Lost Friendship?

United States
July 16, 2008 7:47pm CST
So, I've started a couple discussions here on myLot about my "friend". Well, somehow this "friendship" has a strain that has been put on it. He has alot of things going on in his life right now and I know he does, it's no big secret to me about his problems, but it just seems to me that he is taking his frustration out on me and I haven't done anything to him, except try to be there for him and let him know that I care. This is what happened.... Yesterday: I texted him and asked him how he was. His response was, "Not good. I don't want to talk to you bout it. Talk to you later." I texted him back and asked, "Did I do something wrong? If I did then please let me know." He texted back, "UGHHH, you didn't do anything! I just don't want to talk to anyone." I texted back, "Ok then, I hope everything is ok. I'll talk to you later." Then on my lunch he called me and apologized to me for his behavior and explained to me what was going on. I told him that if he needed anything to let me know and he said that he appreciated it. Today: I texted him and said, "I don't mean to bother you. I just wanted to see if you were okay, well, I know you aren't okay, but I want you to know that I care about you. Text me back whenever you can." He texted back, "I'm fine." I texted back, "I'm glad that you are ok. Give me a hollar later if you want to." He texted back, "I won't be. I don't want to talk to you, I don't want to talk to anyone. If I decide that I want to talk to you then I will let you know. Bye." I texted back, "Ok then bye." Then later on I texted him again and said, "I'm sorry for bothering you earlier. I just wanted you to know that I care. I'm here if you decide that you ever need a friend and I won't bother you anymore." I haven't heard anything else from him. Am I over reacting on him taking his frustrations out on me? I know I need to give him some space, obviously that is what he needs, but do you think he will call me, text me, IM me, or anything? Or do you think our friendship is over? Was I too harsh with him, was he too harsh with me? I just keep asking myself these questions over and over in my head. What is your opinion?
2 people like this
7 responses
@mjhicks (319)
• United States
17 Jul 08
I don't think you've lost your friend. From the sampling of his text msg he sounds like a friend of mine. I am usually good at drawing him out and getting him to talk about what's going on. Some things are such a source of frustration for him that talking just brings the pain to the surface. He will back away and be sorta "cold" only because he isn't ready to deal with stuff and knows I might trigger him to do so. He knows I'm here. I give him some space and then If I call or he calls I will keep the conversation light and not probe. We will often end up chatting about everything under the sun, the moon, and the stars and nothing at all for hours. Give your friend some space, wait a few days. If you get another "Sorry for..." Just keep it light. Answer like " It's OK we all have days like that." And switch the convo to something neutral like some TV program you both like or the latest joke you got in email.. Be a safe zone that he can come to and not get "probed" and just have a fun chat. He may just need a less intense relationship for a while.
1 person likes this
• Canada
18 Jul 08
mjhicks, has a good handle on this situation.....and Thank You, for a best response! I really feel your pain, right now....as my 27 year old son is giving me the silent treatment! I am totally amiss as to what has caused this, it is breaking my heart.....so I know how hard it is to give them time & space! I want to pick up the phone....but I know I must leave it alone, until he comes around! The stress that this creates for you and I is phenomenal......cause you keep re-evaluting, looking for something you did wrong! We're looking for any little nuance! I pray that all will be well for you, and you have a modicum of peace in the meantime! Cheers & Rainbows!
@halynn (1809)
• United States
17 Jul 08
I think you've been incredibly nice to him. I know he's having probs but he should see that you're tyring to be his friend & be someone that is there for him. He should be nicer to you. I mean even if he is going thru all this then he should @ least either not text you until he's in a better mood or just have nicer comments.
• United States
17 Jul 08
Yes, I am just trying to be there for him. I guess he just doesn't understand that. Maybe some day he will.
@halynn (1809)
• United States
17 Jul 08
Yes, lets hope he realizes before it's too little too late.
@CharRay7 (1549)
• United States
17 Jul 08
Hi my friend, I'm so sorry you are having problems dealing with your friend. I know how you feel. I've been there. You don't describe what he is having to deal with right now, so i can't measure the depth of the problem. I have found out that with a lot of men, if they are dealing with something, they don't want anyone around and they want to deal with it all on their own. Us women tend to share problems with our friends, mothers, sisters, etc. One thing is you probably texted him too much and it got him aggravated. When he first said that he was fine after you texted him to make sure he was okay, you probably needed to leave him alone for awhile.(I'm sorry) Maybe waited until tomorrow to text him again. I don't believe your friendship is over, but if I were you, I wouldn't call him, text him or anything until at least tomorrow afternoon. See if he takes the first step and calls you. Your right, he does need his space today so let him have it. I have a very good friend that I've known over 30 years. We see each other occasionally and IM each other on most days. When I get an attitude from him, or he doesn't IM, I ask once and see what he says, and if he says "nothing" or "don't worry about it", then I leave him alone. I don't push. I have done the same thing you are doing right now in the past. Believe me, it brought me turmoil and sadness and I have been in tears more than once thinking I ruined our friendship. It took me awhile to realize that men are so different from us and when they say they don't want to talk about, they don't want to talk about it. I hope I didn't hurt your feelings. I'm just trying to help. Try to have a good night, Char Tomorrow evening, if you haven't heard from him, either text, IM, or call him, whatever you usually do and say "Hi, how are you doing today?" and see what happens. Don't ask about today or nothing. After a few days, he may tell you more or you may ask, but I'd wait.
• United States
17 Jul 08
No, you didn't hurt my feelings at all. I think I'm going to just wait it all out and see what happens. Let him make the first move because I don't want to aggravate the situation any more than I already have. Maybe in a day or two or a week or two he will contact me and if not then I guess our friendship will be lost. I hope that he does get a hold of me though because I really do care about him alot. Thanks!
@gr8life (6253)
• Malaysia
23 Jul 08
Hello singlemommy, I think you should leave him alone for awhile and just let him has some space. Maybe he needs some times to think about his problem and how to solve it. It's good that you showed some concerns but don't take it too much. You were not harsh to him and he didn't mean to be harsh to you too. I don't think it is over between you and him and I hope everything will be alright eventually.
• Malaysia
17 Jul 08
hi my friends, i think your friend has a problem, maybe he want sometime to solve his problem first. Maybe after his problem have been solve he will make it up to you. i guess but please my friend you should not think "the bad one", he just need a time..
@pergammano (7755)
• Canada
17 Jul 08
If it is at all possible....I would now give him lots of space! And old quote; "if you love something, set it free, if it comes back, it was meant to be." I really know that this will be hard for you, because you care sooooo much about his well-being! BUT, reading his replies, it seems like he really does care, BUT really wants his space to work out whatever is going on with him! You have made it very clear, that you care! He knows you will be there when this crisis is over! Somehow (and this is just my feeling) you must get on with your days and just be a soft place for him to land, when this is over! Personally, I would not contact him....as he seems to be making it very clear that he does not want to talk to anyone! Cheers & Rainbows to you!
@subha12 (18453)
• India
17 Jul 08
i think in this case that friend of yours is wanting some private space,. whatever may be the reason. at this time she does not want to talk to anybody. so may be he is acting like this.so as you ares ending text message, he is not liking it. just keep mum for sometime and lets see whether he contacts you or not.