Mixed Relationships or Mixed Up Relationships

I think that this is a problem for any relationship. If you live together then you probably shouldn't be "just friends" because stuff will happen and that is emotionally draining. It seems to me that he is trying to be single while still clinging to you. If he doesn't want to be in a relationship with you, one of you should end it. It is difficult when you live together, but it isn't healthy for one of you to want to be friends while the other still wants a committed relationship. You need to talk and get on the same page.

Well, if you are comfortable in a relationship of just being friends it should be okay. If you want more out the relationship than just being friends, and that is not what he wants, maybe you should just move on. Why waste your time when you know that the relationship is not going to go anywhere. It's a tough call when one person feels more for the other person than they do for them. I can not tell you what to do, but in this case follow your mind and not your heart.Wish you luck

Well I guess there's nothing wrong with having a mixed relationship at all. What I see is that there is no commitment from the other party which makes this relationship a bit problematic. I ask you if you are happy with the situation you're in right now. being neglected just like that seems to me that you are the only one that is working and he is not doing anything to make things right.

I would worry about STD's and the lack of commitment unless you are just room mates and he has his own room. If you are happy in this relationship then go for it. I could not handle it wondering where he was and WHOM he was with. I am not jealous I am just not willing to share my man for all nighters.

opal its plain he does not want a commited relationship and just friends is sort of iffy, now you can be best friend s and be married too but of course no modern young woman thinks of marriage just living together which is iffy too, I thinkif you are looking for love you need to find some man who loves you and will be committed to a relationship or the evil word now days marriage, still you mightg likeit if you tried, I liked it and was married for 34 years to one man whom i loved and he loved me.So I think you should cut him lose, and find a man who will respect you and love you for whom you are, raceis no problem but your current boyfriend is showing no respect to you, he wants to get some at home and also abroad,forgive me if I am crude but I would never live in such a situation.he would either commit to me or be kicked out, its that simple.

[b]Opal, give him time. Maybe as the days progress. He will learn to trust and value your worth as a lover. He is just starting his life all over again. It might be hard for you but if you really love him, give him what he wants. If he wants space let him have it. It's all entirely up to you.[/b]

Mixed or Mixed up Opal? It sounds like you might be leaning toward it being mixed up. It also sounds like you might be setting yourself for a very hard fall. At the very least, putting yourself in a situation that will be very difficult to get out of (should you want to get out of it). Also sounds like he's taking good advantage of what's being offered him and not offering anything in return, unless it benefits him. I would be cautious. Just my opinion from what you've said. No offense.....

Oh my! How come he do something like that? I am sorry to say that. In my culture, this is unbelievable. You deserve better! Go for it!

Hi Opal, It sounds to be like he wants his cake and eat it. If he is just out with mates and staying out fine but if with other women I would be shoving him out of the door. I am an all or nothing type of girl where relationships are concerned and he doesn't seem to be committed but is enjoying having a base to live from. If you love him and can accept his ways fin but if this is upsetting you itis going to continue to do so so maybe get out before too much hurt is caused. It is difficult for me to answer as you don't say why he is staying out but at least he does give you the respect to let you know he is not coming home. Good luck with this one. Ellie :D

honestly i had a boyfriend like that i lived with him and everything but he wanted to do his own thing and go to clubs and what not. Well he ended up cheating on me alot. Came home everynight with a new number in his phone never said anything about it but then he became abusive to me so i left. I'm not saying this is what your boyfriend is doing but i just hope it doesnt lead to that for your sake.

Hi Opal26 I don't know how long you have been living together but with what you said, he doesen't want commitment, but he does what he wants and come back whenever he pleases to home comfort, I'm sorry it don't look as though he gaves a d@rm about you wheather hes black or white it doesen't matter. I just think you would be better of kicking him out or change his ways,its use calling you to tell you where he is , he could be anywhere. Tamara

Well you are the only one that actually knows all the details about your relationship therefore sometimes when a person gives advice from a little bit of detail you will notice that it will all indicate to of course not don´t be with someone like that. You have to decide what is best for yourself, i was in a relationship for 5 and a half years and i never listened to the advice people gave me in regards to him... and here i am now with a beautiful baby girl as a single mother. When i was pregnant he turned his back on me and told his step brothers i was his friend, i was so insulted i couldn´t believe he said that, after that day i decided that i deserved respect and if he wasnt going to respect me then so be it- In my opinion if a guy truely loves you and respects you as he says he does then he will settle with you as a gf. My ex has never been a committed person and was always unfaithful...and the story always repeated with him until i finally put my foot down and said no it has to stop here. Now he is trying to be a family but i know things are never going to work out therefore i refuse to fall in the same hole. Hopefully you will go towards what is best for you

Instead of judging a person on the basis of his colour, we shud judge him on the basis of his character and environment from where he comes. you should make him learn that commitment is not a responsibility but it is the most beautiful aspect of life. Commitment makes us complete and give us a guidemap for life. It is the time and a perfect opportunity for him to get everything in his life sorted out.

Love needs wings. I think we should bring wings to our love and set it free. Love may come to a standstill if we grasp it too tightly. It is a difficult choice for you to choose between grip your BF and set him free. LOVE needs dedication,commitment and teamwork of the two people.

I know I wouldn't be able to handle this for sure... I think he just wants a place to go when people get tired of him and it so happens it's your place.. If you two are having a relationship it takes two for it to make it happen and it seems to me that he don't want that.. So I think it would be better if you just moved on let him go and find someone that is willing to commit to you and not do things like that.. I too would have mix feelings mainly not knowing whats really going on.....

Its not because its interracial but because he is still wants to be a boy. He is not ready for a relationship. If he is not on the same page with you, cut him loose and don't let him waste your time. I am in an interracial relationship. I am black and he is white. We dont live together but we both talked and set the record straight. I don't play that b.s. If he is serious about you, he will take your being together serious and not just want you as a friend and still live under the same roof with you and playing his silly little games. And since he is not, kick him out and find you a roommate if you still have time left on the lease. He needs to pull himself together.

I can't believe I didn't see this a long time ago, Opal. I don't honestly think this has anything to do with race, and i'll tell you that straight out right now. The only time I see race holding any weight within problems in a relationship is when there are large cultural differences or belief differences which neither party is able to compromise on. I don't see something like this going on with you - HE seems like he is being selfish. If he wants to be selfish, do you want to put up with it? If it were me I'd want him to understand if he wants to do that, then I get the same consideration and that means I can also do 'whatever I want'. If that bothered HIM, then maybe it would make him understand how I felt.

Let me first start by saying that I am in an interracial relationship. I am an African American female and my boyfriend is Caucausin. We have been in a relationship for a couple of years and its a very good relationship. I am a little curious as to why you think that your issue has anything to do with the fact that you are in a mixed relationship. I agree that the relationship might be mixed up in that you want one thing and he wants something totally different. I have read most of your responses to the posts that mylotters have made. It sounds to me like this guy is not interested in having a relationship with you on the same level that you want. And he wont. It seems that your place is somewhere that he can have an extended stay, and the benefits of a live-in. Let me just tell you that it is not normal for adult men to hangout overnight with his cousins. What is that about? My son at 9 does that! When was the last time that you hung out for all nighters? That is just abnormal behavior for any adult, especially on a regular basis. He sounds like someone that is not going to be committed to you or anything as he has alot of growing up to do. Just out of curiosity I would want to know if he shares all of your household expenses with you? I know that in your comments you said that you are not a fool and I agree but I think this guy is using you. And unless you are willing to accept that you need to either accept him a 50% paying strictly room mate and friend or put him out and let him do whatever he wants.

Hi opal26, You ar in a pickle about this now I think you really have to sit him down and tell him exactly how its upsetting you, maybe compromising a little, like he can stay out one a week? so that both can go together more often? I hope you can talk to him and all the best to you and Bless. Tamara

Hey Opal26. Even though no one can say what is going on in someone elses mind, this situation does not sound good. It sounds as if you may love him and he has issues to deal with before he can commit to you. Maybe the best solution would be to let him have the time he needs to heal from his past but at the same time respect yourself and not let him take advantage, whether he relizes he is or not, of what you are willing to give him in return for his affection. If it were me I would seperte physically from him to do this. Do not worry about loosing him because if you are going to be together, you are going o be together. ood Luck on this one.