When Mad Megs Apologies, At Least She Does It With Style And Grace

Regina, Saskatchewan
July 24, 2008 2:14am CST
The morning after the day Megs decided I would look good in cement shoes, she showed up at my door about 8am. I had just made a fresh pot of coffee and taken a coffee cake out of the oven. The cake was for the upcoming Council Meeting, but of course, it never made it. I opened the door and let Megs in and before I could turn around she was flitting through my house chanting "Be gone evil spirits, be gone, I command you". I just went to the kitchen, cut some coffee cake, poured some coffee and waited for her to complete her cleansing ritual. Later I had to sweep up the dried herbs she had scattered. I keep them in a bowl. It just doesn't seem right to throw them away somehow. When the bowl gets full I scatter them around my plants in my garden. Meg has seen me do this. I've seen her watching me, though I've never let on. I tell you this, because I think it's one of the reasons she trusts me. I don't disrespect her 'magic'. Now Meg often carries a large satchel type affair wherever she goes. Some day I hope to privy to ALL of it's contents. It would be so interesting to see what treasures she accumulates during the course of day or constantly keeps close to her besides her herbs and candles. On this particular morning she sat down at my table like a proper lady and sipped her coffee and ate her cake. She didn't say a word, just watched me trying not to appear to be watching her. Eventually, she relaxed and smiled at me. I smiled back. When I got up to refill our cups, my back was to her and suddenly I heard her say "Miz Mayor...can I show you something? You write books I'm told. I write books too.(She meant her journals) I'm not crazy everywhere in my mind you know". Well! It took longer than usual to pour two cups of coffee because I was so stunned at her words. It was a delicate moment and I didn't want to cause her to withdraw into herself. I put the cups on the table, sat down and smiled and said "You may show me anything you like Meg. If it's a book, it will make me very happy." I was taking a shot in the dark with that remark, but I was pretty sure it HAD to be some kind of book judging from her remarks. That's when she pulled out her journals. The only thing on the front of them was a 'face plate' - like a little business card inserted into a sleeve. Each card was marked with a year on it. The first one was dated 1935. Meg would have been 10 years old. The second one was dated 1965. Meg would have been 40. If you have been following my tales of Meg you will realize that the 1935 one was the year that her nurse died. The 1965 one is the year that her father died. Pivotal years both, in our Megs life. Meg pushed the books across the table to me and said "Please Miz Mayor, I want you to read these. I want to know if you can believe in them - in me." For the first time since I've known Megs, I saw into her eyes: clear, bright, a bit frightened, yet so full of yearning for understanding and seemingly searching for a clarity her mind was not yet ready for. I had to get up and fix myself another coffee I didn't really need, just to give myself time to think. Meg waited patiently, but at the same time she managed to finish the last of the coffee cake! lol We spent the morning talking. It was a bit difficult because she would suddenly lose her train of thought and flit off around the house or out into my gardens. But she always came back, and would pick up the thread of our conversation as if she never left. I worked on my computer during her absences and closed the lid when she returned. At one point she came up behind me while I was typing and stood and watched me. She seemed pleased that I could make words appear on the screen. I don't think she's ever seen a computer! I have promised to teach her to type. THAT should be a treat! lol In the interest of brevity I will move to the end of the day when I finally had time to sit down and read her journals. The first one was full of childish pencil hand printing and doodles and some rather fine line drawings of what I assume were small scenes from her bedroom window like little snapshots of life outside that horrible house. The second one, was written in a lovely script with pen and ink, faded in places and often hard to read when emotion scrawled across the pages. When I was done, I sat and cried and understood so much better that the past year of my own life was a cake walk compared to the year 1925 for Meg. Today Meg and I spoke again. She has promised to give me the rest of her journals, two by two. One for every year of her life since she was ten. She is now 83. She says that this year's journal is mostly about ME (!), but of course it doesn't have an ending yet! I have talked to her about turning her journals into a book, and her answer surprised me. "You must, you must", she said. "That's why I am giving them to you. I've been told that you write books and I want a book about me that I can read as if I'm reading about someone else, but knowing it's me, but removed from the me that will no longer be me. I'm not crazy everywhere in my mind you know and I don't want to be crazy anywhere in my mind anymore". Age is a funny thing. Most of us lose our capacity at Meg's age to keep our minds clear and in the present. Meg's life has been such that it is as if she is in reverse. She has lived with mental confusion for so long that she's tired of it. She wants to think clearly, to live free of her past and her ghosts and her nightmares and herself as others have seen her for so long, as she has seen herself for so long. Who among us, no matter what our mental capacity, doesn't long to be 'normal'? I don't really know what I've done to earn Meg's total trust and complete acceptance. Perhaps my very 'strangeness' draws her to me. Or my red hair! lol Whatever the motivation, the next few months of learning about this remarkable woman, past and present, will forever change me, change her, and forge a bond the like of which I will probably never be privileged to enjoy again. Megs is a tiny wisp of a woman with an inner drive to break free of herself. It has kept her energized, healthy and far younger than her chronological years. I hope I can do her justice. This is her journey, not mine. And yet as a writer I know that her journey WILL become mine in the writing, and that my own ghosts and nightmares and other people's perceptions of me that forged my own self image, will be invisibly underwritten throughout the story being told. As a writer, with this particular subject, I know that this is inevitable. It is important for both of us, that I make this a journey towards inner peace, not just freedom.
7 people like this
14 responses
@Rosekitty (19443)
• San Marcos, Texas
24 Jul 08
Sparky..I have to keep reminding myself that Meg is My Mothers age and that is very hard for me to imagine..if My Mother at 83 was doing things like Meg i would want someone to be her friend and take care of her too and this i see in you and feel so thankful that someone as you cares enough to be there and be patient.You have taught her that and she see's it..that is why she confides in you..you are the one that deserves the praise..who yea! you got it in your own interest group!
• Regina, Saskatchewan
24 Jul 08
It's the writer in me kitty. My curiousity and my acceptance of all things different, wise and wonderful. It's true that I have an ability to FEEL myself in another's shoes, and that is the basis of my acceptance of the out of ordinary. My curiosity makes me want to learn more about it to fully understand, and that feeds my writing. But Megs is more than a means to an end. She is a treasure - and I just KNOW there are depths to her psyche and her abilities that have been over looked for too long and deserve to see the light of day. And I believe she KNOWS that too and in me, has found the means to that end. What a responsibility, but oh what a joy too!
1 person likes this
@tessah (6622)
• United States
24 Jul 08
oh i fully expect a copy of this book when you have it finished. this might be a strange request.. or not considering you know me well enough by now. but when given the opportunity.. please give Miss Megs my regards, and mention me by name. ive got an idea rolling around in my head here of a gift for her to send to you to deliver for me. toaid in her quest, and add some ooomph to her magic.
3 people like this
• Regina, Saskatchewan
24 Jul 08
She already knows your name Tess. And she has seen your avatar. She thinks you have power and picked your cat out right away. She says it's your spirit guide. She shows up every morning now for coffee cake, and watches sometimes when I'm posting on the lot. When she saw your avatar, she got all excited and told me that you had magic too, she could feel it and was worried for a moment that you were not my friend. So I told her about you and oh, it made her smile. "Not just me, she cried, not just me" and the next thing I know she's dancing around my living room. She meant that SHE was not the only person with 'magic' and that made her so happy as she's been the only with 'magic' in town for years and I guess it made her feel odd and out of place, no longer being able to relate to people outside her little world. You know what I mean? Can you recommend any books on wicca or your kind of belief system in that regard that I could share with Meg to help her understand a little more? She's read some things already - mostly gothic type novels, which is where she picked up and adopted her current 'magic' belief system. And of course, she watches waaaaaaaaaaaaaaay too much tv!
1 person likes this
@tessah (6622)
• United States
24 Jul 08
i got all choked up here reading this. Miss Meg picking me out of the stream.. ;sniffffffffffffffffs; and shes right y`know.. the leopard is my main totem, amongst other things.. please inform the Lady there to expect a gift from me.. a little peice of magic of mine to add to her own. and give her a squish while yer at it if she'll allow. and send me yer snail mail addy in email so i can get it sent out as soon as ive made it. amulets and talismans.. herbs and concoctions.. ohh what to send what to send. far as any books go.. the only ones i have are really used as refference only.. there isnt much of an "organized" chapter of what i am as im a multitude of pantheons and traditions all mixed into one.. but i will scour my shelves and send along.. something. gods how i love you sparX
1 person likes this
• Regina, Saskatchewan
25 Jul 08
Damn, I wish my mylot alerts were more timely! I'll email you my snail mail, and if you could just include a list of book titles for me to pick up and read, I can then guide Meg through the maze and bring her out the other side more focused with truth instead of fiction. She will love the totem relationship! Hugs to you too sweets, and I will give Meg a squish for you the next time she leaps into my lap for a cuddle. It's her favorite game these days! lol
• Canada
24 Jul 08
You are so accepting and non-judgemental that someone with a problem will always flock to you for aid. You are so kind, loving and caring, too, so that is what draws people with a heartache or pain or troubles to you. You are a natural mother, it seems. Always willing to make everything all right. You also hold the troubles of the world on your shoulders, but recently, you have begun to let that go, since it can weigh you down, when it gets too heavy. This is a wonderful story and Megs sounds like a wonderful woman and she knows you will understand her and care about her trials through her very difficult life. You will, I know, make a wonderful, kind, heart-felt story for her to read someday. Again, I am proud to know you and be a part of your life. At one time or another, we have all been your 'projects' just like Megs. When you have taken the time and effort out of your life, to help others in need of whatever help you are able to give or find them. It doesn't seem to matter, how busy you are, or what is urgent for you to take care of...you always make the time. That is what endears you to so many. Megs sees this because she doesn't live in the material world. She sees you for what you are.... a true blessing to humanity. I mean this from the bottom of my heart. No embellishments here. Just the honest truth.
• Regina, Saskatchewan
24 Jul 08
Why Annie, in all the years I've known you, this is the first time I've ever heard you be so eloquent. And that's not a criticism it's a compliment. I'm gobsmacked. Thank you from the bottom of my heart for this gift of a part of yours! Hugs.
2 people like this
@moondancer (7434)
• United States
24 Jul 08
My dear Spark Your friend Meg and I have a kinship I too bless homes and this helps me to understand her a bit and to feel a kinship toward her. I have mmy herbs and things in my bags and things and do things for people to. In a way this helps me to understand her to a point. I can hardly wait to read your book about Meg Spark. Please let me know when you have it ready for sale.
3 people like this
• Regina, Saskatchewan
24 Jul 08
Meg's a reader and her tastes are very eclectic. She found my Nancy Drew books the other day and promptly sat down on my living room floor and read through two of them before she became distracted. Later I took the ones she hadn't gotten to over to her house and left them on her coffee table for her. They are collectors items, but she is so careful with books, that I know she'll care for them and return them. They are such a quick easy read, but such fun too - even after all these years! lol Moon,beam can you tell me if I am doing the right thing spreading the herbs around my plants in my gardens that Megs leaves all over my house? I just don't feel right throwing them away.
1 person likes this
@Barb42 (4217)
• United States
25 Jul 08
Spark, I was mesmerized by this story! I could just picture Megs anointing your home with her dried herbs. I read all your entries here, and this is such a sad story. Megs must have been locked up in her own sort of hell, but she managed to write in her journals all these years. That is remarkable! From just reading what you have written here about Megs, I am sure you will have no problem writing her story and bringing her peace when she reads what you have written. Sounds like Megs has found a dear and faithful friend.
• Regina, Saskatchewan
25 Jul 08
Aren't you the dedicated little mylotter Barb! LOL You've read them all? Too cool. Megs story is going to take time and lots of research, before the actual writing can begin, although I already have reams of notes. It is complex in many ways because in order to do it justice and have the desired result for Megs reality, I need to explore and understand ALL the people involved, and so many other things. It would be a disservice to Megs and the story itself to just 'rewrite' the contents of the journals alone as a 'story'. We are dealing with a real life, not just a story. YOu know what I mean? I'm sure you do.
1 person likes this
@Barb42 (4217)
• United States
26 Jul 08
It's just that your story here of Megs intrigued me. She seems to be a very complex person. She may seem to have lots of problems, but she seems very smart in ways, too. And I figure, when you start to writing, you are going to find yourself all wrapped up in her life. To me, it would seem like living it right along with her. To me, the best writers seem to be right there in their books, like you can just see or hear them. They have to be all wrapped up in their characters, don't you think?
1 person likes this
• Regina, Saskatchewan
29 Jul 08
Yes I do. Megs, her story, the book, it is all consuming mentally for me right now and will be until the book is done. And you're right - there is a very fine brain inside Megs head. It was the circumstances of her life with her father that warped it and eventually buried the light of it's intellectual power. I'm hoping that now, that power will rise to the surface. Her journals show a fine mind, and her drawings an incredible talent. With another upbringing, I think Megs would have become a very formidable woman. I intend to see that regardless of the past, she leaves her mark anyway.
• United States
24 Jul 08
I am so looking forward to reading more about Meg. I relate to her on some level I am not sure I understand yet. If you get a chance Dear Sparky to scan pictures of meg I would so love to see them. Thank you for this... however have I missed a couple of installment in megs story here?
2 people like this
• Regina, Saskatchewan
24 Jul 08
Getting a picture of her could be a challenge. She doesn't even have mirrors in her house - and I know why, but that's for the book..... But a candid shot when she's not the focus of the picture is possible. I'll try. She hates cameras, yet she loves looking at the avatars on my computer! And no, I don't think you've missed any installments. This is a followup to the post about her putting my feet in cement. She came to my house the next morning, which is the subject of this post. She has been glued to my side ever since.
1 person likes this
• Regina, Saskatchewan
25 Jul 08
Yes, I know what you mean Plunk. And I watch her as much as she watches me, I'm just a little more subtle about it. lol And today I think I discovered the reason she's gloamed onto me. Seems I look very much like her former nurse, and have the same laugh! Go figure! Small world we live in! So I'm thinking, if I remind her of her nurse, back in the days before her father twisted her sense of herself, that part of her that's been buried for so long is beginning to awaken in my company. Rather explains her longer periods of 'lucidity/normalcy' when we are alone together. She obviously loved her nurse very much and to an extent was very happy with her. I'm also thinking that learning more about the kind of woman the nurse was is going to be important to truly understanding Megs. An avenue to explore for sure................
1 person likes this
@Hatley (164671)
• Garden Grove, California
24 Jul 08
hi sparks yes you must write this thats for sure. I feel for mad megs as I am myself 81, and still sharp of mind, and beside her childhood, mine was really quite benign, My one instance of hurt and betrayal when my socalled respected doctor father decided to use me his little girl of 8 as a replacement for my mom who was ill in the hospital. He never touched me again as I knew to stay away from him, but the betrayal hurt as much as the physical act. anyway what Mad meg went through is heart breaking and from what you have just told us, she must have had a really brilliant mind at one time before her father with his twisted relegious crap messed her all up.It sounds like she is now becoming more clear in her mind which is really wonderful.I am sure you Sparks will really do her justice when you write her story. good luck and God Bless
@olivemai (4738)
• United States
25 Jul 08
It just seems that it is more common than anyone ever imagined!
1 person likes this
@skinnychick (6907)
• United States
24 Jul 08
Sounds like she has needed someone like you her entire life. It's nice that it seems like she can finally trust someone. She is crazy it seems but you show her respext maybe when noone else does. Your a good person and a great writer my friend.
2 people like this
• Regina, Saskatchewan
24 Jul 08
Why thank you skinny. And yes I show her respect whereas the town just accepts. Just goes to show how important respect is to the state of our minds and souls doesn't it? Good thought there skinny. Thanks.
1 person likes this
• United States
24 Jul 08
Always a pleasure...
1 person likes this
24 Jul 08
Hi Sparky, That was quite something, I just want to keep reading on Meg's journal will make a beautiful book to read. Please, Please, Please write some more. Thank you so much. I can't wait for the book. Regards Tamara
2 people like this
• Regina, Saskatchewan
25 Jul 08
Quite honestly tamara, the entries/facts in Megs journals are anything but beautiful. But the success of my book will be in taking those entries and making them beautiful, like the person whose life they describe. It will be quite a challenge.
1 person likes this
@Erilyn (3020)
• United States
29 Jul 08
Wow I am so Late on this one. My apologies dear spark! I think that it is beautiful that you two have come together like this and I have no doubt in my mind that you will do her justice, and do it with style and grace. Give Megs a big hug from me!! I can't say that I have been through what she has by any means, but I can understand where she is comming from. There are times that I feel confused about things in my life as well, and some of that has to do with the past. Maybe one day I will sit down and let it all out. I have held it in for so long that I don't think that it would be easy for me to do so either. I know what a step she has taken telling someone about what she has gone through. Megs has shown bravery that I can only hope one day to emulate. And I hope that when that day comes for me that I still have wonderful friends like you that will help me through it and not judge me for the parts I have played and what I have gone through.
• Regina, Saskatchewan
29 Jul 08
No apologies necessary Erilyn. Everyone has a past. Everyone has things that they assign guilt to and it eats away at them. THIS site among friends, is a great place to write about things like that. But I have another site that would might be better for you, as it totally respects and keeps your posts private, immediately deletes people who post negatively against a user or are so judgemental that it makes users unhappy. Pm me and I will give you the link. I'm a member there. I think you would be very comfortable there. It's not a money earner, but it's definitely a soul soother. In the meantime, if things from your past are now starting to surface and affect you now (which is VERY normal), start keeping a journal of these thoughts, feelings and incidents. You'd be amazed at how just writing them out relieves the mental pressure and calms you down. Hugs sweets and get in touch ok?
1 person likes this
@Erilyn (3020)
• United States
29 Jul 08
I will always stay in touch hun :). I will pm you for the info but I don't know if I am quite ready yet. There are some things that I have done that I am ashamed of and other things are painful to talk about. It's not that they are just now resurfacing, they are always with me and always have been. I am afraid of keeping a journal anymore. Afraid that it will fall into the wrong hands. I have had journals used against me in the past. Maybe one day I will write a book about it all under a pen name or something like that lol.
1 person likes this
• Regina, Saskatchewan
1 Aug 08
My best advice then would be to keep an online journal in a zipped file only you can access with a password. We'll be in touch over this Erilyn. Hugs and stop beating yourself up over the past. We all have one. The trick is to strive to be better than we were and take comfort and courage and inspiration from those that love us, in spite of...
1 person likes this
@novataylor (6572)
• United States
29 Jul 08
Crazy is all she's known how to be. Till now. So continue, my love. I've read this whole discussion, every response, and I don't think I could anything solvent to what's already been written. So I'll just say that you are on a heck of a road, darlin, a veritable roller coaster, and you probably better hang on. In one way, I think it's so great for you, but in another, I have just an iota of worry that you will become overly focused on her and neglect your own needs. So be aware of the balance, darling, and yes, I know I don't have to tell you this at all, you already know it, but still, reminders now and then don't hurt. And once again, I find myself wanting to BE THERE!!!! Sigh. XXX
1 person likes this
• United States
29 Jul 08
Ooops. Missed the word 'add'. I don't think I could ADD anything solvent.....
1 person likes this
• Regina, Saskatchewan
29 Jul 08
I added the add, before you added the add! LOL Thanks nova. You know, my recovery has been swift and nearly painless since Megs began dropping in every day. She gives me something to focus on outside of my own troubles and that's a good thing. She's also given me a purpose that has energized me. The hubs isn't quite sure what to make of it all, but he's being really good and keeping busy with his business, which is really doing well, so actually, my balance is better than it's been in a long time. And people say fate is fickle. Not so, for me right now. It's been rather kind to me lately in fact! LOL It's good to see you nova. I hope YOU are taking care of YOURSELF! And you are here sweets - in my head, in my heart, in spirit. No worries there!
@olivemai (4738)
• United States
25 Jul 08
Good for you! You go girl! You can do it. You will make her feel special, and tell a story worth telling in the meanwhile! What a good thing to do and a biography like that will be historical as well.
1 person likes this
• Regina, Saskatchewan
25 Jul 08
The Bronte sisters will be turning over in their graves with envy huh? LOL
1 person likes this
@olivemai (4738)
• United States
26 Jul 08
Oh yeah!
1 person likes this
@Bluepatch (2481)
• Trinidad And Tobago
11 Aug 08
Beautifully crazy people are so endearing its unreal. Cement shoes are a bit much, though, they are too heavy. Old ladies can either be looney or very gracious. I guess it depends on your point of view.
• Regina, Saskatchewan
11 Aug 08
I choose gracious. Because in the end the looney get's us all! LOL
• United States
29 Jul 08
Megs sounds like a truely fascinating person. One foot in this world and one foot in her own world. Judging by your post I can see that you will do her journals the justice they deserve. Do your myLot friends get the option of an autographed copy?
1 person likes this
• Regina, Saskatchewan
29 Jul 08
You betcha! Autographed by me and Megs! LOL Thanks for the encourgement. Much appreciated. Hugs.