Grounded

@ch88ss (2270)
United States
July 14, 2008 1:25pm CST
I am quite confused, lost, and honestly also very fustrated. His birthday is next month. But he got his present sooner, well the item was on sale. So he came home and tested it out. Then after dinner, I walked into his room and checked out the game. Then mentioned that he only gets one hour of play time which includes computer and game time. He complained and and said "I am not a little kid anymore" I reminded him that his grades were dropping because he was abusing the computer and game time. He was permitted to be on the computer anytime granted he has the grades to back it up. He was online chatting pass 11at night, when it was a school night. So when I realized that I locked it during certain hours. So he abused the freedom he had right? So I apply the parental control and set the timer to turn off when it was time for bed. He also played with that and manage to figure out his dad's password and continue to stay online after 11pm. I told him I would not limit his play time if his grades did not drop from 3.27 to 2.0 in less than 3 months. I am starting to feel that his friends, once good friends are now rubbing some of the bad habits to him. He compares himself to them and expect to be the same. For example, his friend's parents don't speak english much so they can get away with bad report cards. Their parents don't care what time they sleep, don't care if they are not doing their homework. So now he feels when we tell him he needs to do homework first, then play time. He says "gee, you are a control freak". Anways, back to the last incident. My son gives me an angry look when I tell him the reason why his computer and game time is limited. He then puts his new guitar down, walks away. Then returns a few minutes later on to play. he walked away because he is upset. I told him, as long as you living here, and I am responsible for you financially you will need to go by my rules. I don't know what to do with this child anymore. He is my first child and now he is really becoming an angry child. he complained that I control his time on the computer, but how can I not? He gets on the computer all day and does not do his homework. He even goes on after midnight when it is a school night. Did anybody have this problem and what did you do? I need some tips from other parents.
3 responses
@kosykosy (160)
• Ghana
16 Jul 08
How old is your son again? If he's a teenager, he's likely having a hard time with life already. I think the best thing you can do at this time is to assure your son of your love. Does he know you love him? Maybe he assumes you don't since everytine you talk to him its to give him rules. Try a hug or a loving arm around his shoulders now and then. I know boys don't like shows of affection, but at least that gives him an idea of what you are trying to say. Talk to him in soft tones and take time to find out what kind of problems he faces. He may clam up at first, but if you keep it up, the ice will break. if a child thinks he is not loved or feels he is a burden to you, it can cause a whole lot of problems.
@kosykosy (160)
• Ghana
16 Jul 08
When he's sure you love him, he won't want to defy you any longer!
@ch88ss (2270)
• United States
16 Jul 08
He is turning 13 next month. Wow, this is a very sound advice. Thanks. It brought tears to my eyes just realizing how much it hurts for him to feel that he is a burden and causing a lot of problem. I will try to talk to him more and show him I love him. I think that could a one of the problem. I been working on my 2nd child therapy so much that I sort of have very little time for him. Thank you for your great advice.
@kosykosy (160)
• Ghana
17 Jul 08
Thanks! yeah,great advice indeed - its from the bible, the best book of all. It says love covers a multitude of sins!
@paw999 (2)
• Canada
15 Jul 08
My Son is 9 and I had a similar problem. He was coming home from school saying he had no homework. It turned out he did and the teachr contacted us saying he had not done his homework and why not. So I shouted for a while to a blank face, so I removed the power cable from the computer box and hid it so he could not find it. He soon started to do his homework and after a week of no computer I gave him the cable and he has not done it since, But when he starts to misbehave I tell him I will take the power cord again and he soon starts behaving
@ch88ss (2270)
• United States
16 Jul 08
Wow, you have this problem too. I remember the same blank face. I shouted, I even calmly spoke with him about it. What breaks my heart, is after all the talk. He says He does not like being lecture period! He does not like it when I lecture him calmly or shouting. So it really bugs me to realize that he does not realize he done something wrong. Even when he is caught lying he still thinks he did no wrong and wants to hear nothing of it.
@lilybug (21148)
• United States
14 Jul 08
My oldest is only 8 years old, so he has not gotten to the defiant stage yet. I am not really able to give you any good advice on this one, but I just wanted to let you know that I read your post and I feel for you with him. I hope that there is someone here who has gone through something similar and has some good advice for you. Best of luck to you.
@ch88ss (2270)
• United States
16 Jul 08
Thank you for your reponse. 8 years old is still a good and fun age to be around. I am so at lost with this. My son is everything to me but yet I don’t know what to do now that he is reaching teen years. He was such a good boy before and always stayed out of trouble. He even lost his IPOD that I got for him as a Christmas Gift. He lost it within two months of having it. He even says he does not care for one anymore, does he not realized how hard it was for us to save up that money to get him the IPOD that he did not care that he lost it? I don’t even know what to do. I wish a manual came with every child! LOL