have you ever been 'out of place'?

Philippines
July 9, 2008 11:55pm CST
i really hated the feeling of being out of place, especially when everybody in the room is busy fuzzing about things..or talking about things on whichi can't relate..while me, in the middle of that crowd..feeling all alone, and acting like a loner, which, i am not.. just yesterday, i came home from school, with a teary eye..self pitying.. am i the one to blame if i don't join in their nonsense conversation?
2 people like this
18 responses
• United States
10 Jul 08
I often feel alone in a crowd and as if i out of place. I am not a loner but socializing has just never been my thing and i am so not good at it. I don't think its you i think maybe you are just in the wrong places and need to find a place where you feel you do belong.
• Philippines
10 Jul 08
i think you're right..i have think about that..but you see..this crowd i am talking about are my friends..and i am considering live separately with them and start to look for a new friend..do you think this would be a nice idea?
• United States
10 Jul 08
I wouldnt totally leave your friends but yes try looking for new ones. We get alot of what we need from our friends and obviously the ones you have supply you with something or they wouldnt be your friends, but you are still missing something so looking for a new friend might not be a bad idea.
• Philippines
11 Jul 08
we will soon be graduating..i think it will be easier to find new friends in the working place as soon as i could learn to overcome my shyness..i really hope i could find true friends and really get along with them, i am longing for a friend whom i could trust wholly..hoping soon i could find one
@Elixiress (3893)
10 Jul 08
There have been a couple of times that I have felt out of place, the most recent was when me and my boyfriend were walking along this street to get from a to b but not actually stopping on the street. Everywhere you looked there was some smartly dressed business person and there was us walking along in our casual clothes, I remember saying "I feel a little under dressed". Another time was when I went to an engagement party of my boyfriends past best friend and we knew no one, so I felt out of place as everyone else knew each other and I knew my boyfriend and his parents and that was it.
• China
10 Jul 08
Hi!You don't have to be too worried.It's not your fault.Well,it is advisable that you shoud improve your scocial skills.Many conversations are really nonsense but remember that people want to gossip.You may try to listen to them patiently.And at last,always be yourself.
@Elixiress (3893)
10 Jul 08
I don't remember needing advance. I think that my social skills perfectly fine and that I am a perfectly sociable person.
• Philippines
11 Jul 08
i also experienced that same situation where i attended some seminar and we were asked to wear corporate attire, but when we get there,,almost all of the other participants wear only casual dress, good thing there were a few who came, also with their corporate dresses. thanks for your sharing
@checapricorn (16066)
• United States
10 Jul 08
Hi there nyce, I have experienced that a lot in my younger years and I tried hard to overcome my shyness since It hinders me from socializing to others...I finally was able to make it, if there is a chance for you to change the topic and bring everyone to a topic that you know,that will be a great idea to divert their attention..I am sure they are willing to interact with you, you just need to exert a little effort! be positive, i am sure you can do that!
• Philippines
11 Jul 08
i always tried to be the center of attention but unfortunately i am very poor for that, i can't start any conversation that may last for a minute..that is how bad i was.. i will be graduating soon..i am afraid to face the working environment with my shyness..i really wanted to overcome this problem hope you could give me some advice in doing so.. thanks..
• United States
11 Jul 08
How about joining any organizations or clubs...That's what I did when I was in College and it helps me a lot...Then, it's okay if your topic will not last longer,as long as you will always find any topic whenever you are with them..and, also try to participate in their discussion like if you do not know about it, ask what is it, what happen, you know! Just be part of the talk, and do not afraid that you do not know, be humble and always ask!
• Philippines
10 Jul 08
This problem of yours is same with my friend's. Actually, I think being out of place is a choice. Or maybe not sometimes. I do too feel that sometimes. But I don't think that negatively. It is because I accept the fact that there will be always times that I can't relate and it's OK. Accept it. Friends are friends, they are not you. You can't always share same thoughts and interests. It is not a good idea to find new friends because it is not your friends' fault. You just need to understand your self and why are you feeling so out of place whenever you are with them. Reflect. God Bless. Have a nice day.
• Philippines
11 Jul 08
is it not their fault?i mean why would they share their thoughts with each other, and when i ask them what is it for me to join their conversation, they would tell me..it's nothing.. that is why sometimes i'd rather not talk with them and stay away from them when there are things that they are up to., coz sometimes i feel like they really care for me when they started to feel that i'm away, you really can't appreciate the importance of someone unless they left,, so i'm wondering, if they would realized their act of ignoring me when i started to find friends other than them
• Philippines
11 Jul 08
partly yes. both of you and your friends should share the blame. but what i have experienced, feeling out of place is an internal problem especially when you feel it when you are with your friends. actually you need to adjust not the other way around. you can't expect the group to adjust for you. friendship is a give and take process. if there are times that you really can't relate to what they are talking about, it is OK to go out somewhere or rather you tell them to change the topic for the moment.It is matter of how you handle the situation. you cant put all the blame to your friends. good luck.
• United States
10 Jul 08
Well you left out alot of viable information. Was the topic some dumb random stuff, or was this a serious intelligent discussion. I tend to avoid people who talk about things that concern absolutley nothing. I like following intelligent conversations. Sometimes I lack the knowledge to join in but I learn simply from listening. So without knowing why your felt left out in this conversation I don't see how anyone could properly advice you.
• Philippines
11 Jul 08
you have a point, but somehow, some people could understand me, coz they actually had given me some advice, for your understanding, i think their conversation is about some peoples life, some rumors, i really do not like talking about someone else life coz i don't want them talking about mine, that is why sometimes i don't join with them, i also do not like to join conversations which would be so intelligent conversation, coz i'm not that smart,and i don't want to feel dumb, maybe i just find some people with the same level of interest
@zer0charly (5618)
• Philippines
10 Jul 08
Hell yeah!..and I don't want that kind of feeling. who wants to anyway? way back college, I am one of the students who will represent our course in this exam in the other school. there I met 3 of the student on the other courses. damn! they knew each other because they've already represent our school with the quiz bee before. there they talk about their past quiz bee, their happy moments and everything.. me? I am just listening to their happy moments, and kind bored and out of place at the same time.. even if I wanted to share some thoughts about them, I'd rather not to talk.
• Philippines
11 Jul 08
yeah, one of my 'out of place' moments was the same as yours, what contest are you joining then? from that day on, i never again start a conversation to people whom i barely know except when he/she approaches me first,, maybe that is one of the reason why i never developed my self confidence
@weng_08 (282)
• Philippines
10 Jul 08
I guess once in a while we all go through that regardless how smart or confident we are. I don't always feel like a fish out of the water, but there are some instances that just like you, I feel out of place and it has always given me an unpleasant feeling. What I do is that I don't dwell much on it. Somehow I know that someone else feels the same way and that another person is just trying to hide his or her boredom by trying to appear interested to what others are saying. I am not that type and that is what makes me feel 'out-of-place' at times, I guess, it's when I don't find the topic interesting. I think this happens when we talk to people whom we do not share the same level of interest...though it shouldn't always happen, for at times, we should also take the opportunity to learn from such situation.
• Philippines
11 Jul 08
very well said.. you exactly pinpoint how i feel..i wonder if you and me had the same level of interest..:) anyway..i appreciated you replying on my message and making me see that i am not the only one who feels this way, i really am depressed when feeling out of placed, sometimes i tried to ask them what their conversation is about, and somehow, i get this feeling that they are irritated to tell me the whole story all over again just because i do not know the details from the beginning, that is why sometimes, i better not join in their conversation and pretend to be busy doing something else, i hope i could learn how to completely ignore them,
@lost4eva (33)
• United States
10 Jul 08
Youre not a loner.. But stop worrying about everyone else doing their thing. I get like that around people I don't feel comfortable with I just stand / sit there wondering what i can do to be more out going be myself and it never works.. You yourself have your guard up arounding this people and thats fine but you just can't force it down. You need to be surrounded with people that you feel comfortable with so you can be yourself and trust me.. you wont feel out of place again!
• Philippines
11 Jul 08
but they are my friends, my only friends for the past four years, if i stay away from them and look for anyone else whom i will be comfortable with, don't you think it will be too late?or don't you think it will be harder to trust new persons? if i look for new friends, don't you think it will be harder for me or us to start building a new friendship relationship?
• United States
10 Jul 08
I always seem to be "out of place", except when I am with my boyfriend, I am never out of place when I am with him.
• Philippines
10 Jul 08
too good for you.. my boyfriend also make sure that i will never be out of place whenever i am with him..
@shlooper (309)
• United States
10 Jul 08
Well, you are the one to blame if you don't join in, but at the same time don't feel obligated to. If people are talking about things that you don't care about you have no obligation to join in. If you don't join in though, I don't think that you should feel sorry for yourself. Rather, I think you should try to find people who talk about things that you are interested in.
• Philippines
10 Jul 08
ouch..am i really the one to blame?..thanks for being that honest.. i think their just not the right friends for me.. but i do hope..that i could build a lot of confidence for me not to be out of place again..
@GIRLBITS (228)
• Philippines
24 Nov 08
Remember this: just because you think or act different doesn't make you an outcast. It may make it hard for you to find a group to belong to, or to stay with the group you thought were your true friends. Whatever the case, stand your ground about what you believe especially when it is right. BE TRUE TO YOURSELF!
@GIRLBITS (228)
• Philippines
24 Nov 08
If you Feel Like An "Outcast"... Yours is not not hopeless situation. Here are some strategies to help you survive: 1. SEEK A SYMPATHETIC EAR. Talk to a teacher or guidance counselor in school. Find somebody you trust to help you come out of your shell slowly. 2. JOIN YOUTH GROUPS IN YOUR COMMUNITY. It's a good way to build your social skills. 3. PLAY THE FIELD. There was never a hard-and-fast rule that you should belong to just one group. Make yourself a free agent and mingle with different groups. 4. WHAT GETS YOU EXCITED? Find a healthy outlet for your thoughts and feelings. Try writing, painting, singing, or playing an instrument, and from there, you'll be able to find other people with common interests. 5. FORM YOUR OWN GROUP! Who says you can't? Make it a group founded on positive objectives. 6. BE YOUR OWN BEST FRIEND. Until you find a group you want to belong to, get in touch with the real you. When you do discover your true clique, you'll be sure of who you are and what you believe in (and won't get sucked into doing the wrong things).
@sunname (101)
• China
11 Jul 08
don't feel pity or something else, I think being with lots of people is bot the best thing, sometimes ,you need the private time to be alone, to think anything you like , to feel the life quiet, so ,just enjoy the feeling
@rosema (1145)
• Philippines
11 Jul 08
Hi nyce_chique, I also felt like that, specially in a party that i dont have friends. so i just stay alone and no one to talk. thanks and have a nice day.
@Hatley (164645)
• Garden Grove, California
11 Jul 08
hi nyce chique yes when I was invited to a baby shower and wasthe only senior citizen there, among all the young moms, so at the first moment there was a break I feigned a bad headache and left this young party, wishing I had never gone in the first place.
@amanda08 (647)
• United States
11 Jul 08
i feel out of place sometimes too... but you know what.. i think we all do...
• United States
11 Jul 08
I often feel alone every day. And I notice it more when I'm with a group of people. It's weird feeling that I can't really explain. It's not so much that I feel different because I have different interests. It's more along the lines of not really understand human nature, lol. I feel like I'm the other worldly creature when I'm with people.
@newtondak (3950)
• United States
10 Jul 08
We moved to another state this past fall, so I am in a completely new community. Since I don't know many people yet, whenever I am in a group where they are discussing things going on in the community and the people involved, I don't know who they're talking about, and that makes me feel out of place.