I denied your friend request

@cyntrow (8524)
United States
August 2, 2008 2:28pm CST
I'm sorry, but it is nothing personal. I saw your request and I checked your profile. First, I couldn't figure out why you requested me in the first place. But I checked your discussions and saw nothing that I could relate to. I am curious as to why you requested me in the first place, but I cannot see a reason to accept. I'm not here for the pennies. Maybe you are. Good for you. But I need substance. without substance, I wouldn't waste my time here. I'm sorry, but we are not friends. We have nothing in common. We are miles apart. Please don't be offended. It's just human nature. any thoughts??
9 people like this
33 responses
@fiona08 (454)
• United States
2 Aug 08
When I first started here, I accepted a few friend requests, just because it seemed the nice thing to do. I really do enjoy getting to know people through their writing, and I don't mind being friends with people who don't think exactly the way I do. But lately I have noticed that I am often disheartened by the values espoused by a few of these early friends. When you completely disagree with how we should treat our fellow human beings, what is the point of being friends? I have actually deleted a couple, and hope they were not offended by it. I hope they also have wondered about our being friends, and were glad to not have to do the deleting. Each to their own and all, but I agree, I want to see at least some common ground in my friends.
2 people like this
@cyntrow (8524)
• United States
3 Aug 08
There are people, like you, that I have much in common with. We reply to many of the same discussions and I respect your viewpoints. There are others, that I might respond to one of their discussions if the mood hits me, but we have nothing in common. I don't know why they would request me in the first place. I feel a bit suspicious, especially when there is no commonality.
@fiona08 (454)
• United States
4 Aug 08
I'm a bit suspicious also, but maybe we are both a little cynical. :)
@cyntrow (8524)
• United States
4 Aug 08
Maybe we both have reason to be.
@Wolfechu (1193)
• United States
2 Aug 08
I don't think I've ever denied anyone requesting to be added; it'd be counter to every reason I add people in the first place. Even if I disagree with their views and think them a complete moron, they're another node in an increasingly large socialising network to dump links to my articles on. Oddly, no-one on my list meets the above description so far.
2 people like this
@Jenaisle (3803)
• Philippines
3 Aug 08
This is a valid rationale. This is a community and we should try our best to meet other people outside our areas of interest.
@cyntrow (8524)
• United States
3 Aug 08
I request friends if I find myself crossing paths with them often. Whether we agree or disagree, if there is something we can chat about or debate over, then I'll make the request. If someone requests me and I have no clue why or how they discovered me in the first place, I'll deny. And that is part of the reason. I don't want to be spammed with links.
@myklj999 (19994)
4 Aug 08
Why the hell would I want to be friends with someone as opinionated as you?
2 people like this
@cyntrow (8524)
• United States
4 Aug 08
That's why I like you Myk. You always put things into perspective. That and the fact that you are hot.
1 person likes this
@im_tiggs (144)
• United States
3 Aug 08
hmm.... The requesting person something in YOU that they liked and it does take a lot to ask someone to be a friend. Now they have been rejected, by someone they thought they could trust. You only thought of yourself in that instance and didnt care what the requesting person thought! WHY? I think they are all made up excuses and not validated by any means. Why can't you just accept and then send the person a message and ask them why? decide after that. Could it be that YOU have been hurt by every one that you let in your door and the reason why you don't want to share .... How can you say not be offended.. it hurts alot! The profile does not always reflect the individual, because they may not have fully added the profiles information. OR maybe they are just filling in information to be accepted. and if there is nothing there.. maybe there really is nothing there... I say, and would like to suggest to possibly - give the person a chance and this person may turn out to be your best friend! That is the beauty of the internet! And because of this, distance doesnt mean a thing! Would all of this be up for consideration? Just thoughts- I had when I saw this. Someone real sensitive would probably be devastated and quit! Good thought into the start of discuzzion!!
@cyntrow (8524)
• United States
3 Aug 08
I turned down 5 requests in three days. They don't know me at all and have obviously never read any of my discussions because they have not replied to any of them. If I was so interesting to them, they would have replied. I'm not up for being collected. I choose mylot friends the same way I choose life friends. If it's someone I can talk to, whether we always agree or not, we will be friends. If they are just collecting names, there is no point. I don't want to swim through a sea of names to get to the discussions that I want to respond to. To me it's offensive to just be a name in a hat. If we have no commonality, I cannot figure why the request is made in the first place.
@Ldyjarhead (10157)
• United States
2 Aug 08
I think I've seen what you are saying and I don't think it's you that feels that way, you are trying to get opinions from others about it. If that's the way they feel, then so be it, but they're shooting themselves in the foot. I don't see friends here on myLot the same way I do on other social networking sites. I've written a couple of articles with tips about myLot, one of them being why you shouldn't deny friend requests, and you can find that info on my profile.
2 people like this
@echomonster (2227)
• Greenwood, Mississippi
3 Aug 08
I would be horribly offended if I received a message like that in response to a friend request -- what a rude and an unpleasant way to reject someone. Of course, I generally don't send out friend requests myself so I wouldn't be on a receiving end of such a nastygram. If I ever were to reject someone, I certainly wouldn't want to rub their face in it that way. That message is essentially saying, "Well, I looked at your profile and you're not a substantive person so you're not good enough to be my myLot friend." Unfortunately, I think some people reject friend requests in order to feel better about themselves. I doubt it works for more than ten seconds; the hurt inflicted on the requester probably often lingers on for much longer than that. (I'm not talking about rejecting requests from spammers here.)
1 person likes this
• United States
5 Aug 08
You wouldn't get the "nastygram" (love the word!). It's an internal thing for the person on the receiving end of the request. Thinking to oneself, "Why did this person request me? S/he hasn't responded to any of my discussions, we have nothing in common, what's going on?" So you wouldn't ever see the rejection letter, your friend request just wouldn't be accepted.
• Greenwood, Mississippi
6 Aug 08
I think the first post of this itself was quite ambiguous as to whether the poster was just expressing her own thoughts or sharing an actual message she had received or sent. My response was written with the thought that the message could very well have been sent to the poster whose feelings were subsequently hurt, so I wanted to make the point that such a message probably reflects more on the sender than it does on the receiver (I still believe that to be the case). As it turns out, you are correct -- the first post does reflect the personal thoughts of the sender. At the same time, however, it also seems to be public message directed towards the people she has recently rejected; whether any of them have actually read it or not is anyone's guess. I don't think I would have responded to this discussion had I known the original poster's intentions.
@cyntrow (8524)
• United States
6 Aug 08
You are entitled to your opinion. But let me try to express myself a bit better. I joined this site for discussion. I want to keep my brain alive. I have found lately that people come to the site and their referrers tell them that to make the most money, they must add as many people to their friends list as possible. So they go to the first page and add every screen name on the list. I don't want to be a name on a list. If someone sees something in my posts or replies that interests them, I dig that. If they are just pulling my name off a list, I am no better than a seashell on the beach. I don't want to be collected. Take it as you will and have a great day.
@nanciem (1106)
• United States
3 Aug 08
Not cool, so why are you here?.. I think that is such a rude thing to say, especially when YOU are here for pennies, or friendship.. you are obviously here for a reason. I have thoughts.. do you have any other then negativity?.. Do you hate your life?.. Wassup.... LOL!
1 person likes this
@cyntrow (8524)
• United States
3 Aug 08
The choking scenario was silly and extreme and made no sense. I dont wish to be a part of someone's collection. I'm here for conversation and discussion. Some of these replies are just very amusing.
1 person likes this
• United States
3 Aug 08
I guess to me it is sort of useless to ask opinions of only the people that are the same as you. Most likely you already know what their prospective responses will be. How safe and boring that seems to me. The interesting part of a place like this is to see all of the DIFFERANT points of veiws. Isn't it? Out of the divercity of others comes the unkown. If you already feel you know everything... well, stay inside your little box. Some people here just want to broaden their horizons. Sorry if THAT offends you.
1 person likes this
@cyntrow (8524)
• United States
3 Aug 08
I'm not offended at all. I find your reply rather interesting. So you sign in to mylot and what? Do you take every name on the front page and try to add them as a friend? For what purpose? If my discussion is on the front page and you do not reply to it, than apparently, it did not matter to you. So why request me? What do you get out of it?
• United States
4 Aug 08
No, I don't. Infact I have not invited anyone here to be "my Friend". Haven't found it necessary to deny anyone either. All I am saying is that only through differant ways of thinking can we learn and grow. We make decisions and judgments based on where we have been in our lives. Others often bring wisdom from experiences differant than our own.
@academic2 (7009)
• Uganda
3 Aug 08
You are a very principled person here-I would never let down any mortal who decides to be friends with me here-firstly i consider it alittle rude-dont you think you leave bad feelings on the other side, and that you probably leave the person with an ego deflation? It would have been better to simply approve and ignore him/her-you never know, perhaps over time, he/she could begin to show the kind of substance you associate with!
1 person likes this
@cyntrow (8524)
• United States
3 Aug 08
I find it rude that people request me just because I happen to be on the front page without taking the time to find out what I am about.
@sconibear (8010)
• United States
2 Aug 08
i accept everyone who sends me a friends request, i collect them like a big game hunter collects animal heads on their wall. i know they're not REALLY my friend and i also know i have the option of turning their notify on or off, or in a worst case scenario deleting them. so if somebody for whatever reason went out of their way to request me as a friend.....why not? that said, i have met many people online that i consider true "internet" friends.
1 person likes this
@cyntrow (8524)
• United States
3 Aug 08
But, why did they request you? Where did they get your name in the first place? Why accept someone that you have nothing in common with? When I search through my list of friends, looking for a discussion to reply to, I don't want to have to run through a ton of names that I have nothing to say to. And if they request me with no common ground, what is their intention?
1 person likes this
@TessWhite (3147)
• United States
3 Aug 08
I'm forever denying people who send a friend request. I always check their age, their interests and some of the topics they have responded to or started. What amazes me is the number of young men, some as young as 19, that request to be my friend. Why??? I'm a middle aged grandmother of two, so I doubt we have anything in common! I really see no point in adding hundreds of "friends" who I'll never have any further contact with.
1 person likes this
@dierdre (2213)
• Philippines
2 Aug 08
oh you seem extremely picky when it comes to accepting friends here on mylot. i accept everyone there's really no reason to deny them, unless they offended me or something..
1 person likes this
@reckon21 (3487)
• Philippines
2 Aug 08
Have I denied any friends request so far? No. I just can't do it. It seemed like i refused someone and I could not do it. I don't want to hurt anybody's feelings. I may not like her or his discussions today, maybe I will like it the next day. No offense meant it's just my views on this matter. I responded to all my friends discussions as long that I have something to say. I'm hoping that someday I can have real friends here.
@luvstochat (6914)
• United States
2 Aug 08
I used to accept everyone who sent me a friend request but then I started getting spammed with pms of join my site so now I am more careful about who I accept as friends and who I don't. If all you start are join money making site discussins I will not accept you.
1 person likes this
@gemini_rose (16194)
2 Aug 08
Well I am thinking that this is either something that has been said or thought from your point of view. Or, it is something that may have been said to you. But I read this and this is exactly what I think sometimes when I get requests and I just feel exactly the same.
1 person likes this
• United States
2 Aug 08
I have said the same thing to myself about a few people who have made request for me. For the same reasons that you are listing. I honestly wondered how some of them even found my profile because we are obviously many light years apart.
• India
2 Aug 08
Where there is a positive,their should be equal negative too,,, then only that will be well balanced. if every one in the conversations have the same opinion and same thought, will it be meaningful. i don' think so, there will not be any questions,any objections and all.. it will get bored...! oh God...i cant.. so i will accept all the request.
• United States
2 Sep 08
In the past we've defended the faith together. I believe I first met you her on MyLot when we became heavy duty in vying for TerryZ's return with all of those people with the snoozing puppy avatars. I also believe that we have responded in quite a few of the same discussions together when others got treated unfairly. we rambled on as we tried to wade through the communication breakdown going on with myLot. We probably probably crashed through the houses of the holy together in several discussions, through Kashmir, & even gone in through the out door.
@cyntrow (8524)
• United States
2 Sep 08
Interesting. I had thought you were already on my list.
• United States
3 Sep 08
I was surprised myself when I saw the discussion where my response turned into a batch of Judas Priest references. I was going to send you a message about my surprise that I didn't know you liked Priest also. Oopsie. I cannot recall either one of us requesting the other, so I guess we rock hard, fide free to a new friendship. Gee - it's been a long time since I've rocked & rolled.
• United States
3 Sep 08
Oopsie - did I just start a song annoyingly playing in your head?
• Philippines
13 Aug 08
Wow. This is tough. I would not know how to react to this. I think the person has no intent to hurt people... he or she is just being honest.. which is a good thing. However, the fact of friend request means that someone or somebody from a far away place is interested in knowing you more or can relate to you. Yes, you may not be able to relate to the other person, but I think it is a process. Friendship transcends through geographical distance. People are dynamic and highly mobile. Never miss an opportunity to share yourself to someone. I think it is a universal kindness. People may or may not agree with me. But I think I would never really turn people down if I am not negatively impacted by us being linked through myLot. I dont think about pennies to.. I just want to share. Add me if you wish... have a great day!
@cyntrow (8524)
• United States
13 Aug 08
As much as I get your view, I totally disagree. To me, it is almost insulting to be "requested" if a person knows nothing about me. If they have not read my discussions and my discussions are not something they are wanting to reply to, then I am just being collected. I don't want to be a name on a list. For the record, I dig getting to know people from different regions and countries. I have many people on my list who have broadened my horizons and taught me a new way of seeing things. But these people requested me, or I requested them, due to something we saw in each other's discussions or replies. Not an anonymous name that happens to be on the front page. Hope you get my drift.
@Rosekitty (19438)
• San Marcos, Texas
10 Aug 08
Hi Cyn..I've noticed that i too get alot of people that aren't in the same discussions with me or interests will ask me to be there friend and at first i didn't deny anyone cause i didn't know if it showed on there side that they were denied by me..now i just deny/delete and am trying to only have friends that are whom i respond to..not to make it a contest of who has more.. Great Discussion!