Giving a cat a pill

India
July 7, 2008 2:52am CST
LOL, I got this through e-mail today, and I enjoyed it so much that I thought I would share it with you. The dog people will really love it, while the cat people might disapprove. But, it is just a joke really, so enjoy!! HOW TO GIVE A CAT A PILL 1. Pick up cat and cradle it in the crook of your left arm as if holding a baby. Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of cat's mouth and gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in right hand. As cat opens mouth, pop pill into mouth. Allow cat to close mouth and swallow. 2. Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa. Cradle cat in left arm and repeat process. 3. Retrieve cat from bedroom and throw soggy pill away. 4. Take new pill from foil wrap, cradle cat in left arm, holding rear paws tightly with left hand. Gently force jaws open and push pill to back of mouth with right forefinger. Hold mouth shut for a count of 10. 5. Retrieve pill from goldfish bowl and cat from top of wardrobe. Call spouse from garden. 6. Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between knees, hold front and rear paws. Ignore low growls emitted by cat. Get spouse to hold head firmly with one hand while forcing wooden ruler into mouth. Drop pill down ruler and rub cat's throat vigorously. 7. Retrieve cat from curtain rail, get another pill from foil wrap. Make note to buy new ruler and repair curtains. Carefully sweep shattered figurines and vases from hearth and set to one side for gluing later. 8. Wrap cat in large towel and get spouse to lie on cat with head just visible from below armpit. Put pill in end of drinking straw, force mouth open with pencil and blow down straw. 9. Check label to make sure pill is not harmful to humans; drink 1 beer to take taste away. Apply band-aid to spouse's forearm and remove blood from carpet with cold water and mild soap. 10. Retrieve cat from neighbor's shed. Get another pill. Open another beer. Place cat in cupboard and close door on neck to leave head showing. Gently force mouth open with dessert spoon. Flick pill down throat with elastic band. 11. Fetch screwdriver from garage and put cupboard door back on hinges. Drink beer. Fetch bottle of scotch. Pour shot, drink. Apply cold compress to cheek and check records for date of last tetanus shot. Apply whisky compress to cheek to disinfect. Toss back another shot. Throw tee shirt away and fetch new one from bedroom. 12. Call fire department to retrieve the freaking cat from across the road. Apologize to neighbor who crashed into fence while swerving to avoid cat. Take last pill from foil wrap. 13. Tie the little ********'s front paws to rear paws with garden twine and bind tightly to leg of dining table. Find heavy duty pruning gloves from shed. Push pill into mouth followed by large piece of filet steak. Be rough about it if necessary. Hold head vertically and pour 2 pints of water down throat to wash pill down. 14. Consume remainder of scotch. Get spouse to drive you to the emergency room, sit quietly while doctor stitches finger and forearm and removes pill remnants from right eye. Call furniture shop on way home to order new table. 15. Arrange for RSPCA to collect the mutant cat from hell and call local pet shop to see if they have any really small hamsters. HOW TO GIVE A DOG A PILL 1. Wrap pill in bacon. 2. Toss in air. I don't know whether to put this in the animals section or the humor section. LOL Cheers and happy mylotting
5 people like this
11 responses
@lilaclady (28240)
• Australia
7 Jul 08
hahahaha that is funny, I have never had luck in giving my cat pills so I have to hide it in food...that works sometimes but sometimes my my kitty is just too clever...thats a very good insight to giving pills to cats you have there..
• India
7 Jul 08
Hi lilaclady, thanks for the response. I remember the time my Kitty needed medication, and she simply refused to take it. :) She would actually spit the tonic out. I was so worried about her, but luckily she recovered. Cheers and happy mylotting
2 people like this
• United States
7 Jul 08
Hahahahaha! That is very funny! I have never had to give my cats any pills, but my daughter has. She was frantic to get the pills down the cat's throat and was trying to enlist my assistance. No way was I going to get involved with that fiasco! I suggested that she put it in some canned cat food. The cat ate all the cat food and left the pill there. So then I suggested that she grind the pill up and put it in the food. I don't remember if that worked or not, I will have to ask her. I do know that she loves that cat like her own life, but forget the SPCA... she was ready to kill him with her own hands!! I am going to send this to her!
1 person likes this
• India
8 Jul 08
Hi zigzag, I hope you daughter likes it. I was a bit worried that cat lovers might feel offended. ;) LOL, I still remember the days when I had to give Kitty her antibiotics. She actually spat the stuff on my clothes, jumped away from me, and stared at me as if to say, "well, am I not suffering enough? Why are you torturing me with that now?" Luckily, she recovered. Cheers!
1 person likes this
• United States
9 Jul 08
Yes, she loved it! In fact it cheered her up tremendously as she was very bored being at work. Hehehe, funny, she said her cat gave her exactly the same kind of look your cat gave you, just in different words!
@TessWhite (3147)
• United States
8 Jul 08
Ok, either I'm overly tired or this is exceptionally funny. Either way I laughed until I cried. It is so so true! It reminds me of the one they have going around about how to give a cat a bath. (Written by the household dog no less) Its halarious too. Thanks for the giggles. Gotta go wipe my eyes and blow my nose now, then forward that on to all my cat loving friends.
1 person likes this
• India
8 Jul 08
Hi Tess, glad you liked this post. I haven't read the one about giving a cat a bath. :) In India, it is unheard of to give a cat a bath. Now, if I attempt such a thing, my cats might think I have gone crazy and run away from the house. LOL Cheers and happy mylotting
1 person likes this
• Jamaica
8 Jul 08
I loved it! I sent it to my cousin who is a vet, also almost everybody on my e-mail list!
1 person likes this
@jer31558 (3683)
• United States
8 Jul 08
I think it should be in the humor section...definitely humor. I know I sure got a good laugh out of it.
1 person likes this
@piecesB (46)
• China
7 Jul 08
Look after your pets well!
1 person likes this
• India
7 Jul 08
That's real good thing..funny.. actually we had dogs in our house in yester years... and when they took ill.. we hide it in the bread or in food.. it some times will swallow.. and on many occasions it won't even touch..
1 person likes this
@cjgrooms (4456)
• United States
7 Jul 08
That is absolutely halarious!
1 person likes this
@GreenMoo (11842)
7 Jul 08
This couldn't be more true. Having both cats and dogs, I can tell you from painful experience that cats and dogs need different techniques. A lump of cheese works a treat with the dogs. Actually, you could put the pill in a cabbage and they'd swallow it whole if you threw it in the air making the right sort of noises! But cats ... well, if I knew how to get a pill down a cat easily I'd make a forune. I normally enlist the help of OH. One of us holds it and the other one works the jaws. I'm constantly surprised about how long a cat can keep a pill in it's mouth for and still manage to gob it out though.
1 person likes this
• Jamaica
22 Aug 10
I read it again and I'm still laughing.
@snowy22315 (47074)
• United States
9 Jul 08
I've read that before its pretty funny. I ahve been trying to give my cat cranberry juice, That's a challenge also. I have finally decided to add a small amount to the water because giving it to the cat directly is pretty difficult. They are right givign dogs pills are much easier.