Lazy Baby Daddys

United States
July 16, 2008 9:03am CST
So what do you do when you work all day long on taking care of the kids and making food all day and cleaning every second and the father of your children comes home and does nothing? He comes home and watches Tv, and does nothing at all when he sees that you are struggling to balance the young kids and school at the same time.
7 people like this
21 responses
@baileycows (3669)
• United States
16 Jul 08
Well it depends are you stay at home mom? And does he work hard to provide for yall? If so then to me this is your job.
2 people like this
@saierchok (1294)
• United States
16 Jul 08
I disagree with this! no matter what the father does, he has to show some care for the kids and help the mother to an extent, even if he's the one to support the family, that doesn't mean that the mother should stick with tons of laundry and dishes and screams and not have time to " sit "
2 people like this
• United States
16 Jul 08
I attend school. Yes I take care of the kids thats only because no one else will do it. I think mothers should deserve some kind of break!
2 people like this
@saierchok (1294)
• United States
16 Jul 08
my brother would have said, but mothers has got the mothers day! it's their day off!! quite silly huh! mothers should rest a bit, should feel alive, I mean they're not breeding machines you know!
2 people like this
@shymurl (2768)
• United States
16 Jul 08
this is a tough question. I to am running into the same problem. I don't expect him to have to do the house chores, but it is nice for him to do the outside work, or spend time with the kids. I use to work and come home and work and try to raise the kids. its not easy. I don't work now and I do just about everything around here. but when I was younger I remember my dad working two jobs and coming home to cut the grass or work on the car, or in the garden. I always wondered why, now I know it was because he did it for us kids. he worked for the money to provide for us and kept the outside looking good to not embarrass us. Our husbands should feel the same way. Good luck to you.
2 people like this
@saierchok (1294)
• United States
16 Jul 08
absolutely right ! a little help from the dad is required all the time! but such understanding comes only from those who suffer this problem! not those who just read about it!
1 person likes this
• United States
16 Jul 08
I really wouldnt know about the father thing since I came from a broken home. My mother seperated from my father. Then when my father had more kids there mother seperated from them leaving my dad to work full time and be a full time parent. My sister basically raised us. I just think it is rediculous that the father can't take 2 hours out of his day to spend it with the kids. I am not talking about the household because yes if I am not going to be working then I should at least work in the house. I am talking about the actual spending time with the kids.
@starr4all (2865)
16 Jul 08
I would say it depends. If the daddy works hard all day as well, you can't expect him to work all day and then take care of the kids at night by himself. I think you both need to work out some sort of schedule. Don't call him lazy if he too works all day.
2 people like this
@saierchok (1294)
• United States
16 Jul 08
I sort of agree with you more.. the dad shouldn't be called lazy.. but maybe called careless, when he thinks , that providing money is his only job! he's a dad! and the kids need a " dad " not an ATM!
1 person likes this
• United States
16 Jul 08
He works but not on the weekends. I told him how its not fair that I never get a day off from cooking and cleaning. I was trying to explain to him how I need help. Even on the weekends when he is not working he sits around and watches TV all day long! When the kids try for his attention he gets angry because they are bothering him.
@katsmeow1213 (29047)
• United States
16 Jul 08
I've been down this road with my husband a hundred times. On one hand I do feel guilty asking for his help when it comes to chores and such. He works 60 hours a week, and we raise 5 kids. In a way, his job is outside the house, bringing us money, and my job is everything in the house, which includes the cooking and cleaning etc. Problem is, as some other people have stated, mom needs a break now and then too. Hubby and I used to fight about this like crazy. He gets 2 days off work, but I get no time off. In the end, we made a deal. Sundays are my days off. He cooks dinner that day, and does some cleaning, sometimes (sometimes he'll leave it for Monday, but if I go to do it, he'll stop me and do it instead). He lets me sleep in, and he takes care of the kids all day. I only have to do what I want to do that day. If I want to help him with dinner, I will. But you have to remember that if he's working outside the home, he's under stress as well. You really need to take the time to appreciate what he does at work, and understand how he may feel. Realize he needs his time too... so create a good balance. Give him time to do his thing once in awhile. I make sure to let my hubby sleep in on his other day off. After that he will usually help me out, but I don't expect as much from him as I do on Sundays. I will also find things to occupy myself so that he has time to do what he wants, such as watch TV or play computer games.
1 person likes this
• United States
16 Jul 08
This would work for me, but mine is not willing to corporate. When I told him about the whole he gets time off when is it my time. he says wow your job must suck.
• United States
16 Jul 08
May I ask why you remain with him then? It doesn't sound like he respects or appreciates you or the child/children.
1 person likes this
• United States
16 Jul 08
I wont be with him much longer but I have to wait a little bit more before I am financially stable by myself.
@checapricorn (16066)
• United States
17 Jul 08
Hi Amanda, If he has a work, maybe he is tired and also stress...But, I guess the best thing here is to ask him after he can relax, ask him to do certain things for you since you are still attending to another work..If you don't say anything, maybe he is assuming that everything is fine... I know how hard it is in your role..But, as they have said, no one can read people's mind, you need to say something and when he refuse, that's the problem there,,,You need to talk heart to heart!
1 person likes this
• United States
17 Jul 08
I do say something and he tells me that its my job. when I explain to him that he gets off work and I never do he says oh well.
1 person likes this
• United States
18 Jul 08
Really? wow! I wonder what made him insensitive! Maybe stress from work? Anyway, I have no problem with my husband and even if we have no kids, he will help me in the household chores...I hope someone here can give you a more effective strategy concerning this issue! Take Care!
1 person likes this
• United States
18 Jul 08
Thank you for your responce.
@sunnyxu (20)
• China
17 Jul 08
well i have to work all day ant after i am off work i have to take care kid and parents,tired..........
1 person likes this
• United States
17 Jul 08
I bet you are but thats what makes you a good hard working person! Thumbs up!
@Danny08 (395)
• Canada
17 Jul 08
I dont know whether you are married and have kids. If you are, the I must say ur hubby is using you. Just because he work outside, doesn't mean when he get home, he need to relax and let u do more work. He should understand u r bringing up a kid, taking care of him which is much harder than just go to work and come home. I am not married, but, never even let my g/f put the garbage at the curb. When I come home, I always help her in house wok, on weekends, we both clean the house.
• United States
17 Jul 08
Must be nice to have someone help clean the house.
@sid556 (31005)
• United States
17 Jul 08
you need to sit down and talk to him. I understand he worked all day but so did you and that is probably what he is NOT realizing. Unless someone has done it, they tend not to realize how very much work it is to take care of kids and home all day long. You deserve a break and your kids deserve some daddy time.
1 person likes this
• United States
17 Jul 08
I know how it is to work a full time job and then come home to the kids. I was a manager at a fast food restuant working til 3 in the morning and then waking up with the baby at 6 in the morning while he sleep in.
@subha12 (18453)
• India
17 Jul 08
it is something taht is annoying. i guess most mothers face this. the fathers only come homw and relax, they sghould also take the responsibility the same way as the mother.but there are exceptions too.
1 person likes this
• United States
17 Jul 08
Love your picture! Yes I think that the men need to realize that we don't get breaks or relaxing time.
@Hatley (164507)
• Garden Grove, California
17 Jul 08
amanda hi What do i do, rather what did I do when I w as married and my kids were \babies, I commandeered my lazy husband to feed th babies and bathe them while I finished other chores. he loved it and so did the babies, so I got some real help from him there. why dont you try that to,hand daddy his little darlings and have him take care of the babies,then you can concentrate on your school work.he might surprise you as babies have a w ay of getting to daddies. try it.
• United States
17 Jul 08
My children love their father and get so excited when he comes home. But there are times when I have to remind him to pay attention to them. He actually put the kids to sleep the other day after hearing my 1 hour long conversation with my mom complaining about how I never get work done.
@piasabird (1737)
• United States
17 Jul 08
I think you'd better think long and hard about leaving him. At least he does work. Some men don't do anything. If you don't have him then you not only end up taking care of the kids by yourself but now you've got to work also. Ask yourself if you would truly be better off without him.
1 person likes this
• United States
17 Jul 08
I was raised by a single parent so my mom worked 3rd shifts all the time. I am not to worried about providing for my family, I'd rather do it myself than do it myself with someone there watching and getting in my way.
@inia_54 (176)
• Malaysia
17 Jul 08
It is irritating. I don't mind if they politely say they are tired and would like to rest or take a nap. But if it is just his habit, it is too much. The problem with our Asian society, parents give too much face to their son. They are given the choice not to do housework. So it is their upbringing to be blamed. The boys are allowed to go out and play with their friends, while their daughters are required to help with the house chores. It is not fair, isn't it.
1 person likes this
• United States
17 Jul 08
yeah the father of my children is Hispanic, so in his cultural he was raised to work and leave everything else up to the women. Also that the women are to do everything and not complain or they get beat. I wish mine would lay a hand on me so I can lay 10 back on him. But anyways I don't think its fair how some culturals still treat women.
@XoyyoX (1055)
• China
16 Jul 08
you sound like your hubby is a lazy man, why are you married to him? as a good hubby, he should do some house chores. I'm a man and i often cook and clean the floor, you may have a serious conversation with him, and tell him how you feel about him, or maybe he thinks that it's woman's responsibilty to do the housework and caring about kids...
1 person likes this
• United States
16 Jul 08
Yes he has told me before that its my job I am the women. He is Hispanic so in his culture he is raised to treat women that way. But that is not how I was raised. I was raised to not taking anything from a man, not to let them run our lives. I just don't know how i did the opposite. I am not married to him thank god. but I do have to deal with him for a little while more.
• Philippines
17 Jul 08
As the father of the house it is commonly known that they are the ones who provide food on the table and women do the household activities this is generally the practice of our society. Both jobs are cruel and needs a lot of patience, but I dont believe in going home watching tv and do nothing after a hard days work. I am married with two kids but I and my wife work at the same time we always make it a point that we slice the responsibilities, therefore the jobs get lighter. I suggest you talk to your husband in a soft friendly and gentle manner work the schedule and bargain the responsibilities. No problem cant be solve by a friendly discussion.... :D
@cripfemme (7715)
• United States
17 Jul 08
Personally, I don't know why women put up with this behavior. My mother never did and trained me not to. If a man helps create the kid (and even if he didn't as in my stepfather's case) he was always expected to act respectfully towards our house and contribute. Mostly in this case that meant cooking as my mother's not a good cook. I can't imagine it would have gone over well if he would have just expected my mother to do everything. I think that women who's men are lazy need to grow a backbone and stand up for themselves. Just my opinion.
1 person likes this
@relundad (2311)
• United States
17 Jul 08
Sounds like a couple of things are going on here. First he like some men give no value to what you do as a mother. He doesn't validate clean, cooking and tending to the kids as being a job and hard work. Until he see's it as being work, he probally wont see fit to lend a hand. Next he see's himself as the bread winner or the money maker of the family and feels that he has done his part by the time that he gets home. He feels that by the time he gets home he has made his contribution to the family. He probally came from the same type family setting where the father goes to work and the mother does everything else, so he is just doing what he knows how to do. Next you allow him to give the minimal participation when it comes to family participation. You are probally not asking for help as you assume that he should see your needs and try to accomadate them. You can forget that happening it seems. So you are going to communicate with him about what you and your family needs from him outside of financial support. He doesn't realize that raising kids is hard work but it's also very rewarding to watch them grow into little people with character and substance based on what you have put in. As well its quality time that he needs to be interacting with the kids to build strong healty relationships rather than them just see him as the money making machine.
@34momma (13895)
• United States
16 Jul 08
if you are feeling this way then you need to talk to him. not yell and point fingers. not making a list of what you do and what he doesn't. but talk to him and let him know that at the end of day, you need some help. what you can do is give him things to do. say like taking out the trash, or putting the dishes away. maybe be the one who get's the kids ready for bed. but don't have this talk out of anger. just let him know how you are feeling and would love his help. and see what happens
• United States
16 Jul 08
I think papa can help a bit even if he does some small cleaning jobs or plays with the kids so you can get it done. I would just ask him to! He is probably tired from working so hard to provide for you. So men think it is enough they go to work!
• United States
16 Jul 08
The children belong to both of you and Daddy should be spending time with them--and you--when he comes home from work. Try to get things you want done finished before he comes home so you can focus on suppertime and spending time together as a family. I do feel that if you are a stay-at-home mom, the things needing done about the house are your job--however, things do not have to perfect by any means, no stress. Maybe you could ask him to play with the kids(after he has had a bit of time to unwind, get a drink, etc) whilst you get supper on the table. After supper, make it a family affair to clear the table and tidy the kitchen then everyone crash in the living room to relax and play with the kids for awhile. After a bit of time, maybe he would do bath time or story time with the kids so you can start on your school work then pause to tuck in wee ones? Although that's taking alot of time from little ones and from him--you and he need time as well! Ideally, leave the school related things you need to do for after the children are in bed or get up early in the mornings before them for some quiet study time...it's a big challenge to go to school and raise little ones. I feel it is not possible to truly balance family life and school while children are small; something has to give somewhere. Therefore, things remain chaotic for moms trying to do so. Not that I'm not supportive of that, I just believe it's impossible to truly enjoy life with little ones if you're trying to get away and get other things done. ~~
@alkurishy (2069)
• Iraq
16 Jul 08
I think it depends on both of you, if you have agree with him that he go to work and you stay home doing what you have say, and there are something of love in this if he care about you and you care about what he and your kids need, you both should encourage each other to do your duties.
1 person likes this