I Tried to take my own life, Now I need your help.
@HollywoodBarbi (618)
United States
July 14, 2008 3:30pm CST
I want to first start of by saying im not looking for sympathy or what not. By writing this discussion I'm looking for other who are in the same position as I am.
Im also sorry about the length of this discussion.
So Here it goes :
Three years ago I was diagnosed with depression. So for three years i have been nothing but sad and sometimes for no reason. latley its been worse than ever. my boyfriend and i have been fighting for about two weeks straight and i just can't take it anymore. when we fight he says really mean things to me ( he says he doesn't mean them, he says them just to make me mad ) but they hurt so bad.
So friday after a long drawn out fight, I just coudn't take it anymore. I tried calling a suicide hotline but no one answered. oddly I left a message. afterwards I downed a bottle of asprin and layed there in my prettiest dress waiting for death. after some time the phone rang and for some reason I knew I had to answer it, so I did. It was the hotline calling me back. I talked to them and talked and talked. It felt so good to just get everything out. after I reliezed that maybe I made a mistake and walked down to the hospital. I spent two horrable days in the hospital fighting for my life, which I didn't even want earlier.
No one knows what happen but my boyfriend. yet he doesn't understand what happen. I want to try to talk to him about it, but he refuses to talk to me. all he has to say is quit being sad. (yeah likes it that easy). I feel so alone in all of this. Im not sure what to do or where to go. Everything feels so much darker now than it did on friday.
***** so what I'm asking is has anyone of you tried to hurt yourselves? if you did can I talk to one of you? If you feel uncomfortable leaving a comment about this please PM me or email me at Hollywoodxxbarbi@aol.com
I can sure use some help.
8 people like this
15 responses
@baileycows (3665)
• United States
14 Jul 08
I have and my husband feels the same way. Just be happy. Yet after many years I have realized that his stupidity comes from not having depression and not being able to understand how bad it can get. So I decided to take charge of my life. I try to recognize the onset of depression and think logical how I will make it through the next week, day , month whatever. I have to be conscious not to drink as this makes depression worse and don't run for the Xanax because ultimately this makes it worse. I have been fighting this for 10 years or so. I have my ups and downs and sometimes they are just down right bad. You have to put your focus on something else. Maybe try volunteering or pampering your boyfriend so that he feels great. The compliments will come. Lose some weight if you have a problem. The idea is to just take charge and not let depression have control of your life. Would you let your boyfriend, parents or friends control you? Hell NO. So why let depression. It took me years to learn this. It is still hard I am not saying it is easy, but it will be your first step. The mind is a powerful organ and if you allow negativity to take over it could kill you. Try to let in the positive no matter what. I know this is a huge HILL, but it can be done. We just have to work at it everyday. When you wake up decide your going to be positive.
@honeydew82174 (1720)
• United States
14 Jul 08
Well said bailey! You can not let depression control you! I have learned that the hard way! You need to think of a good thought every time you have a bad one. Just know you are not the only one. Hafe of a america is fighting depression and no one is perfect. Keep calling the hotline and go see your doctor and find a friend to talk to. I can't believe the hot line had a recording. my goodness what do they do if someone is trying on the line. You have the will to live because you went and checked yourself in the hospital. go down there the next time you are thinking about this and they will help you though it.@HollywoodBarbi (618)
• United States
15 Jul 08
your totally right about not letting depression control my life! i never thought of it that way. thanks so much = ]
@spalladino (17891)
• United States
14 Jul 08
I sent you a friend request and I would be happy to talk to you. My husband has PTSD with depression and I'v also had some problems with it so I do understand that dealing with it is not as easy as "just cheer up!". I know how bad it is to feel sad and alone so please understand that you are not alone. There is help and understanding out there. PM me and we'll talk.
@HollywoodBarbi (618)
• United States
14 Jul 08
thanking for you kindness.
i have accepted your request and sent you a PM.
@Hatley (163781)
• Garden Grove, California
15 Jul 08
hollywoodbarbi you are not alone, and depression can be
cured but you need to get medi cal help. go to your doctor
and have him send you to a competent pschologist who can
help you get rid of your depression. I have been depressed but helpedmyself out of it by being optimistic, looking at the
good things I have and counting all my blessings, and not
thinking of the negative side of my life.You hit bottom with the
aspirin so now look up see the blue sky, see the sunshine, hear
the birds sing, see people smiling and you smile back;life is what you fought to get so done spoilit now with black thoughts,
you can be happy, to begin with see all the people around you who are handicapped and look at yourself, arent you still whole, see the blind and be glad you can see, see the crippled and thank God you can walk. go find yourself a volunteer job helping other people and you will be glad you did this. good luck
@Xdrowninghavocx (3117)
• United States
15 Jul 08
I am in the same boat as you. So I'm all ears if you ever need to talk. That's weird about the hotline not answering. That's so freaking unfair and dangerous. What are they screening their calls? I'm glad that you were saved, that must have been hard. Just recently I had crushed tons of Excedrin and they are still sitting in my room in a glass. I've been having a bad life, I know that sounds trite, but it's true. I completely understand what you are going through. I honestly don't know what to tell you because I don't even know what to do with myself. Have you ever gone to therapy? I had to back in high school, but it didn't work. If you end up finding something that helped you please let me know.
@msedge (4011)
• United States
16 Jul 08
Hi Hollywood i am glad to know you were not successful in ending your life.Life is good, please do not do it again.You had said your sad for no reason.Think of things that can make you happy and do it.Thats how to enjoy life.Don't waste any minute of it.I was once very hurt and i felt so helpless.I want to end up my life but i tried to stay strong and keep going inspite of the pain that i had inside.The best thing was i always have my faith.I kept praying and ask help from God to take those pain away because its killing me and i also have a daughter that give me strenght.Slowly i never noticed i recovered and now i am happy living with my husband and daughter.Don't forget to ask guidance God.He will help you and guide you to the right path.Don't lose hope, happiness is just there waiting for you because we all deserve to be happy and God will find a way for you to be.
@AJ1952Chats (2332)
• Anderson, Indiana
15 Jul 08
Part of me says for you to ditch your boyfriend. Part of me says that he might just be scared and not handling this well.
One thing for sure is that he's toxic for you at this time, so just don't bring up depression to him because you'll get no positive reinforcement from him. Instead, save your conversation about it for people such as those of us here who want to listen to you and try to help you.
I want to stay in touch with you, too!
@James72 (26790)
• Australia
15 Jul 08
OK. First things first...... Aside from the Hotline; have you ever spoken with someone neutral about yourself and your mindset? If cost is an issue there are many free counselling services available and it is extremely important to get things out of your system. The way you felt after the talk with the hot line person is proof of this. It is clear that the boyfriend is NOT the one who will show sympathy or even empathy towards the way you have been feeling so seek someone qualified who IS prepared to listen and help you.
The fact of the matter is that we DO NOT HAVE TO FEEL THIS WAY. There is no shame in seeking professional help; there is no shame in taking anti-depressants; there is no shame in admitting to a complete stranger that your life is a mess in this regard. WHY settle for these feelings when these moves can make them go away? Depression becomes an omnipotent mindset. Trust me as I am speaking from experience. Every single journey starts with a few small steps and if you commence these steps you will find that each and every day the dark clouds will lift just a little bit more!
Have I tried to hurt myself? Yes. Was I stubborn about seeking help? Yes. DID finally biting the bullet and seeking unbiased help completely change my attitude and my life? GOD YES! Today is the first day of the rest of your life. I will email you my MSN and Skype ID (chat only in Skype as I have no microphone!). I am heading out of the country tomorrow for a week but if you would like to talk today or after I am happy to do so. Good luck and MAKE THE MOVES you need to make. It all starts now.....
@subha12 (18441)
• India
15 Jul 08
It is very sad what happened to you. also the way you raected. i guess its something we should always avoid. life is precious. why loser it for someone when that person do not bothers for you? You may be someone to him. But there are many other persons in life who likes you. live hapilly. look at the brighter side of life,
@rsa101 (37952)
• Philippines
15 Jul 08
I am sorry to what your going to. I believe that what you did was something you're not supposed to do. I think you have a clinical depression which needs a different approach. I suggest you should be consulting a psychiatrist and maybe he should be giving you a medication for that. I guess too that your BF must not be around you while you are recuperating. I really feel that he is one that triggers it further and that is what you don't need in your life right now. Hurting yourself won't help either. Try to avoid being depressed or anything that could trigger it you must avoid. I hope you still have a family member to depend on this I think they are the ones that could guide you or the least a friend that understand your situation.
@excellence7 (3647)
• Mauritius
15 Jul 08
Dear, I have read your discussion and from this, it clearly seems that you are not at fault. But I have my love also, and I often fight to her and she has also cried a lot and has been stressed But she never tried to commit such a thing. I think you should have a clear talk with him and tell all what is in your heart to him. He is not willing to talk, so better write him a mail or a letter or send the message through someone. Tell him that you need to be understood in order to understand him. I think comprehension is the solution to your problems. And please next time, never act hastily because life is very precious. Best of luck.
@twistershot (736)
• India
15 Jul 08
When you fall in love with anyone, love should care about their feelings and their personal relations too, so when he gets angry then you supposed to move some steps to back, because you loves him by heart, you have to care in every moment, and the same thing he had to care about you feelings too, But when it happen make your self kool and make some distance with him and see again he may come to you, don't hurt yourself live with happy :D god bless you.
@maxilimian (3099)
• Indonesia
15 Jul 08
Well, i was hurt by person that i love, but i realized that there was no use to hurting myself so i release the feeling by punching a pillow but i did'nt cry, just make me try to believe that it is just to make me mad, and not very mean with it ... the best solution but hard to do is forgetting, not people who must forget, but ourselves must try yto forget ... life goes on ....
@ganda8831 (816)
• Philippines
15 Jul 08
I saw an episode about depression on Oprah, and I must say that although I'm not going through the same thing you're going through, still I can understand the disease better. I guess the first thing that you should do is to acknowledge that you do have this disease and that you need help. You should then go to a specialist so that you could take the medicine for the chemical imbalance in your brain (said to be the cause of depression). I hope everything turns out ok for you. God bless and the best of luck.
@SomeCowgirl (32191)
• United States
14 Jul 08
I think that the hardest thing is to find someone who you can truly trust and who loves you enough to say it's okay and to hold you. My fiance is my source of love but sometimes he gets angry at me and I know that it is not his fault. The only thing I can guide you to do is to keep calling those hotlines, keep looking for that inspiration be it in form of literature or another creative art, and hold on tight. If this man can not be your support, I think that you need to let him go and find someone who is strong enough to listen to you and help you fight the depression that you face. Anything is possibly, and even though it will become harder for you I promise that it will get better. I hope that I have helped you and I hope that the other people here can help you as well. Never be afraid to write a long post here on mylot and especially in the depression category, there are nice people here. I hope that you Have a Wonderfully Lovely Day!
