am against it. I only tried pinching him back once, so for only once to realise that waht he does is not good for mommy, or for him, or for anybody else. I actualy try to hug him, but this only makes things worse, because he sees it only as a way of trying to stop him, and he becomes more violent. A note here: My son is a wonderful child, the best, he only has this bad thing, that some moments he becomes violent with me, or others. Other than that, I couldn't ask for a better son.
@deebomb (15323)
• United States
6 Jul 08
Tell him not to hit mommy and hold him from behind while holding his hands and keep telling him to stop hit mommy when he stop struggling then turn him around and give him a hug and a thank you stopping hitting you.
1 person likes this
@smallT (376)
• United States
6 Jul 08
I am from the old school. I said this before and I am going to say it again. Spank that azz! Tap, Tap, Tap. Problem solved. All that psychology stuff, too complicated. Remember, tap, tap, tap.
1 person likes this
@TessWhite (3147)
• United States
6 Jul 08
He needs a time out (about five minutes) in a quiet corner every time he tries this. Make sure you are consistant. My son tried hitting when he was small too. I wasn't big on spanking, but he did occasionally get one. Usually I went with the time out punishment and it works well. The minute he does this make him sit in a corner quietly with no toys. It may take some work at first to make him obey. Once he has calmed down explain to him (as best as you can to a 2 year old) that he cannot hit and it hurts. And if he does it again he will go back to time out.
1 person likes this
• United States
6 Jul 08
I believe in spanking and I feel a little tap on the rear end would not hurt him. Not hard, but just enough to show him who is in charge. If you don't want to do that, then time out in his room and take away all toys until he learns to behave. I would not have tolerated that from my girls and now they are young adults. You could also ask his pediatrician and get their advice.
@yogeshdhusa (2237)
• India
6 Jul 08
Hi elenahap, When this happen like if he hit you then you ask him to go away from you saying "I dont want to talk to bad boys" if he react and come close to you you should get a promise that "you will not hit me" if he says "yes" if some day he does it again then do the same thing again. Dont pinch him back, he feels that you are also reacting /playing and its right. Telling him that its not the right way, will hwlp. And if he does any thing right reward him with a kiss/huge. Slowly he will understand. thanks
1 person likes this
@ESKARENA1 (18299)
6 Jul 08
take his privilages away. It is hard but he has to learn blessed be
@elenahap (104)
• Croatia (Hrvatska)
6 Jul 08
What privilages can I take away from a 2-year old? He only has his toys...and he plays with them when he is calm, so surely I don't want to remove one of the reasons that actually calms him down .
1 person likes this
@ESKARENA1 (18299)
6 Jul 08
harsh as it sounds removal of a favourite toy works, learn it now or later but learn it you will
@wendyloo (184)
• France
6 Jul 08
well its simple,do the same to him.
@wendyloo (184)
• France
6 Jul 08
I might add that this is not being violent,your son is learning violence by you allowing this behaviour. Just gently return his slaps ect.
@amigula (120)
• Philippines
6 Jul 08
first try to not to indulg in a situation of this type but if the situation is their try to avoid it as max u can. and sometimes you have to be harsh aslo to stop this kinds of activities
@elenahap (104)
• Croatia (Hrvatska)
6 Jul 08
harsh in what way?
18 Dec 10
im experiencing the exact thing!!!! my child is 21 months and hits, pushes, screams, kicks you name it he does it. Im at the end of what i can cope with. I have tried taking toys away but he is too young. I sit him on the naughty step tell him off but he is too young to stay there without hours of repeatively taking him back to it. SSSSSSSSSSSOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO STRESSED!!!
• United States
30 Oct 08
I have Multiple Sclerosis and my, now six year old has been hitting me since he was 3. I have gone every route. Talking, time out, behavior charts, removing privileges, counseling (my insurance only allows 10 weeks per calender year), He has had a neuropsych evaluation, 2 psychiatric evaluations, I have been firm with him, others have been firm with him. The behavior chart helped to some extent but not completely. I have even gotten his teachers and the school social workers involved. Everyone keeps telling me to keep reinforcing the no hitting, but its NOT WORKING!!! He is perfectly calm and nice with everyone else he comes in contact with except me. He could be mad a game, the television, his father anything he takes his anger out on me. As I get sicker and he gets older and bigger (he is currently 4'1" and weighs 60lbs) it gets harder for me to defend myself and block some of the blows. This morning he jumped on me while I was lying on my side and sat there laughing despite that I was crying and pleading with him to get off of me because he was hurting me and I couldn't breath well. I am at a complete loss as to what to do. If I was doing this to my child I would be arrested on the spot (and rightfully so) but I have reached out to every professional possible and they all tell me to continue doing what I am doing despite it not working. If anyone has any OTHER ideas, I'll take them!! I have survived 2 abusive relationships and an abusive childhood before I met my husband, Those were adults, I can't escape my child like I did them.
@phoenix25 (1543)
• United States
10 Jul 08
Well, ignoring it is not the answer. By ignoring his behavior, you are sending the message that it is okay for him to treat you that way. That is certainly not the case. I answered another question about temper tantrums earlier today and I said that I used to ignore temper tantrums if my child was not hitting or hurting me. If he would hit me or kick me, I would punish him to show him that that type of behavior towards me was not acceptable. That is the part of my response that applies here. You need to let your son know that hitting you is not an acceptable way to treat you. You have to incorporate some sort of discipline. Just because you are not comfortable with spanking does not mean that you need to go without any form of discipline whatsoever. I have to bring up here that your case is a good example that refutes the idea that spanking children causes them to learn to hit people. You have raised your child without spanking him, yet he learned how to hit you anyway. If you are not comfortable with spanking, you need to try a timeout or similar punishment. My son used to hate going to his room, so I used to put him in his room for a certain amount of time when he used to hit me. Simply ignoring the behavior is not going to stop it.
@munhozmib (3845)
• Sao Paulo, Brazil
6 Jul 08
Hello, elenahap. Children... Hahaha, they can become a problem someday. If you try doing it back, it can get worse, just as you discovered. If you ignore, the children will just try harder. You should NEVER, and I mean NEVER allow your son/daughter to raise his/her hand to you. You should show anger when he does so, and instead of ignoring start taking things off him. I think that a good slap against him (not a strong one, but those who will make him remember what he has done) would solve the problem. I know you go against it, so I won't recommend this for you. But if you slap him until he cries, he will understand. I am not saying you must take blood out of him nor anything like that, for God's sake! In 30 minutes his pain will be all gone, nobody will die nor anything serious because of good slapping. But, since you are against it, why not putting him turned against a wall? Or putting him inside his bedroom, staying hours and hours there? Respectfully, Munhozmib.
@1stshawty (116)
• Trinidad And Tobago
6 Jul 08
are you insane!!!!!here is the most effective way watch an episode of madea tyler perry will tell you play the game called TEAR THAT A-S UP!!!!you dont let your 2 yr old hit you and throw fits when he gets annoyed hell you should be annoyed.beat the hell out of him!!before you do it tell him your going to do it and tell him it will hurt because trust when he gets older he'll have you doing what he says and living in mortal fear you will be tip-toeing around because you'll be to afraid to upset him,or annoy him break it now or have a lifetime of chucky,jason and freddy krueger as tyler perry says living in your house.
@Hatley (164736)
• Garden Grove, California
6 Jul 08
hi elenahap the moment that your son slaps you or hits or kicks you, put him in time out firmly and tell him every time he does these things he will be put in time out. that he must never hit his mommy, you will not allow this. be very firm and very consistent. if he does this over then time out again, and again until he knows he must not hurt you.or stand him in a corner for a certain time, and every time he disobeys you its back to the corner. beconsistent each time.
@banadux (630)
• United States
6 Jul 08
If spanking him doesn't work maybe timeout some place alone will do it.
• United States
6 Jul 08
I think time out,or walking away from him and repeating "no" don't hit will eventually work.Some of this is just a phase he is going through.I would pay attention to when he is hitting and the possible reason why he is hitting at that time.If say he is hitting you because you told him no to a cookie,then walk away from him,put the cookies out of his reach and say now no cookie all day because you hit me.Then every time he asks for a cookie that day say no you can't have a cookie because you hit me. I also would instead of just saying no to the cookie in the 1st place say no cookie right now,but you can have one after dinner or what ever,then he isn't thinking he isn't getting the cookie,he knows he will just not then .Of course different situations call for different ways to deal with them,this is just one instance.So pay close attention to when he is hitting you and why he is doing it at that moment,then make the punishment fit the actual reason why he hit you. I hope this helps,time out is good for some things,but I think hitting is a bit different. Jas
• United States
6 Jul 08
When my daughter went through her violent phase I tried everything. I ended up doing time outs and that worked with her. In a corner of the living room where she could not see the TV I put two red dots on the two walls and one on the floor. She had to stand on the dot on the floor and put her hands on the dots on the walls. Every time she moved I physically put her back and told her in a forceful but clam voice to stay put until I told her to move. The first couple time were really bad and went on for an hour or two but soon she understood that it was not a joke and did what she was told. Also you have to be consistent with everything not just the hitting. Unless your child understands that what you say is law they will never consistently listen to you.