How to heal the wounds from a failed relationship?

Philippines
July 12, 2008 8:21am CST
what are the steps that can heal the bad memories of a failed or interrupted relationship? for me, there are just days when i would have a bad dream and recall what happened and wake up crying. it has been 4 years but it can be painful. i since moved on. it just bothers me why it still comes back now and then like 5 to 10 times a years, especially, when i am having a bad day. would like to hear from your thoughts.
3 people like this
16 responses
@CharRay7 (1549)
• United States
13 Jul 08
Hi my friend, Unfortunately, there is no definate rule of thumb on how to get over a failed relationship. I still feel bad, years later, about failed relationships in my past. The best thing you can do is find new things to do and try to get on with your life. I know it's an old saying and at times hard to believe, but time will heal and make things easier to live with. Have a good day, Char
• Italy
13 Jul 08
go on holiday is a good medicine!
@_Honey_ (781)
• Philippines
13 Jul 08
Wounds of the past may heal but scars will always be there to remind you what you've gone through. As to your case, don't take me wrong but I'm under the impression that you haven't gone over the pain enough for a dream which, until now, still makes you cry. All of us have our painful experiences. Healing and moving on completely will always take much of our own will. Just remember that you'll never be a good person as you are right now without the painful experiences that teach you to be stronger and even wiser. Take time to think things over. Accept that not all things will always go your way no matter how much you want or wanted them to way back then. You may not have all but you will surely have something God has prepared for you and will give to you at the right time, at the right season. Cheers!
@kethavat (24)
• United States
13 Jul 08
Just carry on, ur own life there are plenty of things around you to make urself freaking busy, even i had this kind of xperience wth my last realtionship .. In my opinion ..either you find another friend who can fill that void... or make urself in anything which makes u tired b4u going to bed.. makes u forget..this all thats wat happened & i do feel relaxed, specially on weekends I go to Gym work out like 3hrs.. get tired sleep wthout in heart/memory pains.. even though still i do miss her sometime like u .. i even feel her in my dreams but..u know wat People r not born for u (for that matter any1), they are born in our dreams/imagination which we want them forever.. when it doesnt happen we miss them as always..! Dont worry you will come out of it.. But its a nice kind of experience at the End.. in which u learn myLOT.
@n30wing (4768)
• Philippines
13 Jul 08
It's not that easy to forget everything it takes time especially the good times together. I think when you learn to forgive the person that's the time gradually to heal the wounds even you move on.Praying is one to give me strength and will to go on alone and never look back.
@jesbellaine (4157)
• Philippines
13 Jul 08
I remember those times when a man I used to love hurt me a lot. I thought that I would never get over him but I did. I remember I cried every night, I cried my heart out in silence then I just prayed... then one morning, I didn't think of him the whole day... I started doing what I used to do and things that still makes me happy... finally, I moved on with a bad relationship. I hope you will do too... Right now, I am happy with my man. I learned to let go of the past and move on with the future. Take care!
@thaMARKER (3094)
• Philippines
13 Jul 08
hey, it's not the end of the world. the pain is normal at the very beginning but think of other things that could make you happier than your failed relationship. there are thousands of men in the world. it ended because probably you're not meant for each other. enjoy yourself finding new things around you. make yourself busy doing your interests, do it everyday if it helps. okay..? take care.
@underdogtoo (9599)
• Philippines
13 Jul 08
I think you are especially hung up and this is not a good thing. I easily forget and this is a great thing when it comes to something tragic or something bad or traumatic. I forget. I only remember the good things and I just forget the bad things.
• Philippines
13 Jul 08
i had very bad memories that happen in my life too, and i don't want to be like that again, were you can't focus on everything that you do, you wake up in the middle of the night very angry and crying, then you can't sleep again, you have to watch the sun rise. it's very stessful experience, and i starting to cope with it and accept it by praying, praying gave me peace and calmness, not only that, it gives me back the thing that i lose. God is the only way through everything, God will never leave us.
@coopstar (282)
• United States
13 Jul 08
When I first started reading this I asumed it was recent.4 years is a long time to hold a torch for someone.Is ther anyone else in your life now? Thats probly the best way to forget, pour yourself into someone elses heart.Why would you want to be apart of someone elses life if they did not want you to be.
@misshoney (973)
• Philippines
13 Jul 08
hello shioh :-)oh i hope you are alright now. i was surprised that it has been four years and you are still hurting,i guess most people should have completely moved on by now. well why don't you go out with your friends, pursue new interests and be confident that your life will be happy and complete even without him. think that everything happens for a reason and you can't stay that way forever. if things get really depressing,maybe a therapists will help.pray and seek god's guidance.
• India
12 Jul 08
it is human tendency when he is sad he tendency to be more sad by listening to sad songs or thinking about all his bad moments in life so there is no big thing in that and as it is said time will heal everything and it really does my suggestion for you is try and get in company of good people and find good friends who you can talk to when you are feeling down so that they will cheer up your mood and this way you won't be thinking about your past relationship.whatever ha happened,happened there is no use spoiling your today because of yesterday and that too because of somebody who left you.
• Philippines
12 Jul 08
good day.. I feel for you. I've been with my first love/girlfriend for 4 years and I really loved her but sadly we fell apart. My pride didn't help either and led me even further from her and into the path of loneliness. They say that for man to start forgetting their 1st true love is divide the years that they had been together. It's more or less right, I started forgetting her after the 2nd year of our break up but you know spurs of memories can sometimes span and hit you like a whirlwind and you can feel the wound reopen and suffer the pain all over again. I guess we'll have to learn to live with our scar and learn to move on and love again. I thinks that's the only way we can truly forget and forgive and live on.
• Philippines
12 Jul 08
I think it is true that only time can heal a broken heart. There are some who move on faster, some who needs longer time. But then, it depends on how deep the cut is. I know it is not as easy as it sounds but we should learn to accept that it had already ended and all our efforts to maintain the relationship is now in vain. Another thing is we must forgive the person for whatever thing he did and most of all forgive ourselves for reasons such as, you should have left the relationship earlier, or you should have tried enough or whatever reason why the relationship failed.
• Philippines
12 Jul 08
Yes, it is normal for everyone to remember all the things that happened to us especially those that are remarkable. I had been also to a failed relationship, I just divert my attention to other things and keep myself busy. I focused more in my job and stay more often with my friends. I can say that I moved on, but when I saw my ex partner somewhere a few days ago, I am still uncomfortable to see him around. Actually, we ended up in a not good way. I should need more time to get comfortable with him. Hope we can make it my friend. Good luck on us!
@risris24 (712)
• United States
12 Jul 08
Unfortunatley there are no specific steps except to just take it day by day and move on with your life. Live as happy and as best as you can and you will find someone else most probably when you are not even trying. The old saying is life goes on and the truth of the matter is, that it does.