Losing Bonds with Friends..

Singapore
August 1, 2008 7:59am CST
Does it mean that as we grow older, our bonds with those friends whom we met in our younger days will get lesser and lesser to the very extent that the bond is no longer there? I am home alone during my birthday this year. (In another 3 hours, it would be my birthday) but none of my friends would bother to make the effort to spend time with me on this special day. My boyfriend included. This is the very first year that it is happening! What more, for this year my birthday falls on a Saturday whereby there is no school, and no one is working! So, why can't they make time with me? I am guessing that the bond between us is no longer present, or its getting further and further. We are slowly drifting apart as we grow older.
6 people like this
7 responses
• India
1 Aug 08
Hmm, why aren't they spending time with you? I don't understand why you want to waste emotions on people who have no time for you. In India, we have an alternative to a birthday party of friends and relatives. The birthday girl/boy simply goes to an orphanage with sweets. You see, those kids don't get the treats we enjoy on a daily basis. And they love it when people celebrate their birthdays with them. So, the birthday person gives them a small party, and they sing for him/her. The kids feel happy, the birthday person feels blessed. Would you like to try it? You will completely forget that your friends did not have time to visit you on your birthday. And to answer you question, no, bonds don't need to break with time. It all depends on the people having the bond. And now the most important part: I wish you a very very happy birthday and lots of health, wealth, and happiness. :) Cheers and happy mylotting
1 person likes this
• Singapore
1 Aug 08
Thanks for the birthday wishes =) It is just that in Singapore, Time = $$, therefore in a mad rush to survive, we hardly have time to enjoy. And that is the case this year as all of us had just graduated from school and had just stepped into the workforce. I guess everyone of us just want to create our niche in the industry that we are working in and climb up that corporate ladder to the extent whereby ties and relationships are sacrificed in the process. That's the way life is here. It's a mad race against time and money. That is an unique suggestion. I would definately want to try that out if the Singapore government allows for it. Wanting to volunteer in places like orphanages and old folks home requires prior approval from the homes. One has to make appointments with the head of the home and orphanage and majority of the time, it would be approved provided if its in a large group and on a fixed basis. So.. sometimes, it is not that we don't want to, but rather there are too many restrictions on stuff over where I am living in. But, thanks anyway =D
2 people like this
• India
8 Aug 08
Thanks a lot for the best response. :)
1 person likes this
• Singapore
11 Aug 08
You deserve it, my dear for having the best response that is well drafted out and sharing your story with me Happy Mylotting and have a nice day!
2 people like this
@KellyMate (362)
1 Aug 08
If I lived near you I would come and see you :) And we could do something fun for your birthday :) As for your boyfriend, shout at him! He should be spending his time with you, especially as its your birthday :) I havent lost bonds with my friends, we still see each other reguarly and talk on the phone everynight :)
1 person likes this
• Singapore
1 Aug 08
That's so sweet of you!!! If only I could have a friend like you, I would be happy! =) You have a good clique of friends around you and I am sure that the bond between your friends and you would surely continue on even when you grow older!
2 people like this
1 Aug 08
We will be friends :) We can be online friends :) hehe!
1 person likes this
• Singapore
8 Sep 08
Nice to have an online friend like you! Take care my friend!
2 people like this
@Tasche (138)
• Ethiopia
1 Aug 08
No, I am sorry but I can`t agree. Friendships has nothing to do with getting older or being old. If my boyfriend wouldn`t spend time with me on my birthday, he better have a very good excuse. Friends that don`t want to spend time with you, are no real friends. You are sure they are not acquaintance only ? Happy birthday to you. Hope you`re having an awesome day anyway.
1 person likes this
• Singapore
1 Aug 08
Definately not acquaintance! They are part of my clique in high school. And this is only happening this year! Sigh~ the thing that I was really cheesed off with is more to do with my boyfriend than anything else. It's a bummer that the one you love is not with you on this special day! Anyway, thanks for your wishes =) Being on mylot had helped to lift up my mood! All thanks to Mylotters!!
2 people like this
@lilaclady (28270)
• Australia
1 Aug 08
Birthday cake - birthday cake with candles
Unfortunately this is the way life seems to go, we all get on with our lives but i must be honest if you are still going to school it is starting very early for you, if your boyfriends is also one that won't be with you maybe they are organizing a huge surprise party for you....I hope you have a lovely birthday anyway, you can spend it with your friends here in Mylot...there you go i baked you a cake...
• Singapore
1 Aug 08
Lol! Thanks for the birthday cake. Yum!! It's nice. =DD
2 people like this
@kun2349 (23475)
• Singapore
7 Sep 08
Yes, we will somehow lose bonds with our frenz when we have not contact or see each other for sometime.. It's very normal ^_^ IN the 1st place when ple become frenz is due to meeting and seeing each other everyday, thus very naturally all will become frenz even though they have nothing much in common.. BUt once they stopped meeting or contact for sometime, the frenz for the short period of time will be forgotten and be replaced by new frenz.. So if we wanna maintain bonds with frenz, it's either sharing the same interest and have helped each other out b4, and even when frenz dun contact or meet as often, at least there will still be some excuses for meeting up and catching up ^_^ Once that happens, the bond that u share with frenz in the past will be back again ^_^ hehe =D Though it's sad that u spent your bday alone, but it's ok ^_^ Because i've been spending mine alone for the past 3-4 yrs.. lol =D It's only a bday, it's nothing special just cutting and eating of a cake.. hehe ^_^ I will rather enjoy peace and celebrate for others than having them celebrate for me ^_^
• Singapore
7 Sep 08
Different people have different preferences in life, depending on their own personalities and the environment that they grow up in. I am a person who dislikes loneliness and is actually very afraid to be alone. I have this phobia since young that I would die a lonely person.. but yet, I am weird in the sense that even though there are many of my friends around me, I still feel very alone. And up to today, even though I appear to have many friends, I never ever felt that I am in fact not alone. Even my boyfriend could not remove this feeling of restlessness within me. But you appear to be more stable in your personality, and more practical! It's good to be that way in life as it gets more things done in a shorter period of time and then there is no time wasted on emotions. Lol. Have you found your inner peace? It appears that you have. Till present, I had not found mine. I hope that one of this days, I would grow up emotionally and find my inner peace and remove this restlessness feelings within me. You are very right to say that all of us would lose the bonding with our friends and that it is very common when there is no contact between us and our friends for a very long time. However, one personal experience of mine is that one of my very best friend who had migrated to the USA when she is 10, and we lost contact for 12 years, the bonding is still there. Weird but very true. Guess it all depends on how closely interwined our friends and us are, for the bonding to be still there even though there is absolutely no contact between the group of us. That's very Xian Shi to say that the bonds between friends would not be forgotten as long as we have helped out each other before or to share the same interest, or even to meet up and contact even more often. Lol, there should not be any tradeoffs for any friendships. Friendships, like love, should be given unconditionally and have no conditions attached to it. In this aspect, majority of the Singaporeans will have to concede defeat to the Malaysians. Malaysians are really great in this aspect. Though the friends may not be in contact for many years (my boyfriend's case), the bonding is forever there. And when they move back to their hometown after they finished their work overseas, you will be amazed to find them picking up from where they had left off upon leaving the country. It's just like the years had never even passed! When I first saw their culture there, I was so amazed that I was actually quite disgusted with the attitude of Singaporeans. It's like we have everything, but in fact, we have nothing. Most of us are sorely lacking in the 'human factor' known as 'Qing'. Thanks for sharing and well have a nice day Mylotting!!
2 people like this
@kun2349 (23475)
• Singapore
8 Sep 08
haha.. Singaporeans are known to be heartless, because they only kow how to roll up their sleeves and watch others die, because they dun wanna be implicated unless money is involved.. lol =D The 3 factors really fits singaporeans very well, kia-su, kia-si and kia dunno what.. haha ^_^ And singaporeans will rather spend time gossipping then doing useful things.. haha NO matter what, bonding with frenz are important and it's important that we dun forget about old frenz whenever we make new frenz, as most ple will do that ^_^ Well, i can say to have found my own inner peace, but not totally yet, because something is still lacking in my life, and that's my goal in life ^_^ If u wanna find the inner peace in u, find something u like and do it, soon u will find frenz in the same interest group as u, and the lonliness in u will be gone ^_^
1 person likes this
• Singapore
8 Sep 08
Haha.. there's 5 in total actually! 1. Kiasu (Scared to Lose Out) 2. Kiasi (Scared to Die) 3. Kia bo Ree (Scared No Money) 4. Kia Jing Hu (Scared of Government) 5. Kia Bo (Scared of Wife). All of these just about sums us up! Many of us are just scared of the process and getting into more trouble than what is neccessary. So, we would prefer to just stand aside and watch a 'show' when trouble arises rather than to jump in and help out the one who is in trouble. This is especially true when helping involves getting into trouble with the 'law' or 'brushes with the law'. Thanks for the advice given. I would bear that in mind. Till next time! I would try to settle this restlessness within me and be more stable in anything that I do. I am glad that you had somewhat found your 'inner peace'. What is the goal that you have not achieved in your life? I wish you all the best in achieving what you want in your life! Reading through your responses and getting a glimpse of who you are, I am very sure you will be able to do it! And I won't be surprise if you achieve what you had set out to achieve sooner than what you had planned. Take care my friend!!
2 people like this
@aprilten (1977)
• Philippines
29 Dec 08
That is probably one of the realities in life. There are some friends we can keep forever and there are some friends that drift away in time. I still hope that you had a good one during your birthday 6 months ago. This may be very early but I wish you the best on your next birthday.
• Singapore
29 Dec 08
Lol Thanks for the wishes though I do agree with you that it is just too early for that. I sure am not looking forward to growing one year older that fast! Afterall, it seems like the big 3 will be finally here in no time. I do agree with you that there are friends who will drift away with time as all of us lead different lives, has separate groups of friends and diverse different interest! Yet, there are those who still stick with us throughout thick or thin. And well, just 1 or 2 of these sort of friends in our lives will be a blessing to any one of us. Thanks for your comments! Take care and happy mylotting!!
@bing28 (3800)
• Philippines
22 Nov 08
oh yes there are times you lose bonds to your childhood friends or close Highschool classmates, as you go older. I remember my daughter who felt so hurt realizing three of her considered best friends don't want to talk to her anymore, simply because she can no longer visit them at home or go out with them strolling or malling or just getting together. They're so close before, they're eight buddy buddies, everyone is present during birthdays and whatever family gatherings, however my daughter got employed as a high school teacher, everything has changed with her time, a very busy teacher that lost her time with her friends. My daughter can't help but cry losing her beloved friends who never give her even a chance to explain.
• Singapore
10 Dec 08
It's all part of growing up and also a part of life. I'm sorry to hear that of your daughter. It must be really painful to lose your close buddies just because of some minor misunderstandings. Hopefully, one of these days your daughter's friends would come to understand why she no longer have time to do the stuff that they used to enjoy together, like strolling in the malls. As for me, I have got over it and well, life still goes on. Time waits for no man, and if we don't move on, time does not wait for us. Thanks for your comments. Take care and happy mylotting!!
1 person likes this