Giving up a child for love???

Australia
July 8, 2008 10:17pm CST
I just turned 20 and i have 2 children (14months and 2 1/2) and expecting my third anytime now. Im married an my husbend works every day 10hours a day so its really hard trying to keep my sanity aswell as trying to look after myself while running around after 2 toddlers. We moved to Australia from NZ about 6 months ago so i havnt really got many friends and no family here. Im in a delemma where i am thinking about sending one of my children back to NZ to live with my mother so things will be easer for me, the only thing is, is that if i do decide to do that then i wont be able to have that child back (as-in) mi mother will be his/her mother. I dont know what to do, am i being selfish an just thinking about what is best for me an not my baby? Has anyone else been in this same situation? if you have any comments or segestions, please dont hesatate to comment! Thanks for reading mi discussion!
1 person likes this
7 responses
• Canada
9 Jul 08
Oh wow hun I could never imagine having to be in your shoes. What i do know is that you need to do what is best for EVERYONE it is not only you that you are thinking of. If YOU cannot take care of yourself first and formost how are you going to care for your kids? You are doing what is best for the baby because that way the child will have the parent they deserve. If you cannot handle another then it is best that you do give him/her up to your mother. I knwo I would never want to have to do that but I would in a heart beat if it meant that the child would be cared for and I am not saying you would not care for the baby, what I am saying is if you dont feel like you can then it is best to do what you feel to be the best thing for everyone. Just take it one day at a time hun and by the time the baby arrives you may feel very different so just wait it out and keep yourself healthy.
1 person likes this
• Australia
9 Jul 08
Thanks so much for your comment, it made me cry reading it. Every thing that you said made sence and i know that i do need to make shure that im looking after myself first and formost. The advice that you gave made me think about was awsome and im shure i will make the right decesion in the end, I will keep you posted! Thanks again. Jess
• Canada
9 Jul 08
AWWW hun your going to make me cry lol I am glad I helped you feel a little better and in the end I am sure you will make the right choice. Thank you for letting me know how I helped. it is people like you that make me love this site. Plz do keep me posted. i will add you as a friend if that is alright with you? Hugs
@sylvia13 (1851)
• Nelson Bay, Australia
9 Jul 08
I have never been faced with a predicament like yours and I feel for you, but I am scared about you sending one of your kids back to NZ. I am sure your mother will look after the child but, as you say, she will then sort of become that kid's mother. Not only that, but you would also be separating the two children, who are close in age and I am sure they would miss each other. The 14 month old one will soon be facing competition from the baby you are expecting and it would be good if the other one was still around then. I will pray that you find some friends who are able to give you a hand and help you out through these difficult times!
@bmorehouse1 (1029)
• United States
9 Jul 08
I have not been in this situation, but after having two children, why didn't you try birth control until you were able to handle another? I know things happen, but after this you might think about it. As far as giving up one of your children, is it for the childs good? Will that child ask "Why me and not one of the others?" I really think in the long run you might regret it. Times are tough, but usually we can ride through them. Sometimes you have to take it a day at a time, but things usually work out. I don't know if you are a religious person, but usually if I pray about a burden, then the Lord lifts that burden by guiding me and helping to shoulder that burden until it works out. Best wishes!
@SusanLee (1920)
• United States
9 Jul 08
My son was 13 months old when my second child was born. I was in a rotten marriage on top of it all, I don't know how I would have felt if I had a third child on the way. I don't understand why you won't be able to have your child back if it goes to stay with family while you get back on your feet and adjust after this child is born. It isn't uncommon for family to step up and help during times like this. Why do you have to give up the child forever? I don't understand that. Is there no one that can come and stay with you and your family awhile until things get back on an even- keel? I'm so sorry you've found yourself in a place where you feel like you have to give up a child. I hope things work themselves out for everyone involved. I just don't think it's fair to you to think you have to give up any of your children.
1 person likes this
• United States
9 Jul 08
expecting a baby,well in itself is alot of work on top of haveing a toddler, i know i have been there.i have 6 children. dont give up and trust me you will be just fine and you dont have to give anyone up for love give all your love....it really all works out they will all find there place in the home TRUST YOURSELF know that going from 1 child to 2 is the hardest, after that your a pro and its a piece of cake...once you get through that first 6 weeks. just remember though when its hard in those first few months it will end . and it goes by so fast so enjoy it also you will look back and be so glad to have 3 wonderful children. by the way you moved to my dream vacation spot.....lucky you i also moved away from family and friends for a year, somthings i did and you could try join a school pta join up in the moms club if you have one their, or hey start one for all those mothers that feel like you do ....you will make lots of friend and you will grow from this...nice to chat with you
1 person likes this
@spalladino (17927)
• United States
9 Jul 08
I'm not trying to sound mean but children are not puppies that you can give away when things become difficult. Your children love you and depend on you so you need to think about the emotional damage that being sent away will cause. It doesn't matter how rationally it is explained, or how much your mother will love the child, being rejected by your own mother will scar this child and cause self esteem problems that will last a lifetime. You're still relatively new to Australia and I do understand the problem you're having but there are other options. You can build a network of support in your new area...it's just going to take some time and effort.
@Margajoe (4721)
• Germany
9 Jul 08
Hi! Please don't do that!!! You will regret it later. You will find a way to overcome the hard times. Mothers always find a way to take care of there children. And so will you. You are a mother know, no time for feeling sorry for yourself anymore. The children are number one! Please, don't make a stupid mistake! Keep your family together. Take care, Margajoe