Marry a person of different religion and lose your family..... Would you?

@James72 (26832)
Australia
August 2, 2008 7:18am CST
There is a constant emphasis on people marrying others within their faith and considerable pressure from family and society to do so. If marrying a person of a different religion meant never talking to your family again and losing their support; what would you do? Would you follow your heart or bow to the pressures of family?
1 person likes this
5 responses
@SViswan (12072)
• India
2 Aug 08
hmmm...my family wouldn't pressurise me not to marry someone who follows a different religion....but I think I wouldn't do it. I know my mom and dad wouldn't really mind if they knew the person.....but the rest of my relatives would probably talk behind my back and I wouldn't like it. This is how I thought before I was married. Coming from an Indian family, I'm sure that would have been the case too. But I have a first cousin who married someone from another religion....and surprisingly our grandmother was the first one to accept her into the family. I even discussed this issue with the rest of the family and they all agreed that had I (as a girl) done the same...it would have created a rift in the family (especially since everyone always felt that my parents were very liberal by Indian standards and expected me to elope with someone)....but since this cousin happened to be a guy...they found it easier to accept it. Now that he has married from a different religion....it will not matter if anyone else in the family (girl or boy) does the same. But as an individual....and thinking 10 years back to who I was....I know I wouldn't do it even if my parents didn't disown me.
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@James72 (26832)
• Australia
2 Aug 08
I can appreciate the family dynamics when it comes to India and this country is one of the more solid examples of how important it is for families to ensure continuity in this regard. I work with many Indians today and the steps they go through to find a match for marriage is very complex! It is not just religion and region; but astrology and many other factors as well! Thanks for responding.
@SViswan (12072)
• India
3 Aug 08
Oh yes...how could I forget astrology? Though we really don't believe too much in horoscopes...no one wants to take a risk when it comes to marriage....and horoscope matching is one of the first things that is done...even before the boy and girl get to meet!
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@James72 (26832)
• Australia
3 Aug 08
I have a friend in Delhi that had found what he felt was the perfect girl to marry. The family's were compatible, they shared the same cast etc yet when they checked the horoscopes it all fell apart. She has now become engaged to someone else and he is still searching! As a Westerner it is hard to comprehend this type of approach to be honest and it took me a while to accept it as a common practice in India. Then again; given the exceptionally high divorce rates in Western cultures compared to India maybe there is something to be said for it all!
@lyzabelle (1668)
• Philippines
7 Aug 08
This is very hard to ponder. I hope it wont happen to me. Sometimes parents are tough when it comes to religion matter. Parents wants their children to marry the person of the same faith. Problems may occur if I marry somebody different from my faith.
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@James72 (26832)
• Australia
7 Aug 08
Yes and unfortunately what you have stated is not uncommon! It would definitely be a VERY hard decision to make and all we could ever hope for is that if we DID fall in love and wished to marry outside of our family's faith; then our family's would eventually accept this. Thanks for responding.
• United States
2 Aug 08
If I had listened to my parents, I would not be married to the wonderful woman I have for 36 years. Once a person grows up, they need to make up their own minds. Consider what one's parents say as advice, not an order.
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@James72 (26832)
• Australia
2 Aug 08
36 years is an impressive tally! I agree that as adults we need to be able to make up our own minds with fear of reprisals. And second to this, if our parents had full faith in the way they raised us then surely they would expect us to make intelligent decisions? Your last point is very relevant; ADVICE should be offered but should never be presented in any way as an ultimatum. Thanks for responding.
@alokn99 (5717)
• India
2 Aug 08
It's an extremely difficult decision to make. Having experienced one side of the coin , I would say follow your heart. If it works fine. Society should not be much of a concern. They forget with time. The family will accept too, if you do not delibrately attempt to distance yourself from them.
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@James72 (26832)
• Australia
2 Aug 08
I would hope too that if you did follow your heart; the family would eventually come around. And if it were me personally; then this is a risk I would take. And yes; damn society! Thanks for responding.
@riyasam (16578)
• India
2 Aug 08
it is always good to follow your heart.some decisions are taken with mind also and imy mind would never allow me to leave my family.
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@James72 (26832)
• Australia
2 Aug 08
It would definitely be a tough decision. As for me personally, I would fight tooth and nail to have my family accept the situation and to be honest; if they refused to be open minded about it I would more than likely side with my partner. There is not enough acceptance in this world. Thanks for responding.