Live together before marriage?

United States
July 7, 2008 10:07am CST
Do you think people should live together before getting married, or do you not believe in it? Do you have any examples? I do: My sister in law did not live with her husband before they married. I do not know how long they dated, I assume it was a couple years. They married and divorced 5 years later. I knew my husband as a friend for about a year. Then we began dating and moved in together 2 months later. We finally got married 2 years after we moved in together. We've now been married for 5 years and are even more happy today than we were on day 1.
2 people like this
26 responses
• China
8 Jul 08
I think it all depends on how you look at it. Living tegether before marriage is very common now.So presure from the family and the society is becoming smaller. All you have to think about is whther living tegether can do any benefits to both of you.By living tegether you can know better of each other.However it may also make your relationship worse because you know so many bad habtats of each . If you like it,you may have a try.
1 person likes this
@lingli_78 (12852)
• Australia
8 Jul 08
i don't actually believe in that... my religion and culture forbid me from doing that and i don't want to do it myself anyway... i prefer to be legally married before i move in with a man... otherwise, i will feel very uncomfortable... that's what i do... i only move in after i am married with my hubby... everybody has a different opinion though and this is what i think... take care and have a nice day...
1 person likes this
@carlaabt (3506)
• United States
8 Jul 08
I think that each couple needs to decide that for themselves. My husband and I didn't live together before we got married. We only dated 9 months, and nearly all of that time was spent with over 1000 miles between us. We were actually able to go out on dates and do things together for less than a month of that time. Here we are, a little over 3 years later, and we are still together, and happy. We do have problems every now and then, but so does everyone else. My parents never lived together before marriage, and only dated for 10 months. They've been married since 1972. I know there are a lot of people that choose to live together first, too, and that's fine if that's what they want. It's just not something that we did.
1 person likes this
@eltmin (143)
• Malaysia
8 Jul 08
I think living together before marriage is a good idea. Dating for a person for a few years is not enough to know if he/she can stay/live together with you. Living together, means you will know each other's habits, there are tonnes of little things that you may not know during dating, but it will all show up when a you stay together. And that is a challenge itself. If you can get through it safely, then I think you don't even need a marriage, because you are already a true couple. I for one, is staying with my girlfriend for a few years now. It is a real learning experience for me, it is a whole new chapter of my life, there are a lot of tolerance, giving and taking, commitment and dedication. It was very hard at first, but at the end of the day, after all I have gone through, I know I have found the one, and only. Congratulations to you, wish you many more happy years together with your husband.
• Indonesia
8 Jul 08
I do agree that a couple should know and understand the other half better before getting married, their preferences, attitudes, likes and dislikes and lot of other things. But they don't really have to live together to do that. It's just an opinion so please don't take this the wrong way. My parents never lived together before they got married, and yet they had a wonderful 11 years of marriage until my Dad passed away on 2001. My aunt and his husband never lived together before and they got divorced after 15 years of marriage. So I think, living together before marriage really does not affect the outcome of a marriage itself. Again, my opinion only. [i] Happy mylotting and have a nice day![/i]
1 person likes this
@jammyt (2824)
• Philippines
8 Jul 08
Personally, I will not go for it. My sister has been doing it. i don't see anything wrong with it too. It's just not me. I've been with hubby for 8 years and a half before getting married. We never lived together but we saw each other everyday. We've been married for almost 4 years now. It has been great. Congratulations to you. You seem so happy with your husband. I salute you!
1 person likes this
@muxicka (216)
• Philippines
8 Jul 08
I think it's helpful. Most of my married friends often complain bout their partners doing this or that. I mean, they get to live together in a same house, sharing the same roof, sharing the same bed and after a month or so, they'll be arguing about stuffs that they didn't know with each other.
1 person likes this
@mssnow (9495)
• United States
8 Jul 08
I think it depends on the couple. some couples can live together for years but the minute they marry everything changes and they end up splitting up. Other people I know of a one a good friend of mine. She did not live with her guy and they have been married for over ten years and very happy.
1 person likes this
@banadux (630)
• United States
8 Jul 08
I've been living with my girlfriend for about a year now and it is going great. You learn a lot of things living together that you wouldn't otherwise. Some of things after you're married are sort of like, too late you're stuck with it now even if it annoys you to no end. Of course you're only stuck with it if you take your marriage vows to heart and most people don't, but since they probably really didn't know love to begin with what do you expect.
1 person likes this
@aendzie (571)
• Philippines
7 Jul 08
I don't honestly believe in Marriage..lol..well, I am living with my boyfriend right now, we're planning to settle down few months from now but I still feel hesitant thinking of the what if's. I have seen friends separated their partners because of common reasons such as third party, money, parents and so on..I don't really understand why should they get married when they will just move out and separate. I mean it's too much burden, if u are just living together you can just say goodbye, give my money and so long..if ure married u have to ask for lawyers, make legal actions, arrange papers and whatsoever. So, probably, I will just need to think about marrying my boyfriend a lot of times before doing so.
• United States
8 Jul 08
I think its in everyones better judgment to live with some one before you decide to get married. I have my show of experience doing both. I was married shortly after I was 18 years old to a man I didn't even truly know. We got married moved in together and lets say that ended in divorce. My partner and I now have been living together for almost 3 years now and we know eachother. You know you grow that bond of knowing what hes going to do before he does or vice versa. We plan on getting married soon but not to soon I think the divorce itself kind of freaked me about the whole marriage thing. I don't want to tie the knot again until I know that its going to be forever. It's a lot more expensive to get a divorce in my case then it was to get married!
8 Jul 08
i agree with u yes u have to thig even u do not know after marriage of the man. no one can understand man
• United States
8 Jul 08
Aendzie- Your marriage will be what you make it. If it is strong, there will be no prolbems from 3rd parties. If it is strong you will not let money or parents interfere. When you get married you make a lifelong commitment to be with that person, and that person only. If you take that promise seriously, nothing will come between you. If you don't view your vows as a lifetime promise, and allow petty things to cause problems, then you may end up in divorce. It's up to you and him.
• Malaysia
8 Jul 08
I'm living together with my boy friend currently. We knew for 4 years, we live together for almost 2 years. There are advantages and disadvantages to live together. We can know each other better by living together, but for the elders, who are more traditional, they will think that is not nice. But because of the cost saving, it's better to live together. So avoid any unhappiness, we have planned and applied for registration soon. At least we can live together legally.
• United States
8 Jul 08
I think with the cost of living it is stupid for 2 people who spend all there time together during the day not live together. They will cut costs in half and you will find out how you really get along with the other person.
@magojordan (3256)
• Philippines
8 Jul 08
In my personal opinion it's good that a couple live together before they get married. At least by the time they get married, they would have adjusted already in living together. Because usually if they only started living together after they got married, they have to make adjustments with each other. A guy's lifestyle is very different form a girl's so I think it's better that you have an adjustment period first before tying the knot.
• Philippines
8 Jul 08
Yeah i agree with you magojordan because nowadays most of the people are just feel excited in their partners and got married without knowing more their partners to be. In my opinion we should first know our partner to be before getting tied with her/him. Living together before mirage is the best way to know each other. It will help you a lot in making the right decision.
@DonnaLawson (4032)
• United States
7 Jul 08
I really don't think they should live together before they get married but I do believe they should date, have fun and get to know each other very well before marrying.. I was raised in a time that you didn't live with someone without being married to them, so I am not being judgemental, I am just stating what I believe in answer to your question.. A lot of people do get married too quickly and end up regretting it and getting a divorce, which, if they have kids is not good for the kids.. My husband and I dated for 3 years before we got married, and we have been married for 40 years now.. Even if you date for years, you can't guarantee a good long marriage.. Good going for you and yours..
• United States
8 Jul 08
You know, you got me thinking. When you were younger it was not as accepted to live together before dating, so that's the way many people were raised. This is not the values we're passing along anymore... and that's not the only thing that's changed. I believe back then when people had those values, they also placed value on commitment and honesty. Today people don't have those morals, and so they will be unfaithful and untrue, so living with them is the only way to learn the truth.
1 person likes this
@gemini_rose (16194)
7 Jul 08
I lived with my now hubby for two years before getting married, we have been together 9 years in total now, married for 7. But as you know it has not been without its problems. I reckon it is a good idea to live together first before getting married, at least then people know if they are going to get on. It is a big difference between dating and living under the same roof 24/7 together I know that much!
8 Jul 08
yes i agree with u. it was so good to understand each other if not can dived i agree with u
@phoenix25 (1543)
• United States
10 Jul 08
I have seen both situations go both ways. My parents didn't live together before marriage. They got a divorce 29 years later. My husband's parents didn't live together before marriage and they got a divorce after 8 years. Some close friend's of ours lived together before they got married (around the same time we did) and got divorced after about 5 years of marriage. My husband and I lived together for one year before we were married and now we have been married for almost 7 years. Personally, I wanted to live with the person that I thought I would marry because I didn't want what happened to my mom to happen to me. She married my dad and he turned out to be abusive. I wanted to live with a person first, even though I was Christian and knew it was "wrong", because I didn't want that to happen to me. I don't regret and we are still going strong after almost 7 years. My husband and I don't believe in divorce, so it would take some pretty extreme circumstances to break us up. I think it depends on the people whether or not they should live together before marriage. On the up side, living together lets you know if you can really live with that person and get along with each other. It helps you work any quirks out before you get married so the first months of your marriage aren't spent arguing about stupid stuff and finding out weird things about your spouse that you never knew before. The reason people assume that living together before marriage usually ends in divorce is because a lot of people that get married after living together don't take marriage seriously and understand the enormity of what they're doing. For us, marriage wasn't a big deal. We understood what it meant, but it was just a piece of paper. Our relationship didn't change, which is a good thing. We didn't expect things to be different just because we had a new label.
• Uruguay
10 Jul 08
I will take the issue a step further. Married people live together. In fact, for a couple to cohabit and form a home and a family comes from cave's times! And they didn't "marry" at the time. I believe that marrying is just a paper and a very cool ceremony, but what really counts is the commitment you renew everyday. If you're really in love and commited to live everyday with the person next to you, being married or not makes no difference. In my case, I've been living with my partner for almost 4 years now, and in my country is normal for not married couples to refer to their partner as "husband" or "wife".
@4ofmyown (1119)
• United States
10 Jul 08
My husband and I lived together before we were married. I really don't think it would have made any difference but it did make the getting married part less stressful. With my husband, we live together before we got married and should have known from living with him that I was making a mistake. I guess it depends on the relationship and the situation.
@GreenMoo (11842)
9 Jul 08
I don't think it really matters whether you live together before you marry or not. What matters is whether you have made a committment to each other when you move in together.
@Crysi23 (515)
• United States
8 Jul 08
I met my husband online we were just friends first because we didn't want to jump right into a relationship right away. I think we dated without knowing it for about a month than he moved in with me for about a couple of weeks than he asked me to marry him and we got married in September. We've been married for almost 4 years now. Plus we're expecting a child. We still act like newly weds.
• United States
8 Jul 08
Well me and my wife were dating for about 5 years before we moved in together and about a year later we got married and we are doing ok. I am not saying we have the best marriage but it is ok. I think you need to live with someone before you get married to see how they are like and if you really can be together with one another.