i'm married and still men are courting me, please help.

Philippines
July 31, 2008 9:41am CST
i'm not really beautiful nor sexy but still there are men who courts me, i don't know why? my husband knows it and before he said it's ok but still sometimes when we fight things like "your flirting" words will come out, i'm not flirting and telling them that i'm married and i have kids, and some even really knew it. one time one of them called up in the middle of the night and it was my husband who answered knowing that it's an emergency, but the guy just ask if i'm still awake and my husband got mad at him. i can't blame my husband and i know he's jealous, sometimes when i go out with friends he was thinking that i'm going to date one of them, i don't want this to be the cause of fights most of the time. Really i'm not that pretty nor sexy. help...
11 people like this
35 responses
@kingcrapper (1538)
• United States
31 Jul 08
Sounds like you have a real situation on your hands. You say you are not flirting and your husband is getting upset with the situation. Hmm. I guess I would have to ask some questions to really get the thick of it. The first thing that hit me as a red flag is a man calling you in the middle of the night. How in the world did he get your number? If he got it from you I would have to say that you telling us all that 'I am not flirting' is a load of something. How long did you talk with the guy? Listen, I know men and women have different body language and the sort but if guys are continueing hitting on you it tells me you are doing something to lead them on. As a man myself, I don't hit on women helter sketer, there has to be some kind of signal from the women of invitation. I would really watch what you do. If you don't get control of this you will end up in a position you may not want to be in.
• Philippines
31 Jul 08
they know my number because we were classmates before, i didn't talk to them when they call because my husband is the one who answers the call especially when it's late at night
• Philippines
31 Jul 08
they know my number because we were classmates before, i didn't talk to them when they call because my husband is the one who answers the call especially when it's late at night
@Theresam (1181)
• United States
1 Aug 08
I think you need to get a new phone number.
@msedge (4012)
• United States
1 Aug 08
If you love your husband and kids then you should about this men or they might break your marriage.If they are not going to stop as you said then ignore them.That means stop being friendly to them because you have aleady a husband.They might misunderstood your treatment to them and they might be thinking that they can get you even you are already married.Perhaps just for fun or whatever their intension is.Avoid them in anyway you can to save your marriage and to prevent your husband from hurting because you are causing pain to him by letting these men call you.
@Theresam (1181)
• United States
31 Jul 08
It sounds like you are flirting and leading men on. if you know your husband is jealous don't encourage other men. Why are you giving strange men your numbers anyways?
@riyasam (16578)
• India
31 Jul 08
do not encourage these men.
• Philippines
31 Jul 08
i don't think i'm flirting, friendly yes, some of them were my classmates before, and they knew my number even mycell phone.i'm telly them to stop but still some continue
@anndocs (249)
1 Aug 08
Try, changing your number... Just choose people you will going to alert of your new contact.
@glorybel (42)
• Philippines
1 Aug 08
Well...i can advice that just ignore those guys before it's too late to save your relationship! It's hard for husband and wife to have a harmonious relationship and save it if it is already broke! So...as early as you can don't entertain those guys even it's just your friends!
• United States
3 Aug 08
Nothing is ever broke in a marriage. My husband and I both have cheated on each other. We have done unmentionable things. I cheated, he went to jail for battery, I destroyed his car....it goes on and on....that was many years ago but we worked through it.....I am saying these things because a marriage is never so far gone that you cannot save it!
• Philippines
3 Aug 08
i can feel my husbands pain, sometimes he just don't show it, but i know he's thinking about it all the time. thanks for all your concerns, i don't talk to those guys anymore, if see them i turned the other way, and i hope they'll stop, really stop,
@ishralene09 (2260)
• Philippines
31 Jul 08
Do you have the ring, if so, SHOW THEM THE RING! Don't be too nice to them if it will cause your relationship to fall down. Don't let those pesky man continue to court you. If you're not that pretty nor sexy, maybe you're just too kind or sweet or like that.
• Philippines
31 Jul 08
i have the ring and i'm telling them i'm married with kids and they know the my number because we were classmates before
• Philippines
31 Jul 08
I can understand it now, that's why they keep on. I wish you can do something about it though, classmates are a headache when it comes to love.
• United States
11 Aug 08
i have the same problem and it seems that now that i dont wear my wedding ring i have less problems.. some guys just want to see if they can break up a marriage like it would be some kind of medal.. you need to have some strong talks with these guys and tell them to back off and if they dont then get away with them as much as possible..
• United States
11 Aug 08
opps i meant to say "get away FROM them" not with them lol
@checapricorn (16066)
• United States
1 Aug 08
Hello bangwin, If you are serious about what you want in your relationship with your husband, you will not be entertaining these guys, I mean it's okay to be friends but you have to set limitations,,,in doing so, no people will be calling you in the middle of the night..Maybe by action or words, you unconsciously give them a hint that it is fine for you to deal with them! No men will be doing that is they don't see any motives from the girls!
• Philippines
3 Aug 08
i guess some men really don't understand the difference between being friendly and flirting.
@TessWhite (3147)
• United States
1 Aug 08
It sounds to me like you are being overly friendly with the other men. Men don't usually call married women at home in the middle of the night unless they feel the call would be welcomed. I'd suggest in your next social gatherings you spend more time flirting with your husband and just be polite to old classmates. Also, I'd suggest changing your phone number.
@Theresam (1181)
• United States
1 Aug 08
One of the most common sense answers here.
@sk66rc (4261)
• United States
31 Jul 08
It's a priority issue... It seems like you love your husband & he loves you... I get the feeling that you'd feel the same way if the roles were reversed... If you value your relationship with your husband, you need to put it on the top of your priority... You have to know what's more important to you, hanging out with your friends or giving it up if it means making your husband mad or suspicious... We all make sacrafices in our lives... I know that if my girl friend felt that way about me, I'd do what I can to put our relationship first, even if it means putting my friends behind... If they're true friends, they'll understand, & in my case, they have... Change your cell. phone number... If you ever run into your former high school friends, tell him that you're now married & you value your marriage to your husband & you'd appriciate it if he doesn't call you at home, or even, at all... If he's that good of a friend & you have no intention of having anything other than a friendship with him, then invite him to dinner with you & your husband... Let your husband know that you have nothing to hide from him... Show him you're willing to go extra mile to let his mind at ease... If someone asks you out for coffee or dinner or anything, get in the habbit of replying "I'm not sure if MY HUSBAND wants to do something with me... I'll get back to you after checking with him..." Emphasize your relationship with your husband & your dedication to the relationship & marriage to him... Eventually, people will get the hint... You can be firm with these guys without being mean... But let them know you're in a relationship & you value it more than you value your relationship with them, if "they" are your friends...
• Philippines
31 Jul 08
they knew i'm married with kids and i have the ring, and they knew my number because we were classmates before
@underdogtoo (9599)
• Philippines
1 Aug 08
That is a strange one, calling in the middle of the night to ask if you're still awake. I don't think it's entirely your fault but it could ruin your marriage if it continues to be so. I know there are some stupid people who would do something like that but this is a new one for me.
• Philippines
1 Aug 08
I see both of your sides, and i think situation like that is sometimes unavoidable. Just be on guard with your actions especially now that you are married or with a partner. It's sometimes so hard to deal when your partner is too jealous, overprotective or doubtful of what you are doing. Actually, we are on the same boat. My partner is so sensitive in all that i do. From text messages, calls or even visits to my client. At first, i was enjoying it cause you feel good that your partner showing the love in a different manner, but as time goes by, i begun to feel irritated that it's not healthy anymore. IN YOUR PART, you know that you are not doing anything and there's nothing wrong with being friendly to other, yet it will always be a negative action FOR YOUR PARTNER. I guess, you have to talk with your partner about it so that he should be aware of your feelings too. good luck!
• United States
1 Aug 08
Take it from someone who knows about these things personally....you may think that any problems that you have at home with your husband are bad but they are always worse with someone else. Do not trade the problems you know and can handle with new and probably bigger problems. When you take a chance on a new man and leave your old man....that new man always does you dirty! ALWAYS! The same goes for men stepping out on their wives. Do not entertain these flirtations...they will grow into something that will cause you more stress than you could imagine. Do not play with fire. Put yourself into your husband's shoes. What would you do if you were him. How would you feel? Trust me...if a man is flirting with you and he knows you are married...he is no good! A lot of times men want to hook up with a married woman because it is no commitment. Most times, they have a woman at home too. Sometimes as women we don't feel all together good about ourselves. We need or think we need male attention to make us feel good about ourselves. Like Dorothy in the Wizard of Oz said.....don't look for anything past your own backyard! If you need male attention then work on how to get it from your husband...or give it to yourself.
@z1mzAm82 (35)
• Philippines
1 Aug 08
wow! well all i can say about you is that your "HOT" you have a high s3x appeal. you should be lucky^__^
• Sweden
1 Aug 08
I think gurl first you need to do is dont give your number to the guys,I understand your husband it a natural to get jealous because that guy called in the middle of the night,even if i was your husband then i get mad or jealous at you..SO STOP TALKING TO THAT GUYS so that you will have a nice family..I understand your husband why he think that everytime you out he think that you are dating with other guys..That natural for the husband to think like that because he is your husband it just only a guys..But you both try to talk and explain it to him what happen,I think he will understand you if he love you..and try to talk not fight.I guess you will do it if just your husband trust you and i guess he will..DONT TRY TO DISTROY YOUR FAMILY BECAUSE ONLY FOR THAT GUY :=)
@jayalaksmi (1041)
• India
1 Aug 08
i think they all are nonsense boys . they are very bad boys.but i think that you are also attracting them.if you are wearing the clothes that are short then you should not wear the dresses that are short but rather you should wear nice dresses like saree etc.
• Italy
1 Aug 08
Probably in the past u were something like an "easy girl"..
@ngaspero (851)
• Italy
1 Aug 08
hi, I'm sure that you don't encourage them but, must be something that make them thinking that, if you really love your husband, and really care change something in the way you present yourself to the other, may be you show to have to much interess to this people, interess that they can missunderstand..and I think is very bad for your relationship that someone call in the mittle of the night..change you number and give the new one only to people that you really trust..do it Nun
@reckon21 (3487)
• Philippines
1 Aug 08
[i]To make things will be in order you must avoid men.Ignore them,you're now married and and have kids. Its not good to look for another guy. Sometimes there are woman that are so attracted attracted. don't blame yourself maybe you're really beautiful and have that's why men are still courting you. Its normal that your husband will be jealous, just don't forget that sometimes jealousy can break family's or relationship.Think of it. [/i]
@Jenaisle (3803)
• Philippines
1 Aug 08
When you give men a straightforward refusal with no frills. They will back off. You just have to be firm and frank about your it. Never give a hint of encouragement for they'll take it as a "come-on". And when you go out, why don't you bring along your husband. They know you're married so they would expect you to bring along your hubby.
@jammyt (2824)
• Philippines
1 Aug 08
You must be flattered at some point. I see your dilemma though. Your husband is acting perfectly normal and even if he said at first that it is okay, you said it yourself, when you fight, some words are hurdled at each other. The guy who called, did he know you were married? I think that was foul for him to call in the middle of the night. And I guess, yes, your husband was right to get mad. I guess my only suggestion would be for you yo reiterate that you are married with kids. And that you should tell them that they cannot court you. I hope you work things out. Also, reassure your husband that you are loyal to him and only him.