Will you leave your husband/wife if he/she has a....

@brisk123 (2826)
India
July 29, 2008 8:22pm CST
Your happily married for almost 3-4 years,has a kid and then you came to know from some source that your wife/husband has another kid from her old lover then What would you do? Will you forgive him/her?
6 responses
@Debs_place (10525)
• United States
30 Jul 08
Well, he may not have know about the child. ALso, if the conversation did not come up, then I guess it would be unreasonable to expect to be told. Did he know about the child? Was he involved in the child's life? Does he support the child. I don't think you can condemn people for having a life before they met you.
@brisk123 (2826)
• India
30 Jul 08
well, he did know about the child but never had told or discuss about it to her neither before marriage nor after untill recently, somebody broke the shocking news to her.Yes, he is involved in child's life.I agree with you that we cannot condemn or blame someone for what happend before marriage or before they met each other but what I feel is, he should have atleast told her the truth.Whatever had happened in the past, or his ex girlfriends doesn't bother her much but now this is about a 7year old kid.She can't take this.She don't blame the kid or the mother but her husband.
• United States
30 Jul 08
I don't know what i would do.. I would be pretty upset that he didn't tell me that he had another kid.. I don't thin that i would divorce him because of it.. I think i would just be mad that he lied about it.. i would sit him down and tell him that i was upset and i would probably have to have marrage counseling with him.. Thats sounds crazy did this happen to you.. cause really i dont know what i would do....
@brisk123 (2826)
• India
30 Jul 08
Thank you dear for sharing your thoughts.No,but it happened to one of my friend's sister.Although they are staying together trying to make their marriage work for the sake of her child but she haven't really forgiven him nor she can ever, I guess.It happened before she came into his life but the thing is he kept things hidden from her and now her faith and trust in him is gone.
• Brazil
30 Jul 08
depends this kid come from before of after our relationship? if it come before i believe there is no problem. she/he have her/his our life before i meet and i think this is her/his problem not mine. if it come after i believe there is a huge problem because if you have already forgive that person to be by my side why did you back to her/him? if you did with your old love this means you back to love him/her and do not love me anymore or worst you did never loved me and if you betray me with one of your old love you can betray me with anyone. thanks, Scorpionok.
@brisk123 (2826)
• India
30 Jul 08
Thank you friend for your response.It sure does make sense.
@cecelgay (563)
• Philippines
30 Jul 08
The first question there is did that child born before of after you get married.. First if before, maybe he just love you so much not to tell you that he had a child or if after it only means one, and if you're asking if you're going to forgive him or not... what all i can say is consider your kids.. they are inoscent on that situation, you should consider them also. Just like me im also confused if i am going to stay with my partner or not coz my trust is already gone,im confused in the sense that im considering my kids, if i am alone maybe i'll walk away and go on my life without him but its not that easy. Both of you better seek counseling, i think that is the best way for you to decide what to do.
• Philippines
30 Jul 08
Well, i am very fortunate when it comes to things like this. But if ever, that happens, which i believe is possible, a simple talk may happen but i will not allow a separation to happen. I can't bear the thoughts of having my son living with a single parent.
@jbrooks0127 (2326)
• United States
30 Jul 08
If your wife had another child from a former lover, and it was before she knew you, then what would make you feel you needed to forgive her? If she had one while you were married then you have a real problem. If for the last 3-4 years you have been very happy together and you trust her that she really loves you as much as you her then there should be no concern as to what she did before you met. Of course the fact she never told you may be a concern but she may have felt you would not be excepting and so kept it to herself. As I say it all depends on the circumstance. What you did in your life before you were married was not her concern so why would you have a problem with what she may have done?