Dad, let’s not get into this again, please!
July 15, 2008 1:21pm CST
You have heard this line either as a parent or have said to your parents. Now I really need your help here with this. I stay with my dad who is in his late 70’s. We care for each other a great deal and I respect him as good as any son would his father. His views towards many things in life are conservative and slightly orthodox, which is how you would expect it to be with most people of his age in our Country. Here is the problem. It’s about my decision to stay single which I am very clear about. I have tried explaining this to him on so many occasions, I’ve lost count. He is just too concerned about my well being and does not seem to give up in trying getting me married. He has tried to get our relatives, his friends and even my friends to talk to me. Some of the relatives became so persistent that I had to ask them to keep out of it. I’ve been through a lot in life and have become a sort of hard nut to crack. I find it very easy to advise friends and colleagues but on this one I’m stumped. This discussion every time kind of gets into an argument and then it gets to be very emotional for both of us. The last time this happened was 3 weeks back and I ‘m expecting this to happen anytime again. Leaving my Dad is not an option that I would like to think about or consider. Friends I need your help on this one and your suggestions on how to deal with this?
16 Jul 08
Alok this is a tough one! I think its indeed hard to deal with situations like this, when your ideas do not match with your parents. I perfectly appreciate your dad's concern. That's but natural. But you have your point as well! Leaving him should not be any option at all. I feel you should never leave him. When you have taken a stand you have deal with it no matter what. Stayput there and reason with him. Tell him that marriage is not a security and life long companionship anymore. The definition has changed since his time. Tell him how unhappy one could be inspite of being married. How this would hamper his corporate growth. State more such instances to prove your point.. However, having said this, I know how difficult it is to convince the parents. You cannot see them hurt as well. And that's what kills us at the end of the day. I share your stand truly. Have faith in your decision and live the life you want to. Trust me, no one can actually make you do stuffs that you don't want to. Good luck!
16 Jul 08
Mimpi, Thanks for the wishes. I know I'm not going to change my mind, but what really is eating me inside is his over concern on my well being . I suppose that's the way parents are. At times I feel that I'm not getting the message and the reasons well across becuase there are too many and at times I get the impression that he being too stubborn. He probably gets the same impression about me as well. I think I should bring this up with him before he does again and then see how it goes. You think this might work ?
16 Jul 08
I get you totally. It's difficult when the gap is more. You can discuss with him before he starts and explain things. Do not hurt him with strong words . Just discuss your point in a manner that he would find acceptable. Pls do and let me know.
• Delhi, India
17 Jul 08
Alok, two of the earlier respondents have viewed your problem very rightly and wisely and have shared their views, which I also endorse. I feel, it is not easy to get out of this kind of situation, your father being elder to you and HE is your father, will always think about your future and for your welfare. To him, it appears that once he is not alive, you may need a life partner, for rest of his life. His concerns are alright on his own place. You will have to find some mid-way to get out of the trouble. It is very difficult to make him understand your position, because when a man gets older, his thoughts and views get 'fixed' and it is problematic to change his fixed views. Best of Luck!
17 Jul 08
dpk, Thanks for you good wishes and for sharing your point of view. You are right in saying that as a person gets older his views gets fixed. It seems my views are getting fixed too. The situation is indeed tough as all of the respondents have endorsed, and it seems to me that the best way to handle this would be is to be calm and without letting the emotions come too much into play.