My Daughter

United States
July 21, 2008 5:51pm CST
Hi I have a 14 year old daughter whom I love very much. She is from my previous marriage me and her dad got divorced when she was just six months old .Me and my husband now have been together since she was 10 months old and he adopted her 2 years ago.Her real dad never had much to do with her and was always to busy drinking and doing drugs with his friends to care.So my husband now her stepdad always wanted to adopt her so he could call her his.He has always supported her and took care of her. We also have a six year old son and a 1 year old girl. Well now since she has gotten older he doesn't have that much to do with her and it seems like he favors the other two over her. I know he loves her .But know that shes older she feels like he does'nt care about her like he does the other two.I can kind of see a little difference.But if I say anything then it starts a big fight and makes things worse. I don't know what to tell her.SHe has really been hurt the last couple of months.She loves him and needs a father figure in her life .What should I do?
5 responses
@sedel1027 (17854)
• United States
21 Jul 08
Have her talked to her step-dad. They need to work this out between them.
@Ciniful (1589)
• Canada
21 Jul 08
It is not up to a 14 year old girl to fix the relationship, especially when she has no control over adult emotions. The mother started this, it's up to her to intervene and fix it.
@sedel1027 (17854)
• United States
21 Jul 08
The mother didn't do anything! She could mention the problem wot her husband, but it is going to fall on deaf ears until the girl talks to her step-dad. This is not an adult situation, this is a problem between father and daughter, the mom should stay out of it.
@deedeehall (1144)
• United States
29 Oct 08
hi-i think this may happen in any relationship i have triplets and i feel my husband favors one more than the other two just because the one he favors has the same intrest that he does.please talk about this with him so that he can take care of this now.
@katsmeow1213 (29047)
• United States
21 Jul 08
I am just guessing here, but maybe he feels uncomfortable now. She isn't a little girl anymore, she's becoming a woman. Perhaps he feels uncomfortable being close to her now that she's hitting puberty. Perhaps he's afraid he will say or do the wrong thing and that it will be percieved the wrong way. Maybe that's not the case, who knows. But you'll have to talk to him calmly and figure out how he feels.
21 Jul 08
Have you tried to get your husband to spend some one to one time with your elder daughter, maybe taking her to the cinema or even just for a walk and ice cream, as you have two younger children but your husband has been the only father your 14 yr old has known, can he perhaps sit with her and the photo album and tell her about things that she did at the age your younger two are, this would show your daughter that her dad remembers what she was like and I am sure that there must be something special that he remembers her doing that he can share with her. 14yr old girls are a law unto themselves, I have one......mine wants her dad around when he is usefull, lifts etc, but most of the time she just complains that he would rather spend time with her brother, and like you i end up arguing with him that he doesnt do enough with her....dont think as a mum we can ever win... Hope the advice is usefull
@Ciniful (1589)
• Canada
21 Jul 08
Talk to your husband! As fast as you can, and MAKE him understand how desperate this situation is. I was once that girl. I grew up watching my 'dad' give more of his love and attention to my brothers, and I spent YEARS resenting him and hating him for it. It ruined our relationship, it almost ruined my relationship with my mother, because I learned to hate her for it, too. She allowed it. And, it strained the relationship I had with my younger brothers, knowing they got the bigger portion of Dad's love. The damage from this situation is life long. If you don't fix it, immediately, then your daughter will carry it around with her forever.