attending wakes...

@vanities (11387)
Davao, Philippines
July 9, 2008 6:35am CST
My husband's cousin died yesterday due to stroke..and my husband wish that i could go to his wakes this coming friday ..but im hesitating to go since i really dont like going ..im scared of dead bodies and the likes...and afraid to have nightmares afterwards..he knows but he is trying to help me overcome this..If i dont go do you think his relatives will misinterpret my actions and felt bad about it?what do you think guys?
3 people like this
6 responses
@Barbietre (1440)
• United States
13 Jul 08
I have 2 of my cousins die this month, so I have been to two wakes. It does not bother me and I guess that is because I have been going to them since I was a small child. My Grandmother was the youngest of 13 so many of them passed when I was very young. Plus I have a very big family and it just happens. Like everything else It is just what you get used to.
2 people like this
@vanities (11387)
• Davao, Philippines
16 Jul 08
lucky you!!
@jairgirl (2877)
• United States
9 Jul 08
hello vanities, i know exactly what it feels like so i tried to avoid it as much as i can when i was a kid but later on i realized that the best way to overcome a fear is to face it and not think about it (at least try not to think about it) our brain is so powerful that it can feed us thoughts that is very unlikely to happen so just think about that and in some ways it can help you. asians sometimes have a closed mind (no offense meant) just that it is common and if your husband cannot justify your reason then they might think that you have a bad relationship with them and may somehow judge you for not going there coz it is your hubby's cousin's last so that is something you have to think about. if its ok with you and you dont really care what they will gonna say nor think then go ahead. BUT if you feel it will affect you greatly then weigh things out which one will bother you the most: the nightmares (which is just a dream and not true) OR the reality that your hubby's relatives will judge you for not going there. i honestly feel that you can still go, just dont look at the wake and just hang around there, i do that coz i know my presence means a lot to them and i do explained to them the reason why i cant look coz there are others who feel the same way. my mom wont eat to a place that has a wake on it and my relatives knows that but they appreciate that she is there anyway and for them that is all that matters. anyway, wish you all the best and hope you figure it out without being guilty about it. takecare
@vanities (11387)
• Davao, Philippines
9 Jul 08
fair enough..i guess it will do trick if i just stay on the bench not near on the coffin itself..well thanks for the tips and your opinion on the pros and cons of it..it enlightens me on dealing such fear..have a nice day!!
@jairgirl (2877)
• United States
10 Jul 08
great to know that you have something to decide now. i do the trick myself and really it gives me benefit than harm so i just stick with it and not upset my family LOL have a good one and hope no nightmares afterwards. takecare
@misty99 (736)
10 Jul 08
Hi vanities......i know how it feels to be scared.It's just that going to wakes is not one of those fears-a bit lucky.It all up to you.If you decide not to go then do so,maybe you could send a note or give them a phone call explaining your side apart of not being there.But if you decide to go in spite of the fear,go to make use of the situation to start conquering the fear.If you're not yet ready to face it don't approach the coffin,try to have conversations to those present in the wake.Good luck!
@vanities (11387)
• Davao, Philippines
11 Jul 08
it may do the trick..did you try it?
@jillhill (37383)
• United States
9 Jul 08
I don't go unless it's a close relative....I don't like it either...I prefer to remember them how they were when they were alive....I don't know what your relatives will think...I personally don't care what mine think as it's my life I worry about!
1 person likes this
@vanities (11387)
• Davao, Philippines
10 Jul 08
@dhangski (3194)
• Philippines
9 Jul 08
I'm just like you. I don't usually go to wakes. I have been having nightmares whenever I look inside the coffin. But if I really have to, I go but I just stay at the back or outside the chapel. I think you should go, just don't look at the coffin coz if you don't relatives will really misinterpret you. Just pretend that you're not afraid. That's what I always do and it works for me.
@vanities (11387)
• Davao, Philippines
9 Jul 08
i guess i will and follow your advice..dhangski take care!!
• India
9 Jul 08
Hi friend, Its just a cutesy to go along with your husband.If you are that much scared about it i think it is good not to go alone.It all depends upon to decide whether you have to go or not.I think we are not the right persons to suggest you in this type of situtation.
@vanities (11387)
• Davao, Philippines
10 Jul 08
thanks for the response and shared opinion ..take care
• India
10 Jul 08
Its okay friend, Have a nice day.