Am I wrong?

@Mare73 (1335)
United States
August 1, 2008 12:27pm CST
Ok so my son just sent me a text message telling me he is going to New York City with his friends to go school shopping. Number one - I don't agree with letting a bunch of teenagers going out of town by themselves; but that's my mother for you!!! Taking a step back....in mid 2006 my mother took me to court to get custody of my 15 year old because HE WANTED to be with her and she convinced him it would be better over there. So I said fine and she now has custody. Mind you I do pay child support AND have him covered in my medical/dental insurance and I also pay for the copays. He was asking me for money for him to go shopping. I told him NO. I told him that he must talk to his grandmothers or his aunt (father's sister)...I told him I'm responsible for the girls and he's the one that wanted to leave so therefore, deal with it. Was I wrong? Do you think I should have given him money?
4 people like this
13 responses
@pam210 (345)
• United States
2 Aug 08
Absolutely not. I had a similar situation with my daughter when she was 15. She wanted to go and live with her dad and after 10 years of custody battles I couldn't take it financially or emotionaly any more. I told her if that is what she wanted I would sign over custody but she would have to live with her decision. Her dad had promised her everything and it would be her and him together and things would be great. Within 4 weeks she was begging me to come back. But the papers were signed and my ex vowed to fight it in court until she was 18 if I took him to court. So she is now 18 and mostly lives with me. Her dad gave her everything material but no emotional support or guidence. She now realizes that she needs a parent that is there for her and doesn't need someone allowing her to do whatever she wants. If you don't agree with the situation - don't support it. I agree with you, a teenager should not be going out of town by themself and you shouldn't tell them it is ok if you think it is wrong. Hopefully in time he will realize that the easy road is not always the best road. Good Luck.
2 people like this
@sunshine4 (8709)
• United States
1 Aug 08
It all depends on the age of your son and whether he works or not. I still buy my kids school clothes and will until they graduate...then they are on their own. Since your son doesn't live with you, it is a different situation. I do think that you should give him a little something so he can get some new clothes for school. Be thankful that your mother is there to take care of him, because it could be alot worse.
1 person likes this
@Mare73 (1335)
• United States
1 Aug 08
Uh no...because I'm more than able and capable of taking care of my son. HE and she chose for him to go live with her so therefore, nope, I'm not giving him any money. As I stated, I pay child support for him AND have him in my dental and medical plans.
1 person likes this
@sunshine4 (8709)
• United States
5 Aug 08
Sorry to say this, but it seems like you think you should be providing health and dental for your own child. You are the parent, so you are responsible. You pay child support~ does that include money for school clothes and everything like that? You never stated the age of your child either. It really would depend on the age if I gave him extra money...and the reason he isn't living with you. It's all personal....so it is really hard to say whether you are right or wrong.
• United States
2 Aug 08
I'm in agreement with the rest- when your son made the big choice to leave, he also made the choice to no longer be able to rely on you for financial aid- as that responsibility passed on to his choice... Sorry you had this problem :(
1 person likes this
• United States
2 Aug 08
all in all that is still your son and even though you pay child support you still locve him, and if that were me it wouldnt even be about who chose to go here or there becayse that is still your son and you are still his mother at the end of the day, but it kind of sounds like you are holding a little bit of a grudge against him for wanting to go live with his grandmother. once you lift that then you will respond different towards your son.
1 person likes this
@checapricorn (16066)
• United States
1 Aug 08
Hi Mare, In my own perception, you made the right decision..You have provided him with all those you have mentioned and it will not be good that even up to traveling with other kids, you are doing to support him.. If I am also the mother, I will not allow him to be with those bunch of kids, you know kids now, they can explore whatever they want and with the money, I am scared what are they doing to try!
1 person likes this
@stoa2008 (62)
• United States
2 Aug 08
I suppose you were right in this case, at least.. right enough. I wouldn't want to pry, but honestly, I'd be a bit more concerned about my relationship with my child if I were you.
@Mare73 (1335)
• United States
4 Aug 08
Well good thing you're not me!
• United States
1 Aug 08
Honestly I agree with you, being I still live at home and jobless i would side with him. Moreover I would say if he was going out of town with his friends he should have to pay for that also i don't know how far you are from NYC so its hard to say.
@Mare73 (1335)
• United States
1 Aug 08
If one travels by plane it's 45 minutes to an hour. By bus or train anywhere from 8-10 hours and if one is driving ones own vehicle it's from 6-8 hours - depending on where exactly in NYC you are going.
1 person likes this
@seabeauty (1481)
• United States
4 Aug 08
Whatever you pay in child support should cover his school clothing. If he wants more he should ask his grandmother. Is he really going school clothes shopping? I can't imagine boys going out for their own clothes. If he was a girl definitely but usually its the mom that goes with them.
@neelygal (1022)
• Bahamas
2 Aug 08
I dont think you were wrong in not gving him money.He wanted to ive with her so she should be the one to give him the money since that is where he said he wanted to be.What was his reaction when you said no?
@sags2008 (128)
• Philippines
2 Aug 08
for me....miss mare, it just and only for enjoyment of your son to experience in how to spend his time without the younger one to supervise with him
• India
2 Aug 08
testing
@reckon21 (3487)
• Philippines
2 Aug 08
Going for a shopping,huh? With today's economy crisis, never mind. Don' give him the money. Instead save the money for his future. Someday, he will be glad that you save something for him. Time when needed it most. You knew teenagers now days. They don't care much about money, right? They don't know how hard it is to earn money at this point in time Shopping for important needs are okay. But for other non important things, forget it.
• United States
1 Aug 08
no, I dont think you should have given him money. He left you to go have fun with grandma and so if he wants money to go have fun, she can give it to him. He chose for you to be a caregiver in a way that means he gets care ONLY, not fun with friends and cool school clothes that cost too much money. You did the right thing if you ask me.