shouldnt we have a test before having children?

@ESKARENA1 (18304)
July 6, 2008 6:54am CST
with so many cases of child neglect hitting the news (a child locked in her room to starve to death while her parents had a party downstairs) and one can only assume the level of neglect to girls where having a male child is a badge of honour. Isnt it about time we had examinations in child care before they are allowed to have children?
8 people like this
29 responses
@ellie333 (21029)
6 Jul 08
This one is a difficult subject in that there is no rule book to being a parent and as a parent you just do the best you can and every parent and every child is different. Even with parenting courses before having children you will still get these unfortunate cases happening. I really do not know what the answer is. Ellie :D
2 people like this
@ESKARENA1 (18304)
6 Jul 08
my beautiful children - when i look into the eyes of my children i wonder how anyone could neglect a child
hi ellie, when i look at my beautiful girls and then i see stories of gross neglect i just wonder how bad some people can be, surely there has to be a way of stopping it? blessed be
2 people like this
@ellie333 (21029)
6 Jul 08
Hi Yes indeed they are beautiful girls and I feel the same about these people but how do we tell in advance who is going to be an abuser before it has happened. When I hear things like this it makes me so mad and I really want to treat them in the same way but two wrongs don't make a right. People in general need to be more vigilant. If someone is known to have a small child and yet is not ever seen out with it question, get someone from the health service to visit to check. People are afraid of getting involved these days but I would much rather a knock on the dooor if my child had been absent from school than for them not to bother. I live on my own so something could have happened and he would be in the house on his own or something. More monitoring of the parents from birth and beyond the standard pre school years. Ellie :D
6 Jul 08
i think there should be somthing in place to ensure that people who are able to bear children are capable of caring for them properly, i have read the stories too and am also a mother and it sickens me to hear of such things, there are home visits and things in place before adopting a pet from a sanctury so why not vet possible parents before hand to ensure the childs safety
1 person likes this
@ESKARENA1 (18304)
6 Jul 08
in the uk at least we seem much more concerned with civil liberties. Even the mention of limiting family size is greated with screams of outrage by many community groups. Just imagine what the reaction would be if anyone seriously suggested sterelizing some people because they were not fit to have children?
6 Jul 08
i am from the uk too and i think that these so called civil liberties have got way out of hand i mean what abou the welfar of the child in question, i mean lets face it the child is the innocent here and the parents should be the ones made to suffer and not the children at the hands of these moronic 'parents'
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@ESKARENA1 (18304)
6 Jul 08
i can say little more other than i agree. However, to punish the parents we must by design punish the child. Can we not find a way to prevent the situation ever arising? Making marriage harder would simply increase the number of unmarried parents in my oipinion, it would do little to stop people having children, but maybe limiting child benefit payments would?
@michelyn (717)
• United States
9 Jul 08
It has always amazed me that with all the responsibilities that come with driving a vehicle, you have to successfully take several different tests before being allowed to legally drive that vehicle. Yet, with the responsibilities that come with birthing, raising and caring for another living being, anyone with the physical capability can do it and repeat the process. Some of them can even repeat the process so many times that they then require the taxpayers to help them support these other living beings. Of course, this is if we are lucky enough for them to care about supporting them instead of viewing them as another hole to put food, water and money into. Now, don't get me wrong! The symantics is where things really get complicated and also the main reason why something like this has not already been instituted. I don't know all the hows, whens and whos, but I sure as hell know the whys! Something should be done as long as the basic human rights can be left intact... although that's where it really gets sticky!
@ESKARENA1 (18304)
9 Jul 08
well i must thank you for your well-thoughtout response. Maybe what we need is an assurence no more pregnencies follow an abuse of a child blessed be
• United States
7 Jul 08
The idea has a good heart behind it, but you must follow all this to its logical conclusion. First who is going to decide what abuse is? I know we can all agree on starving and beating but what about differing forms of dicipline? And there are hundreds of other issues that could be termed neglect by one person and not another. For example many people would say lack of a balanced diet is neglect. My point is this it would start with the best of intentions and somewhere along the way it would be abused and perverted to meet some groups need to control. My opinion is we need more involvment of families and friends to help parents who need it and remove children from parents who are beyond help. Plus if the neglect is from lack of financial stability lets find ways to help people get on better financial footing. And not from handing them money, but through education and support.
1 person likes this
@shooie (4989)
• United States
6 Jul 08
I don't think there is a test that can say if a person would make a good parent or not. Wish it were so simple. Sometimes you can have parents of once child and they be the best parents and then they have another and something goes wrong and they turn to bad parents and not caring anymore. The best thing we can do is if you suspect without a shadow of a doubt a child is be abused then report it. So many times people feel there is abuse going on and well don't want to get involved.
@ESKARENA1 (18304)
6 Jul 08
agreed, but we all need to get involved and those who choose not to, in my opinion, should also be prosecuted blessed be
@youdontsay (3503)
• United States
6 Jul 08
I've always thought so. But what happens if you flunk the test? What happens to the child? And who pays for all that? Not likely to happen. I have said that there should be tougher requirements for marriage. It is easier to get a marriage license than a driver's license. And look at all the harm done by couples in conflict - domestic violence, for instance. And why not have more life skills training in school along with the academic subjects? It could prevent a lot of problems in the long run.
@ESKARENA1 (18304)
6 Jul 08
we teach social and life skills in prison and i think it is of value but why do we have to wait until a crime is commited? wouldnt it be better if we ran them in school?
@TessWhite (3147)
• United States
6 Jul 08
Only if we can force sterilization on those parents deemed unfit to have a child. There are many cruel things in this world, and many unfit parents as well. Some people just should not be allowed to breed. Period. However, I don't think our world has quite reached the point where we can stop it. If we were able to stop it we would also stop many other things from happening. Such as child after child being born to starving parents, only to starve themselves in foreign countries. Such as mutilation of female children in some African countries.
1 person likes this
@ESKARENA1 (18304)
6 Jul 08
yes the most needy people seem to have a swarm of children, why? why dont these people want contraception?
6 Jul 08
I certainly think it would be wise for some people to have tests before becoming parents as there are some out there who just treat their children so wrong!
@ESKARENA1 (18304)
6 Jul 08
eventually we will have to do something, thats for sure, over and above civil liberties blessed be
• United States
6 Jul 08
Well, a psych examination before we are allowed to raise a child..even if we are already carrying one, would help tons? That way, if there would be an anger management issue, or a total lack of child care knowledge, etc..classe could be mandated or meds. given to help out before the innocent kid would be born and stuck in a dysfunctional setting! I'd submit to one. Wouldn't you? (If you answered NO to it..then you are exactly the one who needs one!)
1 person likes this
@ESKARENA1 (18304)
6 Jul 08
i would certainly submit to one, and think you have a very good idea blessed be
@banadux (630)
• United States
6 Jul 08
I think you need to go a step earlier and make people pass some tests before they are allowed to conceive. A combination of IQ and morality tests could be applied to remove the abuse of children by ignorance and by simply sick people.
1 person likes this
@ESKARENA1 (18304)
6 Jul 08
agreed, its the logistics that bother me
@kimbers867 (2541)
• United States
6 Jul 08
In a perfect world this would work! I know it wouldn't fly here in the United States, the civil liberty groups would be all over in a minute. This situation is just getting worse and worse. Children are having babies! It is so sad.
@ESKARENA1 (18304)
6 Jul 08
we have to some how find a way
@qhwater (394)
• China
6 Jul 08
well, eskarenai, i will not say you should. but i truly suggest that you have examinations before you have a child. by that way, you can do anything you can to make sure that you can provide your baby anything he/she needs. and also suggest to read more books about pregnant. that is safe for your baby and also safe for you.
1 person likes this
@ESKARENA1 (18304)
6 Jul 08
agreed you should certainly have some regulation blessed be
1 person likes this
@shlooper (310)
• United States
9 Jul 08
It would be great to have some sort of examination before people were allowed to have children, I mean, we do it in adoption already. It horrifies me to see the cases of neglect, but at the same time people will have children regardless of whether they "passed an exam" or not. There is neglect in many situations, and I don't think an exam would stop it, but I wish that there was something we could do.
1 person likes this
@gtdonna (1740)
9 Jul 08
I would say yes...but sometimes I feel neglect comes about also because maybe some parents want a girl and get a boy and just can't bond with the child or vice versa...or sometimes they were just not ready for kids yet and the child comes along and "spoil the fun they were having" Many people do not realise that having a child is a big responsibility and when they do have to face it, they can't, the only one who suffers end up being the child.
1 person likes this
@ynigz1 (472)
• China
8 Jul 08
Oh my god, really heard some dicussion about those parents. They are just don't love their child, I really don't know why then give birth to their child, and just don't know care about them. If don't have time, please don't have child. I don't think test before having childern works for everytime. People sometimes changes themselves, if they just want to have child they will pretend everything will could get the approvel. And if you want to learn the real situation, you have to put much of time to get the truth. But if person changed their mind after have child what 's does that meaning?
1 person likes this
@16031981 (449)
• Jamaica
7 Jul 08
i dont tink thats necessary because sometimes its an accident as they say, and they werent ready then pressure starts and fustration.
@Pose123 (21671)
• Canada
7 Jul 08
Hi ESKARENA1, I've often felt that the most important job in the world, that of raising a child, is so often given to people who have little knowledge of what they should be doing. I think that all first time parents should have to attend classes where they learn these things. Anyone who shows no interest, or who doesn't think it's important, should be closely monitored to make sure the child is okay. Blessings.
1 person likes this
@Barbietre (1442)
• United States
7 Jul 08
Well It would be ideal, but it will not happen. But I do believe there should be way more education and information on child rearing. How many young girls today " want to have a baby so someone will love me' or boys fathering children just to "prove their manhood". Society needs to change attitudes.
1 person likes this
@kaleegirl45 (1474)
• United States
8 Jul 08
Hi ESKARENA1, If only there was some type of gadget to let these people know if they are going to be good parent or not. It's a big responsibility. And some people are not up to caring for a child. These have to have something wrong with them. It's sad to read how some people mistread their children. They have a chose, if they don't want their kids, give up for adoption. Though some foster are the same way. It's hard to be a good parent, and I'm sure many of us will try. But their is not excuse for a parent that hurt their children.
@kbkbooks (7030)
• Canada
8 Jul 08
It would be easy for anyone to give all the right answers about how a child should be treated. The challenge comes when the theories actually need to be put into practice. This comes under situations that usually involve pressure, stress, aggravation, or other high emotions, both negative and positive. Often a person doesn't know how their behavior will occur in an actual situation, regardless of how they think they will react.