How do you maintain your cool?

@dpk262006 (58673)
Delhi, India
July 29, 2008 11:36pm CST
Hi! Friends! Some of us have enormous capacity to control their temper and some of us have not such a capacity. I would like you to tell me how do control your temper and remain calm and composed in the unfavorable, odd and unpleasant circumstances, be it your home or at your working place, be it your own home or any relative/friend’s home. What are the tricks do you adopt so as not to lose your cool. I would like you to share your thoughts based on your experience please. Many thanks in advance.
13 people like this
42 responses
@chirantani (1379)
• India
30 Jul 08
Though I am a short tempered person, still I cool down very quickly. I cools down by listening to music,or discussing with my family or friends with any other amusing topics,and hence distracting myself from the provocative discussion which had heated me up.
4 people like this
@dpk262006 (58673)
• Delhi, India
30 Jul 08
This is what you do....when you have already become angry, but I would like you to tell me, how do you control yourself, so that you do not become angry?
1 person likes this
• China
30 Jul 08
then you are a very wise person,
• United States
30 Jul 08
I am usually pretty calm tempered. When I am in a situation that I feel unfortable in, I usually keep quiet or leave. If I am working and a co-worker is bothering me, I usually say I have to do something (make coffee, ect.) I usually try to get away from the situation if I can so that I can calm down. If I can't leave then I usually try to think about something that makes me happy (like my pets.) Sometimes it is very hard to maintain your demenour especially when someone is downright rude, but I usually try to make it seem like it isn't bothering me, because that's what really gets to people. Then I let it all out by excerise or something fun to cheer me up. Have a wonderful night!
@dpk262006 (58673)
• Delhi, India
30 Jul 08
You are adopting a sound approach and tricks. Well done! But how do you control yourself, when you have to confront a rude and incorrigible person, how do you maintain your cool, when the fellow in front of you is talking provacatively and may be raising his voice too?
1 person likes this
@alokn99 (5717)
• India
30 Jul 08
Not easy Dpk, Certainly not easy. There was a time ,my colleagues used to hesitate bringing up any problems with me, as I would take off and say something really nasty.However, I slowly realised the damage it was doing to me. I've tried various ways , counting numbers, singing songs in my head, smiling, basically anything that get my mind off the subject. Now, I've learnt in a small way to switch myself, keep my mind blank. That certainly has been helping.
@alokn99 (5717)
• India
1 Aug 08
Always a pleasure dpk. Always
@dpk262006 (58673)
• Delhi, India
30 Jul 08
I agree with your methods Alok that one can count numbers, sing song in one's mind and otherwise atleast keep quite to maintain the peace. Many thanks for joinging and sharing your experiences with us.
@cyberfluf (4996)
• Netherlands
30 Jul 08
I'm not easily having a bad temper I need to control, but if something happens that does get me agitated I try to focus on my breathing and put my feet firm on the ground. I will tell people what agitates me and try to talk about it to make the bad feeling or unpleasent circumstances go away, if at all possible. If I would feel like losing it or like crying I would step away from the situation for a couple of minutes to get myself at ease and then come back, but this hardly ever happens.
@dpk262006 (58673)
• Delhi, India
30 Jul 08
Thanks for joing us. You idead about focussing 'breathing' appears quite good to me. And leaving the scene is other option.
@mimpi1911 (25464)
• India
30 Jul 08
That's a difficult question for I am the kind of person who could be extremely cool at times and equally enraged some other time. Its difficult with deal with the latter. I try to confine myself initially and and then once I cool down I let go. I feel, letting go is the only way I can come back to normalcy. Its tough though. Sometimes,I resort to fun movies, games, sudoku.......and other things which give instant happiness. Thanks.
3 people like this
@mimpi1911 (25464)
• India
30 Jul 08
Luckily I do not have bear with that someone that often....I can do my mind.
1 person likes this
@dpk262006 (58673)
• Delhi, India
30 Jul 08
How do you avoid the situation........? What do you do to let it go.............? Resorting to movies, games is a good option.......but can we go for it, if someone is making us agitated and angry..............?
@dpk262006 (58673)
• Delhi, India
30 Jul 08
You mean you are able to control your anger and agitation in mind, before it comes out..............?
@cupid74 (11388)
• Pakistan
30 Jul 08
Hi deepak i am not that calm and cool all the time some times i rweally lost control. at office i may end up shouting at people responsible and at home i try to keep quiet and leave that place The best way is to distract my mind from current situation Take care
2 people like this
@dpk262006 (58673)
• Delhi, India
30 Jul 08
How do you distract from a situation.....do you go away from the scene........? Many thanks for sharing and joining us.
@dpk262006 (58673)
• Delhi, India
1 Aug 08
Thanks for the useful tips.
@cupid74 (11388)
• Pakistan
31 Jul 08
Well deepak yeah moving away from scene as well as try to do some other activity, like reading book or some thing else so my mind distract and boling brain calm down Take care
@SViswan (12051)
• India
3 Aug 08
I'm a very short tempered person though the only place I really show it out is at home. Outside the home I am able to maintain my composure even when I am very angry inside. But most often I know that it can be made out on my face that I am unhappy though I am not showing the anger in other ways. Just two days back I had an incident at the school where I was very surprised at the way I reacted...very calmly and under normal circumstances the situation would have created a lot of anger inside me....but this time I didn't even feel angry inside and was able to stick to the topic without feeling angry. Having been through that situation, I think not judging and just sticking to facts and what I knew helped me to maintain my calm. Even when the situation was going off track and people were trying to trigger my anger, I refused to be pulled into it and said I will not comment on it and let us stick to the topic. I didn't even let the comment affect me because I put it out of my mind at once. Honestly, I'm still trying to find out the exact reason for my being calm so that I can do it again in a similar situation:)
1 person likes this
@SViswan (12051)
• India
26 Mar 10
Thanks for the BR, Deepak! I'm catching up:)
@dpk262006 (58673)
• Delhi, India
30 Apr 10
@dpk262006 (58673)
• Delhi, India
5 Dec 08
So you have learned the tricks - how to be calm. Nice to hear from you.
• Canada
30 May 09
The best way for me to keep my cool is to remember that I am in control of my own emotions, and if I REACT to something annoying, by losing my temper, I'm only letting that person and/or that situation control me, and I am way too stubborn to be controlled by anyone or anything.
1 person likes this
@dpk262006 (58673)
• Delhi, India
1 Jun 09
You appear to have good control on your emotions and you know that by losing your temper, you will be giving opportunity to others to control you. Please keep it up........you will go a long way. Thanks for dropping in.
@checapricorn (16061)
• United States
23 Jan 09
[i]Hi dpk, I am not very good in controlling temper! LOL! I will express myself right away but when there are guest in the house, I will wait or ask anyone who makes me mad to follow me in the room so we can talk about it! Same if I am in public! At work, I always talk back to anyone in a professional manner just to express my side! But, there are cases, where I will just take a deep breath and count 1- whatever to make me cool down! LOL![/i]
1 person likes this
@dpk262006 (58673)
• Delhi, India
24 Jan 09
It shows that you are straight forward and very sensitive. Expressing yourself help you to release your tension and some fellows feel more comfortable when they release their tension this way, it seems that you just cannot tolerate silly things. Thanks for responding and sharing.
@dawnald (85129)
• Shingle Springs, California
30 Jul 08
I don't know but as long as somebody isn't actually insulting me (or someone I care about) I can usually be pretty calm and rational about almost anything. Once it gets personal though, I have a much harder time keeping cool. No point in losing it with somebody who's dealing with a situation that's not their fault (like a flight delay) but if they get nasty that's where I can lose it.
2 people like this
@dpk262006 (58673)
• Delhi, India
1 Aug 08
Many thanks for sharing your view and joining us, you appear to me a very cool person.
@vinh88 (17)
• Canada
30 Jul 08
I'm generally a very calm person. I lose my cool very rarely, and when I do, I attempt to leave the situation so I can try to calm down and gather my thoughts so I can voice them out the way I want to, rather than go into an outburst of incessant swearing and/or shouting. If said situation gets out of hand though, and I can't get away from it and the person does keep egging me on, I will just blow up in a swear storm... heh, thus why I try to get away when it really starts bothering me.
2 people like this
@dpk262006 (58673)
• Delhi, India
1 Aug 08
Many thanks for sharing your view and joining us, you appear to me a very cool person.
@ruby222 (4847)
30 Jul 08
I am a very even tempered person,and it would take an awful lot to make me lose my emper,but I do belive that many could benefit by going to anger management courses,it certainly could help some who I know,lol and maybe throw in a yoga class or a pilates class for good measure,the more relaxed you become,the more likely you are to be able to hold your temper.
@dpk262006 (58673)
• Delhi, India
30 Jul 08
Thanks for some very good suggestions like 'Yoga'... BTY what is - pilates classes all about?
• Philippines
30 Jul 08
im sometimes a short tempered person. when im already about to really get mad i try to control myself by being concious to my surroundings. like when i get mad in front of a lot of people i could still think a little bit and realize that its not a good idea to blow up in front of a lot of people bec. i would be the one to be put to shame. at home though and not a lot of people are there i do my best by listening to soft music, not talk to people and be alone for a moment till i come down. but when im about to be angry or am already angry i think it would be seen in my face. im not the type who wants to hide emotions. id rather show it out there for transparency. hehehe...
@dpk262006 (58673)
• Delhi, India
1 Aug 08
Controlling yourself just before the anger brust in and listening to music are good ideas. I appreciate your thoughtfulness. Thanks for sharing.
• Japan
30 Jul 08
What really bothers me, if people keep on asking personal questions especially when you just met them. Yeah sure, Asians are relational. But come on? Personal questions...so what I do, I keep in mind that there are a lot things to reconsider before wasting my time and my emotions on some, you know, useless things. If I know it's not worth my time...I'll just smile...smile helps...or just answer back with your broad smile "why do you wanna know?"
1 person likes this
@dpk262006 (58673)
• Delhi, India
1 Aug 08
Many thanks for sharing your view and joining us, you appear to me a very cool person.
@arkaf61 (10881)
• Canada
30 Jul 08
Hello, my friend :) It's usually quite difficult for me to loose my temper. I might get irritated at something, or upset at something but rarely to the point that I loose my temper. But this is how I always was, so I am not sure what is the best way to control one's temper. I tend to take things in stride, analyze them, and think before I talk. I prefer not to waste energy in getting mad, because I use that energy to find a solution. And I hate to waste time with problems that have no solution. But this is not a technique, that's who I am. Sure, that have been times that I have hit the roof - not many thankfully - and in those times, I preferred to distance myself so I could think or so I could calm down in order talk about it in a more logical way. There's no point in talking in anger, mostly because it's hard to make sense when one is really angry, because when people are angry they tend not to focus on the problem, and because if we're angry with someone that person is probably angry too and both will be defensive, not listening to what is said but just thinking on how to respond.
@dpk262006 (58673)
• Delhi, India
1 Aug 08
Arkaft, you are so cool!!!! You are really great that you easily do not lose your temper, because I think the one who can control his temper can conquer many persons and many things. I agree with you that it is not fruitful to speak, when you are angry. I appreciate your thoughtfulness. Many thanks for joining the discussion.
1 person likes this
@marababe (2503)
• Philippines
30 Jul 08
I am a very transparent person. I'm not good in hiding what I feel. If you see my frowning, crying, laughing or raging mad, that's really how I feel. But even though most of the time what you see is what you get in me, I can control my temper, well, sometimes. When I know that there's really no need for me to burst out, I just step out of the room, take deep breaths and stay alone for a couple of minutes until I'm good already. But most of the time, I admit I can yell and get annoyed easily. I can always lose my cool any time something unpleasant happens. There was this moment last week, my 2 guy friends and I planned to have lunch in the outlet near our university. We set up 12 noon meeting time. Being the punctual girl that I am and knowing those 2 guys for being late most of the time, I left the house at 11:30 AM and decided to commute instead of taking the cab. Commuting usually takes about 45 minutes to 1 hour from our house to our school. Surprisingly there was no traffic and I arrived at the place at 12:15 PM. One of the 2 guys said he was on his way already and then the other one is just about to leave the house. It's 12:15 PM already! So you know what happened, we ate lunch at past 1 PM. It's not about the late lunch, it was about them being so late and me being on time. I really got so furious I didn't talk to them for minutes. And I told them in a half joke half serious way that next time we're going to meet, when we say 12 NN, I'll leave the house at 1 PM to be RIGHT ON TIME for them. After that, I'm okay again. I can be really crazy at times.
@dpk262006 (58673)
• Delhi, India
1 Aug 08
Your friends appear to be very cooperative so they can understand your feelings. Venting out is one way of getting rid of your anger. I appreciate your punctuality and thoughfulness. Many thanks for joing us.
@laydee (12798)
• Philippines
30 Jul 08
I'm a very short tempered person these days, I don't really know why. Maybe the weather and the circumstances got the best of me. Anyhow, to maintain my cool, I usually just try to concentrate into not reacting too fast. I usually go to sleep if things aren't how I want them to be. Sadly, the person who I always rant into is my boyfriend. I know he's got a lot of things too in his mind, and he has a problem of his own, but I can't help it. I do apologize to him and try to make it up to him. But something, I just know I hurt him with my words. But now a days, I really try hard, and he is so supportive and understanding that's why I love him so. So, that's it, I usually sleep and drink cold water. To maintain my cool. Specially now that the weather is truly hot these days. =)
1 person likes this
@dpk262006 (58673)
• Delhi, India
1 Aug 08
Going to sleep appears a good option to control yourself.I appreciate your thoughtfulness. Many thanks for joining the discussion.
@di1159 (1580)
• United States
30 Jul 08
I try to stay in control of the situation before my anger gets out of control. If I'm at work and I have one of those customers on the phone insisting on having an argument, I usually just put the phone down so I don't have to listen to the rant and pick it up every now and then and agree. Once the caller finishes venting, they usually calm down and want to be helped, I can still help them without being angry. In person, depending on the situation, I try to take deep breaths and clear my mind. I'll pretend I'm on a beach with a cool drink in hand and that makes me smile which really confuses the other person. It also keeps me from opening my mouth (and sticking my foot in it)and it gives me a chance to think about my response. Smiling disrupts the rant as the other tries to figure out what the heck you're smiling about! Have a great happy day!
1 person likes this
@dpk262006 (58673)
• Delhi, India
1 Aug 08
Imagining a scene on the beach with a cool drink in hand appears a very sound idea of avoiding anger and consequent smile does help. I appreciate your thoughtfulness. Many thanks for joining the discussion.
@cortjo73 (6498)
• United States
30 Jul 08
LOL! Wow, this one is a difficult one for me to answer since I do have a bit of a temper and, I sometimes don't keep it under control. But, it sort of depends on certain factors for me as to how well I will be able to control my temper. One is my cycle. When I am premenstrual, I can't usually control my emotions and my temper. But, if I realize why I am so prone to a rage then, I can do my best to just remind myself that if my hormones weren't misfiring all over the place, I wouldn't be so aggravated and so easily ticked off and ready to pounce. Another time I am more prone to lose my temper is when I haven't been sleeping well. That one is harder for me to remind myself of but, I try to keep it in mind when I have a moment where I am about to fly off the handle over something stupid. So, basically it is just all about me having to remind myself that I am only handling things the wrong way because I am hormonal or tired. But, sometimes I just need to get it out and off my chest and I just allow myself a little bit of a temper tantrum. LOL!
1 person likes this
@dpk262006 (58673)
• Delhi, India
1 Aug 08
Nice to know that you are so cool and you can reason out for your anger. Many thanks for sharing your views with us.
1 person likes this
@inutme (372)
• Philippines
30 Jul 08
If I can get out of the environment where I am about to burst, I will. If it's in the office, then I'll try to just go out of the building or something. If I can't do that then I just go to an area where there are windows or an area where there's a balcony and just try to breathe fresh air. It helps if I avoid the person for a bit, just to help me calm down. Listening to music also helps, I usually listen to loud and noisy songs when I'm angry, I think because I can relate it with how I'm feeling. And also, shopping is a good therapy for me albeit a very expensive one. If all else fails though, and especially when I'm at home, I just put a pillow on my face and shout as loud and as long as I can. Other times when I can't seem to scream, I just burst out crying -- but only when I'm alone..
1 person likes this
@dpk262006 (58673)
• Delhi, India
1 Aug 08
Avoiding the scene, i.e. going out and taking deep breath appears very good idea, besides listening to music. Screaming with your pillow on your mouth also helps venting out our feelings. I appreciate your thoughtfulness. Many thanks for joining the discussion.