Children of parents of mixed race!

@JTerrasi (199)
United States
July 6, 2008 11:01am CST
Do our children pay a price for our choice in our partners? I am the mom of three mixed children. I am Caucasian (white) and my husband, their father was Mexican. We are no longer married. We divorced when the kids were very young. Three, four and five. Two boys and one girl. I never became aware how 'cruel' people are until the children got to be about 9, 10, and 11. Maybe it was where we lived. We moved from Ks. to Cali. and to Ga. This is where the most trouble took place. Ga. My oldest of the three got into a fight in the lunch line with a boy who made the remark, 'Well you're not WHITE so your momma ain't white'. As the kids grew, my daughter got a job in the photo dept. of a well known retail store here. A man asked her, 'What are you'? OMG! When she was little, maybe 6 or 7 she asked me, 'Mom if I was WHITE would they like me better'? Today they are 29, 30 and 31. We still get stares, whispers, and I can't believe what falls out of peoples mouths. Are those your kids? They look nothing like you? Ignorance runs amok! I have always told my kids: Always be proud of who and what you are. Please tell me who made WHITE superior to any other? I see people for who they are inside. I need not explain, and please don't show your ignorance by asking, 'What are you'. Words hurt more than a slap in the face. I am very proud to say: I AM a mom of three mixed children. Thank you for listening. Your opinion if any!?
14 people like this
47 responses
@TessWhite (3147)
• United States
6 Jul 08
How odd, and rude. Hmmm I guess I never thought of Mexican and white as a mixed race? To me a mixed race is with a white and black person. Guess I never gave it much thought. So maybe that means my grandaughters are a mix since my son is "white" and my daughter in law is asian? I've no clue and truthfully I never much thought about it. People are people to me regardless of their color. Its a shame you've run across people who are so rude, and so often. I mean there are thousands of families out there who adopt children of other countries and races. Do they get comments too I wonder?
2 people like this
@JTerrasi (199)
• United States
6 Jul 08
Thank you Tess. And I as well really gave it no thought until our first incident. My granddaughter is part Mexican and when my daughter brought her to my place of employment a co-worker said, 'She is so dark'. The fight was on. Not only for the remark but my granddaughter was a 3lb. preemie, stopped breathing after three minutes of her life. She was transported to Atlanta. Her first six weeks of life were a fight for her. Today she is two and still has problems. Thank you for your input, Janet
@tigertang (1750)
• Singapore
6 Jul 08
Stupid racist jerks are an unfortunate fact of life, no matter which part of the world you live in. I'm really sorry to hear about the experiences your children have had to suffer from people who have not understood the beauty of their mixed heritage. I'm pure blooded, ethnic Han Chinese and I live in a society where 70 percent of the population is like me. However, we're seeing an increase in the number of children from mixed marriages and although there's still allot of resistance to interracial marriages amongst conservative Asian societies, I think people are becoming more accepting of children from mixed racial parentage. I guess its like, if you accept mixed marriage, you have to accept the children that will be produced. Won't call myself an expert on demographics here, but I think it helps when you have prominent people of mixed parentage making a positive impact on the world today. One example that comes to mind, is Tiger Woods, who, although marketed as "Black" is actually half Thai and married to a Swedish blond. Mr Woods never makes race and issue and I think people have to come to accept him and his success for itself rather than out of race. Another example, that comes to find is (can't remember the full details) of an American Football player who became a hit in Korea - he's half black, half Korean. In my family, my parents remarried Caucasians on several occasions. I have two half brothers and a half sister, who are of mixed heritage. I think all of them have managed to turn out well and are much loved an accepted by all sides of the family. My sister in particular is a hit amongst my friends. One of them even reminded me that one of the hottest looks for models in Asia is the "Mixed Parentage" look. So, assure your children that being of mixed race can only add to their inner beauty and those who make fun of them are merely jealous.
@JTerrasi (199)
• United States
6 Jul 08
This is great. I am glad to see people pay attention. It isn't just a Black, White world. I still find myself in the defensive mode when people start talking about other people who are NOT of their race. Because you sit in a room full of 'White' people, be careful....of what you say. Thank you so very much for such a great comment. Janet
2 people like this
@Marley76 (109)
• United States
7 Jul 08
I am of mixed race, my mother is spanish and my father is caucasian. I have never had any problems except people getting upset that I don't speak spanish. I have 3 mixed childeren. Their father is black. They don't have any problems in school . I think it depends on where you live. I live in a place where there are a lot of mixed relationships and therefor a lot of mixed babies. I have never felt the prejudice that you are expierencing. I am sorry for you. I never noticed color on a person and for that I am lucky. Just tell you children that not only did they get the beautiful traits of one race but of two races. So that they are twice as beautiful. And to be proud no matter what other people say and do they are thy ignorant ones. I know that is easier then said. Keep up the good work.
2 people like this
@JTerrasi (199)
• United States
7 Jul 08
I think they are beautiful, both inside and out. My daughter and I are the best of friends. She had my granddaughter two years ago and she is gorgeous. Her daddy is white but the baby does have my daughters features. She is my little angel. We are just lucky to have her today as she was a preemie...two months early. We are truly Blessed. Thank you for writing me Marley Janet :)
1 person likes this
@mescue (64)
• United States
7 Jul 08
So you get the "YOU don't speak Spanish" also?! I have people walk up to me and just start talking in Spanish. I usually let them fish and explain as best as I can, I don't speak Spanish..sorry.
@SusanLee (1920)
• United States
7 Jul 08
Color is in the eye of the beholder. And children repeat what they hear the adults in their lives say. My youngest son had never heard any kind of reference to people of another race, when he started pre-k he came into contact with a lot of children of different ethnic backgrounds. One day on way home from school he was telling me about his day, who he sat by, played with, etc. Suddenly he called the name of one little boy and then said 'he's my friend, he's of a darker color' my son was four at this time. Then he asked 'why is he of a darker color?' I was touched by the way he discribed his friend, he was aware of differences between them but didn't have any concept to use cruel tags. But when he asked me why; I was stunned and stumped...then I saw the answer up the road...I saw the sky on the horizon, the trees and all the different shades of green. So I told him the truth as I saw it. God loves color, everywhere you look you see color, so why wouldn't God make that which he loves different colors too. People are the ones who have tunnel vision when it comes to the color of folk's skin. And by us living in Ga there are a lot opportunities for prejudice. I've just impressed it on my kids that they better take care what and who they may be taking a shot at. God created that, and I wouldn't be making fun of any of his creations, you'll have to answer for it one day.
2 people like this
@mescue (64)
• United States
7 Jul 08
You are truly a beautiful person. God bless you.
1 person likes this
@poohgal (6848)
• Singapore
7 Jul 08
People of mixed blood are very common in my society. You see them everywhere in my country. I have friends who are Japan-Singapore mixed, Thailand-Indian mixed, Caucasian(White)-Hong Kong mixed and etc. Ultimately, we should not look at a person by their skin color. We should look at them for who they are. Ignore those people. They are just plain superficial and racists too.
2 people like this
@JTerrasi (199)
• United States
7 Jul 08
Thank you for your kind and encouraging words. I wish there were more people like YOU in this world! Sincerly, Janet
1 person likes this
@spalladino (17925)
• United States
6 Jul 08
I'm sorry that your children have had to suffer the comments and attitudes of ignorant people who, by the way, are inferior, not superior, to your lovely children. Some areas of this country are more enlightened, more accepting of others for who they are...and more acceptance will come as men and women of different backgrounds continue to fall in love and create families. My best friend's niece, who is white, is married to a black man and they have two beautiful children, a boy who is 4 and a brand new baby girl. I live 1,000 miles away and her phone calls to me regarding this baby have been too funny and a testimony to the complete love and acceptance of this child by her extended family on both sides, as well as their friends and coworkers. These conversations relate to the color of the baby...who at first was pink so her daddy nicknamed her Pinky. But then her skin became the color of gold so he nicknamed her Goldie. Now, at almost three monts of age, she is a lovely cream color but he doesn't want to nickname her Creamy so he's stuck for a new one...and they're all laughing at his dilemma. I truly hope that she and her brother continue to find acceptance and love as they travel through life but their parents have the same concerns for them that you expressed in your post. While there may be more bi-racial children in the Maryland/Washington,D.C. area than in Georgia, there are still ignorant people who's word could hurt these children.
@JTerrasi (199)
• United States
7 Jul 08
I loved your comment and story you have just shared with me of your best friends family. How cute. As they say 'ignorance runs amok'. To bad there isn't surgery for these things. My children were hurt by all the remarks. Self esteem was a major one for my daughter. And still today she is bothered by things. Words hurt not just from other kids but adults should know better. The younger of the three who is now 29 does speak and understand Spanish. I am proud of them and what they had to endure. I don't think I could have been as forgiving. Thank you again, Janet :)
1 person likes this
• United States
6 Jul 08
Only kids placed around ignorant adults hear that stuff! Look for classes where you could meet some kinder and more positive people to be around. Like..yoga or something! The kids will be OK! The adults you have around seem mean and ignorant..not positive? Try a different group that's positive and supportive! Kids and adults can be mean! But you don't have to have your kids around them much, if at all. You'll find nicer kids for them soon and it'll be all good!
2 people like this
@JTerrasi (199)
• United States
6 Jul 08
Thank you. They are adults now and have moved beyond the 'racial remarks'. But it does still bother them. Especially my daughter with my granddaughter who is part Mexican and only 2. Take care, J
2 people like this
@mommyboo (13198)
• United States
7 Jul 08
This is very very annoying to me. I am completely culturally American (ie 'white') but my ethnicity is Korean. This has absolutely nothing to do with me, and I have to state this clearly so my post makes sense. I am adopted and my entire family is dutch and german. People are ALWAYS asking me 'where are you from'. Because I am tired of answering, I usually tell people 'I'm from here, as in California, but I grew up in Washington'. If this doesn't stop them from asking more questions, sometimes I'll just answer the question but I don't understand why people have to be curious in the first place. I don't have an accent, I don't dress funny etc etc. It's honestly none of anybody's business. Onto my lovely little daughter and my step kids, who are all white (well tan) and naturally blond. I've had people assume that I adopted my older kids, not that I'm their step mom. I had somebody ask me if my younger daughter was mixed. To be honest, I looked at the woman squarely and then I asked her 'mixed with what?'. I remember being asked that on one other occasion and I believe I told that person that she wasn't mixed, she was stirred. =) I'm sorry that I have to make jokes but it's easier than having to deal directly with questions of this nature. I tell most people that if you wouldn't ask Jane Smith (the all-american) then you shouldn't ask me either. I very much dislike assumptions that people are any different because they look different than you. If they SOUND or ACT different, perhaps then there would be a reason to ask but just to base it on what somebody looks like? Sad. My daughter has asked me occasionally why somebody is darker or lighter but other than that, no other comparisons have ever come up. I honestly feel that so many people are 'mixed' anyway, it's just that not everybody appears that way. People who open their mouths and insert their feet would be wise to remember that. Most people have ancestors from several different places. That would make them mixed.
1 person likes this
@JTerrasi (199)
• United States
7 Jul 08
To bad there isn't surgery for being just plain 'stupid'! What I heard the most was...They look NOTHING like you. OMG! If I had a nickle for every time I was told that. One day my daughter came to my work and in the break room a co-worker made a comment about Mexicans being like cockroaches. I threw my chair back and got right in her face and then left as I probably would have gone to jail. It was like that their whole lives. Since we are from the west coast (Cali.) where we lived there it was more accepted. Here in the south it is very much different. I still at my age get very defensive for them. It is the mom in me I guess. And when my granddaughter was born and my daughter brought her to my work the first comment from someone was....She is so dark! The fight was on. I did report her. She got written up and came to apologize. I told her there is no apology for being just plain 'stupid'. I could go on and on but life is life I guess. To bad it has to be so cruel at the hands of our children. Thank you for your wonderful comment...I love the pic. My daughter put on another picture. Take care, Janet :)
@Kat888 (16)
• United States
6 Jul 08
To your question:"Who am I?" Instead of telling children, you are white, or you are black, or you are mixed...shouldn't the answer be "YOU ARE HUMAN"??? We as adults teach children what to do and say, and when we tell our kids they are white, black, mixed, the sense of being human comes second. Why does it have to be this way? Being white, black, mixed, is not a race but merely a difference in the skin color. I am a human being and my skin color happens to be a beautiful brownish tan because my mother is a white colored human being and my father is a reddish/brown colored human being. Yes, you guessed it right...he is a mix between Sioux Indian and Black. And most problems colored humans have nowadays stem from not being able to see themselves as humans, but as something categorized by their color. I've had the advantage in my very early years to have parents who taught me to say " I am human" when the question of my race came up. And, viola, people accepted that and either asked if any of my parents had a darker skin color, or they just accepted my answer and kept treating me like they did any other human being. Sorry, but I have yet to experience anything negative because of my skin color. Hasn't happen yet, even so I live in the South. It's all in the attitude toward yourself and others. If one projects the image of being second grade citizen because he/she has a darker or different skin color, it shows in the face and people will treat you by the impression you give them. If you approach people with confidence and show them you are sure of yourself and can handle yourself, you don't have to worry about anything. People will accept you as what you are - a human being.
1 person likes this
@JTerrasi (199)
• United States
6 Jul 08
Thanks for your opinion. :
1 person likes this
@mescue (64)
• United States
7 Jul 08
I don't remember asking my mom what color I was. I asked why I was not white. I did not ask her because she treated me differently, I asked because I was treated differently by strangers (children and adults). I was just a kid, I only knew myself as a human. It took total strangers to make me see that I was a different color. It was my mom who taught me that every person is beautiful, that I was beautiful. Unfortunately, not all people will accept me as just me...a human. We still live in a world where hate and ignorance are taught at home. I am now 30 and I still get stares and questions. As an adult I am able to see the ignorance. As a child, I could only feel the hate.
@coopstar (282)
• United States
6 Jul 08
People are people, everone is a jerk to some one at some time or another, its unavoidable.As far as race, we realy dont get to choose what we are going to be do we . I would love to see the world if we did. I try not to be proud of anything, I dont mind other people being proud of me but inturnal pride only causes problems, i think anyway.
1 person likes this
@JTerrasi (199)
• United States
6 Jul 08
Thank you for your comment. No we don't get to choose who we are but no matter what, we can all make a difference. Right? Janet
1 person likes this
@coopstar (282)
• United States
7 Jul 08
i love to make a possative diffrence in anyones life,thats why im on this site to begine with,problem is i cant spell to save my life.
1 person likes this
@idowrite72 (2214)
• United States
17 Jul 08
There is so much ignorance in the world and it is often the children who bear the brunt of it. I have nephews, nieces and grandbabies who are all mixed......white and black. My sister married a black man years ago and she raised her kids in a mostly "black" world, but they didn't seem to have many problems wherever they went. The boys are all very intelligent and the oldest was given 2 full scholarships and went immediately into a 6 figure job. I'm sure they saw their moments of comments, but the city I live in is a mix of many races and I think they were not faced with as much as others might have been. My 4 year old grandson, who is mixed, has realized that he is not "like" his brothers, who are not mixed. He has not had any problems with it, but has mentioned something to his mother about being different. My son in law has tried for several years to get in touch with his daughter after the courts ordered DNA tests for paternity, in another state, but he still was not able to see her or get in contact with her. Just recently the child called him since her "father" is black and the kids at school were telling her that he was NOT her father, so her mother had to tell her about her real father and she wanted to know about him and has just met him for the first time this last week. We are in the BAD habit of calling my mixed grandkids the "brown" ones, which is not a good thing, but as they get older I know that they will not like it. I agree that there is so much ignorance going on and that it is about time that people accepted that it is there and it isn't going to go away. They are people, they are beautiful and they have hearts as big as ever. My sister always taught her son to say that he was loved if anyone asked him what he was!!
1 person likes this
@JTerrasi (199)
• United States
17 Jul 08
Thank you for taking the time to share your story with me. I can only say that it is people with 'shallow hearts' that would label anyone, especially a child. I think that the phrase should be changed from many races to 'many faces' in this troubled world. I shared the pain with my children each time. I am part Irish and you know what they say about Irish people....yup, and I have a temper! I can take a lot from anyone but when it comes to a child the claws come out. Will the people change in our world? We can only hope. And I love the phrase your sister told her son what to say. My very best to you....Janet
• Philippines
7 Jul 08
good day.. If I'm in your children's situation and they as me "What I am?" I'll tell them I am like you, a person. It's really sad how people can be very superficial, that they would judge you by the color of your skin than of who you really are. Deep down where made of the same stuff, muscles, fats and bones and lastly we all have a heart. What made "white" superior to others? It's just crossed my mind that if they ask, I'll say Mexican-american what's your excuse?
• United States
6 Jul 08
I have four children (16, 15, 10, and 2) with my husband who is black and I'm white and yeah we go through a few changes but I think my kids are more than strong enough to deal with it. They can give it as well as they get it. My husband and I have both dealt with stuff just for being together, aside from the kids and we are stronger for it. I really wish that some people would just take off the idiot hats and learn to be human once in a while. The world is so full of diversity it is a shame to hold yourself back from being part of it.
@JTerrasi (199)
• United States
6 Jul 08
Thank you, thank you. I could add when does it ever stop....but it is a silly question to ask. And as you, my kids are stronger about it now that they are adults but when it comes to making a comment about my 2 year old granddaughter...the fight is on!! To bad there is NO surgery for 'ignorance or stupidity'! Thank you again...my daughter loved your comment as well. Janet
1 person likes this
@Hatley (164485)
• Garden Grove, California
6 Jul 08
My opinion is that people should not be so damned insensitive' to children or to adults for that matter. There is nothing wrong in a white person marrying a mexican,nor in having mixed children. we are all brothers and sisters, even though our skins may be different colors. we are people, good or bad, but we are all people,You are so right, you should be proud of your kids and they should be proud of who and what they are.white is not superior, we are all brothers. good luck and god bless.
@JTerrasi (199)
• United States
6 Jul 08
A wonderful come back...thank you for that. To degrade children is probably as low as anyone can get. They had no choice of their heritage. But they will tell you today they are proud to be who they are. There is such stupidity out there. I should have expected some of the comments I have gotten. Yours was great and honest...thank you!! Janet :) :)
1 person likes this
@KrauseHome (35517)
• United States
6 Jul 08
Yes, it is truly Sad there are many people out there that are still like this. In today's society it is becoming such a natural and acceptable thing to see, that I am surprised there are still people who feel this way. Actually to me, Race or Skin color should never count in whether or not a couple should be together or not. For me, it should be about Love. If 2 people really Love each other, than they should be allowed to be together, and no one else should be allowed to interfere. And when they choose to have kids, that should be no one elses Business as well. I still tend to think a lot of it is ignorance, and people just wanting to get involved.
1 person likes this
@JTerrasi (199)
• United States
6 Jul 08
Thank you for your comment back. I know you are right about your comment about 'ignorance'. And people really want to get involved when they shouldn't. These things are taught in the home.... Have a great day, Janet
1 person likes this
@ctap_31 (23)
6 Jul 08
I dont think so bc I am white/mexican and I have turned out just fine lol. Now adays who isnt mixed?
1 person likes this
@JTerrasi (199)
• United States
6 Jul 08
I am glad you turned out just fine. :}
1 person likes this
• United States
6 Jul 08
I have two children. I am happily married, but was previously engaged. My son is biracial. I am white my ex was african american. Technically I dont like any of those words, and we do not use them. He is my son and that is what matters. I am white, and have had people ask me What are you, as a child, indicating my heritage. I could never understand why, because I couldnt be much whiter. I always just said I am American arent you. Here in Florida there is a lot of racism, and I was quite shocked since we are from the north. If people ask me stupid questions, like what is he, or other rude statements I say something rude back. Generally speaking I have not had a problem, but I also make it clear it is not something I would tolerate either. There was an older child one time, that was razzing him about his tan skin. I just said to him, why do you have such big ears? Maybe you arent white either. I never heard anything out of his mouth again, except hello. Now those kinds of things could definately get me in trouble, but I wont tolerate it plain and simple.
1 person likes this
@JTerrasi (199)
• United States
7 Jul 08
I wish people would see people for WHO they are and not what COLOR they are. My kids are my life and I see them as just that. No wonder people are so screwed up. I wish more positive and good things were taught in the home by these parents. It's just a vicious circle of life. I know God did not intend people to be like this. Thank you for the comment. Janet
@cjgrooms (4456)
• United States
6 Jul 08
I am from Ga. born and raised and people from other parts of the country automatically assume when they hear my accent that i am stupid (i am not) and they don't mind commenting on it, so i do understand how ignorance can make you feel. And as far as that being my children, it darn well better not be(i would hate to have to kill them for stupidity) because i wasn't raised that way and neither was my children.I do apologize for the ignorance that your children has had to face, it is not only unfair it is stupid of anyone to be judged on their race. Unfortunately there are a lot of prejudice people in my state and where as most of the time i am proud to be a southerner from GA. this makes ME wonder at our collective intelligence as a State.
1 person likes this
@JTerrasi (199)
• United States
6 Jul 08
Thank you for that! I do consider THIS my home. Being from the west coast I have been here for 20+ years. I did move to Tenn. but after six months had to Come Home!! People should think before they speak. Or catch the 'crap' that falls out of their mouths before it falls out. I know a lot of racial teachings starts in the home. Passed to children by their parents. So when these children reach adulthood they are 'their parents all over'! How sad for them. Maybe I was just naive...and people saying that they think mixed kids are ONLY Black with White-where did they get their learning? My opinion. Thank you again....you have made my day! Janet
2 people like this
@bamakelly (5194)
• United States
13 Jul 08
I am a forty year old mother with a four year old son. I am married for almost four years. We are all Caucasian. I am not faced with the same adversities that you seemed to struggle with in the past and into present day life. However, I can tell you that there is alot of ignorance and I don't see it stopping any time soon. Children are all precious that are born into the world no matter what ethnicity, religion, etc. It is a shame that a stigma continues amongst the mixing of the races and biracial children. I am not at all prejudiced especially of mixed children. Unfortunately they do seem to pay a higher price growing up in the world. But always remember what Martin Luther King had stated many years ago that it is not the color of one's skin but the content of their character. I believe it was him that stated that. Good luck and your children will be successful no matter what their ethnicity. It is just too bad that in the year 2008 we are still dealing with ignorance of this type.
• Philippines
8 Jul 08
How rude.So what if they're not white?That's what I want to tell my friends who want to move in the states.Racism is prevalent in that place(depending on the State I guess).I hate to hear about this.It makes me wanna freak out.
1 person likes this
@Ravenladyj (22937)
• United States
7 Jul 08
I'm a mixed raced woman (Polish and West Indian), raised in a white family (I'm adopted) and have heard it all EVEN from my so called family ...My children are mixed race as well (1/2 Polish, 1/4 Welsh and 1/4 West Indian) and they've heard some nasty things over the yrs too....AND ppl have made some rather rude assumptions as well (like I'm the babysitter)..It use to seriously anger me in the biggest of ways, especially when it came to my kids....and of course it use to upset them when they were younger (upset them in the sense that it would seriously hurt their feeligns and make them feel inadequate etc) but that was then...this is now..Both my kids and myself are very proud of who we are and our heritage and bottomline if ppl dont like it..they can p!ss off LOL I think the only time a child pays for the choice is when the parents or one of the parents/caregivers is the one doing the damage....i know that for me some of the cruelest comments were said right in our home when I was little...some of the strangest and cruels beliefs came from my 'mother' and still do actually...Another form of damage from the parent or caregiver is also NOT raising that child to BE PROUD of their heritage....Other than that though, I dont think the child/children pay the price...no more than they do or would if the parents are divorced or money is tight or whatever thing you can come up with....
@cbreeze (1207)
• United States
7 Jul 08
I agree with your comments. I think the most damage is done when it is the parents that do not respect the children's heritage. When it comes to other people, you have to figure that they would be ignorant and cruel about something else if there were no difference in heritage. It might have been about height or weight or some other factor out of the children's control.
@JTerrasi (199)
• United States
7 Jul 08
I hate labels and being judged. I heard racial comments in MY home growing up. This WAS NOT carried over to my home or my children. I was DISOWNED by my family for marrying a MEXICAN!! I am so proud of my children. They have learned of their heritage and one does speak Spanish. My father is passed now and never got to know his grand kids. I know he would have loved them. But he made the choice. I have to wonder if he regretted his decision before he passed. I will never know and they will never know him. Thank you, Janet
@cbreeze (1207)
• United States
7 Jul 08
JTerrasi, it is so sad to hear that your parents disowned you and your father didn't get to know his grandchildren. I want to know and be a part of my grandchildren's lives (when they come). I can't imagine disowning someone who carries my blood in their veins. When I think about what an icon my grandparents were in my life, I know how important that relationship is. He really missed out on something wonderful.