When is it the right time to let your child decide about their care?

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If you have a terminally ill child or one who has dealt with constant surgeries, corrections, PT, other therapy, etc, when do you let them have the choice to continue or stop? Does it depend on whether they are just disabled and not dying, or if they are dying? Should they eventually be able to decide their own fate, when enough is enough, or do you feel you have the right to keep them with you as long as possible? Is it an age? Or is it a maturity, an understanding? Do you base it on the quality of the time they have left? As parents, we all love our children, we don't want to lose them. My take is after they have gone through so much, if they are a teen (or younger and won't make it much longer), they should have that right - to continue or to stop. I would let my child know that as their mother, I loved them dearly and wanted them to be with me as long as possible but that I also wanted them to treasure and enjoy the life they had and be able to make a choice about the direction of that life. It's really hard, as a parent you are supposed to 'go' before your kids do, it feels wrong when you can see that you will lose them before they lose you.