If Your Friend Was a Really Bad Driver, What Would You Do?

@Pigglies (9339)
United States
August 3, 2008 10:12pm CST
One of my friends probably should not be driving. She is most likely physically capable despite disability, but she is not a cautious person. She is also very immature. She's gotten in more than 5 reported accidents within the past year. One of which was on a freeway (with me in the car). She also hits parked cars and doesn't say anything about it. Her car was recently fixed from the freeway accident, and so she was telling me that today she went out driving and when trying to park, she hit a car. She dented the back bumper in. But she still wanted that spot, so she parked next to them anyway. She went into the place she was going, and then back out. No person there with that car still. So she proceeded to leave. As she did so, somehow she hit their car and put a big line across the side of their car. I asked her if she waited for them (she said it was 30 minute parking) and what did they say? She said she didn't wait because she had things to do (she has no job, things to do was go home and watch movies). I told her that you are supposed to leave a note then even if you were urgently in trouble and had to leave, which she was not. She replied that because she didn't have pen and paper in her car, that was really not her fault. To me that's pretty inexcusable. If I knew who she hit, I would give their her info. I'm trying to be a nice friend here, but her driving is just really bad. She needs to grow up and take responsibility. She refuses to look when she's driving and then claims accidents are not her fault because she cannot see out of the corner of her eye on one side. But no one wearing glasses has any peripheral vision either. And I'm blind in one eye, and that is why I have to turn farther to look, but it does not excuse me from looking. If anything, I look much more than most people. But I guess that's because I am a responsible driver and I do not enjoy dealing with accidents. What would you do?
4 people like this
19 responses
@lilaclady (28240)
• Australia
4 Aug 08
I have a friend who is a very bad driver in the way she seems to think she has her own set of rules and she always insists on taking her car as she has a much better car than me but I know for a fact that if i tell her what a bad driver she is which I have hinted in the past well I think I would lose a good friend so i just avoid going anywhere with her that we have to drive to....sad really...
@Pigglies (9339)
• United States
4 Aug 08
I don't really want to lose a friend either. But I fear I might lose a friend if I don't do something, when she kills herself driving.
2 people like this
@lilaclady (28240)
• Australia
4 Aug 08
Oh yes I know what you mean, me too but in my case I have said something but I was dismissed in such a way that it was like I didn't know what i was talking about, her tome of voice was saying shutup in way...so i do...
1 person likes this
@Pigglies (9339)
• United States
4 Aug 08
My friend's famous excuse for dismissing her horrible driving, is to say that it doesn't matter about the people she hits because insurance covers everything anyway. So just because they supposedly (in her mind, not in reality) don't have to pay a dime, it is okay that she hit them.
1 person likes this
@I_LUV_U (2519)
• India
5 Aug 08
If my friend was a really bad driver, I would accompany him on the condition that he drives slow and carefully, otherwise, if he doesn't, I would get out of his car and never sit alongside him again. Why would I want to risk my life for someone who doesn't care for my words? Another alternative would be that I will drive and let him sit alongside me.
1 person likes this
@Pigglies (9339)
• United States
5 Aug 08
I don't think slower is really safer. If anything, it could be unsafe especially if the person behind us doesn't realize that we're going super slow.
1 person likes this
@fluffysue (1463)
• United States
5 Aug 08
Wow, I'm not sure what I would do, but I would start by never getting into a car with her again! Aside from that, I am sure she will see she has to mend her ways, once she sees her insurance rates go up next time around. Five accidents in a year are bound to have a huge impact! You could try to talk to her, but it sounds like that might not do much good. I just hope she does not injure anyone.
1 person likes this
@Pigglies (9339)
• United States
5 Aug 08
I hope her insurance drops her. That's really the only way. She can afford to pay anything because she doesn't have to work, she collects social security.
1 person likes this
@Thoroughrob (11750)
• United States
4 Aug 08
You are in a hard spot. I would refuse to ride with her. I would sit her down and talk to her about it, and if there is someone else that you know, that could help. She has committed a crime and if she doesn't stop driving she will definitely end up in big trouble.
1 person likes this
@Pigglies (9339)
• United States
5 Aug 08
I did sit down with her and her mom (separately) and tell them I wasn't riding with her anymore. But that doesn't stop her from driving. Just tonight she drove over here to visit, then I drove us over to a shopping center that we had both wanted to visit, and then as she drove home she was sorting through CDs in her bag and was trying to decide what to listen to on the way home. Her mom told me she doesn't listen to music while driving. I told her mom that's BS. She definitely doesn't need any distractions. She never listened to music while I used to ride with her, because I didn't let her. But my dad said I should cut the wire to her stereo until she learns to drive.
@smdivin (20)
• United States
4 Aug 08
The hard part about this is that there really isn't anything that can be done. Your friend sounds extremely immature behind the wheel and hardheaded about taking responsibility. Unfortunately, it's probably going to take a hard lesson (like a lawsuit) for her to change her ways. There isn't anything that someone else can say or do to make her stop; that seems obvious by the fact that she makes excuses. As for you, make sure that you take care of yourself. It's not fair for you to have to suffer because she is apparently too stubborn to see the error in her driving. You've already been in an accident with her once...next time, it could be worse. Don't ride with her behind the wheel again. If you guys want to go somewhere, then you or someone else should drive. If she insists, you flat out tell her no.
1 person likes this
@freedomg (1684)
• United States
5 Aug 08
I'm sorry but I would not be able to let this go with out saying something. She's going to hurt someone or even kill them. Will she claim that it's not her fault them too? I have glasses and poor depth perception so I took myself off the road until I get lasic. She does need to take responsibility for her actions as well as reconise that she has a problem. I would try to talk to her that way even if I lost a friend I would know I tried. Because when she does finally hurt someone I would feel responsible if I hadn't tried to stop her. I wish you the best of luck in this as I know it is going to be hard for you no matter what you decide.
@freedomg (1684)
• United States
6 Aug 08
I'm sorry to hear that. All I can suggest is to not get into a car with her. If she raises a stink over it tell her the truth... "You can't drive and your friendship is not worth me dying for". You may lose her but at least you'll be in one piece. Good luck.
@Pigglies (9339)
• United States
7 Aug 08
Luckily, when I told her I wouldn't ride with her anymore, her mom also told her not to take passengers around. Her mom tried to tell her in some really nice way rather than being more serious. But at least it means she's taken to the idea that she cannot drive with passengers. Not that most people would risk getting in a car with her.
@Elixiress (3893)
4 Aug 08
There is not much that you can do, she will soon loose her license at this rate, I am suprised after all these incidents she can afford her insurance and has not already lost her license. But the main piece of advice I have for you is to not get in the car with her again.
@Pigglies (9339)
• United States
5 Aug 08
How many accidents would it take to lose a license? It seems to be an awful lot.
@Elixiress (3893)
5 Aug 08
It depends on how the people that she has an accident react. If she crashed into someones car then they could take her to court and the likelihood of that is she would loose her license. So it is not a number of incidents, it is how serious they are (if she harmed someone) or how they react to it (taking her to court).
@Pigglies (9339)
• United States
6 Aug 08
No one has been physically injured yet. And they haven't had to take her to court, because even though she always tells me and everyone else it was not her fault, she does admit fault at the scene of the accident and the police report always says it is her fault. So her insurance has to pay for the other car involved.
@Hatley (164484)
• Garden Grove, California
4 Aug 08
hi pigglies I would sit down and have a stern 'talk to my bad driver friend remindingher she has committed several breaches of the law by hitting cars and not leaving a not or contacting the other person in some way.tell her if she ' continues to drive like that she is going to get arrested one of these days for careless 'driving.tell her to grow up and take responsibilty for her own actions.
@Hatley (164484)
• Garden Grove, California
4 Aug 08
typos typos should be not leaving a note
@Pigglies (9339)
• United States
5 Aug 08
Yeah, I'm kind of hoping she gets arrested. It would be the wake up call she needs. I'm sure no judge would ever make her actually spend a night in jail, but it would scare her if she thought she might have to.
• United States
4 Aug 08
Well to be honest I wouldnt get into the car with her unless a better driver was driving sorry but im just not ready to risk dying in a car accident ouch ouch OUCH
@Pigglies (9339)
• United States
5 Aug 08
Yeah, I'm not getting in the car with her. I'm just kind of worried about people other than myself here too. Like her and the person she's going to kill.
• Philippines
28 Oct 10
I agree. If you are a person in a sound mind you would probably decide not to get in the car with her.. I would not risk my life with no reason at all..
6 Aug 08
Wow how can she not realise how bad she is if she keeps having accidents?? I would refuse to get in a car with her thats for sure! x
@Pigglies (9339)
• United States
7 Aug 08
That's what I don't get. When she got in that accident when I was with her, she seemed so remorseful at the time. But the very next day it was already behind her, as if it had happened a year ago and she now completely realized what was wrong. Except she didn't. She just decided it was not her fault and moved on.
@snebxu66 (379)
• China
5 Aug 08
I am a cautious person, if my friend is not skilled at driving and drives out with me in his car, I will pay attention to the road situation and remind him on the way at intervals, and I will get off the car to guide him parking the car if the spot is very narrow. What I do like this is mainly to help him correct his wrong practice upon driving and improve his driving skill. Be responsible to both of us.
@Pigglies (9339)
• United States
5 Aug 08
Be careful. That's what I was doing before. I thought that because I could react very quickly that she would not hit anything with me in the car. I did save us from at least 3 accidents (one that would have killed a pedestrian) that way. But on the last one, I didn't think there was any way she did not see or hear this car, it was right next to us. Guiding on parking is one thing, but if you have to watch out for cars and stuff, it's probably better if you don't ride with people like that.
• United States
4 Aug 08
I am a psychic and I am going to try really hard to be a "normal" person in this post & not read into anything, but people like this take this behaviour out into other part of the world, not just the car. Is anything ever her fault? I have a friend like this and I won't go with her anywhere and I told her why. We don't hang out much any more, but we are still friends. If we go some where I drive.
@Pigglies (9339)
• United States
5 Aug 08
This is generally true. She never thinks anything is her fault. She gets C's in school now and thinks it's not her fault, but she doesn't study. She is home all day long and just watches TV. She is fully capable of studying, she helps me to read sometimes because of my reading disability. But she doesn't put in the effort and then she doesn't see why things go badly for her.
@nun9ke (42)
4 Aug 08
I understand it can be your friends character of doing things nonchalance.. it makes everybody besides your friend very nervous, don't you? Just like somebody I know.. :-) you can not do anything about it.. you have to be patience and pray that he/she will be always turn okay in many ways somehow... Thank You & Best Regards,
@Pigglies (9339)
• United States
5 Aug 08
I guess praying doesn't give much comfort to an atheist.
• Philippines
4 Aug 08
Good day.. As a friend I would tell her that she's not mature enough to drive and she needs further lessons. I mean we're not talking just about her safety here but also the safety of unknowing others. The possibility of her hurting others like old people and children because her recklessness is great and I think you should do your part or it's your duty rather to do your share in preventing that to happen.
@Pigglies (9339)
• United States
4 Aug 08
I've told her that one before, but since it costs her family $600 per lesson since she's disabled and requires lessons in a modified car, they thought I was crazy and they're like, "No, she passed the test." One of the tests she failed, was because she almost hit a pedestrian. She also almost hit a pedestrian when I was riding with her, and luckily even though she doesn't turn her head, I was looking and yelled at her to stop.
@lingli_78 (12844)
• Australia
4 Aug 08
i will have a serious chat with her and persuade her not to drive anymore... especially if she had so many accidents and she ran away just like that after she hit somebody's car... just think if somebody else do the same thing to her car when she is parking in a mal or anywhere... how will she feel??? it is really very dishonest and coward of her to do that... i wouldn't want to be in the same car with the person who drive like that ever... take care and have a nice day...
@Pigglies (9339)
• United States
4 Aug 08
I guess it depends... if her car got hit like that when it was still nice looking, she probably would have been so mad. But now, her car is all dinged up. She's had some of it repaired, but still, if you saw it on the freeway you would probably get away from it as fast as you could. I've told her before that maybe she should reconsider driving and she says that she hasn't hurt or killed anyone yet so she doesn't see my point. I even had a serious chat with her mom after the one accident, and she said that I'm not disabled so I have no idea what it's like. She is just being very patient with her daughter and eventually she'll be a good driver. But I don't think you can become a good driver by practice alone, if you are not also trying to improve.
@maxilimian (3099)
• Indonesia
4 Aug 08
Your doing was right , your friend must be mature enough and faces any responsibility that she has done, you already telling your friend the right thing, if i were you, i will did like you did, i would tell the person who's getting hit by your friend, but what i hate most is if someone doing wrong thing in the freeway, hit you or angry with you, in fact he/she pretending that he/she is the right person which is NOT actually and start blaming us, GRrrrrrr
@Pigglies (9339)
• United States
4 Aug 08
I couldn't lie for her when we were in that accident on the freeway. I told the policeman all she did was look in her mirror, she never turned her head. When she gave excuses, he just kind of had a funny look on his face like she was insane. I just wish there was a way to take people like this off the road. It took her 3 tries to pass the drivers test. If she had to do it again, it might even take her more than that depending on how much the driving test person feels sorry for her.
• United States
12 Feb 11
talk to your friend about the problem in california DMV won't renew your license due to numerous accidents the insurance will cancelled your insurance due to numerous driving accident for your friend her insurance was not cancelled if she was insured with state farms probably they will cancelled her out if you hit a parked car you are supposed to leave a note from CALIFORNIA DMV MANUAL last resort ask her to ride the bus.
• United States
4 Aug 08
i don't really any friends that are bad drivers except one cause he brakes hard, but my dad is the worst driver in the world but he has never crashed or totaled a car or is yet to get a speeding ticket; I only drive with my dad as a last resort as he scares the **** out of me.
4 Aug 08
There is really not that much you can do you can sit her down and let her know that she can't drive but be very nice about it because you don't want to mess up your friendship. If that doesn't work for your sake I wouldn't ride in the car with her until you find a definite solution.