will you tell your friend you saw her husband w/ another girl at the mall?

Philippines
August 5, 2008 2:38pm CST
hi myl0t mates, im really c0nfused,h0pe y0u c0uld help me decide with this. shall i tell my frend ab0ut what i saw last week at the mall..?it was her husband h0lding hands with an0ther girl inside the gr0cery st0re.when the guy saw me,he pretended he d0n't kn0w me and then went t0 a different directi0n with the girl..after a day,i saw him with my friend at the market..still,he is n0t saying a w0rd to me ab0ut what i saw..dunn0 what t0 think 0r d0..never want t0 meddle ab0ut t0 their pers0nal affair.but my heart went 0ut t0 my friend..and my c0ncience is telling me t0 d0 s0..[sigh].its n0t easy,i d0n't even have pr00fs..th0ugh i was s0 sure it was him[and his pretending it's n0t him..i think that's the message he wants 2 tell me f0r his silence ab0ut 0ur accidental meeting with his other girl]..Aaahh,i just think it's a very seri0us matter f0r me t0 meddle..if i were y0u what will ya do????..thanks!
10 people like this
61 responses
@samijo719 (1054)
• United States
6 Aug 08
I would be honest because I would want someone to the same. I would tell her what you say and that you don't know how serious it is but you thought she deserved to know.
1 person likes this
• Philippines
7 Aug 08
yeahh,anyone feels and think the same..including me and my friends.we really think she deserves to know,but i definitely don't want to be in the position to tell her.Arrgh,you can't imagine how hard it is..[sigh]..heaps samijo719..="^_^"=
@sirnose (2440)
• United States
6 Aug 08
Hi enihpesoj_zetroc, I don't like cheating either but some things are best left unsaid and maybe in this case you should keep it to yourself,I know that alot of the replies are for you to rat the husband out but you must consider the negative impact it may have on your future relationship with this couple,if you value your friendship with these people you should just keep it to yourself I know things about others that I knew would hurt or cause extreme harm to the situation and I just kept it to myself.
1 person likes this
• Philippines
7 Aug 08
very well said sirnose,one of the best responses i got. nice and smart opinion sir..take care,heaps.="^_^"=
@Crysi23 (515)
• United States
6 Aug 08
I would tell it may ruin your friendship with her or it may put a warning signal out to her as well. For her to spy on him for her to see it with her own eyes. Because sometimes hearing it from a friend is never enough even if they do believe you sometimes they need to see it for themselves before they can believe it.
1 person likes this
• Philippines
7 Aug 08
yeahh,got your point also crysi23.. thanks for the post..heaps..="^_^"=
@mstgmagic (126)
• United States
6 Aug 08
Yeah go ahead and tell her and while your at it before she confronts him about it go tell him you told her. On another note does it take you longer to do all of your o's like that?? Is that a habit or something? just curious.
1 person likes this
• Philippines
7 Aug 08
no mstgmagic,just this one actually.heaps!
@ayessa (1586)
• Philippines
6 Aug 08
That was really tough situation. Why not ask your friend something like, what if he saw your partner with someone will she tell you? Or why not try to ask yourself if you were your friend would like to know what's your friend knows about your husband? Now, what answer you get from those question will make you decide. Whether to tell or not but if you decide to tell just try to make it light so that your friend won't get very hurt. You can also try to weight how your friend trust you. If she trust you a lot and you think she won't be angry with you then tell her. But be prepared if her husband denies your allegations.
• Philippines
6 Aug 08
g00dp0int dear ayessa,and exactly my greatest fear if his husband deny it.what will i d0?and ya kn0w,his kindda scary at times..0ur friends are n0t that cl0se t0 him c0z he is a silent type.he never j0in in any 0f 0ur c0nversati0n unless we ask him ab0ut s0mething and he is p0lite though.and my friends actually fear the same..he may n0t like it if we tell her wife.[0ne m0re thing,i w0nder why he is taking it s0 c00l..when i saw them t0gether,he never t0ld me a w0rd ab0ut it?..th0ught f0r a while,he'll ask me t0 zip my m0uth with what i saw but i was wr0ng..lol!]..heaps!
@ayessa (1586)
• Philippines
6 Aug 08
If he is acting that way. It was really intriguing and perhaps he tought that you won't gonna say any single word to his wife because of the time that has past. i would be easy if you'll have an evidence on him. A photo perhaps.
• Philippines
7 Aug 08
honestly dear,that's not really my concern now.. i and my friends concerned more regarding on how will our friend gonna take this blow,i am sure now that she'll never give doubt to my words for she knows pretty well..my friends said the same also..are just afraid on how she'll gonna take this blow,she's known to have a very vulnerable personality that what scare and stopping me from telling her dear..anyway,heaps ayessa..take care,hugGzz.="^_^"=
@sudalunts (5526)
• United States
5 Aug 08
cheating - Thy shalt not covet thy neighbor's wife.
OMG, did he see you? That is a tough question. How do you think your girlfriend would react if you told her. Would she get angry with you? Do you think she will believe you and confront her husband? She already may have suspicions that her husband is unfaithful and by you telling her would validate her suspicions. I know that I had suspicions about my ex husband being unfaithful and I was in Florida, and my friend that I was staying with her sister called to tell her sister that she had seen my husband with another woman. He said it was his cousin,I knew he was messing around, but that was not the place or time that I needed someone to tell me that. You know your friend's personality, so based on that decide whether you should tell her or not.
• Philippines
5 Aug 08
kn0wing my friend,she'll burst into tears and became histerical[lol]..and f0r sure,she'll ask me t0 find the girl.[dunno the girl pers0naly]..but i d0nt kn0w if she'll c0nfr0nt her husband..he l0ve him t00 much,even if she d0es,she'll f0rgive him again like what she used t0 d0 f0r the past years 0f their marriage..LOL.in fact,my friend is afraid c0mfr0ntati0n with her husband c0z she's afraid he won't choose her..i mean,she suspects that his husband fell 0ut 0f him.anyway,thanks f0r the sudalunts,take care.
• Philippines
5 Aug 08
sorry about the typo, i mean: **she suspect that his husband fell 0ut 0f l0ve with her....
@sudalunts (5526)
• United States
6 Aug 08
I love your bear
• China
6 Aug 08
I think you should tell her on the promise that you are very good friends.If this,telling her not even won't ruin your friendship,but also is good for it. she will thank you if you do this, I think.
• Philippines
6 Aug 08
hi captain0die.actually,my w0rries is n0t ab0ut 0ur friendship..i kn0w she trust me en0ugh t0 believe me.i am just afraid 0f her next m0ve after she learned this.she's been having d0ubts 0f him cheating..but she never had a proof.i am s0 sure she'll believe me since she kn0w me to0 well als0.but i am n0t ready t0 face the blame 0f whatever will happen after.
• China
6 Aug 08
Need proof? why not try a private eye?I think it is popular in western countries.
• Philippines
7 Aug 08
i guess it is,even here n our country. but i don't think we would need that dear.. anyway,thanks again for the time..heaps..="^_^"=
@MRSJAYDA (32)
• United States
5 Aug 08
i sure would tel, i would tell her and let her decide what to do? now we both or all know that if he was in the mall that he had to know that someone that knew him her or his wife was gonna see him, and he didn't care or thought he was gona be able to have a good enough story to explain the situation away!!! i was not trying to hide it so why should you, and don't be talking to him about nothing....you tell him to talk to his wife about it. and when you tell her, don't have dought in you voice, be stern and let her know it is out of concern that you are telling her, because you would want to know if she saw the same, no matter how much you think it will hurt she will be more hurt if she finds out that you knew something and didn't tell.........u treat her the same way you would want o be treated as a god friend!!!!!!!
• Philippines
5 Aug 08
i know you are right mrsjayda,but i really find it hard to do.infact,it's been a week sinced that incident happened and i've been trying to forget it but it keeps bugging my mind...and my c0ncience.i already told this t0 our cl0sest friend,i asked f0r their opinion,but even them can't decide whether i should tell our friend or not..they always end up telling me.."it's up to you".they are n0t helping s0 far..we are all really anxious and w0rried what will happen if i tell our friend.im afraid of the consquences at stake with my actions..especially it is a very personal affair.but maybe,i'll choose to talk to his husband first.just dunno how..[sigh]..
• United States
5 Aug 08
just a suggestion, you and your friend get a rent-a-car and follow him, nothing wrong with a lil friendly investigation for the sake of pure sanity, to clear him or spear him.....so to speak!!!! disclaimer: i am in no way responsible for anyone taking my advice, all parties are acting under their own free will!!!
• Philippines
6 Aug 08
i d0 appreciate the eff0rt mrsjayda,thanks f0r y0ur suggesti0n..w0n't f0rget t0 c0nsider this 0pti0n,bring this 0ut t0 my friends.take care,hugGz!
@klamor20 (242)
• Canada
8 Aug 08
What your business, you will be their object of reconcilliation. and what if the girl is a family friend? won't you be embarrassed?
• Philippines
9 Aug 08
hello klamor20,thanks for posting..but what do you exactly mean?..what are you trying to say?im kindda confused with you questions coz i don't find it related with our discussion.but then i could be wrong,just please elaborate further..i'll be waiting...heaps..="^_^"=
@klamor20 (242)
• Canada
11 Aug 08
What i am trying to tell you is that the guy as shown you that he cheated on your friend through is actions. He is more guilty than hell. But telling you friend might seperate them. but waht of if they come together again after the seperation. where will you stay. the matter of the heart is very delicate all you can do is to secretly pary that your friend will discover who the guy really is so that you will not end up being the bad person at the end of the day.
@umart13 (841)
• Ireland
10 Aug 08
hello zetroc, this is a very dangerous situation which you find yourself in. If you tell your girlfriend then there may be a big row between her and her husband, they will make up and you will be left out in the cold. Besides you need to be absolutely 100% sure that what you saw, is what you think you saw. A man can hold hands with another girl for many reasons. She may be his ex or a cousin or a friend who is having emotional problems. Be careful. Have a nice weekend. Umart
• Philippines
11 Aug 08
indeed it is!..and thank so for posting umar13.i do acknowledge your opinion and i got your point dear.have a nice day,take care..heaps! ="^_^"=
• United States
9 Aug 08
Without a doubt I would tell my friend. However, be prepared that she may not believe you or that she may get mad at you initially. Many people simply don't want to believe the truth when it hurts. However, if you DON'T tell her and she finds out later you saw it and didn't tell her, that would be a much harder hurt to get over. I feel honesty is always best. Even if she doesn't believe you, then she only has herself to blame for how bad it might get later. I don't know if they have kids, but if it were me, I'd rather know BEFORE having kids rather than not telling her and have him continue to cheat on her only to become a single mom later. Good luck with your decision
• Philippines
11 Aug 08
thank you renita for your response,and yeahh,they have a kid already.[8 years old girl]..anyway,a lot of people think i really should and i agree with ya guyz.i just don't have the courage of doing it right now.but i am thankfu to all the mylotters who responded my discussion for this has helped me a lot.have a ncie day dear..heaps!..="^_^"=
• United States
9 Aug 08
Is she a really close friend? If so, I would just inform her of what you saw.
• Philippines
11 Aug 08
a very close friend trish..and ya,i also think i should but,its just not that easy to do or to decide.there were a lot of complications.anyway,i hope i will,..soon.thanks dear..heaps!..="^_^"=
@quinnkl (1668)
• United States
7 Aug 08
I would tell her. I would do it in a way that does not accuse or assume (it could be anyone for any reason). I would say, hey I saw so and so at the mall the other day - who was the blond he was shopping with? and let it go from there.... not saying anything is not right! how horrible would you feel if someone you were close to knew someone was doing that to you and didn't mention it? It is hard, but I really think it would be better to say something.
• Philippines
8 Aug 08
[lol] this sitwation i am into is really d*mn hard, my mind is in turmoil whenever i am thingking wether i should tell her or not.my mind telling me not to, but in my heart,i want her to know..Gaaaah,im soooo confused really.that's why i really appreciate all the efforts of those who responded to this,including you my dear..because it's been a lot of help..i got to have ideas from diff points of view..and it's great. thanks quinnkl..heaps..="^_^"=
@schulzie (4064)
• United States
7 Aug 08
Honestly, I would not say anything to her. I would not say anything to either of them. I would not want to be the cause of their breakup. If he continues down this path she will find out on her own. If you say something it could cause your friendship with her to suffer. Have a great day and happy myLotting!!
• Philippines
8 Aug 08
yeah,i got your point with that dear. i know what you are trying to say.. it's just so hard to bear that you are hiding something from your dear friend that you know,really concerns her and her husband. but then,im sure she'll understand if ever i decided not to tell her about it at all..heaps dear..="^_^"=
@sassygem (20)
• Philippines
7 Aug 08
I definitely would tell her. Being a true friend, I feel I should be honest to my friend, no matter how sensitive the topic is. Besides, if I were in her shoes, I would also want my friend to tell me if she saw something suspicious because cheating on a spouse is a serious matter. With regards to what you saw at the mall, I suggest you tell your friend what you have seen, plain and simple, no exaggerating, no jumping to conclusions. It would be unfair to judge her husband based on what you've seen. I mean, what if it was just his sister that he was with and they are just that affectionate? I suggest you just do your part in telling your friend about what you saw and let her deal the issue with her husband. That would be enough. You don't have to meddle and get so involved in this issue.
• Philippines
7 Aug 08
that is the one of the very nice and fairest opinion i got sassy.. thanks so for posting and giving your honest opinion..heaps dear..="^_^"=
• Philippines
7 Aug 08
first thing i would do is to have a casual talk to my friend,any topic "under the sun".then carefully divert to a more personal side of her life, about the kids and then her married life. from then on i can surmise if she has already a hunch about her husbands "womanizing".if she says that their relationship is still going strong, i would be mum about what i saw.if otherwise, i would tell her what i saw, but would strongly recommend to discover it herself.
• Philippines
7 Aug 08
*****this is a comment that was sent to me by "whitehair",i just don't know the reason why he send it to me thru mail..so i just decided to post it here myselt..but of course on his behalf.if ever you see this,i thank you for the effort.heaps.
• India
7 Aug 08
yea we need2 say tht...but bef ttht we must confrm certain thngs cause we don want2 thm2 have a useless quarrel....
• Philippines
7 Aug 08
yeahh,got your point too dear. thanks for the time,heaps..="^_^"=
• Spain
7 Aug 08
Well, if i was in your place, i would't bug in, a relationship is of 2. Perhaps it was his cousin or sister, or who knows. But if he was cheating, you should let your friend find out for herself, lsat thing you want is to be in the middle of a discussion. I mean i honestly would't do anything, i mean, if she was like my best friend i would have the TRUST to tell her, hey i saw your husband the other day at the mall! he has a pretty cousin! You can comment something like that and look inocent...then let your friend figure it out!
• Philippines
7 Aug 08
nice one beatrizguiselle,you made your point on that.. and i undrestand it..thanks for sharing your thought dear..heaps..="^_^"=
• China
7 Aug 08
you shoul tell your friend the truth what you saw,the earlier you tell she,she will get less sadness
• Philippines
7 Aug 08
wish i could just do that dear,[lol] thanks for sharing your opinion dear,heaps..="^_^"=
@idowrite72 (2214)
• United States
7 Aug 08
If she's really your friend, then I would tell her. I think that you would want her to tell you if the situation was reversed.
• Philippines
7 Aug 08
exactly,and it would be much appreciated if a friend told me that. but it's not that easy on this one to just tell her idowrite72,i don't have the heart and the courage to do so.thanks for the post,heaps..="^_^"=