What a week it has been!!!

@dhangski (3194)
Philippines
July 10, 2008 7:40pm CST
This is the worst and the most terrible week I had. A week full of heartaches, struggles, stress, pressure. What more can I ask for? I had an argument with my husband last Monday because of the kids. That same day, a misunderstanding with my BOF (Best Online Friend) that nearly end our friendship. Tuesday, my husband and I had talked things out and we were ok. But still no communication with my BOF. Wednesday was ok. Finally, my BOF and I had talked things out and were ok again. Thursday, was really ok. A good chat with my husband, we were happy and I had talked to my BOF too, laughed our hearts out, etc. And now it's Friday here, another problem that nearly ended my marriage for 10 years. A fight with my husband over money matters. I am planning to find a job so I won't hear any bad words from him regarding my budgeting and stuffs. What can I do? All prices here are going up every week. I've explained how our budget goes, but it seems that he don't understand or he doesn't really want to understand. I hanged up on him, (he's working abroad) so any further damage will not be done. I really don't know what to do right now. My head is really aching right now, I've been crying and crying. But I just can't control it. What should I do? What did I do wrong? Do I have to be always play the role of a martyr? I just hope that all of this problems will end soon. But right now, I just don't want to talk to my husband. It really feels so bad hearing all the bad words, the shouting etc. I just want to share this, I just can't help my self. I just want to express what I feel right now. Any advices and sharing of experiences and enlightenment, I will gladly appreciate. HUGZ to all my friends here.
2 people like this
16 responses
@checapricorn (16072)
• United States
11 Jul 08
Hello dhangski, I understand your situation... I remember when my Dad used to work away and my Mom also experienced that.It breaks my heart when I will recall it but I know both of them doesn't like it and hurt by it..In your case, you can email your husband if you can't talk to him right now, You have also to understand that it's not easy to be away from a family, the pain he is experiencing, loneliness and hardship..Not easy and very sad life! But, he loves you so he is willing to sacrifice that all! Sometimes, when a person is tired, his mind is close to listen and that is temporary since the love is there! I know how hard also to be in your role, to budget considering the prices of today, it's been increasing a lot... So, do not let your emotion ruin your relationship...Do the first move in a way to comfort him also since he is far!
@dhangski (3194)
• Philippines
11 Jul 08
Thank you so much my dear friend. I do understand his situation. But I hope there will come a time that he will just listen to me to. I've been explaining things to him and all that he utter are bad words against me, which really broke my heart. I know we can patch things up but I guess not this time. I'll do the first move when that time comes. Thanks again for all of your advices to me. God bless!
• United States
11 Jul 08
I understand you very much...I know he also don't mean it, but you also do not know the pressure he has now! Anyway, Email can be a good way too..You can express anything you want to say and to tell him...Just take time to heal and I know you can both surpass that, just a trial in life! God Bless too!
@aj2006 (1536)
• Philippines
11 Jul 08
you know friend, that is what marriage is all about. ..from the kids to finances..that is the two major part of marriage that is most delicate and complicated to handle, I am fortunate coz my husband is in the country, I can really feel what you are into right now because it was once a major blow by blow fight with my hubby as well..but then, we realized that if we both keep on fighting about it instead of talk about it, the problem will be worst than before... so , what we did is take time to both sit down and we both discussed the in's and out of our finances, I let him know all the things/bills etc.that we consume in a monthly basis and what part of it can be turn into savings. it is really hard dhang, but then, don't loose hope.. everything will be alright as soon as you know it..communication is the key..love and light!
@dhangski (3194)
• Philippines
11 Jul 08
Thanks aj. I regularly talk to him. We talk everyday, and I tell him all my finances here. What I bought for the day, for the week, bills that should be paid. I just don't get it why he doesn't understand that. I know we can talk things out but I think now is not the right time, we both are flared at this moment. Thanks again for the advice. HUGZ!
@aj2006 (1536)
• Philippines
11 Jul 08
you're always welcome.. I wish you all the very best in your married life. have a great day ahead ..
@ibcandy2 (40)
• United States
11 Jul 08
Sorry to hear about all of the problems that you have been having. I hate to say it but there are going to be more times where you are going to get into arguements with friends and your husband because you are individuals and dont always think the same. As far as your question do you have to always play the role of martyr the answer is yes. I think I read somewhere that martyr and woman are synonyms (just kidding) but it seems to be that way. The number one arguement in relationships are financial ones. I think it would be an excellent idea for you to get a job. Honestly, the way my mother raised me was to never depend on a man for nothing. What if your husband leaves you (I pray that he doesnt) but I mean if that scenerio were to occur, what would you do? You are soley dependent on him and that isnt good. You getting a job would not only help your finances but also the arguements with your husband about the finances. It is stressful being a sole financial provider when there is another person who is able to work but doesnt. Atleast you have someone who does work and allows you not to work because some of us dont even have that option. You ignoring your husband is only going to make things work. You shouldnt play with fire if you dont have any water to put out the flames. If you were to tell your husband you got a job, i am positive that he would gain a whole new level of respect and love for you because you are showing him that you are willing to help with a problem that you are having. I know you dont want to work. Who does? Unfortunately, with rising costs and the state of the economy, you not having a job isnt an option. Just think about it........
@dhangski (3194)
• Philippines
11 Jul 08
Thank you so much for the advice and for sharing. This sure really helps in my decision. Take care.
@dropofrain (1168)
• India
11 Jul 08
its bad that all this is happening with you in your life. these matters are of utmost concern and should be taken care of. apart from this, you should analyze the whole situation with a calm mind. try and find out the actual reasons for the coflict and think about the good times. patch up with your hubbby and get together.
@dhangski (3194)
• Philippines
11 Jul 08
Thank you so much for the good advice. I'll keep that in mind
@subha12 (18462)
• India
11 Jul 08
I can understand. here you have to protest. take decission what you think best for you. also there are times when nothing work fine for us. may be its such a time for you. I am also having real problem in life.
@dhangski (3194)
• Philippines
11 Jul 08
Thanks. I hope you resolved your problems too.HUGZ
@vanities (11351)
• Davao, Philippines
11 Jul 08
it was indeed a very depressing week..that was tough!!just remember he is still your husband any arguments are normal to both who are in a relationship as long as you still love each other...yes all prices are going up and as a wife must act our part and be sensible enough to find way to save and all..im not saying that youre not...but since your husband is working abroad then i guess you must let him know from time to time how much had been spent to a particular thing or food...well in my household im the one who does the budgeting and i let my hubby know if we are way over head with the expenses..and find solutions on it..
@dhangski (3194)
• Philippines
11 Jul 08
That's what I do. I filed all the receipts of our expenses here, I've shown it to him, but he just won't listen. I'm planning to find a job now, which was long overdue. Thanks for the advice. HUGZ!
@jammyt (2824)
• Philippines
11 Jul 08
Hugs to you! From your name, I'm assuming that you are a Filipino? Anyway, I know how it feels about prices being so high and the budget is never enough. Why don't you go ahead and find a job ---- not just to help your husband but to be able to help yourself too. Staying at home and not doing anything contributes to being insecure and having low self-worth. Maybe, you and hubby needs to cool down first. The situation you are in right now, him being away, also contributes to spark the fights. Goodluck and I hope you work things out soon.
@dhangski (3194)
• Philippines
11 Jul 08
I've been telling him that I do really want to get a job. I want to have my own savings and I wanted to help him with the expenses. I told him before that I don't want to just depend on what he is earning. But the problem is, he won't allow me. Anyway, thank you so much for the advice. It was really helpful on my part. HUGZ.
@salonga (28072)
• Philippines
11 Jul 08
I just pray you and your husband would kiss and make up very soon. Money matters really could kill a relationship but you should not allow that to happen to you. You can always talk things out without quarelling. I hope each of you could be forgiving of each other. I supposed both of you have hurt each others in word but you do love each other still of course, so If I were you, I will make the first move to say sorry to him and explain your side in a nice way. I know it's easier said than done but the word 'Sorry'has over and over again been a magic word that could mend up broken relationships. Cheer up my friend, Smile and do something to solve your LQ.
@dhangski (3194)
• Philippines
11 Jul 08
Thank you for the advice and enlightening my mind my dearest friend. We'll talk things out and see what we can do. But as for now, we are both flared and I think it's better if we get some air. Thanks again. God Bless. HUGZ.
@neildc (17257)
• Lapu-Lapu City, Philippines
11 Jul 08
i know how you feel, gang. but please don't get rude in making decisions. i know the problem will still be solved. and remember that i am always here for you. keep smiling, don't take it so so seriously...
@dhangski (3194)
• Philippines
11 Jul 08
Thanks best for always cheering me up. Chat with you later. HUGZ!
11 Jul 08
dhangski, I am sorry for you my friend, sometime can be so stuborn but I'm glad you have made with you bof.You really will have to talk to your husband soon. My husband and myself have plenty fights as well. Hop thins will work out ok. Love HUGZ Tamara
@dhangski (3194)
• Philippines
11 Jul 08
Thank you so much my dear friend tamara. I will sure talk to him but not now. I think I need some air. Thanks again for always being there for me. HUGZ.
@ocean4 (236)
• Canada
11 Jul 08
At times like that I think you should just focuse on what happening right then, not the future. Sort of a live life day by day thing. Dont worry too much about your husband, just worry about whats happening that day and youl eventually get out of troubled times. I dont mean stop planning EVERYTHING, just dont fret about the future because you never know what might change.
@dhangski (3194)
• Philippines
11 Jul 08
Thank you so much for the response. HUGZ!
• United States
11 Jul 08
Hi friend! I'm sorry to hear that you have struggled this week. I have weeks like that too. If you want to get a job, then that should be alright as long as it's something you want to do. When I'm not earning any money, I find that my spouse does criticize my spending habits. But when I make money online, he can say nothing, because I'm working too. Best of luck on the job hunt. I'll keep you in my prayers. Beauty Queen
@munhozmib (3777)
• Sao Paulo, Brazil
11 Jul 08
Hello, dhangski. I feel sorry about your situation. You should cheer up though, because who makes your weeks are yourself. I know you might feel offended with this, but what I am saying is that nothing can let you down when you put yourself up. Hmm... About your husband, I don't really know what the problem was. But try putting yourself in his shoes. I guess he works everyday, a hard work, to make money to keep the family together. However, the money is not enough! It just sucks, doesn't it? There is nothing he can do to increase the ammount of money that he earns, so he doesn't know what to do... You can help him by either finding a job or trying to cut some of the things you buy. Buying the cheapest products and all will help for one or two months, when things get back to their normal. Respectfully, Munhozmib.
@misty99 (736)
11 Jul 08
Hi dhangski.... I know how it feels.I have experienced stretching the budget up to the next remittance,but it's no use.There's no use fighting it over the net.As with regards to your plan of working,go girl!!Don't tell him you are working,is that possible?If this happens never whine over money,let him think,wonder why the sudden change-no complaining re.budgeting/money.Just keep on sending him your expenses and pray that he gets to understand where the money goes. Let it wait until he's home and let him do the budgeting...only then he'll know what you mean.Good luck.
@soorimd (301)
• India
11 Jul 08
hi .you are capable of handling any situation and god will definitely bless you and we friends all pray for you.you plan to find a job but before that your hubby will be back supporting you.he loves you a lot that is why he fights with you.have patience. think of his situation and wat u would ve done if you were in his position.most of the problems in life are people think only from their point of view. they never think about the other person or why he behaves like that. if your love for hubby is true he will definitely call once he cools down. he may ve problem being far off. but his heart is with you.take care all will b ok.we are with you all the time lol
@underdogtoo (9600)
• Philippines
11 Jul 08
I guess it is very easy to fight about money and difficult to patch things up. I find that there are easier things to do like reading or watching tv than living a life with another person. Still, all fights have to be resolved and I am glad that you have resolved your problems.