Why Am I Always Wrong?

@CatsandDogs (13964)
United States
July 14, 2008 9:50pm CST
I mean just that too. It seems I've done something wrong.... AGAIN. A few days ago, dad was talking to me on his cell phone and told me he felt that after mom got the news about her kidneys that she was giving up and then his house phone rang which was mom at the hospital. She wanted her wheelchair so she could rinse out her mouth and dad misunderstood and told me that she wanted her wheelchair to put her pj's on and get back in bed. They were arguing however I could only hear his side and he told me that I needed to get to the hospital NOW which hubby and I did. We flew up the road with our flashers on and going 80 miles an hour to get there. Come to find out mom wasn't be delusional at all but was upset because she wanted to take her teeth out and rinse her mouth out and nobody is there to help her because the nurse take their time in doing anything for anybody anymore. Of course it scared the living sh!t out of hubby and I but were soooo happy to see she was ok. However, in the meantime, I had called my aunt on the way up and told her what dad had said and I told her if she wanted to see her sister alive to get her butt down here and NOW! I lost signal with her and tried to call my brothers but couldn't get a signal and when I got there, mom was one pissed off lady, not at us but at dad. Why? Because my stupid @ss aunt just had to call her to find out for herself and she tells her what I told her which upset mom to no end and she called dad up and chewed him up one side down the other!! DAMN my aunt for calling her in the first place!! She knew how mom was treating dad like a damned door mat (because it's her safe zone) and he didn't need to be trampled on any more than he already was!! Besides that, my aunt could've called dad instead and got the details without mom knowing and mom wouldn't have been so upset!! Gee mee christmas!! Mom is recovering from a damned stroke for Heaven's sake!! Upset = high blood pressure = a stroke... duh?!?!?! I wonder sometimes where people get their brains from? A gumball machine?!?!?! Anyway, my aunt calls my mom while hubby and I were in her room and the next thing I hear is mom saying Suzanne, don't start and she rolls her eyes to the ceiling. I'm thinking.... oh great!! have another stroke and help her out Suzanne!! But I didn't say anything and told her let me talk to her and she handed the phone to me and she starts her crying and boo hooing all the while I couldn't say anything so I wouldn't get mom any more upset than she already was. Geeze!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Finally I get off the phone with her and eventually go home. I called my aunt two days in a row once each day and she didn't return my calls till today. I've told her that I've not seen mom since Friday night because I've had to take some time out for myself and clean my house which took me two days to do and I took today to recooperate some because I'm dead tired still. I told her that I had made up a list of all the things that needed doing while mom was at home or at the hospital for the neighbors to help out if and when they can or wanted to. Well my aunt proceeds to tell me that mom told her "I liked to have died when she told me" I told her she never said such a thing or even let on such a thing when I told her so it's news to me besides, I have a life too, I've put my life on hold for two months while everyone else was doing their thing such as going to their appointments and getting this and that fixed while I waited on them hand and foot. Enough is enough, I have to take care of myself too which is find a way to get new hearing aids and get my teeth fixed because I have 4 broken teeth and a crown with my tooth inside that had broken off so now my partials don't fit me right anymore and it's all because of having lupus, it's attacking my bones. I have to see a dentist some how some way to get my teeth fixed. They've had their time to go to their appointments NOW it's MY turn!! Besides that, I can't be at their house every day to do all that needs doing. Sure dad can do some or all but either he's telling the truth and can't because he can't catch his breath (then how can he work outside in his workshop so much then if he can't catch his breath) so he does what he can. I can not afford the gas to go every single day nor can I go every other day because it's too expensive!! Besides the fact that my car now gives only 20 miles to the gallon thanks to the change in chemicals in the gas which is giving all of us less gas mileage. My aunt had the nerve to tell me she felt for mom and dad because they're private people!! Well guess what??!! I didn't ask them to move down here!! And I told them if they did move down here they need to be close to me so I can get to them when they need me BUT nooooooooo they had to buy that house because it was beautiful, they wouldn't even come close to looking around our area and I told them that where they are is really hard for me to come every day and I'm not going to be able to. Then my aunt tried to use the guilt tactic by saying, "think of it this way, your parents spent time with you and did all they could for you while you were growing up" I told her point blank "I did not ask to be born, and what the hell do you expect of me? Break my back even more so than I already have? AIN'T HAPPENING!!" WTF people???????? I was about to blow up on her and it wasn't going to be pretty but she backed off and knew she was treading on dangerous grounds!! She's the type that would run her mouth and blow things waaaaaay out of porportion that she made my growing up years HELL when she was around!! There was ALWAYS a fight of some sort when she was at any birthday party or picnic or any type of family get together ALWAYS. Her own brother won't speak to her!! And I'll tell you something else about her, when my grandfather was on his death bed at home, she and mom were taking care of him. She always fought with her mother because she didn't know when to keep her trap door shut!! But this time she started a fight with my grandmother so she could back out of helping their dad so mom had to do it all alone. Now that she's back at her home, 4 hours away, she won't come back down because 1. because she's afraid she'll speak her mind and cause a ruckus 2. a new one, her doctor told her she couldn't make the trip till her knee was operated on unless it's an emergency. OH HOW CONVIENENT!! But tell ME what I should do?!?!?! Damn it all!! I THINK NOT!!!!!!!!! So I've embarassed my mom, according to my aunt with the list and gave it to their neighbors so they could help out because I need the help, I'm only one person!! Damn it!!
6 people like this
12 responses
@winterose (39922)
• Canada
19 Jul 08
yes you are very stressed and angry, so because of that I do not think it is my place to say anything which may make things worse, you gave a list of what you could not do, so don't do them, if no one wants to take up the slack then the next to do is talk about a housekeeper, nurse what ever it is that needs done, if that doesn't work well it might just be time for a nursing home, if you think you can get them to sell the house and move closer then try that but tell them nursing home may be the only option left, if they no body else wants to help.
1 person likes this
@CatsandDogs (13964)
• United States
19 Jul 08
Awwww sweet winterrose, I'm not small minded and will take all comments into consideration so say what ever is on your mind. Well, my parents can't afford a daily housekeeper and they'll die first before going to a nursing home and they won't sell their house either. They're very very stubborn people. I know that mom would be upset if she knew how her house looked when she's not there and bugs would be making home there because of the crumbs that he leaves on the counter and cats would be using the house as a big ole litter box because he wouldn't scoop it and so on but now he's doing the cat box and a little bit of cleaning because he knows he has to or all of these things will happen and he'll have hell to pay when mom comes home.
1 person likes this
@mummymo (23709)
15 Jul 08
Okay where to start Cats my darling? First off , of course you are exhausted and drained and of course you need to take some time for yourself - I keep telling you if you don;t you are not going to be able to help your parents at all as you will be in a hospital bed for yourself! Yes your parents did everything for you when you were a child - that is what parents are supposed to do and I know that I would never expect my children to make themselves ill looking after me! As for your Aunt - ignore her or tell her to but out, if she isn't there to help out she has NO right to tell you what you should or shouldn't do, if you embarrased your mum with that list then it is time your mum swallowed her pride and realised that you are not superhuman and you cannot manage to do everything on your own, you are one person and we all have a breaking point - then again that could just be your aunts interpretation and she sounds as though she is prone to stirring things, don't let her make you feel guilty! One of my sister in laws had a dig at me when my Gran had a stroke a few years back as I "was never away from the hospital" ERm well at that time I was the only one who either saw my Gran every day or spoke to her every day (usually at least 3 times) even though I was the one with young kids. They only live a mile away and my Gran was lucky if she seen them every fortnight! My sisters were mad - they live further away and can't get there often and both said that if it weren't for me they would the rest of the family would have to be there all teh time visiting and my sister in law should be thanking me rather than being nasty cos I was at the hospital more than she was - I managed to convinve them that the last thing Gran needed was a fight in the family and we let it go - but none of us has forgotten! Sounds like my sister in law and your Aunt are one of a kind and they just need to be ignored! You have done amazingly well with your parents and IO know you will continue to do so but you do have limitations sweety and you have to accept them and tell anyone who says otherwise to either take over or butt out! Hugs, love and prayers sweety! xxx
1 person likes this
@mummymo (23709)
17 Jul 08
Do you feel better after that sweety? I know how frustrating family can be but you know what - they are family and I just hope that one of them realises just how much you have done for your parents and has the decency to thank you for it all! xxx
1 person likes this
@Rozie37 (15503)
• Turkmenistan
15 Jul 08
While it is very good that you are allowing yourself to vent on Mylot, you need to take a deep breath and let go of some of that stress and do exactly what you said, take care of yourself. Because if you don't, you will not be able to help any one else. If you allow yourself to be stressed out, your mother will not be the only one recovering from a stroke.
1 person likes this
@CatsandDogs (13964)
• United States
15 Jul 08
I realize that Rozie but I have to help or else things will basically fall apart and who'll get the blame? ME. I don't want to end up in the hospital but if that's what happens then maybe "they" will realize that I'm overloaded and need help not to be critizied.
1 person likes this
@Rozie37 (15503)
• Turkmenistan
15 Jul 08
"Do your very best and trust God for the rest." This is what I live by.
1 person likes this
@Katlady2 (9921)
• United States
15 Jul 08
You are so right...you need to start taking care of yourself hon. I know it's your mom and dad and all, but enough is enough. And from the sounds of it all, you havent' done a darned thing wrong. If anyone is at fault for this I think it's your aunt. She should not have called your mom and gotten her upset like that. That was pure unadulterated selfishness on her part. Good for you for telling her off. Keep doing it....maybe it will finally sink into her hard head that she's being a fool (maybe).
1 person likes this
@CatsandDogs (13964)
• United States
15 Jul 08
Thanks Katlady. I'm so keyed up right now that even a Xanax can't calm me down. I'm mentally and phyically worn out and yet I'm suppose to keep on going. Oh she drove to work which was about 2 hours away and 2 hours back and cared for her parents... yeah right, so she says but I know better but what's the point in arguing with her? It's obvious that she doesn't want to come down and help then so be it but to tell me that I'm wrong in asking for help with their neighbors and friends? I think NOT. When she got off the phone with me she says she hopes she didn't make me mad because she didn't mean to and wouldn't hurt me for the world because she thinks of me as her own daughter when her daughter won't even so much as speak to her. WELL I WONDER WHY?! Duh? But I didn't say anything except "No you didn't but I did tell you how I felt and I won't budge for I'm not dogging myself any more than I have to because I have my own life to live and my own health to think about too. Yes I'm young but only in my mind, my body isn't because of having lupus. Lupus is debilitating but I do the best that I can and hurt like hell later on and the next day I'm stiff as a board but I keep on going and have done that day after day after day after day for 2 months and 13 days!! What the hell else does she expect of me?? She's at home enjoying all her 18 dogs and 15 cats while I'm here wishing I could enjoy my 3 dogs and 9 cats!! Grant you, it's MY mom but it's HER sister!
1 person likes this
@Katlady2 (9921)
• United States
15 Jul 08
Some family members just arent' worth the time and effort are they? Big hugs to you sweetie. I wish I could be there to help you out.
1 person likes this
@Thoroughrob (11756)
• United States
15 Jul 08
You are doing nothing wrong!! Some people don't know when to keep their trap shut. She has absolutely no right to judge you! You tell her that until she is living your life and doing more than you have been doing, to keep her fat trap shut. People like that make me sick! There was nothing wrong with the list for the neighbors, with the option to do or not too. I hope someone steps up and helps you. Don't put up with the rude people. You have done more than your part and your parents know that. They also know how expensive it is getting to travel. You have held up better than alot of people would. Stay strong and don't let her bother you. I would love to tell her a thing or two and then tell her to lay off.
1 person likes this
@Thoroughrob (11756)
• United States
15 Jul 08
I doubt going in the hospital would help this situation. From what I can tell she is nothing but heartless. Just ignore her and all the others that act like you are not doing enough. I don't see anyone else lending a hand. Don't put up with them. If at any time they would like to change places gladly let them. I bet they wouldn't want to even attempt it. Keep up the good work.
• United States
21 Jul 08
You are probally always wronge because you don't think you can ever be right. Just believe what you think is right even if someone thinks its wronge.
1 person likes this
@CatsandDogs (13964)
• United States
21 Jul 08
Thanks Rachel, I know I'm right but it's others who think I'm wrong and one is my mother. She's so hard headed when it comes to her own well being and it just aggravates the living day lights out of me that now I've washed my hands of it. She's going to do what she has her mind set on and there's nothing I can do about it. So I'm not going to bend over backwards anymore if she won't listen or do what she's been told to do. I've finally had to resolve myself and realize, it's her life, let her do what she wants.
@Hatley (164772)
• Garden Grove, California
15 Jul 08
hi catsndogs.com you are way overstressed and I think that the neighbors should help you, as for your Aunt, she is sure one mean hearted soul. a toxic relative and you just dont need that.I doubt very much that your mom was upset about that list at all.let anyone that will help you,yuou need the help.I only wish I was near you, I would offer to help too. I wo rked as a nurses aide for many years. good luck and God bless all of you.
1 person likes this
• United States
15 Jul 08
Sweetheart, you are right. You don't have to do everything. You've helped your mother for a long time, neglecting things in your own life. YOu are not wrong and don't let your aunt tell you otherwise. She doesn't sound like a very giving person. I say, don't talk to her at all. If she wants something done, she can do it herself.
1 person likes this
• United States
15 Jul 08
Wow, that was a VERY long post. But I have to be honest with my opinion: this is temporary. Go do something you enjoy (watch a movie, exercise, draw, post on MyLot) and try your hardest to be the best person you can be. A few years from now and this will all be forgotten (or at least looked down upon by yourself). How do I know? Because I've been there.
1 person likes this
@tammyr (5958)
• Etowah, Tennessee
15 Jul 08
My poor friend. I feel for you really I do. I took care of my mom with no help from anyone. It is hard to bear. My mom wasn't as bad as yours but it still it gets tiring and I am sure you haven't done anything but all you can do to help her out. They shopuld be giving you gifts and fine presents made of gold instead of greif and trying to make you feel bad that what you do isn't enough. Shame on them!! You deserve to be treated better than that! I will be thinking of you and praying for you some peace. I won't be able to respond back if you comment I have my pc in the shop. I will let you know if/when Iget it fixed though Much love!!
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@gabs8513 (48764)
• United Kingdom
15 Jul 08
Well Sweetie reading this I am disgusted with your Aunt, you have done more then enough and no Mother could ask for more as for the Fact that we have been there for our Kids, brought them up, nursed them, well why do we have Kids if we are not going to be committed but me as a Mother would not expect my Children to neglect themselves and make themselves sick to run around after me, this is one of the Reasons I moved as my Children where putting their Life on hold to look out for me because of my Illness I think your Auntie should start taking some responsibility instead of pulling you down after everything you have done Ignore her Sweet you have done the right thing Hugs
1 person likes this
@CatsandDogs (13964)
• United States
16 Jul 08
As far as I'm concerned gabs, my aunt and my brother can all go to hell!! I've had so enough of my family that I'm through. Once my parents are gone from this earth, I'm moving and no one will ever know where I'm at ever again. I hate my family with such a passion and when I was gone for the 15 years, it was the best 15 years of my damned life!!
@royal52gens (5380)
• United States
15 Jul 08
My dear friend, you sound very stressed out. It also sounds like your relatives are taking advantage of you and your hubby. I would be mad and angry also. I am sure you are feeling resentful also. I agree you have the right to take time for yourself. You will not be able to help anyone if you are not in good health yourself. Let everyone know that you are taking X amount of time for you and your hubby. That they will have to step up to the plate for awhile. That if you do not do this now, you will be the next one in the hospital. Don't take your aunt's harsh words to heart. Those who know you well know the truth and have no desire to hurt your feelings by hurling mean words. I think it is good that you have worked out a plan for friends and neighbors and family to help. This plan should allow you the time needed to de-stress and attend to your own health needs. Stay Safe, Stand Strong
1 person likes this